(EB) EMPIRE: Song of Peace and War

[seleucid empire]

Powerful. Ennychos gets his revenge....brilliantly written.

Thanks ganbarenippon! I am open to criticism as well. Was there anything you did not like about the posts in act 2 so far?

I am open to comments especially yours, since I have read your aar which has amazing writing! Do you take classes or just have a natural talent for it?

[Ganbarenippon]

No classes mate. What little talent I have is likely unknowing plagiarism from a bunch of authors! As for critique, right now, only two things:
1. You may want to put some kind of character list at the start of each chapter. It's easier for new readers to get a handle on everybody in a work this epic, and for us to keep a track of who's who. For example with Ennychos, it's been a while since we encountered him so it took some time for me to recall him.
2. Just...give...me...more!

Seriously though, that was a great update. The diatribe from our eunuch was really nicely worked.

[seleucid empire]

1. You may want to put some kind of character list at the start of each chapter. It's easier for new readers to get a handle on everybody in a work this epic, and for us to keep a track of who's who. For example with Ennychos, it's been a while since we encountered him so it took some time for me to recall him.

Yeh I fiddled around with that idea but I realised it would mean a lot of extra effort for each chapter so I would not be able to upload chapters as often

Although I will make it up to my readers in a different way. That last intermission was kinda like a characters list. Plus I might start putting historical extracts like steve erikkson does in the beginning of each chapter which will give a small re-introduction to the important characters

2. Just...give...me...more!

Sure thing

Just check regularly. I have uni break atm but sometimes its hard to get inspiration so I may not upload each day but I will definitely let my readers know if im taking a long break

[Ganbarenippon]

BTW, have you entered the MAARC before?

[seleucid empire]

BTW, have you entered the MAARC before?

uummmmm whats that? sorry im relatively new to the forum

[Ganbarenippon]

Monthly AAR competition.

Click

You should enter, and vote once it get's going! They're always looking for new bodies.

[seleucid empire]

Monthly AAR competition.

Click

You should enter, and vote once it get's going! They're always looking for new bodies.

oohh, I dont think ill have a chance of winning

My writing simply isnt good enough. When I read over my AAR, I see so many paragraphs and sentences that are uncomfortable on the tongue. I also make an insane amount of typos.

Sure I can spin a ok tale, but its more like an extended childrens fantasy if you look at my writing

You should join tho, your writing is heaps good. Its has a professional writers quality I cannot hope to match.

[Ganbarenippon]

That's what I thought, and the very first time I entered I won! Believe me you're plenty good enough, and everyone over there is very supportive. It's also a nice way to pick up extra readers, as well as get to know some of the best writers on the forum, before shamelessly stealing their layout ideas . If you think I'm good you should see what Radzeer, GoV, Skantarios, SBH, McScottish, and Chaplain can do! I can't hold a candle to those guys! Oh, and if you want writing advice and tips, try the Critics Quill. But I warn you; you might want to clear your projects for uni before you wander over there, it's hard to come out again for a few hours once you start!

[seleucid empire]

That's what I thought, and the very first time I entered I won! Believe me you're plenty good enough, and everyone over there is very supportive. It's also a nice way to pick up extra readers, as well as get to know some of the best writers on the forum, before shamelessly stealing their layout ideas . If you think I'm good you should see what Radzeer, GoV, Skantarios, SBH, McScottish, and Chaplain can do! I can't hold a candle to those guys! Oh, and if you want writing advice and tips, try the Critics Quill. But I warn you; you might want to clear your projects for uni before you wander over there, it's hard to come out again for a few hours once you start!

ok I will consider it. But I probably won't enter until my aar has progressed some more.

*SPOILER*
There's a bunch of characters that are supposed to cross paths but hasn't happened yet.

[Ganbarenippon]

Nice, I'm at much the same stage in my own!

[seleucid empire]

Nice, I'm at much the same stage in my own!

I wish you luck!

[seleucid empire]

Chapter 3: Fires of Ubar
Summer 248 BC Zafur

Death has always been a part of war. No matter how merciful or idealistic the conqueror, how noble the generals, war will always breed death. Out of necessity. The tools used to deliver death are the common soldiers and while some of those men will live with a guilty conscience for all of their lives, others will find ways to forget. That was the hard truth of war. That was also the reason Captain Planck was neither surprised nor angry when he discovered his new recruit Reudon drunk and sprawled on top of his capsized tent. He bent over, picking up the empty jar on the ground and sniffed it. Sumerian Mead. Not Good..

"Damn it! Lizard! Babak! Get your lazy asses over here!" shouted Planck.
"Awww crap" exclaimed Lizard when he saw Reudon.
"Help me get his tent set up and get him inside before the High General sees. Where in the three empires did he get Sumerian Mead anyway?"

Lizard and Babak exchanged looks. A gesture that did not go unnoticed by the captain.

"For the love of zeus! This is exactly how we Flame Breakers get our reputation. The other battalions seem to think we are a bunch of rough necked hooligans who beat each other up all the time and charge into the thickest part of battle like insane men. And why would you let Reudon drink that stuff? You know as well as I do the effects of Sumerian Mead. You didn't learn your lesson from the last time?"

"That's exactly what we are captain. Besides we only sold it too him cause of what he saw. To see slaughter on that scale would break any new recruit. What was the general doing anyway? To slaughter Two hundred Thousand civilians? Two hundred Thousand! How is the general going to win the support of these people when he kills all of them? And what was he thinking, moving the army out of Ubar without leaving a garrison and letting that Bedouin tribe take over? Those men have probably cut down the rest of the civilians and burned the city to the ground by now!"

"I don't think the general wants to win them over Lizard... He doesn't want to occupy Arabia just yet. He wants to break it first, to destroy it's people completely. We will have a lot more blood on our hands soon. And we haven't even reached the most populated cities yet. When we do...." mused Babak.

"Best not to think about it" said Planck quietly.

At this, the three soldiers simultaneously turned their heads to the north. A distant spark of light lit the night horizon. Lizard broke the silence.

"We've been marching for weeks." he said.
"Yes." replied Planck
"We can still see the flames from here. Ubar is still burning."
"Yes."
"So what Babak says is true. We are not here to destroy a nation, we are here to destroy a peoples. We are here to commit the greatest genocide ever seen in history.."
"Yes Lizard," sighed Planck "I know. May the gods forgive us."

[Evalation]

Great updates my friend, My favorite of the two whould have to be the one about chapter of Vanara's death, Not because the other was bad, I was just glad he was gone. Archimenes is now free from him.

And I agree, this writing is of the best quality and I believe you may have a chance in the MAARC, its way better then mine by far.

I just updated my AAR last night if you wanna read the new update.

[seleucid empire]

Chapter 4: Dusts of Sabata
Summer 248 BC Sabata

The army had kept up an astounding pace, covering the 300 leagues between Ubar and Sabata in just 4 weeks. The defenders in the city had clearly not been expecting them for some time and now 30 000 soldiers of the 5th were at the gates. Whatever reinforcements the Sabaens had expected were now too late to save the city. Within the city, one could only imagine the terror that the people felt, knowing that they were doomed to face the merciless General Euphorion and his vengeful army alone.

"We attack tomorrow on the High General's orders." announced Planck to Lizard.
"First in again?" asked Lizard..
"Yes, we will spearhead the assault, followed by the Babylonian battalions."
"Sir..about what we discussed last week...This city, is one of the Sabaen's core cities. There will be even more people living here than in Ubar. I'm worried...Reudon..."
"I will order him to stay in his tent for the duration of the assault...and the aftermath..."

Both soldiers glanced over at the recruit. Reudon had a bowl of stew in his lap and was spooning it into his mouth like a machine, not even noticing the bits of meat and gravy that fell out of his mouth and onto the front of his tunic. His blank eyes were staring off into the distance, and Lizard knew immediately that those eyes did not take in a thing.

"He's truly broken." whispered Lizard.

Reudon looked down into his bowl.

"Cap'n." said Reudon suddenly.
"Yes recruit?" replied Planck.
"There's something green in my stew sir."
"Those are vegetables Reudon."

Lizard began to weep, weeping for another mind, destroyed by war....

[seleucid empire]

Chapter 5: The Shadows of Heros Past
Summer 248 BC Seleukeia

Archimenes woke up late during the day, most of his night's sleep having been denied by his nightmares. He dressed with no hurry, afterwards making his way into the kitchen and pouring himself a strong drink. These days, he could not wake up without one. When he turned around, he found a young and fresh-faced stranger in a military uniform sitting on his chair, staring wide eyed at him. Archimenes blinked.

"Who in Hades' name are you?" asked Archimenes.
"I'm your new aide sir." replied the man
"I don't need an aide! I am not an old man.."
"Every Legion General gets one sir. I am to be yours."

Archimenes choked on his wine.

"Legion General?!"
"Yes sir, the High Generals agreed to give you that rank this morning, so here I am."
"They promoted me to Legion General? Why?"
"Because of your exploits sir. Is it true you killed five hundred men single handedly and Green-Shade hall?" asked the man with some excitement.
"I don't know..wasn't counting" grumbled Archimenes, "and I would rather not be reminded of that battle."
"Is it also true you are Achilles reborn?!!"

Archimenes scowled. Ever since the surviving Black Guards from the battle of Green-Shade Hall had been enlisted in the Royal army, ridiculous rumours had arisen and spread through the entire force. Some soldiers believed that Archimenes was a demi-God. The majority of them believed that the ancient spirit of Achilles lived in Archimenes. It had become uncomfortable for him to see both recruits and the hardened veterans of the Royal army giving him looks of awe every time he passed one of them. What was worse was the generals seemed to encourage the Rumors, especially Lord Sarpedon. Archimenes had seen the man gossiping among the soldiers of the camp.

Whatever game he is playing, I will have no part of it. thought Archimenes.

"No, I am not Achilles reborn. If you are to be my aide, you will never mention me and Achilles in the same sentence again, is that understood?"
"Yes Sir" said the soldier, beaming.
"What is your name soldier?"
"Patroclus of Salamis, Sir."

Archimenes groaned.Well thats just ****ing great. Now I'll never get rid of those rumors. Why the **** did I have to receive an aide named Patroclus, out of all the other men in the army?! Unless of course....

"Who sent you to be my aid?"
"Lord Sarpedon."

Archimenes cursed. What was that man playing at?...

[Evalation]

Seems like sarpedon wants Archimenes to play along with this Achilles thing.

anyway great update

[seleucid empire]

Seems like sarpedon wants Archimenes to play along with this Achilles thing.

anyway great update

yeh myths and legends have a big part in my aar

[seleucid empire]

Chapter 6: The First of Many Ill Tidings
Summer 248 BC Seleukeia

The war council had gone on for the better part of the morning and afternoon before Sarpedon finally appeared. The commanders crowded around the map table looked up as one when he entered.

"Where have you been?" demanded Alexandros.
"I have been meeting with my agents, who bring several important pieces of information." replied Sarpedon coolly.
"And what have you learnt?" asked Antiochus.
"It appears the queen has found new allies, or rather, the Lord Chancellor has. A Carthaginian fleet landed in Tyre with thirty thousand Carthaginian warriors to reinforce her armies. A second, larger Carthaginian army of seventy thousand is on route to assault Kyrene. It appears they plan to take advantage of the rebellion to finally take the city that they have failed to take countless times before."

"That brings her forces up to one hundred and twenty thousand men if your previous intelligence is correct." said Alexandros
"My information is always correct." snapped Sarpedon, "There is more. The Lord chancellor is playing a rather dangerous game right now. He has located a Roman spy and turned him into a double agent. He sent the double agent back to Rome to "report" to the senate of our civil war. The Chancellor hopes to manipulate the Romans into attacking Macedonia and ultimately attack Ephesus, where the crown prince and his loyalists are holding out. If they manage to do so, the Queens western flank will be secure and she can focus all of her attentions on destroying us."
"And have the Romans made a move yet?" asked Antiochus
"No, but they have amassed 25 legions and their auxiliaries near the Illyrian-Roman Border."

"So the Lord Chancellor and the Queen are willing to lose Macedonia and Asia Minor in order to succeed in their coup." muttered Alexandros with disgust.
"They may never reach our borders. There have been some....strange developments."
"The Illyrians?"
"Yes, it appears the old Epirote nobility no longer controls the kingdom of Illyria. Their position has been usurped by a council of some kind and their mysterious leader. These new rulers have cancelled the Military access treaty with the Romans and now there is a rather tense situation between the two Kingdoms. They have in turn, offered us a ceasefire but nothing more. It seems that these new rulers want nothing to do with us or the Romans."
"That is...interesting...but what's to stop the Romans from simply marching their legions through Illyria anyway, or worse, conquering Illyria and thus gaining a new and closer base to attack us from."
"Well, whoever these new rulers are, they have an army of 100 000 blocking the Romans."
"That is unexpected. Since when have the Illyrians ever had that kind of manpower?"
"The Illyrian Kingdom is experiencing a kind of rapid growth that should not be possible. Some of my agents report that their capital of Dalminion can now rival Syracuse whereas seven months ago it was a backward collection of hovels. Whatever it is, it warrants some more investigation after we have dealt with our current situation. Even the Romans are hesitating. We should keep a closer eye on the Illyrian Kingdom in the future."

"Yes, we should... For now though, we need to discuss the state of our own troops. Alexandros?"
"Cousin, we have 33 000 men of the Royal army, 6 000 auxiliaries and 4 000 new recruits. We have sent messages to the east calling for the 7th, 8th and 9th army. When they arrive, we can expect our total forces to number around 100 000 men, all of them veterans."
"The 7th, 8th and 9th have been disbanded, how long will it take for them to muster their men and march here?"
"At least half a year cousin."

"Where is the queen now?" asked Antiochus, turning to Sarpedon.
"She is still in Egypt, recruiting ever more men to her cause." he replied.
"She is a fool, if she marched against us now with the 120 000 she has already, we might have no chance at all." said Alexandros
"She fears us, and will not feel safe until she has gathered every single man available to her cause. She doesn't seem to realise that numbers have never meant much to the three of us. On top of that, we are the most experienced generals in the realm and she has no commanders of note in her ranks. If the queen wants to stake this war on a single pitched battle, she will not win."
"I hope you are right Sarpedon."

Smiling, he replied, "My dear Alexandros, when have I ever been wrong?"

[seleucid empire]

If anyone has any criticism, feel free to share. If my writing or story is bad, please tell me so I don't keep posting for an aar no one likes.

On the other forum someone gave this aar a rating of 3/10 and now I'm having serious doubts about continuing

[Stath's]

Nice!!!I like it