Ok I have a confession to make, I can no longer live this lie.
I'm not a 40 something year old gamer, with multiple biology degrees and a doctorate. I'm not an atheist. I don't have two kids or a hot wife that is a competitive runner.
No, its all a lie. I'm actually 23 years old and work for Evangelicals Vilifying Innocent Liberals. E.V.I.L. for short.
E.V.I.L. was founded back in 2006 to combat the growing awareness of the American public to the failings of religious conservatism. We knew we could no longer attempt to stifle the debate for the vibrant blossoming of liberal politics which would sweep this nation in a wave of prosperity and enlightenment. This could not be allowed. Young internet posters, barely out of college, without a penny to their name or accomplishment under their belt beyond feeling entitled were using their vast powers of education to cut swaths in our former voter base, uneducated red neck hicks and soccer moms.
By posting obfuscating posts about the vibrant and world changing policies of Barack Hussein Obama we hope to confuse the voter in the name of Jesus Christ our true Lord and Savior. This recession would have been over 2nd quarter of 2008 but for our instruction to our mindless flock to not spend beyond the essentials and to lay off as many workers as possible in their businesses. This allows us to claim the stimulus package did nothing, when in reality, it was an incredible and bold move which would have put the US on a path to complete economic supremacy for centuries to come.
Today I was instructed by my superiors to post about how
Obama doesn't understand the difference between weather and climate change in relation to Texas this year but I broke. Its obvious the world is hurting and only someone like Obama can save us, not just the US but ALL of us.
I can no longer live this lie, I have been discovered, I feel ashamed. The truth has set me free.
(for the really slow)