WINNER: ToTW 121: Did you see my bread?

[Robin de Bodemloze]

In a tight vote this week, Dark Storm vanquished all challengers with his tale for his tale "My teacher", his stirring words and lively imagery winning out in a vote that went down to the wire.

The winning tale:

He spoke, patiently, like a parent to an insolent child, of wars and battles, anger, and violence. He spent, with abject pleasure, time to explain the intricacies of the body, the heart and lungs, the blood, and bones. He imparted, with practical demonstration, each crumb of knowledge, of beheadings and hangings, murders and treachery. He incited, with dark intent, a lust within my soul, the gold and fame, the power and pleasure. He took, with every sibilant word, my innocence from me, the morals and scruples, the honour, and conviction. He left, within my very being, a great hunger, for freedom and rights, for peace, and love. He spread, like a stain upon my mind, his pain and malice, confusion, and hurt.

He brought me, at great cost, to the height of my career, to kill and save, to steal, and give. He is now, what he once was, yet I, I am the one who has changed, I am both victim and criminal and he is both judge, and juror. He is nothing, I am everything. I, the start, and he, the end. Like night and day, dark and light. Different, we are, yet the same, also. For I am life, and he, he is my teacher, death.

You can see all of the entries for this week in this thread.

[Radzeer]

Congratulations, this was a close vote which also shows that the competition was tough indeed.

[Stívarðr Reynitré]

Congratulations!

I've been stalking around these board and skulking in the shadows waiting for a fortuitous time to return. I know my absence was long and, to be honest, probably largely unnoticed by many - but it's good to be back amongst such behemoths that can produce literary excellence as that manifested in this very thread.

I trust that I find folk well?

[gotrek]

Where can we see the results?
Oops found it.

[Asterix]

Very good, congrats!

[Darkan]

Congratulations! It was (is) a great story, deep and moving.

[Dark Storm]

Thank you this week was really close lol.

[MuttonChops]

Congratz

[Nazgûl Killer]

A deserved win indeed! One thing I would advise you though; Please, do not use commas as often as you do. It makes reading it painful.

He imparted, with practical demonstration, each crumb of knowledge, of beheadings and hangings, murders and treachery. He incited, with dark intent, a lust within my soul, the gold and fame, the power and pleasure. He took, with every sibilant word, my innocence from me, the morals and scruples, the honour, and conviction.

Could have easily been:

He imparted, with practical demonstration, each crumb of knowledge of beheadings and hangings, murders and treachery. He incited, with dark intent, a lust within my soul; the gold and fame, the power and pleasure. With every sibilant word he took my innocence from me; the morals and scruples, the honour and conviction.

While maintaining the very same output and message... Even an improved one at that to be honest.


Just a little thing that irritated me when I read your story, and to be honest I simply ignored the vast majority of the commas and read the story as if I had written it, and thus it gained my vote. Well crafted piece indeed!

[Asterix]

Nazgul Killer, I should have read your above post, I too am guilty of using far too many commas. +rep

[Stívarðr Reynitré]

Semi-colon...

lol

[Mega Tortas de Bodemloze]

Congrats and +RepIOU... {it says I need to spread some around first}