Corrupt a Wish

[King Athelstan]

Granted, but it's the minimum wage of Uganda , and his internet connection is cut off

I wish everyone would be as nice to me as alhoon is

[Aexodus]

Granted Athelstan, you're such a nice guy, I quite like you actually. Exactly enough to pay you minimum wage at that.

I wish I had never stopped playing music, it's been a while now...

[alhoon]

I wish I had never stopped playing music, it's been a while now...

Granted. You never stopped playing music. After the 6th day of constant playing music without stopping to eat, drink or sleep, your soul passes to the afterlife leaving your lifeless corpse to play music.

I wish Aexodus' music-playing zombie ate Athelstan.

[King Athelstan]

Granted, but then he turns into a Zombie as well, who proceeds to eat you

I wish I had a cure for zombies

[Frunk]

Granted, however what you cure for the zombies is their chronic boredom. Now they feel a lot better about their undead lives.

I wish I could get a new job tomorrow.

[alhoon]

I wish I could get a new job tomorrow.

Granted. As part of a previous wish that cures zombies from boredom, you're assigned as their pet to use and abuse before violently and painfully killing for sport.

I Wish Frunk has wished something else.

[Aexodus]

You're a mod, do it yourself you lazy ***

I wish Frunk was an actual Judge, with his own courtroom to show, with Caligula as his clerk- no, his scribe.

[King Athelstan]

Done. But it's on reality-TV and all he'll settle is petty disputes between neighbors and ex-couples

I wish I was able to spend more time on TWCenter while still managing to live a comfortable life

[Spear Dog]

Granted, you are now Lord Oda Nobunaga's overly indulged sycophantic human pet. Your only purposes in life are to please your Lord (and die for him if necessary or if he commands it), and to coo impressively every time he makes a salient point or demonstrates his monumental intellect in the TWC forums. As you can imagine, you coo incessantly! Lord Oda is never not on TWC. He calls you his Viking Lovey Dovey. You are now a footnote in someone else's life.

I wish I could remember all my past lives.

[alhoon]

I wish I could remember all my past lives.

Granted! You remember every failure, every heartbreak and every agonizing final moment before dozens of deaths. Then you promptly forget everything again except of the feelings of despair, loss and the overbearing realization you never accomplished anything worthwhile in any of your lives.

I wish I could afford the time and money to play ATW and R2TW.

[Frunk]

Granted, but you play them and hate them, and end up wishing you'd just stuck to Medieval II, the people's Total War^TM.

I wish I had new speakers for my computer.

[King Athelstan]

Grandted! You're given the finest sepakers in the world, but your sound card is now broken and you can't use them.

I wish I could speak fluent Italian

[Aexodus]

Granted, but they year is 2142 and the European Superstate has made French the national language

I wish I could read minds

[alhoon]

I wish I could read minds

Granted. You read the word "minds" written on a wall.

I wish Greek was the national language of the European Superstate.

[Copperknickers II]

Granted. You read the word "minds" written on a wall.

I wish Greek was the national language of the European Superstate.

Granted. Since barely anyone in Europe speaks Greek outside of Greece and the Hellenic studies faculties of university campuses, the superstate is ruled by a combination of corrupt Greek politicians, fundamentalist Orthodox priests, and professors of ancient Greek. As a result, the EU descends into factionalised warfare between the politicians, who introduce a 'German tax' with -50% on the income of all German speakers in revenge at their recent treatment, the Orthodox priests who invade Istanbul and try to reestablish the Byzantine Empire, and the professors, who lead a breakway European state with the sole aim of keeping the Elgin Marbles out of the hands of the actual Greeks. World War 3 swiftly ensues, and many plates (and marbles) are smashed.

I wish for a superpower of the following exact specifications:

1. I can become invisible whenever I want.
2. I can instantly reverse this invisibility whenever I want, as many times as I want.
3. My invisibility lasts as long as I want it to: no less, no more.
4. All I need to do to become invisible is whisper the words 'I'll take the salad', which as I never eat salad, could not possibly ever lead to unintended moments of invisibility at awkward times.
5. The invisibility has zero negative effects on my body and includes whatever clothing I am wearing.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

Granted. You can become invisible whenever you want, you can instantly reverse it whenever you want as many times as you want, you can become invisible by merely whispering "I'll take the salad", the invisibility indeed has no negative effects on your body and can include whatever clothes you are wearing. What could possibly go wrong?

During a dinner party everyone is helping take out the food, you are the last person and there is only a salad left so naturally you have to grab said salad. You are about to say "I'll take the salad" but then you come to the sudden realization that your desire to become invisible is merely an expression of your wanting to hide from society. You then decide to take counselling.

I wish my arms were rocket launchers.

[Spear Dog]

Granted, they are armed and loaded for bear! However, they have a hair trigger, and uh-oh, you get a really, really itchy nose while sitting on the toilet wondering how you're going to wipe your bum!

I wish all future wars to be settled with paint ball guns only.

[Frunk]

Granted, but the paintballs are laced with anthrax.

I wish my shoulders weren't sore.

[alhoon]

I wish my shoulders weren't sore.

Granted, now they're broken.

I wish Copperknickers II didn't have to pick up the salad.

[Copperknickers II]

Granted. You can become invisible whenever you want, you can instantly reverse it whenever you want as many times as you want, you can become invisible by merely whispering "I'll take the salad", the invisibility indeed has no negative effects on your body and can include whatever clothes you are wearing. What could possibly go wrong?

During a dinner party everyone is helping take out the food, you are the last person and there is only a salad left so naturally you have to grab said salad. You are about to say "I'll take the salad" but then you come to the sudden realization that your desire to become invisible is merely an expression of your wanting to hide from society. You then decide to take counselling.

I wish my arms were rocket launchers.

Well played. I'd rep you but unfortunately I "must spread some rep around before giving it to Lord Oda Nobunaga again".

Granted, now they're broken.

I wish Copperknickers II didn't have to pick up the salad.

Granted, since due to my crippling fear of society, I never actually made it to the dinner party and just stayed at home.

I wish that the one true religion would reveal itself tomorrow, and make the path to eternal salvation unambiguously clear.