Societal stigma against continual mating upgrades

[Thanatos]

A person, regardless of gender, will pick what they personally consider to be the "best" in what they can find in terms of suitors, and in terms of whatever qualities they consider appealing in said suitors in their region.

This is considered acceptable, more or less. Say you have a woman who appreciates intelligent and handsome men, and those are her personal decisions in what she finds to be "good" in men. If that woman can choose a man who is (by her standards) smart and handsome over another man who in comparison is pretty darn dumb, boring and (in her mind) ugly, nobody will blame her. Most people would and do see the obvious reason why she chose the first guy.

Now, why is it that if that woman is now in a relationship with that man, and during that time she finds a man who is pretty much better than the current man she is with in every single way (given her above tastes) and decides to leave her current man for the new man, why is there a societal taboo against this? Why is it bad? Why is it that a person could do that originally, but then they aren't allowed to do it anymore until they have nobody to begin with again?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning this in any way, shape, or form, and I am more than aware that there are a lot of people who do act like this.

I'm just curious as to what the exact particular reason why people consider it bad? Is it because it's simply not nice, and nobody wants that done to them? Is it because it implies that people are simply models to be traded? What's the reason?

Thoughts?

[Idwayreth]

because there's other things to consider about and value over mere looks and what you deem as upgrades, like loyalty, integrity and obligations. Those are other aspects of what makes us human and not mere robots thinking in purely logical terms

[♔Goodguy1066♔]

There's a thing called feelings, and men have them too.
If a man's fiance or wife would go up to him and say "I found this man who is much more handsome, smart and pleasant than you, you are of no use to me anymore" he would either have a heart attack, go into irreversible depression or beat said man to death. A serious relationship should not be sacrificed because one a person finds a better 'replacement'. Relationships should be cherished and tested, and only if one of the sides is outright unhappy they should break up. In human society, mates are not mere objects of pleasure that can be exchanged and forgotten once they find a potentially better mate.

[Tankbuster]

This is the first time I'm really thinking about this, but I don't think there's much of a societal stigma at all. People break up all the time, and it's not a disgrace if you think you'd have a happier and more fulfilling relationship with someone else.
Still, a relationship is more about being compatible with another person than finding "the best" match in terms of looks, personality, etcetera... It's really about finding the best match which is compatible with you. And because the last part is so difficult to figure out, finding someone who is compatible with you tends to be cherished more simply someone who might be better in X, Y or Z.

If a man's fiance or wife would go up to him and say "I found this man who is much more handsome, smart and pleasant than you, you are of no use to me anymore" he would either have a heart attack, go into irreversible depression or beat said man to death.

Or learn from the experience and work on improving himself.

[♔Goodguy1066♔]

Or learn from the experience and work on improving himself.

As I said, only if one of the mates feel outright unhappy should they break up - not because, as implied in the OP, one of the couple has found someone 'better in all aspects'.

[basics]

" I'm just curious as to what the exact particular reason why people consider it bad? Is it because it's simply not nice, and nobody wants that done to them? Is it because it implies that people are simply models to be traded? What's the reason? "

Thanatos,

Perhaps it is because they follow the lusts of their hearts and not what God laid down as the institution of marriage. See the book to the Romans.

[chilon]

Now, why is it that if that woman is now in a relationship with that man, and during that time she finds a man who is pretty much better than the current man she is with in every single way (given her above tastes) and decides to leave her current man for the new man, why is there a societal taboo against this? Why is it bad? Why is it that a person could do that originally, but then they aren't allowed to do it anymore until they have nobody to begin with again?

What exactly do you by "in a relationship".
Just boyfriend-girlfriend?
Married?
Married with children?


Its different depending on type of relationship.

I don't think there is any social stigma against breaking up with someone you find not as compatible as BF/GF. That is kind of the point of dating: to continually "upgrade" until you find someone compatible for you. Ideally people would have honor and if they meet someone new that they are definitely more attracted to than their current partner they should just break up and not cheat. Also ideally people are maturing throughout this process so they actually have a better understanding of what type of person they would want to marry at 26 than at 16. Problems arise when people get married early and treat marriage like any other relationship (celebrities are great at this error).

With marriage it gets different because in general, marriage is supposed to mean that you truly have found someone you love in more permanent ways and are willing to commit to that love. Ideally, one would have dated enough and be old and mature enough to know what they really want and not just have puppy dog fantasies. I think there is a stigma with 'trading up' when married precisely because it is generally acceptable to "trade up" while you are dating. Once a couple decides to get married that is the commitment of saying "I don't need to trade up anymore, I've found the right person for me". If people are not sure their partner is the right person, don't get married.

In social psychology this would correspond to the difference between Companionate Love which grows over time and Passionate Love which is the initial sexual attraction between two people that eventually fades. If people get married in the passionate love phase (maybe first 6 months to a year) then they are taking a huge risk because they have not given companionate love enough time to grow.

[Phier]

A person, regardless of gender, will pick what they personally consider to be the "best" in what they can find in terms of suitors, and in terms of whatever qualities they consider appealing in said suitors in their region.

This is considered acceptable, more or less. Say you have a woman who appreciates intelligent and handsome men, and those are her personal decisions in what she finds to be "good" in men. If that woman can choose a man who is (by her standards) smart and handsome over another man who in comparison is pretty darn dumb, boring and (in her mind) ugly, nobody will blame her. Most people would and do see the obvious reason why she chose the first guy.

Now, why is it that if that woman is now in a relationship with that man, and during that time she finds a man who is pretty much better than the current man she is with in every single way (given her above tastes) and decides to leave her current man for the new man, why is there a societal taboo against this? Why is it bad? Why is it that a person could do that originally, but then they aren't allowed to do it anymore until they have nobody to begin with again?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning this in any way, shape, or form, and I am more than aware that there are a lot of people who do act like this.

I'm just curious as to what the exact particular reason why people consider it bad? Is it because it's simply not nice, and nobody wants that done to them? Is it because it implies that people are simply models to be traded? What's the reason?

Thoughts?

Everything in life I needed to know I learned from the TWC games.

Loyalty is a trait as well. If your loyalty score is low, it makes you untrustworthy. People will know of this and not trust you. This becomes an even bigger issue the older you get. Why not simply break up when your partner becomes seriously ill? People who do that are considered scum because they show a total lack of loyalty, and are simply self absorbed.

I'd say its less of a taboo and more of an advertisement of 'see I'm not a complete dillweed' to other people you deal with.

I'm 40 years old, in good shape, and a doctor. It would be very easy to 'upgrade' my wife at this point, and snag some 20 something. Is this different than some one dating and 'upgrading'? Sure I've been with my wife for close to 20 years now, but does time really improve ones desirability? No of course not, but I'm not going to discard her because her tits sag a touch more than they did when she was 18.

There are some other factors I think come into play as well.

First you might have your conscious list, and your unconscious one, and I think this applies to women more than men. Some I think like having an 'inferior' male for the security to know they won't leave them. If you upgrade too high, you run the risk of being pushed aside yourself for an upgrade. If you date 'below' your maximum, odds are that guy isn't going anywhere.

[Pontifex Maximus]

Please post constructively or not at all.

[Ciabhán]

Because someone a long time ago realised that acting according to our nature got people killed.

[Col. Tartleton]

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning this in any way, shape, or form, and I am more than aware that there are a lot of people who do act like this.

I'm just curious as to what the exact particular reason why people consider it bad? Is it because it's simply not nice, and nobody wants that done to them? Is it because it implies that people are simply models to be traded? What's the reason?

Thoughts?

Yes you are. And I respect it.

If anyone is interested in learning how to get their manhood back:

http://www.broslikethissite.com/2010...full-list.html

[Thanatos]

Yes you are. And I respect it.

If anyone is interested in learning how to get their manhood back:

http://www.broslikethissite.com/2010...full-list.html

No I'm not. I'm not sure I understand why people can't bring up a disturbing or unusual topic and simply be detached from it, asking for simply asking's sake. All I asked for was the particular reason specifically, because I was curious, and I was curious because the thought literally popped into my head one day. It isn't hard to see WHY people don't want this, but I wanted to know what the reasons were for people here.

Another question I would like to pose would be what would happen to a society if people actually accepted that its citizens were able to trade partners for "upgrades?" Would you get a large accumulation of supposed undesirables, or would the system balance itself?

[Col. Tartleton]

I guess. But I don't see what the problem is. Our natural selection keys us to seek out optimum partners. Why should we ever settle for okay? Why should I be humble when I can be proud?

The system would balance out. Its a free market. Supply and demand. Capitalism and all that.

If a man trades up for someone better then he really should have she'll walk away and he'll have to settle for less.

[Phier]

Another question I would like to pose would be what would happen to a society if people actually accepted that its citizens were able to trade partners for "upgrades?" Would you get a large accumulation of supposed undesirables, or would the system balance itself?

The system is pretty balanced anyways. Its uncommon enough that someone ends up marrying someone out of their league that its still remarked on "how did she get HIM!" kinda thing.

If it became acceptable it would be a fundamental change to our natures and therefore be fine, hell there would be dating sites just for it.

"Hi, I'm a happily married man but I'm looking to upgrade. My current wife is 5'8" 125, with size B breasts, a M.S. in education, 40k a year, and a Bolton attractiveness scale of 74. If you can beat that, please contact me with your information."

[Theseus1234]

if you enter into a marriage, then it's seen by society as a commitment. It's expected that you stick with that person through thick and thin, surrounded by temptation. Now, however, divorces are commonplace and there's not that much stigma.

[Elfdude]

I would say it's due to a betrayal of the relationship. No one wants to be second choice and no one wants to be the person one 'settled' for. When you're engaged in a monogamous relationship that's not marriage you've entered into it with the agreement that the relationship could go somewhere barring major letdowns/setbacks which result in the end of the relationship. No one is going to blame you for leaving a slob but everyone will blame you for leaving a guy you've been dating (the greater the trust the greater the betrayal) for someone who looks a bit better or who they assume is better in some personal fashion.

It's the same idea behind a guy who leads a girl on only it's reversed. It's one of those things people don't think logic and rationality effect but its logic that is almost solely responsible. Emotionally and instinctually we understand fickleness, it is our logical side that has issue with it. Logic presents both a way to end a relationship without creating this stigma and also the ideas that turn fickleness into a failing. Further with a society as egalitarian as modern society is there's an addition to the social contract that says, we're all basically the same, any reason focusing on physical characteristics (exclusively) is shallow.

[CamilleBonparte]

It's a betrayal of the Christian values our society is built upon. "Do unto others" and the like.

[Mega Tortas de Bodemloze]

I'm just curious as to what the exact particular reason why people consider it bad? Is it because it's simply not nice, and nobody wants that done to them? Is it because it implies that people are simply models to be traded? What's the reason?

In one aspect there is always bigger and better. Some of us always strive for a new car every year and must have this pimped out model three months before it's supposed to hit the showroom floor. Well some of us transfer the fixation for always bigger and better to relationships. We treat intimate relationships in a way which some would consider soulless and without heart or feeling for those we hurt. Some folks are truly perhaps heartless and then some of us just plain dumb and stupid. "You don't know what you've got til you lose it."

Then there is also the topic of thermones which some of us expel with great ferocity when we are in a contented relationship with another/others. These thermones attract alot of attention to us and can get even the most sincere of us into trouble and "Big Doo doo". Beware of being content in an intimate relationship because through the excretion of thermones you'll attract everything to you including dogs and fire hydrants from a ten mile radius around.

Ain't love grand...Some of us are just terminally screwed.

[Armenum]

I would say it's a more religiously infused reason. Simply put, the woman makes a promise at start of the marriage to be faithful to her husband and to sustain the marriage. This "promise" has religious origins. If she divorces to go for another man then, she's breaking a rather sacred vow , thus the stigma.

[MaximiIian]

why is there a societal taboo against this? Why is it bad?

Because it's a dick move, is emotionally hurtful, and demonstrates a lack of fidelity or loyalty. We're animals, yeah, but we're intelligent enough to rise above our basic drives and choose to do the right thing. Dicking someone over because they're no longer "the best" is not the right thing, for the reasons mentioned my first sentence.