
Originally Posted by
Gen. Chris
In the 1850s, a young American named William Walker had a dream to build a new nation in Central America. Motivated by this dream, Walker invaded Nicaragua in 1855 in the midst of the nation’s civil war to take advantage of the weakened state of the nation. (Awkward phrasing - too many prepositional phrases) Through deceit as well as military genius, William Walker would realize part of his dream and conquer the nation in very little time. He used his newly self-appointed position of president to Americanize the country, in hope of bringing immigrants to the area as well as fostering support from the nearest power, the United States government. Back in the United States, and completely unknown to Walker, businessmen Charles Morgan and Cornelius Kingston Garrison had devious plans of their own: to ruin their rival and former employer Cornelius Vanderbilt. (This is really too much info for an intro, and only causes confusion-should be cut to something more concise as part of a thesis or placed in the body) They would soon realize that Walker could be the one that could make their plan a reality. It is clear that William Walker, as well as the nation of Nicaragua, were but pawns in the rivalry between Vanderbilt and his former employees, and that Walker’s plans to create a Central American empire were doomed to failure. (Your intro and thesis are a bit weak and could be clearer. I'm not sure if you're going to be discussing Walkers invasion of Nicaragua, the rivalry between Morgan, Garrison, and Vanderbilt, both, or something else entirely. It could be rewritten to something like this:
In the late nineteenth century, ideas of American exceptionalism and Manifest Destiny ruled the minds of great thinkers, politicians, and even young children. Americans believed that the United States should rule North America from coast to coast and that it was their sacred duty to bring liberty and democracy to others around the world. One young American, William Walker, perhaps influences by this ideology, dreamed of building his own nation. Motivated by this dream, Walker invaded Nicaragua in 1855, taking advantage of the chaos caused by a turbulent civil war.