Why get married?

[Lusted]

The debate in the poltical mudpit about gay marriage got me thinking. First ill give you some background. My parents are both atheist, and have been together for more than 25 years and never been married, and they probably never will do. This has nothing to do with their feelings for each other or anything, they just do not find it necessary. So i have grown up to develop an interesting view of marriage. I am often bemused when you ask people about my age where they expect to be in ten years time and of the standard answers is married with kids. For me it would be in a stable long term relationship with kids. So i do not view marriage as necessary.

Now, for many marriage is tied up with religion, the ultimate expression of 2 peoples love for one anothe rin the eyes of God for instance. And religion often puts restrictions on marriage, a classic example is that of some christian churches and the forbidding of sex before marriage. now i find both of these things silly(i do not mean any offense to anyone, if i do cause offense i apologise). With the first case, my feeling is that love is between 2 people and 2 people only, a higher being or god or whatever should not have any part of it. And as for the second, i do realise that it is the view of some that sex is only for procreation, but that is not the only point of sex in my view. Sex is one of the greatest experiences we can have, and is perhaps one of the greatest expressions of 2 peoples love for one another, where they let go with one another and enjoy the experience. I do not advocate casual sex, as i feel sex should only happen in long term stable relationships between 2 people who love each other deeply, as the emotions involved with sex can make it a much more powerful experience.

For others, marriage represents the desire to spend the rest of their lives with someone, and maybe extra security for a relationship, making it feel more permanent and strong. My view is that if you are in a long term stable relationship with someone you really love, that should be enough, and the relationship should be secure enough without the need for a ceremony to somehow make it stronger.

Feelfree to criticise/laugh/agree with what i've said, maybe im just far too young and idealistic.

[mongoose]

You're forgeting legal reasons.

[Lusted]

Well my personal view is legal reasons shouldn't factor into it as it should only be about love, and then you shouldn't need to get married.

[mongoose]

Well my personal view is legal reasons shouldn't factor into it as it should only be about love, and then you shouldn't need to get married.

I know that ideally they shouldn't, but practically they do.

I also guess another reason would be showing how you're commited to staying with the person you love...

Are they are any married people here? Could they offer any insight? Because this is mroe or less the blind answering the blind at the moment.

[Ragabash]

How ever, in the real world, the legal reasons do factor into it becasue it makes livinig together easier.

I know that ideally they shouldn't, but practically they do.

Yes, there are many legal reasons to get married, one is that if your mate dies or gets so sick he cant decide anymore himself husband/wife have legal right to do so. Not to speak of that wedding is a dream of many women and girls, of course part of reason is the society itself we are living in. I think marriage is similiar today chirstmas, its not celebrated as much religional event anymore as a custom of society.

[Shaun]

Well i agree that marriage is pretty pointless for the atheist couple now, all it does if give you a bit more rights should you have children and split up.

I suppose its the commitment, cos if you break up it costs a lot of money in divorce lawyers and so on. Its the beliefe that people will stay together so they dont have to go through all this hassle of divorce.

Sex before marriage, i cant see why is forbidden by some churches. Infact living with your partner is also forbidden by some churches. How are you meant to know if you get along and can live with each other before its too late?

And sex is not only for procreation, it releaves tension as well, so the churches restriction on sex is unjustyfied.

It also costs a fortune as well, a Church wedding can cost over £10,000 now, so much for being Christian.

[MaximiIian]

Why get married?

So she'll stop whining about it.

[Lusted]

I know they do, it annoys me because my parents get no benefits that married couples do despite the fact they have been together longer than many married couples.

[HMMcKamikaze]

So the only real reasons for getting married are legal then, because the government has to discern whats family and what isnt. That seems like a good enough reason for me, but maybe they should take the religion out of marriage because you shouldnt have to take part in a religious practice to get the legal rights.

[The White Knight]

As my answer for the title question: to (legally) bind yourself to your most loved one.

Well i agree that marriage is pretty pointless for the atheist couple now, all it does if give you a bit more rights should you have children and split up.

You don't need to marry for the church per definition, you know. I believe an "atheist couple" can get an equal amount of happiness from a strictly state-marriage as religious people can from a religious wedding.

[Ragabash]

So the only real reasons for getting married are legal then, because the government has to discern whats family and what isnt. That seems like a good enough reason for me, but maybe they should take the religion out of marriage because you shouldnt have to take part in a religious practice to get the legal rights.

At least here in my country, Finland, legal marriages and congrecation are "separate" institutions. Neither one of the wedding couple dont need to be in christian congrecation to get married, all you need to do is to sign official documents that make marriage official. Tho, if you are not part of the church you dont have right for church weddings or pay taxes to congrecation. You can how ever go to chappel for ceremony and hire even priest(at least I think you can) for your ceremony if you like.

As my answer for the title question: to (legally) bind yourself to your most loved one.


You don't need to marry for the church per definition, you know. I believe an "atheist couple" can get an equal amount of happiness from a strictly state-marriage as religious people can from a religious wedding.

I agree. It doesnt mean that if your an atheist you dont respect "marriage", or dont like to have special ceremony to reflect path you and your mate are going to take with long journey together. It doesnt need to be christian ceremony in this case.

[Sétanta]

I see marriage as a public and legal, not to mention religious (if you are) proclamation of love. It doesn't make sense that two people in love don't get married. It doesn't have to be religious.

[Tom Paine]

I see marriage as a public and legal, not to mention religious (if you are) proclamation of love. It doesn't make sense that two people in love don't get married. It doesn't have to be religious.

It does however cost money, if you intend to have any celebration at all, and if you look at teenage and university romances they don't last in many cases and a marriage would devalue the value of marriage.

[Sétanta]

It does however cost money, if you intend to have any celebration at all, and if you look at teenage and university romances they don't last in many cases and a marriage would devalue the value of marriage.

True, but it is cheaper tax wise to be married.

[Justinian]

So the only real reasons for getting married are legal then, because the government has to discern whats family and what isnt. That seems like a good enough reason for me, but maybe they should take the religion out of marriage because you shouldnt have to take part in a religious practice to get the legal rights.

You don't in the US, you can just waltz over to the Justice of the Peace (what an awesome name) and get legally married with no pomp and ceremony (you just need two witnesses I believe).

its the ultimate commitment to a partner, and that is why there is a reason to get married, as an expression of that love and feeling.

Exactly, that's my view of it. It's far too easy to dissolve a relationship when you're not married.

[Zenith Darksea]

Tax-wise yes, but as we've recently seen with Paul McCartney, the divorce, if and when it comes (and hopefully it won't), can be really very expensive indeed.

To a religious person such as myself, marriage of course has a deeper spiritual meaning. To an atheist, I would imagine that it would be more of a symbol of commitment, and that's fair enough. If you are atheist of course there's no reason to get married, but I do have admiration for those who do, because from my perspective marriage expresses real love and care. Not that the unmarried don't have that, of course.

[Tom Paine]

You've got exactly what it means to an atheist; its the ultimate commitment to a partner, and that is why there is a reason to get married, as an expression of that love and feeling.

This assumes no ulterior motive like legal matters based on children, obviously; however that also has to be taken into consideration.

[Jesus The Inane]

Marriage and weddings are just one of the many inane activities this species of monkeys engages in. Ceremonies are meaningless. They don't make anything more meaningful, its just a cheap excuse this monkeys give so as to party and waste money and time. If we are to progress as a rational and powerful civilization/species, we ought to get rid of them. These things aren't much different then ancient priest sacrificing a heart to an imaginary diety.

If I ever got the chemical reaction that made me obsess with someone (love), I would be rational enough to realize what I'm feeling and why, and I wouldn't get married, whats the point in that? I'll just tell her to come live with me and... well, what else can I do, being the rational animal that I am?

[Atheist Peace]

Marriage and weddings are just one of the many inane activities this species of monkeys engages in. Ceremonies are meaningless. They don't make anything more meaningful, its just a cheap excuse this monkeys give so as to party and waste money and time. If we are to progress as a rational and powerful civilization/species, we ought to get rid of them. These things aren't much different then ancient priest sacrificing a heart to an imaginary diety.

I totally agree.

If I ever got the chemical reaction that made me obsess with someone (love), I would be rational enough to realize what I'm feeling and why, and I wouldn't get married, whats the point in that? I'll just tell her to come live with me and... well, what else can I do, being the rational animal that I am?

You're entirely right. Love and all of that is meaningless, just a chemical reaction. Still, if I let that affect me in everyday life, I think I'd ****ing kill myself. It's so incredibly depressing to keep it in mind all the time.

Exactly, that's my view of it. It's far too easy to dissolve a relationship when you're not married.

Usually, yes. However, it depends on how the two people involved feel about it. It depends on whether they give significance to the institution of marriage, or not. It is possible for people to have a committed, lasting relationship akin to a marriage, without getting married. It all depends on the people.

[Rush Limbaugh]

Why get married? Why for the wedding presents of course.