Checkmate- A poem

[Dark Storm]

Checkmate

Checkmate


The king stood there, surveying the field;
The graveyard of his plans.
Forcing the enemy monarch to yield,
Here he makes his stand.

He sends a line of eager men,
Pawns beneath his rule,
To walk into the lions den,
To force a deadly duel.

A gallant knight astride his horse,
Rode out to meet the foe.
A terrifying battle force,
To crush the men below.

A bloody battle soon ensued,
With neither side conceding.
The mighty king began to brood,
His battle line receding.

Desperate for his victory,
He made one fatal error.
In went his Queen to gain glory;
She gained a stretcher-bearer.

A hole was made by faceless men,
Through the guarded *line.
To step into the enemies den,
Required a soldier with a spine.

The duty was quickly taken,
By a man of God, no less.
The enemies hearts were shaken,
By this bishop bringing death.

All hope was lost when, suddenly,
His foe made a mistake.
Their Lord gazed on forlornly,
As his men began to break.

The broken line was quickly shattered,
The men falling to the side.
The king's people, bruised and battered,
Set off to where their foes reside.

A journey fraught with every peril,
Those unthinking soldiers took.
Some would soon dine with the devil,
Their comrades in St.Peters book.

Yet beneath a blackened throne,
The gallant few amassed.
That day a tyrant overthrown,
Victory at last!

His army received many terrible blows.
His soldiers given a dreadful fate.
His honour lost to ancient foes.
He conceded check and mate.

[Dark Storm]

Any feedback would be great thank you

[Grimecraft]

i loved it (:

[Dark Storm]

Thank you

[Boustrophedon]

I'll read it more carefully tomorrow but these first lines are really great! They give a sense of real life battles while preserving the chess analogy

The graveyard of his plans.
Forcing the enemy monarch to yield.

+rep

[Robin de Bodemloze]

Very good! Very nice rhythm

+rep

[Dark Storm]

Thank you both very much

[Dark Storm]

I've edited this rather a lot, any opinions on it guys?

[Ybbon]

I think that's terrific, I didn't realise it was chess related until probably the verse about the Queen, I like the disingenuous nature of it.

I really like poetry (as some of my ToTW show ) but I've never studied it, so if the words I use are wrong, then what can I say, I'm a professional nerd not a writer So the meter is good, it flows and sets a natural rhythm to reading it and I like the rhyme of lines such as less/death and mistake/break.

+rep

[Heiro de Bodemloze]

It is great. I love it. It floats really well also.

+rep

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

I'll just repeat what the other have said. It is very good and has a nice rhyme scheme, it flows really well.

I'll add it to the Index, unless you will add more to it?

+rep