The way of the Panda

**Ybbon** · September 07, 2012, 03:12 PM

This was a duel piece I wrote for a challenge with Boustrophedon, however as he had RL things to deal with it never happened. Well here is the tale I wrote for the duel so it doesn't gather dust in some small corner of my disk.

Picture was this:

The Way of the Panda.

“Please, oh Master Rufus, I beseech you, train me in your way of the Rat”, said Po, to the great Rufus, Seventh Dan, and holder of the Purple Sash of Persia, Rat extraordinaire and World Rodent Karate Champion. “Po, I am a Master of my craft, there is no rodent alive that can beat me, rat to rat. I could train you in the way of the rat, but only to fight like a rat - and I'm not sure if you have looked in the mirror lately, my young Padawan, but you are a podgy Panda and I cannot train Pandas in the way of the Rat”

With sadness in his soul, and a Mars bar or two in his pack (other chocolate confectionery is available), Po set off to the deep jungle of darkest Peru. There he found Sanchez, Sloth of the Holy Order of Wang Chung. “Please, oh Señor Sanchez, I beg of you, train me in the way of the Sloth.” Sanchez slowly moved his head and eyed looked Po over from bottom to top for that is far easier when you are hanging in a tree. “Po”, replied Sanchez, “the way of the sloth requires the utmost patience; you have to be one with the trees around you. The way of the Sloth allows me to look like I am hardly moving but you should not believe everything you see.” As he said this, he held up an empty Mars bar wrapper (other chocolate confectionery wrappers are available), “see, my podgy Panda friend, while talking to you and hanging from this tree, I have taken and eaten your Mars bar, sadly, you are not ready for the way of the Sloth.”

With a heavy heart (and one less Mars bar), Po set off to the highest, snowiest passes of the Himalayas. After hunting for many days, down to his last reserves of chocolate confectionery of any variety, Po found the great Master Snafu, quietly contemplating the root of all evil and his stock portfolio. “Oh great master Snafu, please, you are my last hope, can you teach me the way of the Panda that I might defeat the forces of general unpleasantness?” Snafu put down his copy of The Sun and squinted at Po, sighed theatrically, scratched his head and put on a studious look, “Help you I can Po, power and skill you want?”, Po looked quizzically at Snafu –“er, yes, but why are you talking like Yoda?”

“Master of Way of the Panda am I, talk how I like, I will, learn to be great Dragon Warrior you will”. Po sighed, and tucked into his last Mars Bar, the way of the Panda was best started from a position of a sugary high. “Right you are, Snafu, let us get on with it then”. After many months of hard training, early morning runs up three mountains, and down four, late night dojo sessions, bamboo pole dancing and all the secret ways of the Panda, Snafu called Po to him. “Po, Po, Po, deeply you have vexed me, and sorely you have tried my patience, but we have completed our journey. You are now a Cub on the Way of the Panda. With many years further practice…” Sanfu tailed off, “On second thoughts, perhaps you are ready for your final test now.

“Master Snafu, I am so ready, tell me of this task I must complete?” he eagerly jumped up and down bouncing from one foot to another. Snafu had found it best to close his eyes when talking to Po and look enigmatic precisely to not see the excitement on Po's face.

“Your training has taken longer than it ought to have done as you know, but, with your hard work, and Miss Klimmt of security confiscating your supply of chocolate bars. However, as a reward you can have one bar. They are at the end of the valley in the security hall just go and..” Snafu had hardly finished before Po was off, never was a podgy Panda seen to run so fast through the valley. Bursting though the door and sending the security men flying, Po dived for the box of Mars Bars “Mine, they're all mine”, with a beatific smile he clutched the box to himself like a long lost friend.