Some House Rules that make Total War more Challenging and Realistic...

[SlartyBartfast]

Some Total War House Rules…

I love this game. I love every release and every mod. I would spend every waking minute of every day and night playing it, if I could. I want to shag while playing Total War! The start of a new campaign is always exciting. It feels as though you’re thrown into the deep end and that you must do whatever it takes to survive. So I start blitzing. And twenty turns later the inevitable grind begins, the tedious mopping-up of the campaign map, with victory in 100 turns merely a formality; and all just so I can see that anti-climax of a win screen.

The biggest problem I think is the inevitability of winning the game. I’ve tried waiting a hundred, two hundred turns before expanding, which only results in repetitive battles as the AI spawns army after army in futility into my territory. I’ve tried giving infinite money to the AI factions, but it doesn’t help them much. I’m just too awesome! (Blows on fingernails.)

So basically I’ve searched the net (and come up with my own ideas) for some general house rules that help to make this game more realistic and more challenging, and thus more fun.


These are the House Rules that I use for Rome and Medieval 2 and their mods:

• Thou Shalt Be Nice: Every time I play I end up with extremely negative traits; for example, 10 dread skulls, bloodthirsty tyrant, butcher, ravisher of virgin priestesses, and so on. The AI is simply not ruthless enough, and cannot fathom the possibility that I might be a callous homicidal sword-wielding maniac. So from now on I’m going to be nice (within reason). Do what you can to foster “good” traits in your characters. It’s role playing! Instead of being evil all the time, try being good. (I know, it's really difficult.)
• Do Unto Others As Thou Wouldst Have Others Do Unto Thee: From this day forth I swear (cross my heart and spit on my mother’s grave etc) never again to exterminate the populace of a city. Nor shall I even consider sacking a settlement. (Sack it! Sack it! You know you want to, you need the money! Just think of all those undefiled virgins awaiting you!) No! Get thee behind me, Satan! I am good! (Within reason.) Captured settlements must be occupied only.
• Thou Shalt Show Mercy to Fleeing Enemies: My generals will have perfect chivalry, and thus will never run down fleeing peasants. (Oh no, who would do such a thing, where would be the fun in that? (How I wish being evil didn’t make the game so gosh-darned easy.)) Do not pursue fleeing enemies; let them live to fight another day.
• Thou Shalt Not Spread Plague Willy-nilly Amongst Thine Enemies: Gone are the days of farming plague in the AI’s cities, and cackling hysterically as their economy crashes and their cities dwindle to ghost towns. How I shall miss scoffing contemptuously at the few pathetically under-strength armies the AI manages to muster, who then sally forth to be annihilated mercilessly upon my legions of shining spear points. (I think I have a tear in my eye.) Do not intentionally spread plague. The AI is defenceless against it.
• Thou Shalt Not Send Endless Assassins to Kill Thine Enemy’s Ten-Star Generals: Besides,it’s kind of cute having an enemy whose name I know, rather than him being called Captain Nobody. Do not assassinate generals.
• Thou Shalt Not Pile an Army of Six Thousand Onto One Boat Manned by Twenty Oarsmen: From now on, each unit involved in a naval invasion must be transported by one boat. Therefore, twenty units require twenty boats.
• Thou Shalt Not Magically Discover the Exact Constitution of Thine Enemy’s Army: Only spies can be used to examine enemy armies. (Must not right click on picture of enemy general in pre-battle screen, must not click--). Don’t peek at your enemy’s battle roster; this practise will put you in good stead for online multiplayer.
• Thou Shalt Only Ever Enter Battle With a Significantly Lower Number of Troops than Thy Opposition Has: This, hopefully, will help to balance lopsided battle results. And again, as in the previous point, it should result in one becoming a better player. (Must have self-discipline! Must not array six army stacks of death against one city!) By a significantly lower number I mean that plainly your army stack is shorter than theirs. It encourages the AI to attack you on the battle map, rather than simply stand there and allow you to pick its best troops off with your archers.
• Thou Must Begin Battle with All Thy Troops in Column Formation at the Very Rear of Thy Deployment Area: Good practice for manoeuvring troops, and prevents you from camping on invincible mountainsides without having to walk up there first. Should help to even things out quite a bit.
• Thou Shalt Wait Until Thou Art Attacked Before Expanding: This gives the AI a chance to actually do something other than die. So be a little patient and build buildings and upgrade units until someone attacks you. Of course, if you wish to provoke the gullible AI by leaving your border cities "apparently" undefended, that’s entirely up to you. Yes, that will show the AI’s true colours—he is so untrustworthy.
• Thou Shalt Activate “Automatic Production in Cities Unless Governor is Present” Mode: This increases the emphasis on the whereabouts of your family members, and also throws some randomness into the mix. (That is, your wacky old friend the AI will produce nothing but ballistae unless you have a governor present in the city to stop him.) A subsection to this rule is: Thou Shalt Not Stack Building or Unit Production Orders so as to Prevent the Stupid AI from Building Dumb Things and Wasting Your Money.
• Thou Shalt Not Milk the AI of its Hard-earned Cash with Thy Diplomats: You must decline any offers of money by the AI. He or she needs all the moolah he or she can get his or her grubby hands upon. You wouldn't give any money to the AI, would you?
• Thou Shalt Merge All Units After Battle: That way you will be less inclined to keep a low upkeep stack of ten depleted elite units in your city and then suddenly retrain them in an emergency, instead of keeping a garrison. And this will cause you to retrain fewer units of new recruits with double silver chevron experience. The AI always merges its units, and so should you.
• Thou Must Play with a Time Limit on Thy Battles: This ramps up the challenge and teaches one to move quickly and efficiently.
• Thou Must Assault Settlements Head On: It is now illegal to march your siege equipment around a city’s walls to where there are no troops stationed. This is playing on the AI’s stupidity and would not happen in real life.
• Thou Must Remain in General Camera At All Times: Yes, even after you die. Upon the death of your general, you must place your remaining army in the care of the AI (ctrl + L). Also, Thou Shalt Never Use the Mouse Wheel to Raise Thy View Height. You must stay in the lowest height. If you really need to order a unit to move to a place you cannot see, use the mini-map. Otherwise:
• Thou Must Keep Unit Cards, Orders Buttons, and Mini-map Turned Off at All Times Once the Battle Begins. No Cheating!
• Thou Must Never Use Floating Flags. That way units can only be selected when in view.
• In RTW, Thou Must Wait Two Turns Before Assaulting a City with Siege Equipment, Because This is What the AI does For Some Strange Reason: It’s only fair.
• On the Campaign Map, When Thy Units Have Their Path Blocked by Another Unit, Thou Shalt Not Re-path Them Until Thy Next Turn: This is a handicap that the AI suffers too, if it’s any consolation to you. So resist the temptation to set your units moving again.
• Thou Shalt Not Build "The Great Wall of Forts": Curse you, Good, you ruin all my fun! Surely one little wall of forts along my southern border wouldn’t hurt anybody? Nope, sorry, no chains of forts allowed. Otherwise the AI goes bonkers and wanders all over the map like it has a hole in its brain.
• Thou Shalt Not Double-Click on Enemy Ships Unless Thou Knowest they Contain Armies: If you don’t double click on a fleet, you won’t know what’s in it. In reality you wouldn't know there was an army on the boats--unless, for example, you had spies in the ports that the ships left from.
• Thou Shalt Not Camp Against the Red Line on the Battle Map: This is a gay thing to do. It protects your flanks unrealistically, and the AI never does it.
• Thou Shalt Not Reload a Previously Saved Game After a Disastrous Battle: This is a gayer still thing to do.
• Thou Shalt Not Use Console Cheats: This is the gayest thing of all to do.
• Thou Shalt Not Win Battles via Two Horse Riders Fleeing Constantly from Thousands of Pursuing Infantry Until the Time Runs Out: Be realistic; let the infantry hold the field. Swallow your pride and withdraw, or charge and die with a blade in your hand.
• Thou Shalt Not Change Thy Capital: I believe this rarely happened in history, although Alexander seems to have attempted to do so, whereupon he promptly died in suspicious circumstances. Thus, as in history, the position of your original capital will greatly influence (and limit) your strategy. It makes for a more challenging game.
• Thou Shalt Not Capture Cities by Firing Homing Missiles over the Wars and thus Eliminating All Opposition: As if. So tell your troops to only fire at will when they can see their target.
• Thou Shalt Not Destroy Any Enemy Buildings When Occupying a City: The AI doesn't do this, so why should you?
• Thou Shalt Not Camp Thy Entire Army in Thy Town Square: As you have no doubt figured out, you receive infinite morale in your town square. The AI does not cheat like this, and neither should you.
• Thou Shalt Not Use Flaming Arrows Unless Thy Men Art Carrying Torches: Realism.
• Thou Shalt Not Stack Unit Production in RTW so as to Prevent Rebellion: You'll just have to let your city burn, or find some other solution to the problem.
• If Thou Insisteth upon Using the Total War Camera, its Movement Must be Restricted.
• Thy Diplomats and Princesses can only Enter into Negotiations with Diplomats, Princesses, and Family Members: No more shall Captain Arses be allowed to negotiate crucial alliances.
• Thou Must Attempt Every Mission Thou Art Given.
• Thy Merchants Must Not Prey on Innocently Passing Merchants: Yes, it's fun, but the Ai doesn't do it. And yeah, the Ai has laser-guided homing merchants, but what the hey--he needs every advantage he can get.
• Thy Ruler's Eldest Son Shall Be Next in Line to Inherit the Throne: Just as in history, so as in the game.

• And that’s all I can think of at the moment. I shall add more as I think of them -- and any good suggestions anyone throws at me too.