The Critic's Quill: Issue 20

**Juvenal** · July 31, 2010, 05:44 PM

The Editor Speaks
Well, it has been a while. The fires of creation here at the Critic's Quill have been banked against the demands of the exam season and other in-consequentialities of what is laughingly known as Real Life.

However, our time of famine is past! Some old friends may have departed, but new ones have arrived, enthusiastic for the fray. We say goodbye to Junius our founder and driving force behind the early Quill, and Saint Nicholas, now editor of Eagle Standard. But at the same time we welcome talented AARtist Skantarios, who has become a full member of the team.

Please take a look at our assembled reviews and articles. We hope that, through the medium of our own enthusiasm, we can persuade you there really are must-read AARs out there on the forums. Read and enjoy!

Juvenal (Editor)

Table of Contents

AAR Review Section

Osman's Vision: An Ottoman AAR
An ETW AAR by Chirurgeon

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Chirurgeon is part of that small cadre of AARtists who sets the bar for the rest of us. In his most recent work and entry into Empire: Total War, Osman’s Vision, we see it slide even higher. Chirurgeon’s previous AAR’s have all portrayed the people and times of Rome: Total War, and Osman’s Vision is an exciting step into the age of powder and shot.

Now, I am hardly a writer of Shakespearian proportions, nor am I a critic like unto Roger Ebert. Thus, I too must take this AAR as an object lesson in the art of writing. On the other hand, neither am I a sycophant given to flattery! Well… not too much at least. With that in mind, let’s explore Chirurgeon’s newest offering, set in the Ottoman Empire of the 18th Century.

The first of many trademark qualities of Chirurgeon’s work shows itself in the very first chapter, where we see a beautiful blend of history and fiction. We immediately understand the symbolism of the title. The meat of this chapter, which I have been forced to edit for the purposes of this review, reads:

The history of our people is laced richly with legend….

There are many important leaders of our people but the greatest may very well have been the first. Our first leader, or Sultan, was Ertoghrul. Ertoghrul was a non-Moslem but his son Osman would become the seed from whence an empire would grow. Osman had fallen in love with a moslem girl but the father forbade the marriage for several years. Eventually Osman read the Koran and stayed up all night devouring the pages of the book. Having read the book he had several visions. It is not clear whether he was converted to Moslem before or after the following but the vision speaks for itself as being prophetic:

"...Then from his loins there sprang a tree, which as it grew came to cover the whole world with the shadow of its green beautiful branches. Beneath it Osman saw four mountain ranges - The Caucasus, the Atlas, the Taurus, and the Balkans. From its roots there issued four rivers, the Tigris, the Euphrates, the Nile and the Danube. The fields were rich with crops, the mountains thick with forests. In the valleys were cities adorned with domes, pyramids, obelisks, columns, and towers, all surmounted by the Crescent. Their balconies rang with the call to prayer, mingling with the song of nightingales and bright-colored parrots, perched among interlaced, sweet smelling branches. Their leaves started to lengthen into sword blades. A wind arose, pointing them toward the city of Constantinople, which, situated at the junction of two seas and of two continents, seemed like a diamond mounted between two sapphires and two emeralds, and appeared thus to form the precious stone of the ring of a vast dominion which embraced the world."

I would like to put a spotlight on this introductory flourish. In the very first chapter, we can see that Chirurgeon has anchored his story in reality. He has intertwined his own unique story with Ottoman legend. This gives the story considerable depth from literally the first page. This depth and historical realism continues throughout the very end. It gives this AAR a sense of authenticity. And authenticity, after all, is the whole reason that you have ever played a Total War game or read a Total War AAR; it has a flavor of reality that yields an immersive experience.

As you may know from my other articles, I want an AAR to be a story; a novel. If I want a campaign or battle report I’ll go play the game myself. I read AARs because they have the Total War flavor (and screen-shots) that I enjoy, and which complements (not substitutes or overpowers) the storyline. This is a definite feature of Chirurgeon’s AAR; his plot and characters could stand alone as a work of historical fiction, but he also uses the setting provided by the game to enrich his work.

That said, I have a few weaknesses to point out here. First of all, a stylistic point. Chirurgeon sometimes writes in a staccato of short, single-clause sentences. In my opinion, at least, this style is best suited to intense scenes such as the battlefield. An introductory passage like that in Chapter One would read better if written in a more flowing way with complex sentences. The transition from the general introduction to the introduction of the main character is likewise abrupt.

Similarly, as we read on, we find that Chirurgeon does want to keep us up to speed on the progression of the campaign. For the most part he skilfully integrates this information with his story and makes it flow naturally. He provides us with details of the campaign through the character’s eyes. He also provides numerous screen-shots of characters, battles, the state of the empire, as well as very tasteful real-life photographs that add more flavor to the story. Sometimes, however, we catch random bits of information, such as

“The Moroccans have stormed across Northern Africa and have reached the ancient region known as Kyrenia. Fortunately it would seem they do not wish their Islamic brothers harm.”

This kind of information might be presented differently, as it doesn’t seem to be in place as an afterthought in the protagonist’s journal. This sort of randomness is lightly scattered throughout the AAR. For me, at least, it rather jerks me out of my immersed state and makes me wonder why that piece of information is important. Is he referencing something that was mentioned earlier? Did I miss something?

But, moving on; we’ve only discussed the first chapter!

Chirurgeon continues to build a strong foundation for his story in the early chapters. Our protagonist, son of the Sultan’s Vizier, is an ideal lens through which to view the Ottoman Empire. He is destined for service in Mehmed II’s government, but as a young man he must train to develop the many skills that are required of the Sultan’s ministers.

In the beginning of the story, Ibrahim Edhem is a records keeper in the Suleimanye Mosque. This puts him in a position to be aware of the state of the Empire. Also, Chirurgeon skilfully integrates his father’s perspective with the story. Throughout the AAR, the narrative is supplemented by letters to and discussions with the main character’s father. We read this information as letters and musings by the protagonist in his journal. Later, Ibrahim takes his place on the campaign as well, which allows us to see battles first-hand.

And battles there are aplenty. The Ottoman Empire at the beginning of the story is fairly bursting at the seams, and discontent in the outer reaches of the Empire threaten its integrity. The Balkans erupts in rebellion in the west, while Persians in the east are a frustrating thorn in the Sultan’s side. This is yet another characteristic that less experienced AARtists would do well to observe. Chirurgeon’s campaign is not a steam-rolling rampage through the map. In fact, he… actually… loses! Early on in the story, much of the Sultan’s Balkan territories are seized by local rebels who resist the Ottoman’s Islamic influence, among other things. And you will find that, in the end, the campaign map is not colored all in Ottoman red. And I felt that this added yet more realism to the story because, well… as it turned out, the Ottomans didn’t steam-roll all of Europe, North America, and India. Also, Chirurgeon makes intentional “mistakes”; moves that an Empire Total War gamer would probably not make. For instance, the Balkan revolt is catalysed by the Sultan’s withdrawal of troops from the region. The Sultan, perhaps rashly, felt it important that he array a massive army to confront the upstart Persians and destroy them once and for all. In this way, Chirurgeon role-plays (against the Vizier’s advice) a rather headstrong and arrogant Sultan who deserts one region in order to triumph more splendidly over another. I really enjoyed this added touch of depth to the story. It’s these details that make Chirurgeon’s work such good reading.

The many campaigns, personal struggles, and dire moments throughout the story are too many to discuss here. Besides, the less spoilers, the better your own read will be! In conclusion, I would whole-heartedly recommend that you read Chirurgeon’s excellent work; you won’t be sorry.

Review by Ariovistus Maximus

Visions of an Odyssey: A Makurian Dynasty
A Broken Crescent AAR for M2TW by Thokran

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Story and Introduction
Veteran AAR writer Thokran has chosen an obscure faction for his newest AAR, Visions of an Odyssey: A Makurian Dynasty. He has clearly chosen a difficult starting position and a faction of which little is known. The Christian Kingdom of Makuria starts off as little more than a collection of backwater villages in a forgotten corner of Africa at the tail end (actually the headwaters) of the Nile. This AAR follows a succession of very colourful rulers as they struggle to unite their people and forge a mighty African River Empire.

The Mod he is using is Broken Crescent. I’ve never personally played this mod but its popularity indicates that it is one of the top three mods for this platform. I must confess that I really enjoyed Thokran’s choice of faction and time period. The Makurians are a Christian kingdom surrounded by the influences and military might of Islam. The Makurians play the role of the fabled Prester John his legendary Christian Kingdom lost amid the Muslims. Not only that, but they are making their consolidation and offensives in the midst of some of the greatest commanders of the age: Sultan Salahuddin and King Richard “the Lionheart”.

Thokran writes a great deal over the political intrigue of the Makurian Kingdom. The King’s (or Negus's) “trusted” subordinates openly plot overthrow and rebellion. Generals often have a very different vision for the future of their kingdom from that of their ruler and even take their armies off on unauthorized expeditions. Even his own son kills his messengers when they bring him news not to his liking. The Machiavellian political intrigue of the expanding kingdom makes for some interesting chapters and no small amount of humour.

Writing Style and Wording
The overall quality of Thokran’s writing is outstanding. He blends in the strategic with the tactical and adds a hefty dose of intrigue and humor into his story. His posts flow well and make for easy and engaging reading. He doesn’t limit himself to one perspective but jumps from third person to the thoughts of his various characters. Some may find this confusing but, by and large, this is done seamlessly and greatly adds to the narrative.

Dawn slowly crept up on the Kingdom of Makuria, the sun’s rays emerging over the far horizon of the Indian Ocean. General Johannes was up early atop Massawa’s ramparts to watch the glorious view of the sun’s ascent into the sky.

One slightly unique aspect to Thokran’s AAR is that he writes in all green. As a traditionalist when it comes to fonts, I was prepared to not like this. However, the more I read, the more I liked it. Turns out it wasn’t a distraction at all and was, if anything, a plus.

His descriptions of battles are often gripping. He doesn't go into too much detail but provides just enough to get a sense of the major movements in battle and the reactions from both sides. How much detail you put in a battle is a matter of personal taste but I found his work here effective.

Spoiler for Sample Battle Description:

One criticism I have for Thokran’s writing is that he obviously puts his posts together with some haste. There are numerous spelling and grammar errors that do take away from the overall outstanding quality of his writing. Characters are misnamed in relation to their unit cards and places are sometimes juxtaposed. Thokran is obviously very dedicated to his story as he updates it frequently and rarely does more than a few days pass without at least one update. I would only counsel him to take his time and do some more edits before posting in order to clean up his typos and usage errors a bit.

Also, it is evident that dialogue is not his strong suit; only rarely is there ever more than one line of it at a time. This is kind of distracting as it provides no give and take and is used more to highlight a certain feeling or moment than actual dialogue. I think Thokran realizes this and he relies less and less on it going forward to a net positive effect.

Images and Visual Aids
Thokran makes good use of his visuals. He has carefully cropped his battle and campaign pictures so that they add to the story and do not overwhelm. He also parses in campaign pics to show movements on the map as well as illustrate other tactical and diplomatic moves. Later on in the story, he also uses some strategic map pictures to show the expansion of his kingdom and how it relates to his neighbours. He doesn’t use any added effects on the pictures but lets them stand alone as part of the story in a very effective way.

Spoiler for Sample Battle Pictures:

The only criticism here is that I would personally like to see the pictures a little larger as it is hard (for me, at least) to get a real feel for them being so small. A simple resize edit in Photobucket or other computer software would fix this rather easily.

One thing I just can’t get past is the image of Melku. The designers of this mod were clearly having a bit of fun but using the head of Samuel L. Jackson (circa Star Wars era) for an African noble.

Spoiler for Melku:

Really? Every time I see it, it’s a distraction. Even more so as some images are repeated to hilarious and distracting effect (18-year old nobles with foot long gray beards, etc.). This is not a criticism of Thokran as the visuals are not of his choosing but they do effect the story somewhat.

Critique and Summary
Thokran is an effective and colorful writer and has put together a powerful and entertaining story. His characters are lively and he keeps the pace of his story moving. The criticisms I have for this AAR are quite minor and can be cleaned up with only minor effort. Overall, Thokran has crafted an outstanding AAR that already borders on the epic. A fantastic read and highly recommended!

The quality of this AAR is evident by its recent win in the MAARC. It is an overdue honor from one of the best AARtists on TWCenter.

Review by Skantarios

A Tiger in the Balkans (update)
A Crusader Kings/EUII/EUIII AAR by Santini

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

I return to Santini's splendid AAR after a long gap (the original review may be found here). When he first began, I felt that his stated goal (a history of Croatia from the Middle Ages right up to 1960) was far too ambitious, and that this AAR would simply fizzle out like so many others, denied a good ending by its poorly judged scope.

But it looks like I may have been wrong. This story has gone through some fallow periods to be sure, but Santini has now returned to it, and it forges ahead with renewed vigour and determination.

Anyway, to the plot! Since my last review King Klaus I, founder of the Croatian Empire, has died in battle against the Byzantines (after a long and successful reign).

Spoiler for Karl I's last campaign:

His son and successor, Klaus II finds that ruling the new empire is a very hard task. Readers who are used to the Total War system would be expecting things to be getting easier at this stage, now that the Empire has reached a critical mass where it can support large armies. But nothing could be further from the truth. The Empire is in fact a seething mass of disloyal and ambitious vassal rulers, constantly forming cabals and factions which threaten at any moment to unseat the monarch, or tear off a large section of the Empire in bloody rebellion.

Santini very cleverly retains some ambiguity in the account by spurning the temptations of a continuous narrative in favour of a collection of articles from different viewpoints which combine to give the reader an enhanced feeling of authenticity as they piece the fragments together in their mind. I particularly like it when he provides biased sources, such as a nationalistic Croat author giving King Klaus I the credit for fomenting political disunity within the Byzantine Empire when in fact he was completely at its mercy and was saved by events beyond his control.

Because of its disparate nature, the narrative often jumps forward or backward, sometimes giving us a tantalising glimpse of the future, before plunging back to explain past events already introduced, but in greater detail.

Eventually we learn that Klaus II had proved to be an able and successful leader, succeeding against the Byzantines where his father had failed. His successor, who adopted the title Klaus III, inherits a Croatian governing establishment specifically designed for war, so war it has to be, and as the latest episode goes to press, we see Klaus III taking the fight to Anatolia.

However, there is much more to Santini's story than a mere series of battles. He describes the internal politics of the Croat Empire in some detail, and has introduced characters whose future role in the story has yet to be revealed.

Originally Posted by An example of Santini's prose

An hour after the first outrider had cleared the wood, twelve men on horse could be seen making their way to the south clearing.

A horse whickered softly somewhere ahead, and they halted, dappled by the waning fall light, cautious eyes probing the wood-line to either side. At last, the outrider drove his lathered mount from the shade, then made his careful way to the main party.

At the head of the party of knights, a young, coiffed figure threw back his hood with the rustle of mail, and spoke, his gaze flicking downhill towards that sorry sight.

He has even treated us to a glimpse of a huge Croat Emperor under a future leader, together with a second picture showing its subsequent collapse from internal strife and rebellion. In the light of these revelations, the reader finds themselves weighing every line of Santini's narrative, looking for the genesis of these climactic events yet to come, especially the seeds of the disaster that is apparently to overcome the Empire at the height of its power.

Spoiler for How was this empire forged? And why did it fall?:

I hope that the above has whetted your appetite for Santini's unique story-telling voice. Please visit his thread and let him know that good writing is appreciated at TWC.

Review by Juvenal

Frederick VI: Rise to Power
A Napoleon: Total War AAR by Christian Goth

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Story and Introduction:
I should say at the outset that I do not own N:TW and I have not played it before. Therefore, I will be reviewing this AAR from the perspective of a novice to this genre and so I may miss some of the subtlety of the game that others may readily pick up on. Still, as our editor Juvenal has stated before, an AAR should stand on its own regardless of the background of the reader.

This AAR is written by a rookie AARtist named Christian Goth. He has chosen the faction of Denmark-Norway and is chronicling the expansion of this northern kingdom in the shadow of the growing power of France under the leadership of Napoleon. His protagonist is Prince Frederick who later becomes King Frederick VI following the death of his ageing father.

Frederick has grand ambitions for his small kingdom and clearly wished to take advantage of the chaos unleashed by Napoleon to expand his kingdom’s borders and become one of, if not the, greatest countries in Europe.

Writing Style and Wording
Christian Goth is, I believe, a non-native English speaker and his writing style suffers accordingly to one crafting their story in a second language. There are numerous usage and spelling errors and the sentence structure is disjointed. Because of this, it is often difficult to get a real feeling or flow to the narrative. Some of his errors are even unintentionally funny.

“In Bavaria, the city of Munich have been captured by a large Russian army, the French garrison was massacred when the walls fell at the might of powerful Russian unicorns.”

Fortunately, his skills as a writer noticeably improve in subsequent posts and the narrative begins to flow better with fewer errors. It is as though we are seeing the progression of Christian Goth’s own English education as he writes. The simple errors are still there but there are much fewer of them and his posts begin to flow better in later updates.

Some of his passages are very well written and show some of his intentional humor and irony.

"Oh how it saddens me to ruin your fun sir, and to report to you that a young Danish captain of mine at the 10th of August landed at the coast near St. Petersburg. Here he scouted the outskirts of the city and reported back to me that no troop activity at all, outside or within the city was present, your city is undefended sir. So I would gladly fight your 200.000 imaginary Russians myself with this silver fork."

The story is written, as most AARs, with a strict chronological progression with events being covered year by year as they happened. We get to see the rise of the Kingdom of Denmark-Norway from a second-rate power to one of the major powers. His commitment to the story is admirable. He spends a great deal of time on the strategic aspects of the game. The discussion of trade, economics, and technology research is addressed several times.

He adds many personal touches and even gives a sense of his protagonist's sense of humor.

“One morning as Frederick, Fischer and Gimsing was enjoying their breakfast at the newly repaired town hall of Aabo a man was presented in front of them, Frederick noticed his fancy uniform with all kind of details in white silk, whispering to Gimsing that he thought that the gentleman was a very smart peacock indeed.”

Writing entirely in the third person provides a good world view but leaves the reader somewhat aloof from the action. Character development is weak and perfunctory with grand pronouncements made about how famed one is without any background to support it.

Still, he also has some great moments when describing the after effects of battles and their impact on the young king.

“Frederick takes a fresh breath of air as he leans towards one of the poles at the entrance to the tent. Outside row after row of wounded Danish soldiers is laying in the high autumn grass on stretchers, soon the king is recognized and they begin to cheer "Long live the king, Long live Frederick VI". Frederick feels sick, even in death they salute him. A group of soldiers from Holstein gathers around and join the cheers.

Frederick walks back to his tent in despair of losing one of his best officers, as he walks he passes soldiers busy preparing food or repairing their uniforms, some cleaning their muskets, they all look so happy, why... He passes a line of coffins, waiting to be picked up and buried. Two Swedish soldiers pass by him, guarded by two Danish soldiers. They're carrying a little boy, blond hair, covered in blood but with a peaceful look in his eyes, a drummer from the looks of his uniform. They carefully place him in a open coffin and then nails the lid shut.

Frederick looks at the sky and closes his eyes "God forgive me, what have I done"

Images and Visual Aids
Christian Goth does a very good job of incorporating both in-game shots with paintings and visuals from the historical record. The balance of these two competing inputs is well presented and adds a great deal of depth to the narrative.

Spoiler for Pics from AAR:

The battles in the AAR are well presented but they are given as separate links to an off-site Picasa image hosting site. This cuts down on the load time for his posts but does require you to open a new browser window and go to a new site in order to view them. I haven’t seen this done before and, though it is distracting, still provides a good feel for the action. In later posts, he has incorporated some of the battle scenes into the main post but the bulk of them are still hosted off-site.

Spoiler for Battle Pics:

Critique and Summary
Overall, I was very impressed with this AAR. The commitment to the story is evident and his love of the genre is shown well. The problems you find with someone writing English as their second language do make for some occasionally difficult reading but this is minor and to be expected. I would advise him to, if possible, use an English language spell check program to eliminate some of these problems but I should not criticize too much as I can barely write in my own native English much less a second language.

The scope of this AAR is vast and sometimes difficult to follow on the larger scale. There are no campaign map shots in the AAR and it is sometimes difficult to follow the movement of armies unless you have a detailed knowledge of history and geography in the early 19th century. He does talk about this from time to time and does have some screen captures from the map but these are fragmentary at best. I would counsel him to add some better detail on the overall situation in Europe and the way his actions impact the greater geo-political landscape. This can be done by adding campaign map shots and also providing more context of what is going on in the greater world and how that would impact his growing kingdom.

There is certainly a lot to keep the reader involved as the story progresses. In later posts, we have Frederick plunging into war with the Russians and the vast expanses of their empire. Will he meet the same fate as Napoleon and be lost in a long war of attrition or will the teetering Russian Empire collapse under the weight of their attack?

Will the expanding Kingdom of Denmark-Norway come into conflict with the aggressive Napoleon?

These are questions that are answered in later posts. I would encourage everyone to have a look at this excellent AAR and see the epic battles and intrigue of war in Napoleonic Europe.

This AAR recently placed a well-deserved third in the MAARC and shows that there are many others who are enjoying this story and the skills of Christian-Goth.

Review by Skantarios

Skies Over Leningrad
An IL-2 Sturmovik AAR by Nanny de Bodemloze

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

The Nanny is well known by now throughout TWC, on account of his fantastic video producing skills. Needless to say, these skills are on display here, in his latest after action report: Skies Over Leningrad.

The story revolves around an inexperienced Russian pilot sent to an airbase near the war torn city of Leningrad; under siege by the German army. The Nanny recounts the trials and tribulations of being a new recruit in the Soviet Air Force, combining his famous videos and some good writing added into the mix as well.

The story is written in the first-person, and fits the storyline well. The main character, Vladamir Yushenko, serving as the narrator, explaining to the reader what's happening around him, as well as the feelings he is going through as a pilot. Parts such as:

"No, he says, it is time to be smart. I do not understand, but I will follow Leytenant's orders."

work to add a more human feel to the character, deviating from the generic "hero who kills all who stand before him" type character you see so often nowadays in after action reports.

For the combat scenes, which make up a good chunk of the story, The Nanny's writing style excellently portrays the fear going on in the mind of the young pilot. Text such as:

I bank right, trying to find a target. I cannot discern friend from foe...only those close to me. I turn further...and am blinded by tracers fire

gives you an insight into the confusing jumble of aircraft that is a dogfight.

As well as effective writing, The Nanny uses pictures well, using his video producing skills to select the best shots. As this is not a Total War game, the pictures also avoid the common errors of leaving the shots un-cropped and leaving the the UI and green circles around the units.

Last, but definitely not least, the videos! What story by the Nanny would be complete without a video? I'm not too good at reviewing videos so I'll let this one speak for itself:

Review by René Artois

Article Section

Why I Write

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

I have always read... at least I can't remember a time when I didn't read. Which is odd, considering that I actually do remember the first book I chose from the library (it was The Iron Man by Ted Hughes no less). I could never understand people who didn't read, and especially those who didn't read fiction.

For me, reading is like being able to travel anywhere, do anything, be anyone. Indeed, it more than fulfils that famous catch-phrase of Buzz Lightyear. With a book you really can go “To Infinity... And Beyond!”

So, after all that, isn't it strange that, until a couple of years ago, it never occurred to me to write?

Some people write for love, some for money, some in the hope of fame, some to educate the ignorant masses. I started writing out of a sense of duty, trying to retrospectively justify my award of Citizenship at TWC.

My AAR started reasonably well, and I somehow managed to carry on, despite a desperate shortage of ideas. It relied heavily on witty references to things I was fairly sure most of the readership would never have heard of (which unfortunately somewhat defeats the object of such references, and may well have left some of the audience wondering whether this author had forgotten to take his medication).

But as the story grew, a wonderful thing began to happen. I found that I could treat it like someone else's story which I was merely reading. This meant I could imagine the cast as real people and begin to speculate about their motivation and character.

I may not be as accomplished a writer as the published authors I normally read. But it doesn't really matter. Because when I write, the constraints resulting from my lack of skill are far outweighed by the freedom to take the story wherever my imagination prompts it to go. Compare this to someone else's story; no matter how good, it is still in a sense dead. It has long been completed by the time I read it, and therefore its arc and destination are already set in stone. But mine is still unfinished, so it could go literally anywhere!

Of course there are also drawbacks to DIY story-telling. Sometimes there just aren't any good ideas. So the tale is forced to lie fallow for a while in the hope of fresh inspiration. More painful however is when my composition skills just can't do justice to some emotionally-charge picture burning brightly in my mind's eye.

When I sit down to write, I don't really have a clear plan, more like an artist's impression of the destination, and some vague ideas about how we (the characters and I) might be getting there. The rest of it is discovered during the process of writing itself. So there will inevitably be inconsistencies, blind-alleys, and passages that just don't fit and have to be discarded.

But when I finally succeed in making a story or an episode that works, there is an enormous feeling of satisfaction. It is like having finished an assignment, solved a puzzle and won a prize all at the same time! I feel that I haven't just created a story; I have discovered something - out in that great ocean of everything which has the potential to exist and, like an angler, I have reeled it in for people to look at and (hopefully) admire.

So, now you know why I write, why don't you give it a try yourself?

By Juvenal

BREAKING DOWN A VIDEO: Naxzul666's The Battle of Waterloo (Part 1)

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

(watch in HD)

In the last few months, many of us have started to venture into the sexy but brutally time-consuming world of producing Total War machinima. This is a hobby that eats university degrees for breakfast and can destroy marriages. Most viewers are unaware that for every minute of video they watch, there can be up to 10 hours of work involved in its production. But, the more people see the more they want to try, and a boom of amateur enthusiasts now exists armed with Movie Maker or Sony Vegas, with dreams of Michael Bay explosion-filled trailers and choirs bellowing over chaotic and bloody battlefields. Nobody does a vid to the sounds of Karen Carpenter.

So how did we get here? Naxzul has been teasing us like a celibacy-club prom date with a few trailers, that were likely as much test run for pacing and colour palettes as actually building hype (for the uninitiated, testing is usually why 'teasers' are released

). If you have never seen his previous works, you should visit his YouTube channel (make sure you don't miss the War of Independence and the Roma Surrectum Series...classics in the making).

It is with this in mind then that I present to you Naxzul666's seven minute refined behemoth Battle of Waterloo Part 1. If machinima was a CSI crime scene, Naxzul's fingerprints would be all over the body. In many ways, the latest offering from the machinimaster is vintage Naxzul. But he has thrown a couple of curve-balls in the Battle of Waterloo Part 1, and he has proven, as he does time and time again, that he is never satisfied with resting on his laurels.

Naxzul has taken on an incredibly ambitious undertaking with this latest project: a detailed 3-part re-creation of the the Battle of Waterloo in machinima form. Do not try this at home. By taking on such a studied and pivotal battle, he risks the scrutiny of all the armchair historians who will point out that General So-And-So would never wear his hat that way. Thankfully, Naxzul has always been up for tasks like this, paying attention to details as well as providing top notch entertainment. Noticeable use of mods like JFC's flags (as authentic as they come) are examples of the attention to authenticity. Bring it on.

The Toolbox
In the end-credits, Naxzul lists his tools as Sony Vegas 9, Pinnacle Studio 12, and Ulead Cool 3D. I am familiar with Pinnacle and Ulead, but I do not use them myself and can only speak generally to their uses. The Ulead program is likely applied for the text graphics, the Pinnacle Studio is likely used as a pre-Vegas primer (adding certain effects that Vegas can't do easily like camera shakes), and then Sony Vegas as the production workhorse where video layering is done as well as adding audio tracks and final rendering.

Naxzul has hinted that his rig is not what he'd like it to be. It would be nice to see this change...a 1080p rendering at a higher resolution would be welcome, as some sharpness is definitely lost watching this and previous vids at full screen. His transition over the last few vids to the 16:9 wide-screen format has been a real plus though, and sharper text graphics have brought that aspect of his presentation to the level of his filming talent.

-<>-

So...when we say "Naxzul's fingerprints", what exactly do we mean? Well, each vid artist, while constantly tweaking and experimenting, still can't help putting their signature on a piece of work, purposely or not. There are comfort zones relating to choice of musical score, camera angles, pacing, favourite mods, and colour palettes. Naxzul adds new flavours in Waterloo Part 1, but, almost always to the benefit of this piece, he uses some of his classic tricks. I'll touch on many of these items later, but for now we'll talk about his biggest signature of all: The Naxzul Look.

The Naxzul "Look"
The best way to describe the Naxzul Look is to think of a classic 1970s epic war pic shot on a smoky bright sunny day. The colours are slightly washed out, the glow is cranked, and a bit of contrast has been thrown to bring things to life. Sky and background is thus washed out in the haze, making the battle "room" smaller, and giving more opportunities for soldiers to be cast against a non-descript background, allowing for the greater illusion of depth of field (a holy grail for vid makers).

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

There is no button to push to do this. This is created through months of tweaking and playing with multiple video layers. The ingredients will be Black and White, Contrast, Brightness, Glow, Colour Balance/Correction, likely some HSL Adjust, and perhaps some combo of Soft Focus and Sepia. The measurements of each? That would be Naxzul's recipe. And like Mom with her magic formula for her apple pie, he would be polite enough to tell you (mostly) what that recipe is, but the rest of us are polite enough to never really ask

.

Other Signature Items
The audio in Waterloo Part 1 is another example of classic Naxzul. He mixes in-game sounds with music, and throws in voices and sound effects from external sources that enhance the experience. The music, as always, is a mix of authentic, traditional period marching band tunes with larger more modern sweeping scores. Naxzul grabs the voices from the sounds.pack files and applies them where needed on top of the recorded battle sounds (otherwise it could be HOURS before that guy says what you want him to say!).

This vid, like his others, has a clear beginning, middle and end. The scene is set, somebody is marching, somebody is waiting, the cannons roar, muskets fired, the cavalry arrives, the soldiers get bored of shooting and decide something intimate is more interesting (with bayonets and swords) and then all hell generally breaks loose. His formula is his standard, but it is used because it works.

And like in his other productions, Naxzul employs a balanced mix of moving cameras, intelligent zoom shots (N-key shots we call them), fixed camera marches (Delete key shots), his signature circling cam on an individual soldier, and his sky shots that show how the battle is developing. It is with his camera work, however, where Naxzul is throwing us the greater surprises and curveballs. In previous videos of his, I have never seen so many lingering, personal shots: camera work that presents the individual on the battlefield. Where in the previous works, the death of one soldier has always been in a large group of fighting men, Naxzul has brought this battle into your lap. With deft uses of intelligent zoom and fuzzy backdrop, he is bringing some of these soldiers to life. This is a noticeable shift in technique for Naxzul, and it is very, very effective.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

So this is clearly entertaining...but what makes Waterloo Part 1 "great"?
There is not one second of this video that accidentally makes the final cut. Now, that doesn't mean everything was planned... sometimes the money shots occur out of the blue. But it does mean that every second of audio and video is in the final render for a purpose. Does the camera move right to left, or left to right? Zoom in, or zoom out? In-game sound for this little clip, or music, or both? Each of these is done consciously. Let's look at some examples.

:06 - zooming in on Nappy...why in and not out? Zooming out give the impression "the subject is part of something larger". But zooming in, the message is "let's look into the mind of the genius/maniac" and see the world through his eyes. This is evidenced in the next few seconds, that take us to the battle map from the perspective of the French.

:36 - no zoom... just Wellington. Why no zoom in or out? Because he is waiting... stoic... calm... patient.

1:48 - page turning transition. Now, I am not a fan of these kinds of graphic transitions, but thankfully Naxzul got some of his experiments out of the way in the pre-release trailers, and now uses these seldom and with moderation. Regardless, the transition shouts "meanwhile, back at the farm!" and behold that is exactly where we end up.

2:22 - the time between clip changes has now been drastically reduced, getting quicker as the French approach the maison. Again, no accident... Naxzul is picking up the pace and building drama towards the inevitable hand-to-hand combat.

Another way in which this vid is great, and not simply entertaining, is the shift in audio music as the video comes close to conclusion. While the technical transition from traditional marching music to sweeping score at 4:54 is a little rough for my taste, the overall effect is brilliant. Naxzul is now taking us from a message of "I've ticked the boxes and you now believe you really are at Waterloo" to "Put on your seat-belt, this puppy is going epic in 3...2...1...". And, as promised, here come the rockets, the explosions, and the body-count. The camera views get higher and we get backwards sweeping pans (like laying open your hand and saying "I present you with.... DEATH!"). Long panning camera shots, held for many seconds at 6:15 are part of this effect.

Conclusion
Lastly, the end shot of a single soldier falling (and not the easier, more predictable scenes of massive carnage or bright explosions) is a wonderful touch, showing a subtlety that his earlier pieces somewhat lacked. Which brings us to our conclusion. That is, if there has been an underbelly to Naxzul's machinima in the past (and you have to look damned hard to find it), it is the lack of deft and nuanced touch. What has defined this for me as his greatest video to date (and therefore arguably the greatest TW video to date), is that subtle dramatic handling has caught up to his never-disputed technical superiority. It would be interesting to know whether he is conscious of this change and can explain it, or if it is a natural unconscious progression - we likely won't know for sure. Naxzul remains as enigmatic as ever... polite, excellent, but sharing very little of his own mind. The closest we may come to figuring him out is by analysing his work. I don't mind in the least bit.

by Nanny de Bodemloze

From the Editor's Desk

I hope you all found something to your taste in this issue. If we have introduced you to an AAR you liked, then do make the effort to post on its thread. By doing so you will warm the cockles of an AARtist's heart far more than any dry dusty view-count can ever do!

Please also consider repping our worthy reviewers: Ariovistus Maximus, Nanny de Bodemloze, René Artois, and Skantarios.

If you want to write for the Quill, you will be welcomed with open arms. Just send me a PM. If you don't feel like making a commitment, then simply PM me with a mini-review, an article about creative writing, or even just something you want to say about AARs. All these things can be found a home in the Quill.

So, until next time, farewell and happy reading!

Juvenal

**Junius** · August 01, 2010, 11:28 AM

Really good issue guys. Great writing, keep up the good work.

**Finlander** · August 01, 2010, 12:40 PM

Great work! Can't say else.

**Santini** · August 01, 2010, 03:09 PM

Thanks Juevy!

Commentary like that is the reason I keep getting sucked back into the game :-D

**Christian Goth** · August 03, 2010, 07:59 AM

Great reviews. The great thing about doing this AAR is as you say, I'm learning english by doing it

I admit there are some errors now and then, but it's not like people can't read and understand the meaning of it, I trust it they would speak up then so I could correct it.
Yeah about that missing map of europe, I would add one if I could use photoshop. Got a nice map of Europe in the 1800, useing that and place arrows showing each attack would have been great. The map ingame is so small that I haven't used it on purpose. So for now people will have to rely on their memory to know what's going on, until I find somebody with great skills in photoshop.

I am however wondering on when you wrote the review

Must have been some time ago, since the Russian empire was divided in the update the 1st of July, and the 13th of july peace between Denmark-Norway and The Republic of Russia was signed. With your thoughts on Napoleon I see you have used a picture from the battle of Berlin(French attackers against Danish defenders), but fails to mention that France attacked Denmark-Norway in the update of the 15th of July. (Will the expanding Kingdom of Denmark-Norway come into conflict with the aggressive Napoleon?) - It's already happening

Anyway I really liked your review, it was very honest and pointed out some things that would improve it for the readers of this AAR. Keep up the good work!

**Juvenal** · August 03, 2010, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by Christian Goth

I am however wondering on when you wrote the review

Must have been some time ago...

Skantarios submitted the review at the end of July, but I suppose it might have been based on notes taken earlier. Hopefully he will clarify this in due course.

Anyway, I am pleased you liked the review. It is our mission to be entertaining, informative and above all balanced. I am sure you will realise that these objectives can sometimes be in conflict, so a reviewer who can achieve all three is definitely worth their weight in gold!

**Thokran** · August 03, 2010, 11:06 AM

Great job, guys! Completely outstanding work!

I feel great to have been reviewed, and it's always good to hear constructive criticism as well. I'll admit, I did get hasty over the summer ion my excitement to continue the campaign, throwing caution to the wind at times and neglecting simply grammar/spelling errors. With school coming soon, I hope to slow down a bit to be more methodical and thorough with my future updates.

Big thanks to Juvenal for the amazing edition, and to my friend and fellow AARtist Skantarios for the stellar review. I feel humbled and honored by it all.

**Skantarios** · August 03, 2010, 11:39 PM

Greatly appreciate the positive feedback. The reviews of Thokran's and Christian Goth's AARs were my first and I hope the future ones are equally well received. I will always attempt to be balanced and keep my criticisms constructive.

To answer Christian Goth's question, I was fully caught up on his AAR when I posted the review. The quotes I put at the end of the review:

Will he meet the same fate as Napoleon and be lost in a long war of attrition or will the teetering Russian Empire collapse under the weight of their attack?

Will the expanding Kingdom of Denmark-Norway come into conflict with the aggressive Napoleon?

These were meant to generate interest in the AAR and not to mark where he was when the review was written.

I refer you to the very next line of the review:

These are questions that are answered in later posts.

As I said, those questions are answered in the AAR. I guess a critique I will carry away from this is not to put in spoilers for the AAR in my reviews.

Again, I'm glad the reviews were well received. Both Thokran and Christian Goth have written great AARs and it was my pleasure to comment on them.

Thanks also to Juvenal for his enormous patience with his writing staff and for putting together this outstanding publication.

**Beer Money** · August 04, 2010, 02:10 AM

I empathize with your plight of real life. It is a plague that strikes the best of us.

Wont get to read much before I pop to bed but wanted to say awesome job on keeping up the good work.

It should be fun catching up.

**Lord de Lyonesse** · August 04, 2010, 05:28 PM

Brilliant, I'm writing an article now Juvenal.

**ReD_OcToBeR** · August 04, 2010, 10:19 PM

Good stuff, i liked the section where you explained why you write. Behind "closed doors" articles always interest me.

**Tim1988** · August 05, 2010, 01:14 PM

A good read as always. Keep it up

:

**~~SiNCRO~~** · August 24, 2010, 11:57 AM

Brilliant, wonderful and amazing collection! I loved Why I Write All I can say is a BIG THANKS to all!

**Juvenal** · August 24, 2010, 12:12 PM

Originally Posted by SiNCRO

...All I can say is a BIG THANKS to all!

And thank you too. There is nothing quite like praise for helping to persuade my loyal crew to write some more!

My dear readers, if you have something to say about writing and AARs, then write it down and send me a PM. The Letters Section of Critic's Quill was created for the express purpose of enabling you to tell us what you think, please take advantage of it.