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Thread: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

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  1. #1

    Default Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    So, in Pokemon, my little brother found this thing called a thunderstone, and gave it to his Pikachu, and he evolved into a Raichu. However, as evolution is not real, and is made by Satan, will his Pokemon go to hell? I don't want my brother thinking his friend will spend an enternal damnation in hell for that.

  2. #2
    Psychonaut's Avatar Domesticus
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    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    Oh he gonn' buurrrn.

  3. #3
    black-dragon's Avatar Senator
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    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    Unfortunately, his Pokemon was condomned to hell from eternity past. You see, Pokemon are lesser demons - the footsoldiers of the devil. They work their way into our childrens minds like a worm through a ripe apple. Their entire existence revolves around duels which are no more than glorified cock-fights. I've warned my church that letting children watch a Pokemon show is the same as letting them watch hard sex. Sometimes it is even more vulgar and obscene. We are only cleansed by washing ourselves with the blood of Jesus Christ and ingesting his flesh and soft tissues. Salvation cannot be achieved through a Pokemon, no matter how you attempt to enter it.
    'If there is an ultimate meaning to existence, as I believe is the case, the answer is to be found within nature, not beyond it. The universe might indeed be a fix, but if so, it has fixed itself.' - Paul Davies, the guy that religious apologists always take out of context.

    Attention new-agers: I have a quantum loofah that you might be interested in.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    Quote Originally Posted by black-dragon View Post
    Unfortunately, his Pokemon was condomned to hell from eternity past. You see, Pokemon are lesser demons - the footsoldiers of the devil. They work their way into our childrens minds like a worm through a ripe apple. Their entire existence revolves around duels which are no more than glorified cock-fights. I've warned my church that letting children watch a Pokemon show is the same as letting them watch hard sex. Sometimes it is even more vulgar and obscene. We are only cleansed by washing ourselves with the blood of Jesus Christ and ingesting his flesh and soft tissues. Salvation cannot be achieved through a Pokemon, no matter how you attempt to enter it.
    But my brother loves him. No!

  5. #5
    black-dragon's Avatar Senator
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    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul the Octopus View Post
    But my brother loves him. No!
    This love must be beaten out of him. You must use as much physical force as is necessary to cleanse him from this dirty love, a love which is no better than a lust for small animals. Though your brother may cry, scream, beg for mercy and/or suffer permanent injuries, it is out of love and concern for his spiritual well-being that you torture him until he sees the love of Jesus Christ.
    'If there is an ultimate meaning to existence, as I believe is the case, the answer is to be found within nature, not beyond it. The universe might indeed be a fix, but if so, it has fixed itself.' - Paul Davies, the guy that religious apologists always take out of context.

    Attention new-agers: I have a quantum loofah that you might be interested in.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    Quote Originally Posted by black-dragon View Post
    This love must be beaten out of him. You must use as much physical force as is necessary to cleanse him from this dirty love, a love which is no better than a lust for small animals. Though your brother may cry, scream, beg for mercy and/or suffer permanent injuries, it is out of love and concern for his spiritual well-being that you torture him.
    If it saves my brothers soul than I guess I will have to do it. I'll get back here when I'm done.

  7. #7
    black-dragon's Avatar Senator
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    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul the Octopus View Post
    If it saves my brothers soul than I guess I will have to do it. I'll get back here when I'm done.
    Be ruthless. Every blow that you inflict upon him will hurt you more than it will hurt him. So take comfort in the fact that, as you burn his fingers off with a blowtorch, you are the one that is truly suffering. Praise Jesus, our loving Lord!
    'If there is an ultimate meaning to existence, as I believe is the case, the answer is to be found within nature, not beyond it. The universe might indeed be a fix, but if so, it has fixed itself.' - Paul Davies, the guy that religious apologists always take out of context.

    Attention new-agers: I have a quantum loofah that you might be interested in.

  8. #8
    black-dragon's Avatar Senator
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    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    He's faking it. You mustn't stop until he renounces his raging lust for those little Japanese demons. At the very least, you will be trading his life/cognitive capabilities for his eternal soul. Just ask yourself: what would Jesus do? I think that the answer is clear: Jesus would see through the act and hook your brother up to a car battery. The only question that's really left to answer is: do you love your brother enough to do what it takes to save him? I will leave you with an inspiring picture of the Lord to help you in your spiritual battle. Remember that in heaven you and your brother will be able to experience the body of the risen Lord Jesus Christ.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    'If there is an ultimate meaning to existence, as I believe is the case, the answer is to be found within nature, not beyond it. The universe might indeed be a fix, but if so, it has fixed itself.' - Paul Davies, the guy that religious apologists always take out of context.

    Attention new-agers: I have a quantum loofah that you might be interested in.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    I'll go hook him up to the car battery right away. I promise I won't stop until he says that pokemon is a tool of the Devil.

  10. #10
    Jom's Avatar A Place of Greater Safety
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    Default Re: Will my brothers friend go to hell for this?

    This really isn't a proper premise for discussion.

    "For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

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