Kids and swearwords

[Astaroth]

I think most parents try fairly hard to prevent their children from hearing or learning swearwords. Especially in the US I have noticed that parents will go at great lengths for that purpose - and even others will generally try not to say even a single "bad word" when little ones are around.

However, I wonder if that's the correct thing to do. To begin with, all children will learn swearwords sooner or later. That might happen in kindergarten or perhaps only in school, but it will happen eventually. Secondly, to avoid swearing completely is not really a common thing in the "adult world". That means that almost everybody will use cuss words occasionally. What I'm trying to say is: we try to present our children with some kind of perfect world without swearwords and put a lot of effort into protecting them from hearing 'bad stuff' but there is no real point in doing so and it is futile as well.

Obviously I don't believe children should just get to see or experience everything - things like horror movies can have quite bad effects on children and the age restrictions for them make sense. But cuss words don't hurt anybody and are not really a big problem whatsoever. Now of course I don't think children should just get to swear all the time without the parents doing anything about it. Instead, they should be taught to use them in a sensible and responsible manner.

Some people might of course believe that if you let children hear even a few swearwords they will suddenly say them all the time. However, why would that be the case? Of course children like to push the boundaries at times, but if parents don't consider swearwords as special, there is no thrill to using them. If something isn't forbidden then it's already considerably less exciting.

In the end, I think it's mainly about the "image" parents and adults in general want to have of kids. Children are supposed to be some sort of innocent little fairies who don't use swearwords. However, that's not how the world works. All children will learn swearwords eventually and there is nothing parents can do about that. If anything, teaching children that there is nothing inherently evil about them might actually make kids use such words less frequently...

Thoughts?

[konstantis]

In the end, I think it's mainly about the "image" parents and adults in general want to have of kids.

Thoughts?

maybe its the opposite. the parents dont want to spoil their image as a good family with principles

[Hobbes]

I would rather have a child know some swear words and teach him/her to use them in a sensible way than having a child who will pretend not to know any swear word (in fact that could lead to some awkward situations for the child).

[Vanoi]

My parents tried to teach me not to swear, but i just ended up learning from them anyways. We shouldn't encourage it, but we cannot keep them from eventually saying it anyways.

[SonOfOdin]

I'd rather teach my (non-existent) child what most swear words mean, and how he/she should avoid using them at all costs than learn it from another child, or just a random loud person in the street.

Obviously, then it depends on the age of the child. There's a difference between a 6 year old kid who gets scandalised by a mere kiss(at least, that's what my younger sister does), and a 10 year old who is in the path to puberty and teenager-hood in a couple of years..

[Psychonaut]

My dad always used them around me, and I use them with my friends but it never really seemed like a big deal to me. I honestly don't get why people are so opposed to using them. They're words, how bad can they be?

[Ahlerich]

i dont so
because
!
is ?

[Taiji]

Swearing is good for pain-relief. Clinically proven.

It's also useful in a fight when your opponent is overly sensitive to it.

But I guess the main benefit is that without swearwords people are forced to go to quite detailed lengths to insult one another.

[Himster]

It's to do with language learning skills. Swear words are practically interchangable with every over word Children who learn (and use) swear words at too early an age never feel the need to learn more advanced language skills.

[(s)AINT]

I've never understood why people made such a big fuss about swearing and people who swear. First of all - there is a place and a time. Duh. Obviously. Secondly, it it is a form of expression. Censoring expression words is totalitarian. Thirdly - in the future society may deem the word "dude" or "hey" as swear words.

[Himster]

I've never understood why people made such a big fuss about swearing and people who swear. First of all - there is a place and a time. Duh. Obviously.

Yup.

Secondly, it it is a form of expression. Censoring expression words is totalitarian.

They're only censored during the day (or rather: should be), to reduce exposure to children.

Thirdly - in the future society may deem the word "dude" or "hey" as swear words.

Yeah, but so what? It's today that we're concerned with.

[basics]

Ashtaroth,

I see all the usual excuses are surfacing already but let's at least be honest here, swearing is wrong, it is base, showing a lack of discipline on the part of the doer. How educated people can reason otherwise is beyond comprehension.

[eisenkopf]

I'd make a BIG difference here between swearwords used in general situations (like when you accidentally dropped your phone in the toilet), and those aimed against another person.

The first one, imho, is okay as long as you don't use really really bad ones. Which is a really really bad one depends on your culture.

The second one is a different matter. I agree with basics on that one: We shouldn't really be doing it at all. So we shouldn't be doing it in front of our children. It happens if you're as undisciplined as I am, but your child should know that it is not okay.

[Copperknickers II]

I don't like swearing, because what would otherwise take a good hundred words or so of everyday vocabulary can be substituted by about four swear words, which is surely not a good thing. I also think such words are used unnecessarily in a casual setting, which takes away from their effectiveness as shock words. It's mentioned above that swearing helps with pain: its also shown that it does that moreso for people who don't swear often than those who do so a lot.

In general, we have to teach children some sort of propriety, and swearwords are a good way of saying to children that just because they don't immediately see the reason for not doing something, there are some things they just have to accept are 'wrong' without being explained why they are.

[Astaroth]

I'd make a BIG difference here between swearwords used in general situations (like when you accidentally dropped your phone in the toilet), and those aimed against another person.

The first one, imho, is okay as long as you don't use really really bad ones. Which is a really really bad one depends on your culture.

The second one is a different matter. I agree with basics on that one: We shouldn't really be doing it at all. So we shouldn't be doing it in front of our children. It happens if you're as undisciplined as I am, but your child should know that it is not okay.

Obviously swearing at people is not really a nice thing to do. But that's not really my main point here, this thread is more about swearing when you make a mistake, when you hurt yourself or something. And I don't really see anything wrong with that.

I don't like swearing, because what would otherwise take a good hundred words or so of everyday vocabulary can be substituted by about four swear words, which is surely not a good thing. I also think such words are used unnecessarily in a casual setting, which takes away from their effectiveness as shock words. It's mentioned above that swearing helps with pain: its also shown that it does that moreso for people who don't swear often than those who do so a lot.

In general, we have to teach children some sort of propriety, and swearwords are a good way of saying to children that just because they don't immediately see the reason for not doing something, there are some things they just have to accept are 'wrong' without being explained why they are.

I can only speak for myself, but if I had kids I would want them to think about why things are the way they are. As in, insulting other people is bad because it offends them and because you don't want to be insulted, either. But prohibiting things just for the sake of it seems extremely arbitrary and morally questionable to me.

[Ancient Aliens]

If so much value wasn't placed on swear words in the first place, children using them wouldn't be a problem. It's similar to teaching children about sex and drugs. If you approach the topic of sex and drugs with your children with a tone of mysticism, they are going to be curious about them. If you say nothing to them at all, they will find out anyways. But if you simply properly educate your children on the process of sex, how to avoid drugs, and when and where to use swear words, I think we would see a lot less problems in our younger generations.

[Copperknickers II]

I can only speak for myself, but if I had kids I would want them to think about why things are the way they are. As in, insulting other people is bad because it offends them and because you don't want to be insulted, either. But prohibiting things just for the sake of it seems extremely arbitrary and morally questionable to me.

Children don't just pop out the womb with 150 IQ points and Oxford degrees. They are not capable of empathising with others until they are 5 or 6 years old, well after they can string a sentence together in most cases. They aren't capable to the adult extent until they are 16 or so, especially boys. There are lots of things in life that don't make sense to adults let alone children, but which we have to do. Who said that the word 'ing' is unacceptable while the word 'mating' can be used with a straight face by the most respected of naturalists, yet they both have the same basic definition? Why would calling someone a (pejorative term for people of South Asian ethnicity beginning with P) be unacceptable and yet I can call someone a Scot or a Swede instead of a Scottisher and a a Swedenian, or I could even use Afghan or an Uzbek for their respective -stans, unlike Pakistan? There are lots of examples of non-linguistic situations which are deeply rooted into our culture of where something is offensive or tabboo for no apparent reason, and children need to understand that.

[Astaroth]

My parents dont use swearwords, and hence has never said swearwords to me, BUT when i went into the world i have learned most swearwords but never used them. So i think that parents keeping their children away from swearwords is good, as it work. and i know it does

Sorry, but one example doesn't mean much. I can also bring up myself:

I went to a really strange and strict kindergarten. Whenever we said a single swear word there, the 'people in charge' would forcibly take us to the washroom and wash our mouths. Occasionally they did it with soap, too. I'm not making this up, believe me (needless to say, when my parents found out about that they immediately took me out of that insane institution). But did that stop me from saying swear words? Nope, not at all. Quite the opposite.

Children don't just pop out the womb with 150 IQ points and Oxford degrees. They are not capable of empathising with others until they are 5 or 6 years old, well after they can string a sentence together in most cases. They aren't capable to the adult extent until they are 16 or so, especially boys. There are lots of things in life that don't make sense to adults let alone children, but which we have to do. Who said that the word 'ing' is unacceptable while the word 'mating' can be used with a straight face by the most respected of naturalists, yet they both have the same basic definition? Why would calling someone a (pejorative term for people of South Asian ethnicity beginning with P) be unacceptable and yet I can call someone a Scot or a Swede instead of a Scottisher and a a Swedenian, or I could even use Afghan or an Uzbek for their respective -stans, unlike Pakistan? There are lots of examples of non-linguistic situations which are deeply rooted into our culture of where something is offensive or tabboo for no apparent reason, and children need to understand that.

Of course children aren't born as perfectly rational and mature beings. But we can still educate children in a way that is appropriate for their age. That means, for example, teaching them not to use racist terms (like the ones you mentioned) . Why? Because using such terms is considered completely unacceptable. But swear words, which are used often by many people, are a completely different matter.

And again, I'm not saying children should be encouraged to use them. However, turning them into a taboo and mystery is certainly the wrong way to go. In the end, children react to their environment. If parents swear all the time, their children might do the same. But if parents never swear in front of their kids and the children notice that (or discover the "bad words" elsewhere), then they will obviously try to provoke their parents and test our their powers. If parents made no big deal out of swear words and used them occasionally, their children would most likely do the same. Why use something as a means of 'rebellion' when it doesn't shock anyone? That'd be boring.

[Makrell]

My parents dont use swearwords, and hence has never said swearwords to me, BUT when i went into the world i have learned most swearwords but never used them. So i think that parents keeping their children away from swearwords is good, as it work. and i know it does

[Manco]

Swearing derives its power from being taboo. By sheltering kids you're actually ensuring its continued existence.

Essentially swearwords are just regular words given a specific meaning towards a specific goal. When your child never hears the common swearwords, it'll just use other words to achieve the same effect.
What a parent should do is not stamp out the usage of swearwords, but rather teach their kids to handle situations where they would be used, differently.

Or just let it be, because there's nothing wrong with it.