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Thread: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

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    Default The Critic's Quill: Issue 30


    The Editor Speaks
    Hello and welcome at long last to Issue 30 of the Quill. It has been a while, but we hope you feel the wait has been worth it.

    Competition News and Reviews
    Our special event this time is a celebration of the Scriptorium Summer Writing Competition (see contents below). But we also have news of the regular competitions. If you are thinking of entering one then you currently have a choice of MAARC XXXII (for AARs) or BAARC III (for single battle stories).

    UNDER CONSTRUCTION: The Writers' Study
    Be aware that the Writers' Study is being reorganised! To participate in the debate about what should be moved where and why please visit this thread.

    Tale of the Week: Newsflash!
    Now is the time for all good members to come to the aid of a much-loved (at least by me) institution of TWC. Yes, Tale of the Week has (temporarily I hope) stopped!

    The crisis was brought on by the unfortunate disappearence of Mega Tortas back in June. Mega had been the main creative force behind TotW for a long time. Although other staff stepped in, I think it can be truly said that Mega's format for TotW can only really be operated successfully by Mega himself. Indeed, it would probably require dangerous levels of medication for regular staff to achieve anything approaching Mega's frenetic energy, creative use of coloured fonts, and abuse of the English language.

    So what happened was that despite the best efforts of the Writers' Study staff to continue running TotW with Mega's format, interest in the competition gradually waned until at the end there were insufficient entries to continue.

    So this is your chance to help to revitalise Tale of the Week! To remake it in a form suitable for our modern, despondent and recession-dominated times. Please take a look at the TotW is on hold discussion thread for the details of how we have got to this sad state. Then, with all possible speed, fly over to the TotW New Rules Proposal thread and lend the weight of your passion and experience to rebuilding and relaunching our beloved competition!

    The Delights in Store
    We have in this issue reviews of some of our favourite AARs, and we have also managed to persuade well-known TWC writer Dr. Jan Itor (the artist formerly known as StealthEvo) to submit to the barrage of questions that we euphamistically call an interview.

    Please welcome, in addition to our usual crew, contributions from SeniorBatavianHorse and robinzx. You will find them particularly enthusiastic since I promised them a slice of the Critic's Quill profits!

    Enjoy the issue and don't forget to post your thoughts and reactions in this thread.

    Juvenal (Editor)

    Table of Contents


    Monthly AAR Competition Section

    MAARC XXXI
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    The MAARC continues to thrive and the standard of entries remains consistently high. This time the Quill seems to have struck gold with its prognostications... meaning that we actually have published reviews of all of the top three.

    Don't forget to look in on MAARC XXXII because it is now taking nominations. Are you writing an AAR? Then go ahead and submit it! In fact you can even nominate someone else's AAR that you have found particularly impressive. The only requirement is that there have been at least two updates since the beginning of October.

    THIRD PLACE
    [IB:SAI AAR] The Righteous Kingdom by BLIP99
    The saga of the Roman Valens Sutorius who has gone over to the Franks following his father's betrayal and murder by the corrupt Imperial government. In his new persona of Sigibert the Frank, he comes to play a pivotal role in the rise of the Frankish Kingdoms. This AAR has been reviewed by Skantarios in Issue 28.


    SECOND PLACE
    [SS 6.3 AAR] Primus Inter Pares - The Kievan Rus by Radzeer
    A tale of three brothers adopted into the service of the Royal Family of the Kievan Rus. It is an intricate story of relationships among the Royal Family and their effect upon the fortunes of the realm. There is a review by Thokran in Critic's Quill Issue 24, written back when this AAR was still in its early stages.


    FIRST PLACE
    [SS 6.3 AAR] Pagan Vengeance by Skantarios
    The intense and brooding narrative of Juvage, a Lithuanian in the pay of the Cumans. Expect much cruelty, pain and suffering in the vastnesses of the eastern steppe as Juvage takes on the invincible Mongols. Radzeer has written a fine review of this superb AAR in Critic's Quill Issue 29



    Coverage by Juvenal



    Interview Section

    Candid with Dr. Jan Itor
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    1) We all know you as Dr. Jan Itor (formerly StealthEvo), but could you tell us a bit about yourself?

    I'm probably the least creative person on these forums. Literally. But in all seriousness I am a 20 something bro living in London who works in a bar. When I'm not cranking out Challenge Accepted posts I'm normally running Ran no Jidai not that it needs much supervision these days or pursuing independent projects on the side.

    2. The Challenge accepted thread, quite an innovative idea. Could you share with us how it came about?

    Well the story is in the title. I took on a challenge that was rumored to be impossible. Which having come as far as I have, I can see why it's rumored to be impossible. Plus you know when I finish it I have great idea's for a new campaign in Challenge Accepted along with a series of Easter Eggs for the main game itself. Zarax is just unlucky that I'm a capable modder

    3. Any other similar projects that you may launch?

    Well I have launched a similar project which runs a similar format to Challenge Accepted. It's a fair bit more crass and features a lot more low brow humor then Challenge Accepted, however it's a series of multi-player sessions on Baldurs Gate with a close amigo of mine.

    Naturally Chaos ensures and the fun continues. There are only 4 updates at present due to my work hours, and that each session takes about 6-7 hours including smoke breaks and beer runs. Well vodka runs
    However to those that are interested in checking it out. Click the link below.
    Baldurs Gate Tutu AAR-How not to play with Tutu's-NEW AAR RAWR

    4. I also see that you are a fellow AARtist, could you share some words about AARs?

    It's a funny place the AAR sub-forums. You see people that clearly have little to no talent when it comes to appeasing the masses (at least compared with me) coming up with a cliche idea that has probably been done before and then getting a massive fan base and the whole thing dissolves over a week and a half.

    Then you have the people that actually try, but aren't recognized in the wider scheme of things or don't have a historical fictional recollection of a super godlike general to challenge the great Alexander. They simply don't get recognized. To be honest I include myself in this bracket. I've had to fight tooth and claw to develop a 'cult' and most of them are Bronies. I hate bronies. Then I see projects with the same premise which fundamentally follow the same method as me. Picture and two lines of text getting a swath of followers claiming that the writer is fantastic and the story is engrossing.

    Perhaps I'm a cynic. I really hope that I am because it's clear that there is something weird going on. I never got praise for having a deep engrossing story line with believable characters for following the mainstream method...Any idea's what I'm doing wrong. And no. I'm not jealous

    Right negativity over. I think the AAR community is a diverse and perhaps not as communal as it should be. I have had a lot of fun in my dealings with my attempts at AARs over the last year or so. I never quite expected that the projects I took the least serious and put the minimal amount of effort into became the most popular. I hit 20k views only just late late month and I really feel that's a significant milestone as on the front page there are only 4 AARs that have hit 20k go back a page and it's only the participative AAR that Molina did (awesome idea btw) with anything near that. I should be proud of myself I suppose

    5. You have also made significant contributions on TWC, in particular AARs. What would be your advice to aspiring and upcoming AARtists?

    I have several words of advice.

    All the AARs you all read. The writers put an incredible amount of work in. It's a false economy. I put in about an hours worth of work per update and there is significant content and then I'm off to go to the pub.

    I do the bare minimal amount of work and yet I can creative a fantastic narrative and all the needed goodies. Follow the KISS model. Keep It Simple - Stupid.

    You could try and re-enact the dying days of Rome. Again, with them Winning. Again. Or you could take Gaul to India. That's all I'm saying on the subject. Thinking outside of the box and taking a more relaxed attitude will do wonders.

    You have to have fun. There is no point in doing something your not having fun. I've taken weeks off from even touching any Total War game. Simply because I needed to unwind, get stupidly drunk and re-assess. Not the AAR but how fit that Ginger bird really was. I read AARs where the writer makes several posts saying it's in the works, there's times issues. But that constant attempt to try and restart things is what burns you out in the long run. If your in a place where you can't motivate that is at least consistent. Go do something fun ignore the voices of the masses demanding you return. They aren't paying you. They should be. But they aren't.

    A little bit of Controversy goes along way. Allow me to quote the conclusion to the only review I've ever gotten of my work.
    Conclusion
    • Do you want a story AAR? Don't come to this AAR.
    • Do you want a gripping plot? Definitely don't come to this AAR.
    • Do you want an entertaining report full to the brim with Awesome? Definitely come to this AAR.

    This helped me more then any of my merchandise ever did. (Yes I do have merchandise I made several cups and T shirts) There's nothing wrong with going against the mainstream.

    Finally. At the end of the day. It's your work. I had the pleasure of watching someone that I didn't have a particularly high opinion of make an AAR, now this individual has a frothing fan base that worship him as he goes. Naturally they all gave their dedicated oohs and awws to the post and one gave a suggestion to the plot. Next day there is input from everyone and lo and behold the next update reflected all this turning what I thought was a decent start into a mishmash, to be honest. Yet they all thought it was fantastic.

    In short. The people that are there to read your work and to commit time to congratulate you on starting are the people you want following you. The people that make petty demands or simply want things done are not the fan base you want to accumulate. Your story, your work, your fun.

    6. Could you share some spoilers about your current and upcoming projects?

    I reckon I could let you all in the real deal. I have three projects being planned. All of which I'm willing to spoil in differing levels of detail.

    The first is directly relevant. Once Challenge Accepted is finished there's the spin off serials that kill the genre forever a la scrubs. I have plans to go and start on Carthage, Finishing the Romans. That's another year of shamelessly abusing peoples free time. A series of essays on how I played the campaign and discussing what works and what doesn't. Then to cap it off an essay or 5 on the main players. THEN like Take That's third farewell tour. An essay or three on my experience as an AAR writer.

    Second a Fourth Age Total War participative AAR I started modding with FATW and I have a good idea for how and what I want to achieve. I just need to finish making my home brew additions and start the premise. However watch the Rome Total War AAR space with anticipation.

    Finally. My ultimate piece. Jake is a Lacrosse player, he's a brash. He enjoys a good Natty Ice. How will he like Rome Total War That is all I'm willing to divulge on that one. Planning has been 6 months in the works will include all sorts of content. Acting, photos, it's all coming to together, but that's for after Challenge Accepted is finished.

    7. You have made significant advances in the writing realm here, would you tell us about your journey?

    I wouldn't say I've advanced at all. I've sold myself out to the low-brow crowd because I craved attention. I jest. But my earlier projects were actually serious and well written. But because of my aforementioned rant. They were ignored. However if anyone is interested in checking them out. In reverse order of publication.

    Forlorn Hope- Gratuitous Space Battles Here

    Brotherhood Construction INC-Minecraft Here Images died.

    For the Love of Sin-Rome Total War Here

    Shadow of the Re-united Kingdom Here

    All of these are dead, but it highlights my point that all my earlier and ultimately unsuccessful attempts were taken with so much more time investment and emotional investment. Yet compared to the slap dash job Challenge Accepted was. They pale in comparison. Shame really. Kinda puts things in perspective.

    8. Lastly, any advice or few words of wisdom for our readers and fellow writers?

    Don't let others tell you how to write your material. Don't conform and don't sell out. I will only ever be known for Challenge Accepted style AARs that's already been proven. I can handle my dislike for Bronies. Can you?

    Interview conducted by m_1512



    AAR Review Section

    Serving Your Oppressor
    A Roma Surrectum 2.1a Roman (Auxiliary) AAR for RTW by McScottish
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    1. Introduction
    McScottish is one of the better AAR writers out there and I hope this review will bring some more readers and feedback for the good fellow. He's an AAR writer of few pictures but his prose makes up for alot of missing graphical material. I'll let him introduce himself though, some words from the author:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    - How did you come up with the idea for your AAR?
    For example, I chose a Dacian because they were readily available as mercenaries outside their own nation but are also an interesting people in themselves, with little definite information on them without being mingled with others such as the Thracians and the Illyrian peoples.
    What we do have and know comes primarily from either ancient Greek sources, who could also refer to them as Getae, Keltoi or any other number of names, as well as the massive propaganda machine that was/is Trajan's column. So, in that respect, I believe they are an interesting people to play...as well as being able to take more writers licence with them than you may be able to with more, well established, nations.
    As for why an auxilia, well, I could write you an essay about it, and in fact wrote my university dissertation on the auxiliary cavalry, but, in short, it is because the auxiliary are interesting, unique, different but were still a strategically important part of the Romes forces all the way through its history. Without them, who knows what could have happened?

    - What do you think is the strength and weakness of your writing?
    If I'm honest, I would say I don't actually have any strengths! But since people, apparently, have read my AAR then there must be something there that I'm overlooking.
    Overall I'd say I give a bit of everything, depending on the way that actual events go in-game, so to speak, I try to give description in whatever I write and also place in a bit of action, a bit of romance, a bit of everything really so that I can portray in an entertaining style rather mediocre things going on in the campaign I am playing.
    Weaknesses, well know, too many to count really.
    I would have to say that my main weaknesses are probably my punctuation and grammar, I know I'm bad for it, the fact that I skip vast swathes of time without actually writing anything about them (such as when the character(s) are travelling to places), focusing on one point of view too much and probably also my spelling from time-to-time. I have a habit of not proof-reading that I should really sort out. As of late my description has been rather lacking too, though I hope to get over all these hurdles when-and-where I can.

    - Why did you choose that particular mod/timeframe?
    I chose Roma Surrectum because I am both a team member and a huge fan, the game providing what I like to call “barbarorum lite” on the historical front whilst still retaining a solid historical composition as well as interesting and fun game-play. I have played almost every mod for the classical/ancient time frame and they are all worthy of recognition, I simply prefer RS II as it fulfils my needs perfectly.
    As for why I chose the time frame that I did, there really isn't anything like the classical Roman period to write about. Just look at the vast amounts of historical fiction, at least the good stuff, written by professional authors and it is not surprising why so many people choose the same period for an AAR. Nonetheless, I am also a big fan of the Late Roman Empire and AARs set therein so, who knows, perhaps watch out for my own at the completion of my current project.


    2. Writing
    His first line in the introduction sets the stage perfectly for what is to come:
    "What is it to be in the service of those who kill your kindred, who take your land and your freedom and to serve them as if they were your own chieftain? What manner of resentment, bitterness and thoughts of vengeance must we harbor towards them?"
    I very much appreciated his way with words. McScottish has a great talent for writing personal encounters, people talking to each other and prefers to focus on small emotions and small words. No ridiculous grandeur that writers (including myself) often fall prey to. No ostentious characters who fight for the attention of the readers. Here's a quote that I very much loved:
    “But why?!”

    Eunike beat at my breastplate with all her strength, the soft pummelling like bits of gravel hitting my chest, my arms moving around her like a pincer-formation and wrapping around her body. I pulled her tightly to me and looked to the children standing by the doorway. They were fourteen now and old enough to understand what was about to happen.

    “I signed my life away for twenty-five years, my love, and I have served a number of them. Know that these years spent with you, though they have been short, have been the best of my life.”
    Truly great writing if I've ever seen it and the nice part is that his commitment has not faltered once. He keeps updating regularly with new twists and turns in the life and adventures of M. Laenas. McScottish also has a firm grasp on the history of his timeframe of choice as evidenced by the quote below:
    The Saluvii, like the Helvetii, the Ligurian tribes and the Cisalpine Gauls, were mere plaything and puppets of Roma by this day and age and all former resistance they may have given, reservations they may have had, had all been washed away in Roman gold and Roman luxury. Ivory from Africa, fine blades and spearheads from Hispania, papyri from Aegypt, wine and grapes from Italia itself, gold, silver and, of course, slaves from all over the Res Publica. The silent, seen but not heard, workforce of the Roman way of life.
    The writer can also aptly describe what most authors would skip because it is not worth mentioning. In my opinion this brings his AAR and the world of his characters to life. Focusing on the mundain is never a bad thing as evidenced by this quote:
    Around and inside each camp came signs of bustling activity, men training and mock-fighting, others racing to reach a stream or river first and still more simply lazing about with a lack of anything constructive to do with their time.
    [...]
    Squinting I could pick out individual figures, a legionary being scolded for something by one of my fellow centurions, an auxiliary cavalryman falling from his horse during a training exercise and moving little, and a group of senior officers as they feasted together and poured libations to the Gods.
    There's also a bit of comedy in it. Sometimes the author lets the characters say some strange things like in the quote below:
    “Well by Jupiter's bushy beard, Maximius.”
    3. Graphical elements
    Not much to comment on regarding the use of graphical elements. He does not use any pictures from in-game moments but uses small photographs at the start of each chapter. These are usually reflective of the nature of his AAR, namely concerned with auxiliaries and Romans and barbarians. It definitely adds value to his narration and it provides a surrogate for the lack of in-game shots.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 





    I also appreciate his habit of mentioning where the pictures are from. Credit should be given where credit is due and I feel quite strongly about this. He does not always do this though and it would certainly be a bonus in my opinion if he could provide a link or name to the original creator. All in all he knows perfectly well how to use the little graphical material he has to great effect.

    4. Conclusion
    I strongly urge you to start reading his work if you are interested in a different viewpoint than regular AAR's and if you can accept the lack of in-game pictures. This AAR would not work if the prose was weak or too ordinary and luckily McScottish has talent and enthusiasm in abundance. I've been following since the early chapters and have not been disappointed by a single update. Move your lazy bums and get over to his AAR!

    Review by Boustrophedon


    Kaiser's Crusade
    A Kingdoms Grand Campaign Mod AAR for M2TW by ChivalrousKiller
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    The crusading era was not without drama and spectacular showdowns, and in that measure the Third Crusade was only behind the first one. Kaiser's Crusade is ChivalrousKiller's tale to reproduce the Third Crusade in MTW2 using the Kingdoms Grand Campaign Mod. He tells the story from the perspective of Frederick Barbarossa, the Holy Roman Emperor who in reality died during the campaign. However, the Kaiser's perspective is just one of several, as ChivalrousKiller uses the hotseat mode to play multiple factions. This solution would be unusual for a traditional campaign, but works well here where the goal is to recreate history as much as it is possible within the game limitations.

    It is clear from the opening post that this AAR will be a relatively short campaign. The overall pace of the story fits to this decision well. There is no rush to get to the Holy Land, giving the opportunity to all factions in the hotseat to build up both their respective armies and narratives. The slow pace and the hotseat option also leave more time for character development on all sides of the campaign. Since Barbarossa was fairly old when he left for the crusade (more so in history than in the game), there are plenty of opportunities for the younger members of the royal family to pursue their own interests. But this does not convolute the narratives, as ChivarousKiller was able to select a few key characters that the story focuses on. This is a particularly important aspect of any story about the HRE, the faction which tends to have a large number of generals already at the beginning of the campaign.

    The main narrative uses the third person perspective with plenty of dialogs that are well written and convey the conflicts within the ruling elite of the HRE as well as those between the Germans and other kingdoms. It is important to note that the hotseat style may make it easier to play the campaign, but it certainly makes it more difficult to write it up as the plot has many threads to follow that should be carefully managed by the writer. Therefore, it is crucial to separate the faction narratives within the master narrative with some technique. A good example for this is the first person letter format used to inform the reader about the Italian campaign against Milan. A bit less successful (at least so far) is the narrative of the Muslim side which combines the third person and first person elements, but not as clearly separated as in the HRE narrative. One thing which may help this is some formatting differences along with the changes in the occasionally inconsistent spacing.

    The visual aids of the story are nicely selected and edited. ChivalrousKiller is a skilled artist for screenshots, which was already obvious in his first AAR, the Chronicles of Andronikos Komnenos. Colors and cropping are important, but even more crucial is the perspective or angle of the shot, for which ChivalrousKiller has a keen eye.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 





    Non-game pictures are also used as illustrations, but only landmarks such as the Hagia Sophia and the Cathedral of Mainz (I was very pleased to see a picture of Mainz which had no modern elements even though it was a current picture). What I found really creative were the supplemental pictures of soldiers illustrating the part where the crusaders meet and hire the Hungarian mercenaries. I am always impressed when writers use edited in-game pictures to support the narrative, as this shows the dedication to the story.

    At this point (the time when this review is written) the story is still at its beginnings. The crusading armies just reached Constantinople, and as we all know from history, usually this is where the trouble begins. This will also be the test of the characters ChivalrousKiller developed for the story, most of whom have real life personalities, with their own agendas and visions about what is right and what is wrong. Examples include the plotting Teutonic leader, the usurper Roman emperor and the Seljuk sultan who is as much against other Muslims as he is against the Christians (all of which characters resemble reality quite well). And of course this will be the test for Barbarossa himself, and the question remains whether history will repeat itself in this AAR, or the aging emperor could actually cross that river in Anatolia, changing history in the Holy Land forever.

    Stay tuned.

    Review by Radzeer


    Letters Of An Aragonese Knight
    A Stainless Steel 6.3 AAR for M2TW by Thokran
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Introduction and a Brief Summary
    Veteran AARtist Thokran has embarked on his sixth (SIXTH!) AAR. His newest one is about the life and times of a noble in the Kingdom of Aragon named Jaime Encina. Though he begins from humble origins, the main character soon ascends to the heights of power through a series of twists, turns, and the intervention of the kingdom's enemies.

    The story follows Jaime's life from the tender age of 17 through his full adulthood and, I trust, into old age. Although Thokran hasn't explicitly said this, I believe this AAR will end with the death of Jaime sometime in the future.

    This being the Kingdom of Aragon, you can expect to see a lot of political intrigue centered around the Iberian peninsula. The Iberian Peninsula is a great setting as you have Aragon competing with the Christian kingdoms of Castile, Portugal, and France as well as the expansionist Muslim Moors. Throw in a dollop of Papal intrigue and you have a rich political landscape to explore.

    This AAR is not just about battles and politics, though, this is also a story of one man and his journey through the troubled waters of of life and love. There is a great deal of how Jaime finds his "one, true love," interacts with other nobles, and how he personally feels about the events that are swirling around him.

    This is primarily what I would describe as a "strategic-level" AAR. Thokran does have a few battles mixed in but only those in which the main character personally participates. As there are only a few of these, you won't see a great deal of tactical action. What you will see a great deal of is political intrigue, personal interaction, and strategic events. This allows the story to progress quickly and without pausing overly long in any one spot.

    Now, we'll pause for some words from the author himself!
    Spoiler for Interview with Thokran
    1) This is your sixth(!) AAR written on these forums. Leaving aside what a great accomplishment that is all by itself, what keeps bringing you back to writing?

    There's something about this game, and about all of its many different mods, that just inspires me to write. I can't help it. Sometimes I see a mod and I feel compelled to play a certain faction and recount it's story. When I started writing AAR's, I had a list of ten possible factions/mods/etc I wanted to write stories on. I feel blessed that I've had the chance to write those out. Sure, some of them were never completed, and others didn't come out as I wanted them, but I felt accomplished knowing I gave it a shot. Each time I write, I feel like I grow as a writer. AARs provide the perfect launching point where someone can learn how to build a story based on certain pre-set characters before moving on to full-fledged creative writing with completely original characters and worlds.

    2) Why did you decide to choose this particular faction, time period, and mod?

    Like I mentioned before, it was part of a list of factions I wanted to play. I always wanted to write an AAR based in the Middle East, so I wrote about the KoJ and later on Makuria. I always wanted a Baltic setting for one of my stories, so I wrote about the Teutonic Order. Now I'm able to write about the Eastern Mediterranean with a great Kingdom centered around Barcelona. Stainless Steel has always been my favorite mod when it comes to portraying these different parts of Europe. As for the time period, I really want to delve more into 14th and 15th century stories, and lately I've been entrenched in the 13th century. I hope to remedy that with this AAR, as the story of Aragon is far from over.

    3) In this AAR, you are using letters from one character as the framework for your story. What made you decide to go with that versus a more standard third-person narrative? Were there any other AARs/books that inspired that choice?

    I wanted to do something a bit different, at least in terms of style. I've always tended to write from a 3rd-person omniscient perspective, and I wanted to mix it up and try my hand at first person. I'll admit, there's still parts in the AAR where I think it feels very 3rd person, despite the first person perspective. It still lacks dialogue, something I want to try out in the future, but it's a change that I believe will help me become a more versatile writer as time goes on.

    4) This AAR is already quite advanced and I believe you have already played this one to the end. So, do you have plans for any other works after this one is over?

    Well, I kind of sort of answered this I think, lol. The AAR is a yearly account of one man's life experiences, and there's only so long that a man can live. But despite Jaime's mortality, I'm not quite ready to leave Aragon behind so soon. I really want to delve into Aragon as it goes through the crises of the 14th and 15th century, and so I'm planning to continue the story of this faction, perhaps with one of Jaime's descendants, maybe a grandson or great-grand daughter who comes across his letters and is inspired to maintain a similar account of their lives. It may not be letters, but it'll be something. I'm not sure if it'll be a direct continuation of the AAR or a separate-sequel AAR, but I definitely plan on continuing the story of Aragon for as long as my ancient laptop can take it.

    Writing Style and Wording
    The AAR is written in the first person perspective through the eyes of the main character, Jaime Encina. The twist that Thokran has thrown in is that these entries are published in the form of letters (as implied in the title of the AAR). They start out as yearly letters he is writing to his family (done so at the urging of his dying father). When his family does not reply, he continues to write these letters as a form of journal. The letters provides a nice, consistent, and believable framework for his updates and was a good choice.

    There is practically no dialogue in the AAR but that is to be expected given that they are written in the form of letters. I have said before that dialogue is a lot harder to write than it first appears. If you aren't willing to really commit to it, don't. It can sound terrible if you're not careful with it. So, Thokran has chosen not to use any at all and that is perfectly fine.

    Thokran's description of the character's hopes, fears, loves, and other emotions is very good. Jaime is not a omnipotent superman who always knows the proper course or is endowed with unsurpassed bravery and acumen. He is a flawed human being and his (or rather Thokran's) writing definitely brings that out.
    Going into the battle, I had never been more nervous in my life. Horrible memories of Pamplona came crashing back into the forefront of my mind. I was terrified of the slaughter that was to come, of the pain and agony that I suffered back then come back to haunt me.
    Thokran does occasionally use more modern words like "the kids" that seem a bit out of place in the medieval world but that is kind of being picky on my part. Also, there are a decent amount of grammar and usage errors which I attribute to his haste in writing the story. These mistakes are very common in AARs (I know I have been repeatedly guilty of it). Nearly all writers work alone and, without someone to review their writing, will often overlook things like repeated words, incomplete sentences, etc. The AAR the readers see is the equivalent of a good draft - not necessarily a finished product. That said, the errors are noticeable but not particularly distracting.

    Images and Other Visual Aids
    Thokran uses strictly in-game images for his visual work. He mixes screen shots from both the campaign and battle screens and even manages to throw in some from the "splash" screens to good effect. The pictures are universally well-cropped and staged and have an excellent feel of realism about them. There are no artistic flourishes such as changing the color palette, blurring, or other such things. He sticks to the images nearly uncut and it seems to work.

    The use of the painted "splash" screens included in the game is done well. They are familiar sights to anyone who has played that platform and mod. He uses them so they fit perfectly with what is going on with the letters and they often appear as the first or last visual image of each update.
    Spoiler for Splash Screen



    I like his choice and use of the campaign map screen shots. He doesn't just use the character cards but also mixes in the event messages, Faction Announcements, diplomacy, death notices, etc. These help the gamers amongst us stay abreast of the wider world and make us feel a part of the game as well as the story he is trying to tell. The shots of the Pope "rating-o-meter" are a bit contrived in terms of the story but works since we all know the game and that it is a part of it.
    Spoiler for Strategic Pictures





    The battle shots are captured well and give a good sense of the action going on. However, he only uses a few per battle. I think this is a point of personal taste and there is no right or wrong answer here. Some people will use 15-20 (or more) to describe a battle but that can be problematic if not done well and can often serve as a crutch to the writing. Thokran trends toward the fewer the better but his writing makes up for it.
    Spoiler for Sample Battle Images



    Some of the images in the story attest to a lower resolution setting for his units.
    Spoiler for Sample

    So, if you are looking for the lavish images with a billion pixels and extreme realism you will find in Shogun or Empire, you're not going to get it. Not a critique on the author because his computer is what it is and, as I said earlier, the pictures are not the center point to the AAR.

    Critique
    First off, I should say that any man that has taken the time and effort to write one AAR is to be commended. For someone to write SIX (and complete all but this latest one), well, the mind simply staggers at the thought. For someone who has written so many stories for our reading pleasure, the expectations bar is set very high. I am happy to say, that Thokran's experience has paid off as this is a very good and engaging story.

    I really liked how Thokran weaves in the protagonists thoughts, hopes, triumphs, and disappointments in the letters. Every chapter that goes by tells not only what is happening in this character's life but also how he feels about it. This really helps a reader stay engaged and feel a connection with the main character. We want to know what happens next with our hero and what happens with his beloved kingdom and family.

    The letter device is interesting in the beginning. I had hoped he would receive some form of reply as that would have added depth to the character. Unfortunately, he did not and the letters turn into a relatively well-used (but still engaging) story telling device. There is also something of a dangling thread about what happened to his wider family (mother, sister, etc). They have disappeared in the story without any explanation as to what might of happened. I don't know if this was on purpose but I am kind of hoping he goes back to that as it seems a hole in the character's background.

    As noted earlier, it would be nice to clean up some of his usage and spelling errors that a typical word-processing program might miss. I seemed to notice these more in the beginning of the story than at the end, so I think he is being more careful and doing more editing as the story progresses.

    Some of his ancillary characters could stand to be more fleshed out. I am liking where the story arc of one "Marchena" is going and I hope to see some more detail on that guy in particular.

    Summary
    There are AARs where the author bends the game to highlight his story and there are ones that use a story to highlight his game. Thokran, I believe, is doing the latter. Although Thokran is not breaking any new ground with this AAR, what he does, he does quite well.

    Overall, I think this is a very good AAR. The pace is excellent, the main character is well-fleshed out, and the political intrigue that is going on is both believable and interesting. Thokran is an excellent writer and his skill is fully on display in this story. I would highly recommend this AAR to anyone.

    Review by Skantarios


    The Lone Eagle of Britannia
    An Invasio Barbarorum AAR for RTW/BI by ReD_OcToBeR
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Red October is a renowned writer here at Twcenter, with various top 3 honors in the MAARC. His latest placement there is The Lone Eagle of Britannia. This is an excellent AAR that is well-told by the author and brings a sense of light to the veil of darkness that was cast over Europe after the fall of Rome. It’s also a rather old one too, having begun last year, but despite its age and very slow and unpredictable pace of updates, it has managed to remain a serious contender and one of the best AARs I’ve read in awhile, making it a true testament to the adage that quality supersedes quantity.

    The story takes place in the newly formed Kingdom of Britannia, forged out of the remnants of Roman power in the island. The protagonist is Madrun, second son of King Vortigern and heir to the throne of Britannia. Madrun is a strong-willed character whose bravery in battle is matched only by his loathing of the northern Pict tribes that he is forced to face throughout the early stages of the AAR. Red October does a great job or portraying the trials and tribulations Madrun goes through in waging war against the Picts to keep the Kingdom's borders safe. He also does a wonderful job showing just how isolated Britannia really was. All but forgotten by the rest of the world, Britannia has little contact with the mainland or Rome, and the news they do receive from those places later on in the story is sketchy at best. It gives a post-apocalyptic feeling in a sense, showing how Britannia is just one of many other powers simply trying to survive in the fallout of disorder and chaos that followed the fall of the Roman Empire.

    In terms of writing, you can tell that he has devoted his time to making sure that his updates are clean and crisp as possible. He also makes some great analogies to emphasize the level of isolation the characters feel throughout the AAR. Take the following sample:
    Many months have passed since the ambush that had almost sent the Roman Cause spiraling out of control in the Celtic Highlands. Madrun has not received any such letters from myself due to fear that the man I send be captured, exposing our plans to move foclrward. It is as if the trees have eyes and the wind a voice for the Celtic monsters. They say Rome is the light that has guided us for generations. Those who wrote such words have not seen where I stand. The only light I see is cast from the fire outside of my chambers. My men and I are stationed in the Celts last known settlement of Inchtuthill thanks to the crafty work of spies the night before we attacked.
    The clever uses of similes and metaphors in the passage help describe the situation taking place in the Celtic Highlands in great detail. Such description makes it easy for a reader to be immersed in the story. There are the occasional spelling mistakes, but overall spelling and grammar errors are few and far between, which when paired with Red October’s stellar writing makes for quite an engaging read.

    Red October does not skimp in the visual department either. Lone Eagle of Britannia is absolutely brimming with great images of the campaign to help readers visualize the events taking place in the story. Red October himself had this to say about his pictures last year:
    … hardly any of them are edited besides cropping out the user interface and adding borders. I run everything on max settings pretty much, so that may have something to do with their clearness? A couple title pictures I edited the "atmosphere" to a more hazy blue to reflect the dreary, cold nature of the Britannia landscape at this time. Or sometimes I'll blur picture's edges to focus on a particular units etc.
    Red October tries to keep the editing in his pictures to a minimum, but the changes he does make are for the better. The border placed on a majority of the images gives off a sense of continuity that is well-received. Red October also does a great job at cropping certain images and implanting them into a larger campaign map along with some written explanation. This makes for some interesting and rather interactive images that a reader can look at and clearly take away everything the author was trying to portray in the image. Most importantly, they perfectly augment the flow of the story, so that the words and images work hand in hand together to present an overall fluid and engaging tale.
    Spoiler for Pictures







    If I had to point out a drawback, it would have to be the uneven rate at which this AAR has been updated. I’ll admit, when I first began reading Lone Eagle of Britannia, I read it all in one go and was eager for more. But it has been over a month since the last update. And while updates before then were relatively regularly paced, there have been times through this AAR’s extensive lifetime where months will pass before another update comes through. This means that anyone reading may lose track or forget what happened in the story between the time of the latest update and the update before that one.

    Now I’m sure this may be due to the author’s different projects, or simply just real-life calling up to become a major source of time consumption for whatever reason, whether it be job-related, school-related, you name it. It’s normal, it happens; breaks are sometimes needed, even if they may be unintentional. I too have had to postpone updates or simply delay them for weeks and months on end, simply because life becomes so busy.

    However, I commend Red October for sticking through with his project. The temptation to give up on an AAR after months of not updating is definitely a strong one. So for Red October to not only continue working on Lone Eagle of Britannia, but to also earn himself a spot in the MAARC top 3, says a lot about the quality of this piece of work. I strongly recommend anyone who has yet to read Lone Eagle of Britannia to start now. I guarantee it to be an enjoyable treat to read, I trick you not. (Yes I’m quite late for Halloween puns!)

    Lone Eagle of Britannia is a spectacular piece of work that shows how the quality of one’s work can stand the test of time, no matter how old it may be.

    Review by Thokran


    Courland - The dream of an independent baltic state
    An Empire Total War AAR by Swamidude
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Opening statement
    Welcome to my second AAR about Courland, I hope you'll like it.

    My main goal in the beginning will be to secure the homelands of Courland, almost everybody hates me, so I think that will be a challenge. After that I'm intended to start colonies in the other theatres. It's not my goal to conquer entire Europe or even the Baltic, so my focus there will be to find diplomatic solutions and the main goal shall be to support my allies and help them getting a greater influence into Europe.
    Story
    The story is about the struggles of Courland, a Poland-Lithuania protectorate on the end of the Baltic Sea. From experience of ETW the country typically has strained relations with just about everyone on the map, so the campaign start should be quite a challenge - both in creating liebenstraum in the Baltic and the author's stated goal of establishing colonies elsewhere. Lofty ambitions indeed from a small country surrounded by the traditional powers, but at the same time the premises make for a captivating story.

    The story follows King Friedrich in the third person as he plots the expansion of his domain. With his southern borders secured by Poland he picks an enemy in Sweden - a David and Goliath battle if there ever was one. The historical Courland was not particularly expansionist, and was often where others fought their battles, so it will be interesting how the author's nation does.

    Writing
    The flow of the story is largely in chronological order, and is generally well written. There are spelling and grammatical errors here and there, but once you look past that the narrative flows well. The language is written in the present tense, which is unusual but gives the reader a sense of involvement in the story. The story follows good campaign logic and shows the thinking process of the King well in his dealings with the powers surrounding him. After opening hostilities with Sweden the author is confronted with aggression from less-than-accommodating neighbours, which has made for some interesting diplomatic shuffling. The opening two chapters do a good job of portraying the urgency of diplomacy.

    I enjoyed the conversation between King Friedrich and the Polish officer, so it was a shame there wasn't more interaction between the King and his various subjects. I am a firm believer that conversation and interaction among a roster of recognisable characters (both campaign and imaginary ones) improves immersion and draws readers closer to the action and improves immersion, and feel this particular story could have benefited from such an approach. That said I appreciate the author may well prefer stirring battle scenes to do the story telling, which is fair enough.

    Presentation
    The font and overall presentation are quite clean, with a simple font used for the story telling. The battle pictures are well cropped and sized, and generally do a good job of visualising the action for the reader. I would suggest that lower angle shots closer to the unit figures are used to promote a sense of realism and heightened involvement in the action itself.

    For example:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    This



    Does a better job than:



    I personally favour removing all traces of game interface from battle scenes. It really doesn't take much effort to achieve, and being constantly reminded that we're playing a game detracts from the reading experience in my opinion. For example this one would have been a lot better without selection markers:

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 


    The campaign screens are generally well cropped, and do well to move the story along. There are some cases of indiscipline, like loose borders, or inconsistencies with screenshot sizes, etc, but none are major eyesores as such. The naturally colourful interface of ETW catches the eye well, too.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Green borders - the frilly corners of ETW can be a pain but easily rectifiable with GIMP or otherwise:



    Big battle screen....



    ....followed by a much smaller one right after



    Verdict
    Overall it is an enjoyable read. I am a sucker for the rags to riches struggle, and this story promises much in that regard. I really hope he perseveres with this story and develops it further.

    As with all new AARs a little encouragement could do wonders for the author's confidence, so go on over and give it a go!

    Review by robinzx


    Scriptorium Competition Section

    The Scriptorium Summer Writing Competition: Long Fiction

    Every year the Scriptorium organises two writing competitions. Because of the way the competitions are run, individual entries remain anonymous until after the vote, and then most of them disappear! Only the winners are retained, lodged in perpetuity deep within the dark vaults of the Scriptorium itself - if you know where to look.

    Well, we at the Quill would like to remind you of the excellent quality of this summer's entries, especially since this time the Scriptorium has seen fit to break with tradition and store them all. So for your reading pleasure we are going to review all six entries in the Long Fiction category.

    There are two ways of tackling the material below. You could use the review to decide whether you want to read the story, but I recommend that you read the story first then see if the review matches your own conclusions.

    Anyway, we think they are all good stories and well worth reading. Please feel free to critique both the stories and our reviews, your opinions are always welcome.

    In addition to our reviews here, you will find that the winners have already been reviewed in the Scriptorium September Editorial.

    Collapse
    A story by Destroyer83
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Storyline
    We follow the story of a young general, Nobukatsu Oda who has to take up the reins of his father who was shogun of the Oda Shogunate. The arrival of a new leader inspires the submissive clans to revolt and test the strength of the new shogun. They rebel against the new authority and Nobukatsu has no choice but to muster his army and march to crush the rebellious clans.

    Writing
    The author has managed to recreate the Segoku Jidai era with his frequent use of the different contemporary names of army divisions such as naginata, kisho ninja, yari, samurai, Great Guard and others. It places the reader in the middle of 16th century Japan without resorting to scholarly definitions which would undermine the pace of the story.

    The speech Nobukatsu gives to his men is particularly well written. Enough big words to give it that epic Hollywoodesque feeling but realistic enough to keep us in the correct mood.

    “Samurai, Ashigaru, and soldiers of the Shogunate. We are besieged by the traitorous Mori Clan, some of you are with disease, and most of you are hungry, I know you have lost friends and brothers, and you wish to avenge them, today shall be that day, and if we are to die today, then let us die honorably, for we are men of greatness, and if we are to die, let us die like men of greatness. We are the Oda! And if we are to die today, then let’s take some of them with us!!!!”
    His writing is very engaging and the author has obviously spent quite some time playing Shogun II or else he just has a great feel for the period. My only criticism is a logical fallacy in his narration when he writes this phrase below:

    The men were starving, the Shogun even gave up some of his food at times to give to the men
    The gates opened, and the Oda troops charged out of the castle, taking the Mori completely by surprise, the Oda Cavalry slammed into the archers of the Mori, and they were soon routed
    After a long siege where Nobukatsu's soldiers are dieing from hunger and disease, the Oda army somehow still has several thousand horses at its disposal. Would it not be more logical for them to have slaughtered and consumed the horses to keep the soldiers alive? In fact this is what usually happens in a prolonged siege. A minor error but it caught my attention nonetheless.

    Another strange thing I noticed is the author mentioning a modern tool in his description of an engagement.
    a group of 4,000 Naginata Samurai Sliced the Oda horses open like a can opener
    Action
    This entry is very densely packed with action and it is certainly a great strength. After the introduction of the history and character we are placed right in the middle of the fight with thousands of samurai and ashigaru dieing around us. What I particularly liked is how the author managed to write about his defeat without trying to gain our sympathy. There's no place for sympathy in warfare.

    Overall very good action. Here's a quote to illustrate what you can expect from this story:

    The element of surprise might have been a considerable advantage, but in this case, the Mori got on their feet quickly, and a group of 4,000 Naginata Samurai Sliced the Oda horses open like a can opener, even the Great Guard fell swiftly, but the Naginata did take some major casualties by the sheer number of them. The Katanas clanged loud enough to drown out the Christian’s clanging church bells. The Number of Mori Samurai clashed with the experience and the absolute ferocity of the Oda’s. It was a lost fight. The Oda were soon overwhelmed, and the Samurai were crushed.
    All in all a very nice story and it would not be misplaced in the BAARC which has been lacking submissions lately. Give this story a read and you won't be disappointed if you're interested in the Sengoku Jidai era of Japan.

    Review by Boustrophedon


    Over the Top
    A story by 'Gunny
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Storyline
    We follow an unnamed protagonist as he takes on the horrible struggle that took place in the trenches in Flanders during World War I. All the elements of trench warfare and its daily horror are present in this piece and makes for a powerful Scriptorium entry! Can our hero survive the onslaught or will he perish like the hundreds of thousands before him?

    Writing
    The author adopted a very sober and matter-of-fact writing style. A risky move but keeping the subject in mind, it is not an inappropriate choice at all. I have to agree that elaborate descriptions of the environment would have killed the atmosphere the author has created.
    The British guns have not stopped and I know we must advance. I begin to run, thousands of my comrades at my back; I trip and fall into a shell hole as another shell lands where I had been standing moments before.
    I am now 30 yards away. I throw a grenade; it lands in the British trench and there is an explosion, I know I have taken the lives of several men
    In the quotes above you can see how he describes alot of action with short phrases and it is this economic approach that makes this entry a very authentic story.

    Action
    The action is delivered by short and powerful sequences, usually containing graphic and cold descriptions of the killing, such as the one in the quote below.

    immediately kill a boy, no older than 16, not old enough to shave. When I have removed my spade from his neck I am immediately attacked by a much bigger man. I duck his blow and deliver one of my own, killing him instantly.
    Not much to say other than the fact that you should check out this entry if you haven't done so already. Such an economic use of words and descruptions is a risky move, because it can seem like the author hasn't really put an effort into his writing. In this case however, it is entirely warranted and the author delivers the story in a very authentic way. No nonsense, no waste of time and down to the cold hard reality.

    A final note: I could really feel the protagonist's anxiety and fears in this piece. I don't know how but by saying less the author manages to fill whole books. You don't know anything about the main character apart from a rough estimate of his age and descent, yet you can tell alot about him. Truly a great piece of writing. The only thing I would have changed is the ending. Such a terrifying experience deserves a more "complex" ending, but then again because of the limits it might have been more confusing than anything else.

    Review by Boustrophedon


    Once Upon a Blue Moon
    A story by AJStoner
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    This is the longest of the entries and it is taken from the prologue of AJ Stoner's published novel, Iceni Queen: A Pirate Yarn (Romance of the Evernight) (which you can buy here in the UK, or here in the USA).

    Now I have been reading Science Fiction all my life (well since I actually could read anyway), so I have experienced a wide range of styles. If you are not an SF reader yourself it might surprise you to learn that almost any type of story can appear under its aegis.

    In my experience the predominant SF style has slowly changed over the years in line with the concerns of society. The crude adventure stories of the 1940's with their shaky science and paper-thin characterisation matured into full-blown space opera and optimistic problem-solving stories in the 1950's. The 1960's and 1970's brought inward-looking social extrapolation and tales of eco-disaster. Then from the 1980's onwards we have entered a kind of post-modern period where technology is taken for granted and new world-views and states of being are explored.

    So where does Once Upon a Blue Moon fit into this scheme? Well it feels to me very much like an optimistic science-based story of the 1950's. Despite some early references to modern physics theories, such as gravitons, the multi-dimensional nature of gravity in M-Theory and a possible deeper explanation than dark matter for galaxy distribution, it soon abandons all this to concentrate on more practical aspects of plot and character progression.

    In an explosive opening, the reader is pitched directly into the middle of an ongoing crisis. We know straight away that this is likely to be a balls-out gut-busting adventure story. But because we don't initially have any context, such as the cause of the crisis, we are all the more easily caught up in the intensity of the moment, unconsciously rooting for Billy (the protagonist) – even though we don't yet know whether he is hero or villain.

    Billy is the captain of a ship in the middle of a storm. However the ship happens to be in hyperspace and the storm is gravitational. The ship is already damaged from some recent but yet-to-be-explained battle. After a series of touch-and-go escapes the storm is finally overcome and the ship emerges successfully into normal space. But by then it is partially crippled and the captain is forced to land his crew on an unexplored world teeming with potentially dangerous life both large and microscopic.

    The dialogue is lean, spry and witty. Indeed I often found myself snorting with mirth at some of the repartee.

    There seems to have been a deliberate decision to describe this future time in anachronistic terms. It is absolutely peppered with nautical words and similes such as “port” and “starboard”, “set to sail”, “leagues”, “jollyboats”, “sailing master” etc., the crew are even referred to as “mariners”. The space ship is described as having gauges and portholes while screens are never mentioned, and the computers are either broken or confined to gadgets and portable devices.

    The characterisation is entirely adequate for this kind of story (also don't forget that it is actually a prologue, I believe the protagonist in the main part of the novel is from a later generation than those at the shipwreck).

    Captain Billy gets most of the writing time, but he is a laid-back fast-quipping rascal who is also a selfless heroic leader, so we aren't given much access to his innermost feelings, having to guess them from his actions.

    Kakumi is the first mate (literally), being Billy's love interest, partner, deputy and steadying influence.

    Ty the Quartermaster is the nearest thing to a villain, although the main dangers are actually firstly the space storm and later the weather and fauna at the wreck-site.

    The other characters are all effectively defined by role, the kind of people you would be quite familiar with from the bridge of the Enterprise.

    I found this story flowed well, holding my attention and succeeding in making me want to know more about the characters and wish for them to prosper. I was also interested in the moon that they were shipwrecked on. AJ Stoner gives us just enough information about it for us to start speculating on what the as-yet unknown dangers would turn out to be.

    Do I have any criticisms? Well, not a lot as this story is just as well written as a lot of published SF I have bought in the past. However I have to admit that I am not entirely convinced by the universal adoption of nautical language... I feel that it is merely a device to avoid having to invent new terms to fit the time. Also there are, incredibly, some spelling errors! Well not actual misspelt words, but inappropriate ones – the result of auto-correct and insufficient proof-reading.

    In conclusion, I would say that Once Upon a Blue Moon possesses in spades that most desirable quality in stories of being “a page-turner”. Indeed, I wouldn't be surprised if several TWC readers have already been sufficiently impressed to go and buy AJ Stoner's novel. If you haven't already read this story then I recommend that you follow the link above and start reading now!

    Review by Juvenal


    Good Intentions
    A story by Juvenal
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Alternative history has been a popular theme ever since The Man in the High Castle, Philip K. Dick's masterpiece. 'Good Intentions' uses the same theme, combined with time travel elements, starting in France where electric trains are running and the ruler is Napoleon X. Set up in an alternative late 19th century, this is a story of a soldier who is commissioned to travel back in time to terminate a famous enemy commander in his childhood.

    While this plot may seem familiar to some, the story soon takes a quite different turn. The time machine has to be started sooner than intended due to unforeseen circumstances, and the protagonist finds himself back in 1815 at the eve of the Battle of Ligny between the French and the Prussians. In his first confusion, he shots down a soldier who turns out to be a runner with a crucial order, but even more importantly the grandfather of the protagonist. To save the day, the protagonist delivers the message, the Prussians are defeated and the French soldiers look forward to the next battle. The end. Or maybe not.

    Time travel stories open up many plot opportunities and the writers can be very creative. I was pleased to read that the plot does not turn into something in which Linda Hamilton could get a role. Instead, the main conflict in the story is the outcome of the battle, which in reality was a precursor to Waterloo. We can read about a nice alternative of the battle within the general alternative history, which hints not only how has France won the campaign but also highlights the personal story of the protagonist.

    I am not completely sure that all readers got the fundamental point of the story, which by the way explains its title, as it required a fairly good knowledge of Napoleon's last campaign. The plot of 'Good Intentions' plays on the communication confusion during the Battle of Ligny which resulted in d'Erlon's troops allowing the Prussians to escape and subsequently sealing Napoleon's fate at Waterloo two days later. In the alternative battle, Blucher's army is destroyed allowing the French to win the campaign. And this is how the good intentions (the original idea to kill the enemy general and maybe also the protagonist's efforts to deliver the message after he killed the messenger) go wrong for France. The communication confusion does occur (just like in real history), and presumably changes the future where the protagonist came from (back from alternative to real history). This is a great plot idea, and maybe most of the readers are history buffs who could make the connection, but some background information about the (historical) communication breakdown at Ligny could have been useful for those who are not.

    There were two elements I was missing in the plot line. The first was some reflection when the protagonist realizes that he killed his own grandfather. Ever since the Doc (not to be confused with the Doctor) fired up the DeLorean, we know that meddling with one's own family a few generations earlier will have consequences. Even if the grandfather already had the protagonist's father born (keeping the family line), he must have been shocked to see what he has done. The second was the realization that the protagonist is stuck in 1815. There is no information about the time machine itself, so this looked like a one way trip, which must have been difficult for any time traveler. Also, a very minor bug is that according to the numbers there were eight additional Emperors between Napoleon I (the victor at Ligny) and Napoleon X (the current ruler) over just two generations (between the grandfather and the protagonist).

    In a short fiction piece of course there is no opportunity to cover all aspects of a time travel story. 'Good Intentions' is a very enjoyable read with great creativity. I would like to highlight one technical aspect for a special applause, namely how the broader context of the story is put together from small hints, which actually takes a lot of talent to craft. We know that France is the master of Europe (the electric train, the American expedition), it started with Napoleon I not being defeated (the alternative Battle of Ligny and the dynasty resulting in Napoleon X), England was conquered (capture of Wellington, revolution of 1862, the end station of the train in London), and that most of the enemy is within (rebels, saboteurs). This storytelling with the pieces of the puzzle gradually coming together is much more difficult to write than simply having an opening paragraph describing the context. This aspect of the story is an example for both proving one of the golden rules of storytelling (sometimes less is more) and testifying to the excellent writing skills of the fearless editor of the Critic's Quill.

    Review by Radzeer


    Deus Vult!
    A story by Inarus
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    There is a lovely thematic image which opens the story of ‘Deus Vult’ and it is one of a rotten apple being eaten into and swallowed. It is an moment which raises a number of images and themes which pervade the story – penetration, rottenness, bile, force, and so on and allows the writer to introduce to the reader a larger motif. This is further reinforced by a level of objectification which the narrator uses: describing the besieged castle as simply the ‘Castle’ without reference to its real name or geographical location; the besieging army is simply referred to as the army of ‘Christ’, and the main protagonist is initially only ‘The man’. There is then in the opening moment of the narrative a tension between a very intimate description of a visceral act set against an anonymous impersonal background and this tension colours much of the rest of the story.

    On one level this is a classic description of a siege in which the main character vicariously takes us, the reader, through the final moments of the last assault upon the castle walls. It is action heavy and redolent with momentum and imagery – the belfries, the battering ram, the flames, the sweat and blood which lie all around. While this description is generic and in some cases by rote, it is powerful because the writer is able to wrap layers of sensory detail which allow the imagery to be grounded. There is a powerful muscular quality to the writing and this enriches the generic descriptions and imbues them with a vivid quality. More importantly however, the opening theme of the rotten apple which must be forced down the gullet allows a certain cynical layer to overlay the battle descriptions also. Only once the protagonist is entombed inside the ‘belfry’ are we allowed to know his name ‘Alyn’ but it means little – he is already presented as a cynical and in some ways passive if truculent character. As the apple is eaten so too is Alyn swallowed up in the siege tower and soon he will fall into and penetrate the ‘Castle – all is rotten, all is inevitable.

    Here, once the protagonist emerges from the ‘belfry’ and struggles fighting on the walls, are we allowed a little empathy – the narrator plunges us into the swirl of the fighting in a way which makes us root for Alyn and we begin to will him on. It is at this moment that the cynical rotten core at the centre of the narrative emerges as Alyn is cut down and killed almost anonymously in the seemingly endless fray. We are allowed a little moment of bitter intimacy with him in his dying – and then we are moved swiftly on in the flow of battle atop those walls.

    Here is the irony of the story – for even as we are introduced to another character (a knight out to avenge the fallen – Alyn included – by slaying the archers in the tower) this character too is snatched away from us and in a final reversal we are eventually left with the very defending archers themselves as they hide in the tower shying away now from the final spasms of the battle.

    The last cries of the triumphant attackers which ring through the Castle – the loud ‘Deus Vult!’ of God Wills – is of course deeply bitter and ironic as a result – and what we are left with as a reader is that enduring image at the beginning of a rotten apple and tiny maggots who squirm in its heart unknowing of a greater destiny, pathetic and selfish.

    Review by SeniorBatavianHorse


    A Penny for your Thoughts, A Dollar for your Dignity
    A story by Katsumoto
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Mood. Atmosphere. Ambiance. These are all words that can be interchangeably used to describe the overall 'feel' of a story. Whether it be displayed in the setting or the characters themselves, mood/atmosphere/ambiance all play a large role in the immersion-level of a story. That is, they bring the reader into the story and allow them to experience first hand the 'feel' that the author wants them to experience by reading onward.

    A Penny For Your Thoughts, A Dollar For Your Dignity is a great showcase of this. From the very first few sentences I found myself drawn in by the author's great use of diction and adjectives to accentuate the 'feel' of the story. I was immersed. I could see myself in the torrential downpour and feel the overall sense of dejection and misery that accompanies this man as he comes to the end of the road.

    One can't help but feel pity or at least a sense of sympathy for this character, who has been pushed far past the limit both physically and mentally. It is a true case of survival in the jungle, except that this jungle is made of concrete and heavily populated. What makes this such an appeal to emotion is how relentless the elements can be in such an urban environment, where one imagines that shelter can be found at any given corner. But this man is given no such luxury. The moment he is shooed away from the store entrance, he is inevitably cast out from society and left to fend for himself against the unforgiving elements. He is now no less noticeable that the crows that perch themselves nearby, all but forgotten by members of society, and only acknowledged on rare occasions as nothing more than a nuisance.

    As I read the story, I couldn't help but hold out hope that things would get better for this man. But as I read on, I realized that there would be no help coming in the distance, and I came to a realization. It wasn't that there was no help to be had to this man's dire situation. It was that sources of help were all around him, yet none chose to do anything about it. So many opportunities presented themselves that I believed could have brought this man some relief. The rain could have let up. Or the man walking by could have spared this man something, anything, to ease his hunger pains. Or the storekeeper could have allowed the man to enter, rather than cast him out into the rain. Yet none of that occurred, and nature took its course with the man.

    But why did society turn a blind eye? Perhaps its for the same reasons society has turned a blind eye to the many atrocities that have occurred and still do all across the world. I can't help but see this man's situation and feel ashamed to have done nothing. I'm sure it is a shared feeling among many who felt ashamed knowing that millions of others shared this man's plight and were simply ignored as well.

    I know I have gone off on a tangent here, but I have to admit that it was an impressionable piece of writing, and those usually tend to be the best examples of writing. One can't help but take a moment for self-reflection upon reading this piece, and so I highly recommend it to anyone who wishes to be moved over the course of five minutes by what is a spectacular piece of writing.

    Review by Thokran


    From the Editor's Desk


    So, there it is. What was originally a collection of vague promises and good intentions has somehow magically transformed itself into a solid issue of the Quill! And a very fine thing it is to behold too.

    Of course I don't really have any magic to aid me in producing all this, so instead I have to rely on the hard work and dedication of the writing team. So can I please have a big cheer for Skantarios, Radzeer, Thokran, Boustrophedon, m_1512, SeniorBatavianHorse and robinzx. If you like their work please send some rep their way.

    If you are a newcomer to creative writing at TWC, let me remind you that most AARs can be found under the After Action Reports Forum, while non-game-related fiction can be found in the Creative Writing Forum.

    We hope you liked what you have read here. Don't be afraid to post your thoughts and criticisms. And should you feel the stirrings of a desire to see your own name on the byline for a Critic's Quill article, just send me a PM! I am always on the lookout for new blood as I drain the last drops from the dried-out husk of yet another former Quill writer who has given their all for the cause.

    Juvenal



    If you find yourself at a loose end, then why not consider sampling some of the TWC publications or creative forums. It's easy, just click through the picture!

    Last edited by Juvenal; November 19, 2011 at 07:26 AM.
    imb39 ...is my daddy!
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  2. #2
    SeniorBatavianHorse's Avatar Tribunus Vacans
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Well first reponse and I must say a solid and entertaining issue! Congratulations to all involved for all their hard-work (myself apart as that might sound too self-serving . . .)!

  3. #3
    Saint Nicholas's Avatar No Avatar Specified
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Huge issue, love it. Always been a fan of the Critic's Quill. Keep up the good work.
    "Muscovy", as its rulers have previously called it, is a sleeping giant, with age-old traditions and ways of doing things. Here, the feudal way of life has become so entrenched that the serfs are as tied to the land as cattle, and with almost as few rights. It is a vast, deeply conservative and religious country: Mother Russia and the Orthodox Church are the two pillars of national belief. The Tsar may be the father of his people, but by tradition and practice he is a stern parent. Ivan the Terrible was well named, and he has not been the only ruler with an iron will. Russia is the "Third Rome". The last bastion of Orthodox Christianity.

  4. #4

    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Another excellent issue! Kudos to Juvenal for putting it together (sometimes against overwhelming forces), and to the writers for filling it up with great works!

  5. #5
    Legio's Avatar EMPRESS OF ALL THINGS
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    The Quill always makes for a nice, relaxing morning read.

  6. #6

    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Great issue! Many props to the editor and all the seasoned contributors
    The Wings of Destiny - A FotS AAR (Chapter 12 - Updated Apr 24)
    Takeda - a Shogun 2 AAR (Completed) Reviewed by Radzeer

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  7. #7
    ReD_OcToBeR's Avatar Senator
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Glad to see another great issue of the CQ. Always a good read and congrats on making it to 30. It's been a long road and I'm glad to say I've been reading since Issue 1. I am also heartily surprised that the Lone Eagle got a review. Really surprised actually. Thank you for giving it a read and the compliments. This may inspire me to craft another update on the ole' girl and not let it slip away. Thokran, you may have saved the AAR.

  8. #8
    Boustrophedon's Avatar Grote Smurf
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Great issue and despite alot of delays and troubles (my fault as well!) it is finally here I've read most of the pieces already and would like to thank my fellow CQ members.
    Props also to Juvenal for dealing with the new school year woes of us youngsters will be spreading some rep around to the writers and I hope the readers will enjoy this issue!

  9. #9
    StealthEvo's Avatar Campidoctor
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    I loved the bit where I was mentioned /shameless self advertising

  10. #10
    m_1512's Avatar Quomodo vales?
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Quote Originally Posted by Dr. Jan Itor View Post
    I loved the bit where I was mentioned /shameless self advertising

    As the latin saying goes,
    "Suum cuique"


    Translation: "To each his own"


  11. #11
    StealthEvo's Avatar Campidoctor
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    I'm secretly insecure at heart

    As I say now.
    Juju Zulu Tango.


    Ergo, thanks for the wonderful opptunity.

  12. #12
    McScottish's Avatar The Scribbling Scotsman
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    I can only heartily thank Boustrophedon for his review, a good read and fair points all round, as well as the entire CQ team for yet another entertaining issue. May the Gods keep it coming!

  13. #13
    Sanguinary Guardian's Avatar Primicerius
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Very nice, great issue!




    H ΕΛΛΑΔΑ κι ο ΕΛΛΗΝΙΣΜΟΣ είναι αξίες ιερότερες από οποιαδήποτε ειρήνη!

    Despite all we have lost so far, our fire still burns...

  14. #14
    MorganH.'s Avatar Finis adest rerum
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Great issue,looks beautiful again and defenitely reads awesome !

  15. #15
    Juvenal's Avatar love your noggin
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    Default Re: The Critic's Quill: Issue 30

    Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.

    Please let it be known that a fresh issue of the Quill has arisen from the ashes of the bonfire of my broken New Year's Resolutions.

    Enjoy!
    imb39 ...is my daddy!
    See AARtistry in action: Spite of Severus and Severus the God

    Support the MAARC!
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