Preview of my New short story(SCI-Fi)(post apocalyptic)

So...I dont have a name for it yet, but i was inspired by a dream i had, and GRRM's A Song of Ice And Fire series......


ROUGH DRAFT(Really Rough Draft)
*=figure out something better.
-= fix wording
Prequal
The sun was just going down when The sentenols* saw the man. -*Tom* was by the Snarl Cages when the Crier ran by-. The *Inqusitors* Always insisted that they were called"Dogs", but *Tom* could never call them that. He just couldent Imagine that the peaceful, content looking animals in all the pictures could be related to these...creatures. -Tom stopped the crier.-"There's someone at the gate." said the man."I have to tell the *Council*." "Where did he come from?" *Tom* asked, but the crier was already running agian. "I will just have to find out for myself."Sighed *tom*, to no one in particular. He started off to the gate, but just at that moment, the Snarls started howling like their tails were on fire.*Tom* jumped so far in the air that, if someone were near, they would have thought he was one of the mythical Kangroos, that were supposed to steal misbehaving children.He looked back, but they werent barking at him. "In fact," thought *Tom*,"They dont seem to be barking at anything.Crazy animals."
When *Tom got to the gate, anyone who had heard the crier was already there, with more on the way. *Tom* couldent see past the crowd, but he could tell that the man was already at the gates, because the guard called down something from the wall, and the gates started swinging open. Tom could hear a gasp escape from many of the people who could see, and anyone who couldent was yelling around trying to find out what was going on. The guard was yelling for people to clear a path, and whenever they wouldent, the guard fired a shot into the air from his rifle. people started to clear a path. when *Tom* saw the man, he didnt gasp, he had been trained to never show emotin, but his eyes were consideribly widened.He didnt have a nose. the blood was just drying, the man hadent bothered to wipe it off, so the wound should be new, but *Tom noticed something strange. the hole where his nose should have been was already completly healed. no one else seemed to notice. *Tom decided to follow the guard to the infirmory, to find out more about this man.So did about half the crowd too, but the guard waved his rifle in the air, and they backed off.*Tom followed anyway, but no one saw him. Not expressing his feelings wasent the ony thing he was trained for. But, as they were on their way, the man said something to the guard, *Tom was too far away to hear what, and the guard looked at him like he was crazy. The man said simething again, and the guard slowly nodded, and turned toward the council chambers. *Tom followed. They went down the dirt road that went from the couincil chambers, striaght through town, and to the gates. the road was small compared to the giant stone roads in all the history books, but it served its purpose well enough. when they got to the building, *tom* waited outside, in an alley, for them to come back out. *tom had the urge to try to listen through the door, like he did with all the other buildings, but he knew that, somehow, sound never got out of that room un less the door was open. there were guards at the door anyway, and they probably wouldent take kindly to someone just walkeing up and putting his ear to the door.

As *tom was thinking this, one of the guards reached in to the pocket of his robe and brought out one of the small Radioes that all of the guards carried. when *tom was a child, he wanted to be a guard so bad, just to get one of those. He had one so much more advanced then theirs now.All of the Corps agents had one. The guard suddenly opened the door, and fell down. *Tom had a terrible sinking feeling in his stomach. The man without a nose walked out, a strange looking gun in his hand. He pointed it at the other guard, and pulled the trigger. No noise, but the guard fell to the floor all the same. the man then pulled a second gun out of a hidden holster in his coat, raised it to the sky, and pulled the trigger. A bright flame shot out of the gun and flew into the sky. A few seconds later, tom could hear someone shouting something from the gates, and then gunshots. The man dropped the flare gun and started walking towards the gate, which no one had botherd to close. when he walked past *toms hiding place, *tow walked out and calmly snapped the mans neck. he then grabed the mans gun and looked at it. it was silenced, just as Tom had expected, but it didnt look like any gun *Tom had seen before. it had a jagged, two-inch blade stuck to the bottem of the handle, wich was curved inward, making it to where, if you ran out of ammo, you could grab it by the barrel, which had a leather grip on it, and use it as a melee weapon. as he was examining the weapen, a man walked towards him. *Tom noticed the man and spun to look at him. The first thing he noticed was his outfit. it was made of animal skins, with the head of the animal acting as a hood. *Tom had never seen the animal before. He had never seen the man before. the next thing he noticed was the gun in the mans hand. it looked similar to the gun in *toms own hand, and was pointed at him.


frying pan.*Tom didnt see where it came from, but that didnt stop it from knocking the man unconsis. Tom looked around, but didnt see whoever threw it, but he did see smoke coming from several places in the town, and decided that it was time his assignment in this town ended. the rest of the people in the town may have thought they were the last people left, but *tom knew better, everyone in the Corps knew better. *Tom made his way to the gate, coughing from the smoke that laid thick over the town. He passed several people, some he knew, some strangers. He also passed alot of corpses, mutilated of course. "people like the ones that were burning the town could barley be considerd people" *Tom thought. when he came into sight, he could see at least fifteen men guarding it. "they are trying to keep people from escaping" thought *Tom. He couldent see any way past,he would figure it out, he always did, but what he was really worried about was the fact that after he escaped, the nearest Oasis was ten miles away.He sighed. He would figure it out. He always did.



Right now, there is supposed to be alot of unanswered questions( they will be answerd later.)
any COUNSTRUCTIVE critiscim is welcome...it has alot of problems, but i just wrote it and posted it immedietly. so i know there are spelling mistakes and such, but are there any major problems that would prevent you from wanting to read more?

Should be moved to the Work Critiques section.

Oops...sorry.........how do i do that?

Get a mod

well, before this is moved....underneth the post count, what are those things?