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Thread: The Helios - Issue IX

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    Default The Helios - Issue IX



    The Helios - Issue IX

    This week is a very exciting week for me here at the Helios. In this issue King Henry V joins us, showing of his nonchalant charisma, easy masculine self-assurance and astounding ability to exceed the PM limit by so much that he had to send me his contribution to this week's Helios is not two but three Private Messages.

    Truly, men, there are gods walking among us.




    Exciting news, everyone! Our very own Steeven managed to get his hands on M2:TW at E3 this year! He's given us some tantalising tidbits of info so far - hopefully we will hear more from him in the near future.

    There are a lot of proposed mods for M2:TW already - I must say that I share some of Zhuge_Liang's cynicism. With modders spread so thin (and as yet we have no idea of how to mod the game) you have to wonder how many of these mods will be fininshed. Or started.

    Poita has thrown down the gauntlet. Can anyone win his fourth challenge battle?

    And don't forget the Battlezone! Get you name up in lights, people!

    * * *

    Lots of exciting mod things have been happening lately - many of which have already had a place on the front page. So I will be moving along to the news from other areas of the site now.

    Or now.

    * * *

    Try the notpron challenge. The ever-present "Who has the best military?" debate is still going on. And, thankfully, there is a bit of humour going around, too.

    I am loving the Holy Grail thread at the moment. Thiedareiks Gunthigg is attacking the inaccuracies in the Da Vinci Code (for a change) and is taking on all comers.

    A thread on parents taking legal action over the teaching of their young child about homosexuality has sparked some fairly strong opinions on the subject. Most people seem to agree that if one type of relationship is shown in schools, the alternatives should be, too. Carach, however, while being in the minority in this debate is going for 'majority rules' - homosexuality is too confusing for a child.



    This week in the Vestigia Vestutatis by King Henry V

    The week began with a Napoleonic flavour, with a poll of who was the greatest of Napoleon's marshals.. Maréchal Louis Davout seems to be the winner of this debate.

    It continued with GrimSta's article on the siege and storming of Bajajoz in 1812. It has been accompanied by a bit of a fracas between Americans and Europeans over the author's title for his essay: The Real War of 1812, implying that the conflict between Great Britain and America during that period, known as the war of 1812, was not a real war. However, the thread did not receive much discussion. Perhaps yet another Hannibal vs. Alexander would be better in future?

    Farnan has tried to describe the American Revolution and the Seven Years War (French and Indian War for the people across the pond) both as World Wars, however, such claims have been met with fierce opposition by other members.

    There was much applause this week as the History Club was reopened, this time with an agreement to shift the debate from individual historical caracters to events, so as to create more discussion.

    Both still up and running are the threads on Lithuania and the Baltic from AD 1000 to 1600 and King Arthur, who was he and did he really exist?.

    Recently, Farnan has also sparked on debate on the rather botched job of decolonialisation and the mistakes made in the former colonies when seperating them into different countries.

    Featured History Article of the Week by King Henry V

    In accordance with the recent release of the beta version of Chivalry: Total War, this week's article shall be one on the Middle Ages.

    This week in history (19th May), Pope Innocent IV issued the papal bull ad exstirpanda, which authorised the Inquisition to use torture on heretics. So here's an article on the Albigensian Crusade and the rise of the Inquisition. What's more, it allows me to use THIS: :inqusitio Have to love that smilie. :wink:




    Interview with Seleukos!
    by King Henry V.

    There is a knock on the door.
    “Yes?” inquires a voice behind the desk.
    A pretty young secretary opens the door. “My Lord Seleukos is here to see you, sir.”
    King Henry V blows out a puff of smoke, takes his feet of the desk and stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray.
    “Good. Show him in.” KHV straightens his tie, stands up and buttons up his jacket. The secretary opens the door and shows Seleukos in.
    “Ah, Lord Seleukos,” says KHV, his hand outstretched. “I’m glad that you could make it.”
    Seleukos shakes his hand.
    “Sit down, sit down,” insists KHV. “Cigarette? Scotch?” he offers. KHV pours two glasses of whisky and hands one to Seleukos. KHV takes a silver cigarette box from his inside pocket. He removes a cigarette, taps the end on the box and lights it before sitting down. He opens a draw, takes out a notepad and leafs through the pages. He puts down his cigarette in the ashtray and picks up a well-sharpened pencil.
    “So…” KHV begins.

    King Henry V: So, for the readers of the Helios, newcomers and people who simply don't have very long memories, how did you come to TWC, and how did you rise through the ranks?
    Seleukos: I came to TWC like most people looking for mods. To which I followed RTR and in no time flat I had joined RTR and Successors TW. My first year at TWC was only working for the mods as a mapper. I found myself working at any given time for 7 mods, one after another. But it was RTR to which I dedicated myself. It was RTR that got me into TWC staff. After the hacker attacks and after Simetrical was sacked from RTR, Sulla wanted someone on the RTR team to be in staff to patch up relations, and I was the one who was most dedicated to TWC. I was UL for a while then became Quaestor in a default election. Moved onto Praetor and then resigned from modding altogether because of loss of interest. I was Praetor for a very long time until after Sulla disappeared and Archer designated me Imperial Consul. I have lasted little under a year in staff, mostly as Praetor.

    KHV: What has been your most memorable experience so far here? Have done any actions that you now regret?
    Sel: I don’t really have a memorable experience, in staff it was all up and down. The one thing I regret was taking sides against Simetrical during the debacle between a number of people about Sim wanting Archer out of the imperator’s seat. It was more complicated on the inside.

    KHV: Tell us a little bit a about yourself. What do you do in your spare time (outside of TWC)?
    Sel: Before I moved four months ago I was a hermit on all accounts. I was extremely anti-social and all I found myself doing was playing on the computer, whether it being games, modding, or TWC. Now, I am rarely home, hanging out with friends and whatnot. Working on getting a gf, as there has been a thread in the Thema Devia about if you have seen, titled "problems". And all and all chilling. Not much into the big party scene though.

    KHV: Do you have a favourite holiday destination? Would specifically like to go somewhere?
    Sel: I have always wanted to go to Istanbul but it is hardly on my priority list. I don’t have a vacation spot: I work for a living.

    KHV: Do you have any personal ambitions for the future?
    Sel: Not really. Just living life.

    KHV: What do you like most about TWC?
    Sel: Never really thought of the good or bad. TWC is a good place to come to to learn about different things. You can see many different points of views from many different people.

    KHV: Which moderator do you most admire or respect? Do you have a favourite poster for whose posts you always look out?
    Sel: This is a tough one. It is a split between Asterix, TacticalWithdrawal, and Lucius Vorenus. These I admire most because we don’t always talk about TWC. We know each other more personally and I consider that pretty damned cool.

    KHV: Why the name?
    Sel: The name was chosen because he was the founder of my favorite kingdom to study way back when I first joined. Nothing special really.

    KHV: Which, for you, is the most important forum at TWC (is it the forum you spend the most time in)?
    Sel: Thema Devia. I post the most in there and sometimes enjoy reading topics in there. Other than that the Curia.

    KHV: Do you have any plans at TWC for the future? Do you have a vision of TWC in the coming years?
    Sel: Just visiting now, I have no plans. Unless they really, really need me. I only hope that the forum remains stable and grows to become a Byzantine themed forum once MTW2 comes out, yes, I said Byzantine.

    KHV: Why did you resign?
    Sel: I resigned because of two reasons: I am rarely home and only visit for 10 or so minutes at a time. And I have lost all interest in the inside of the site and felt no reason to stay. More detailed reasons can be found in my resignation thread.




    Joke of the Week.
    This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick, is this Bricklayer's report.

    Dear Sir;

    I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

    I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

    Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

    Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

    In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

    Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

    At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

    I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

    Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

    I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

    And to end my labours, the quote of the week, from His Grace Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington:
    "Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won."

    PS The Helios Writing Competition has but a day to run, hurry if you want to enter! Winner will be announced next week!

    To quote the narrator from the awesome children's TV show Madeleine: "That's all there is. There isn't any more."

    Men & KHV
    né Menander
    Under the covetous wing of Ozymandias
    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    I like.
    The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be used until they try and take it away.
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    Romanos's Avatar Hey
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Well done Henry V *claps hands*
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    Shadows's Avatar Lurking unseen...........
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Great Issue Guys, Its a good read and I like how you have some different things in here than the other Helios issues have had i.e. the joke of the week.
    IN PATROCINUVM SVB Virgil (aka 1hHoplite) (1hHoplite's Chaos of Battle Picture Thread)
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    Obi Wan Asterix's Avatar IN MEDIO STAT VIRTUS
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    *shovels rep*
    All are welcome to relax at Asterix's Campagnian Villa with its Vineyard and Scotchbarrel
    Prefer to stay at home? Try Asterix's Megamamoth FM2010 Update
    Progeny of the retired Great Acutulus (If you know who he is you have been at TWC too long) and wooer of fine wombs to spawn 21 curial whining snotslingers and be an absentee daddy to them

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    TROM 3 Team - Founder of Ken no Jikan **** Back with a modding vengeance! Yes I will again promise to take on the work of 5 mods and dissapear!

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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Quote Originally Posted by Asterix
    *shovels rep*
    Indeed, well done guys. Great stuff.
    Well, if I, Belisarius, the Black Prince, and you all agree on something, I really don't think there can be any further discussion.
    - Simetrical 2009 in reply to Ferrets54

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    Flogger's Avatar Senator
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    If there was a polite clapping smilie, I would use it.
    Stealing TWC's smilies since 2005

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    Saint-Germain's Avatar Comte
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    What about rapturous applause?
    né Menander
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    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

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    Obi Wan Asterix's Avatar IN MEDIO STAT VIRTUS
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Quote Originally Posted by Menander
    What about rapturous applause?
    Hark yea poor eardrums, the deffening drum of cacofonous ovations approaches from the East to set in the West upon the great feats of the carrier of the best avatar on TWC Don Menander for his heroic ever-improving contributions to this much worth off without him site....
    All are welcome to relax at Asterix's Campagnian Villa with its Vineyard and Scotchbarrel
    Prefer to stay at home? Try Asterix's Megamamoth FM2010 Update
    Progeny of the retired Great Acutulus (If you know who he is you have been at TWC too long) and wooer of fine wombs to spawn 21 curial whining snotslingers and be an absentee daddy to them

    Longest Serving Staff Member of TWC under 3 Imperators** 1st Speaker of the House ** Original RTR Team Member (until 3.2) ** Knight of Saint John ** RNJ, Successors, & Punic Total War Team Member

    TROM 3 Team - Founder of Ken no Jikan **** Back with a modding vengeance! Yes I will again promise to take on the work of 5 mods and dissapear!

  10. #10
    Saint-Germain's Avatar Comte
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    And that, children, is a perfect example of Laying It On Too Thick.

    Thanks anyway
    né Menander
    Under the covetous wing of Ozymandias
    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

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    Seleukos's Avatar Hell hath no fury
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Quote Originally Posted by Asterix
    Hark yea poor eardrums, the deffening drum of cacofonous ovations approaches from the East to set in the West upon the great feats of the carrier of the best avatar on TWC Don Menander for his heroic ever-improving contributions to this much worth off without him site....
    what?

  12. #12
    Saint-Germain's Avatar Comte
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Translation: Listen with your poor ears - there's a bloody lot of clappin' goin' from the East to the West, where that bloke Menander (who's got a bloody sweet avatar) has done some sweet stuff, which keeps gettin' better. Without him, TWC wouldn't be anywhere near as good.
    né Menander
    Under the covetous wing of Ozymandias
    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

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    Obi Wan Asterix's Avatar IN MEDIO STAT VIRTUS
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Quote Originally Posted by Menander
    Translation: Listen with your poor ears - there's a bloody lot of clappin' goin' from the East to the West, where that bloke Menander (who's got a bloody sweet avatar) has done some sweet stuff, which keeps gettin' better. Without him, TWC wouldn't be anywhere near as good.
    I notarize and sign the translation as being good and proper.
    All are welcome to relax at Asterix's Campagnian Villa with its Vineyard and Scotchbarrel
    Prefer to stay at home? Try Asterix's Megamamoth FM2010 Update
    Progeny of the retired Great Acutulus (If you know who he is you have been at TWC too long) and wooer of fine wombs to spawn 21 curial whining snotslingers and be an absentee daddy to them

    Longest Serving Staff Member of TWC under 3 Imperators** 1st Speaker of the House ** Original RTR Team Member (until 3.2) ** Knight of Saint John ** RNJ, Successors, & Punic Total War Team Member

    TROM 3 Team - Founder of Ken no Jikan **** Back with a modding vengeance! Yes I will again promise to take on the work of 5 mods and dissapear!

  14. #14
    Tom Paine's Avatar Mr Common Sense
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    And an outrageous travesty if you call it English... to think uor editor can't even speak the language... then again, he must be modelled after the Murdoch "Sun"...

    Well, agani, an excellent edition. You make your patron proud

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    King Henry V's Avatar Behold your King
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Quote Originally Posted by Asterix
    *shovels rep*
    What about some for me? I spent all Sunday afternoon compiling my piece, not to mention the time spent trawling the internet searching for an article, the humiliating things I sometimes had to do to get an interview, reading endless pages of absolute drivel in the VV ( :wink: )... and as usual, I get ignored. Nobody likes me!
    *Runs away*
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    Former Editor of the Helios, Councillor of the Concilium de Civitate and Councillor of Peace.
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    Obi Wan Asterix's Avatar IN MEDIO STAT VIRTUS
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    *shovel* (not that anyone give me rep anyways and here is a Praetorian load)

    and a

    Gipsy Orchestra :wink:

    All are welcome to relax at Asterix's Campagnian Villa with its Vineyard and Scotchbarrel
    Prefer to stay at home? Try Asterix's Megamamoth FM2010 Update
    Progeny of the retired Great Acutulus (If you know who he is you have been at TWC too long) and wooer of fine wombs to spawn 21 curial whining snotslingers and be an absentee daddy to them

    Longest Serving Staff Member of TWC under 3 Imperators** 1st Speaker of the House ** Original RTR Team Member (until 3.2) ** Knight of Saint John ** RNJ, Successors, & Punic Total War Team Member

    TROM 3 Team - Founder of Ken no Jikan **** Back with a modding vengeance! Yes I will again promise to take on the work of 5 mods and dissapear!

  17. #17
    Wulf's Avatar Lurks
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    An applause is certainly in place.

    Yet I'm too lazy to give it.

  18. #18
    Borat's Avatar Tiro
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Nice post guys, *clap of hands*

  19. #19
    Saint-Germain's Avatar Comte
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    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Thanks for the applause, guys (and rep. cough.)

    The next issue should be out in a day or two.
    né Menander
    Under the covetous wing of Ozymandias
    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

  20. #20

    Default Re: The Helios - Issue IX

    Hooray for Menander! TWC has never been better. It makes me very happy to see the site working so efficiently. :original:
    Hypocrisy is the foundation of sin.

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