Corrupt a Wish

[Magister Militum Flavius Aetius]

Granted. You die and go to heaven where you can complain to God. God gets so sick of your whining that he kicks you out of heaven and you get stuck back here on earth, living out the rest of your days knowing you'll never publish your star wars script.

I wish taxes were lower.

[Stívarðr Reynitré]

Granted. Your children are ill educated by a poorly funded school system. Your hip operations are a complete botch job because the hospitals are abysmally kept. The prison next to you has escapees every night, reducing your neighbourhood to a constant representation of The Purge.

I wish TV was more exciting and rewarding.

[Ybbon]

Your wish is granted, British Bakeoff has just started a new series

I wish I could build a stately pleasure dome in Xanadu

[Magister Militum Flavius Aetius]

Granted. Your children are ill educated by a poorly funded school system. Your hip operations are a complete botch job because the hospitals are abysmally kept. The prison next to you has escapees every night, reducing your neighbourhood to a constant representation of The Purge.

I wish TV was more exciting and rewarding.

Our hospitals aren't run by the government. Quality free enterprise system bro. (Well... not anymore...)

Answering Ybbon:

Granted. Just like the Rush song you are trapped for eternity as a mad immortal man.

I wish I could post the song so Ybbon could hear it. It's pretty awesome.

[Guan Ziyang]

Granted. Pay me $100,000,000 cash.

I wish I could have a more comfortable chair; this one feels like I'm sitting on a rock!

[Ybbon]

Granted, your rock has been broken into three smaller rocks with a pebble cushion. It's marginally more comfortable.

I wish I could get a chicken coop in my garden because I fancy fresh eggs every day for breakfast!

[Magister Militum Flavius Aetius]

Granted. The chicken coup is full of Roosters.

I wish I could find my CD with "Beautiful Blue Danube" on it.

[Guan Ziyang]

Granted. You happen to remember that you put that CD into the mailbox, when this happens...

I wish for comfortable rock-free chair. 100% Cotton Please.

[General Maximus]

Granted. You now sit on a piece of dirty cotton cloth on the ground.

I wish An Lushan Rebellion never happened.

[Guan Ziyang]

Granted. Another non-Han Chinese general rebels instead, and they succeed in murdering the Tang emperor and killing all the central courtiers, leading to a quick end to Tang. The empire becomes split again into many independent states (majority of non-Han Chinese origin) for hundred of years, with no state able to take over the whole of China back again. Eventually, the Mongol Empire under Genghis Khan conquers the states one by one and manages to completely take over China within 10 years. Ming dynasty is never established (due to people being used to be ruled by non-Han Chinese for some 500 years), and the mongols repeat the same 'destruction' recipe as Qin Shi Huang thousands of years ago. Everything of 'Chinese' is completely burnt, including classics like Sun Tzu: Art of War, Confucian Classics, Records of the Grand Historian, etc.

To this modern day, there is little history known of China before the period of barbarian states (heck, it's probably not even called China ) No Three Kingdoms (Luo Guangzhong never writes RoTK either), No Sun Tzu, No Confucius, No Warring States (maybe referring to barbarian states now???), No Qin Shi Huang, and No Terracotta Army (During a battle between the states, gunpowder was used to completely cover the entire land, resulting in mass explosions and destruction). Also, there are no more mods set in Three Kingdoms, Warring States, Song, or any other pure Han Chinese dynasty.

I wish additional USB ports, I have none left

(Did I just write the longest and most detailed wish grant response?? )

[nhinhonhinho]

Granted but then they found another technology which rendered USB obsoleted. So you're the last person remain using USB

I wish a brand new computer

[Guan Ziyang]

Granted. Your new computer is completely made of tin foil, with the following specs:

Processor: Tin 2000 - 1 THz (that's one giant ball of tin for you...)
Installed Memory: 10 Tin Bits (literally!)
Graphics: Tinfoil. It displays Tin 24/7!

I wish to live in a reconstructed Epang Palace.

[Stívarðr Reynitré]

Granted.

The residents of Xi'an accept your structure at first and revel in the majesty of the building, however after a few months problems begin to arise. The sheer vastness of the palace means that residents can no longer take short cuts that they would otherwise have been able to; the traffic is abysmal at the busiest times of the day; and various residents have a serious vitamin deficiency due to the shadow that the palace casts across their homes.

The local residents club together and demand that you make alterations to the structure. Seeing as you wish to maintain the historical accuracy and integrity of the palace, you elect to ignore the residents and simply laugh at them in maniacal fashion. They return later that night and burn down your palace, razing it to the ground. You are so crestfallen by seeing your architectural masterpiece burned to the ground, that you attack the residents in a fit of rage, killing several.

You find yourself penniless, homeless and bereft of consolation as you await murder charges in a dank and gloomy prison cell.





I wish that beer was healthy for me...

[Guan Ziyang]

Granted. It simply tastes like water now.

I wish to be released from prison, and for another Epang Palace to be built for me in deserted mountains.

[Ybbon]

Granted. The deserted mountains are well named, there is no other person around for hundreds of miles, so no labour force. Here's a shovel and some mortar to get you started on building your own palace.

I wish to meet with Varus and let him know not to go into the woods today.

[Guan Ziyang]

Granted. You meet Varus, but he is suspicious of you appearing out of nowhere and to tell him to do stuff. He decides not to listen to you, and marches into the forest anyways, after putting your head on a stake.


I wish for some help with building this palace. Can I also wish for a nice temporary home setup for me to lie down for a while?

[General Maximus]

Granted, you now live in a shack close to the construction site. The shack collapses while you were in it, and then the scaffoldings and the entire under-construction structure collapses on you.

I wish I could live in Domus Augustana (the famous residence of Emperor Augustus).

[Guan Ziyang]

Granted. A replica is made for you out of sand and you move in. You accidentally trip on your way in and the whole thing collapses on you. The place is now known as Sandus Gravis Maximus (The Sand Grave of Maximus)

(Please don't murder me for my poor Latin )


I wish I can simply live in the Epang Palace without things falling on me!

[Nago]

Granted but you fall on them.

I wish I could unite the Gauls and kick Caesar Julius! (if I misspelled his name, good)

[Stavros_Kalmpou]

Granted, but you lose many men, and an ambitious Greek general conquers Italy and Gaul, and becomes your Tyrant.
I wish the 'muricans would stop calling football ''soccer''