Empire AI (comedy thread)

[PallasArmata]

The lovely people at CA have carefully explained that the AI will never reach HAL level, but maybe they should set a realistic target.

For instance:

The Roomba (at least it can handle basic path-finding!)

Aircraft Autopilot (it can run 30 minutes without crashing)

GPS device (it can follow a plan)

Leaf blower (it doesn't suck)

Toaster (every few minutes it pops up with something good that surprises you)

Coffee table (you can watch it for hours without it embarrassing itself)


Now, add your own!

[Tim_Ward]

Shogun.

[StrawberryDUTCH]

Well anything above "drunken elephant attempting the cha-cha" would be an improvement.

[Pdguru]

I would suggest the following:

The "Anti-Zombie" Algorithm - when units bump into each other they take a correct course to avoid creating wave of wandering witlessness.

The "Guide Dog" Algorithm - while the animated soldiers don't have actual eyes, they are guided by something else intelligent.

The "Bat" Algorithm - being blind does not mean the animated units have no idea where they are going and alternative methods are used to make intelligent pathfinding decisions.

The "Last Dance Panic Avoidance" Algorithm - when time seems to be running out, units don't just run headlong into their mates and their targets because they're horny and don't want to go home alone.

[♔ brucedickenson♔]

Maybe things got too complicated after shogun/mtw1

[daniu]

Yo' BAI's so dumb, it thinks if it charges its troops, it will invent electricity.
Yo' BAI's so dumb, it will march its troops towards the pretty light of the percussion shell impacts.
Yo' unit AI's so clever, if you set them to fire at will, instead of firing they will start discussing whether AI can actually have a free will.

[monsterfurby]

Yo' BAI's so dumb, it thinks if it charges its troops, it will invent electricity.
Yo' BAI's so dumb, it will march its troops towards the pretty light of the percussion shell impacts.
Yo' unit AI's so clever, if you set them to fire at will, instead of firing they will start discussing whether AI can actually have a free will.

Yo' unit AI's so clever, if you set them to fire at will, they'll shoot Private William.

[razor1952]

http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=332183

Try this thread.A must read for ETW gamers I think.

[daniu]

http://www.twcenter.net/forums/showthread.php?t=332183

Try this thread.A must read for ETW gamers I think.

Yo' average gamer's so dumb, he thinks the ETW AI will become Skynet.
Although
Yo' CAI's so dumb, if it becomes Skynet and starts a thermonuclear war, it manages to let people survive it.
Yo' BAI's so dumb, if it becomes Skynet and goes back in time to stop its arch enemy, it gets outsmarted by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[Inhuman One]

The leafblower doesnt suck, but it does blow.

[Sir Winston Churchill]

Empire: Total War AI: Based off that kid in 2nd grade who ate glue.

[Inhuman One]

Couldnt they have based it off that kid in college that sniffed glue? he would think more creative thoughts I am sure.

[bigfootedfred]

Well it may not be the best, but its better than previous TW's.


Rome for example, you could hold an entire city with 4 units of phalanx, AI would charge its archers and everything else straight into the spears...

or when attacking, you could simply line up outside and wipe out 80% of the AI army with archers and onagers wihtout losing a single man.
Or suicide generals, charoits charging straight into lines of spears head on, or the ai seemingly getting lost when trying to climb walls, or the Ai simply standing still while you shoot arrows at them from a distance..

it was only on rare occasions with rome, that i did not achive a victory with 200 at most casualties while wiping out the entire enemy army.

then theres romes CAI, which is just plain awful. exactly the same every time becuase it is all scripted, non roman factions with the exception of the egyptians, totally useless.

[Whiskeyblind]

Or out flank the enemy infantry with one unit of calvary, an watch half enemy break off and chase the horseys

[SnjoNegri]

Its fun watching scores of their cavalry rush through skirmisher pikes. Thanks ETW.

[Halvars-XII]

General: Artellary Hold Fire!
General: Men move forward
Arty Man 1: What did the General say?
Arty Man 2: I think he said FIRE!

BOOOM KABAM ZOOK TATA CRASH BOOOOOOMMMM
BLOOODDDYYYYYYYY MEEEEESSSSSSSS

General: You damm fools i have you hung for this!

[Whiskeyblind]

General: Artellary Hold Fire!
General: Men move forward
Arty Man 1: What did the General say?
Arty Man 2: I think he said FIRE!

BOOOM KABAM ZOOK TATA CRASH BOOOOOOMMMM
BLOOODDDYYYYYYYY MEEEEESSSSSSSS

General: You damm fools i have you hung for this!

Remember cannons without cannon balls are lighter and easier to move.

[Tim_Ward]

Rome for example, you could hold an entire city with 4 units of phalanx, AI would charge its archers and everything else straight into the spears...

The only reason you can't do this in Empire is that phalanx was throughly obsolete by the 18th century.

Actually, that might be an interesting experiment: could the AI win using 18th century troops against soldiers from the classic period. (probably not, since they'd just charge into melee)

[Redbeard]

The only reason you can't do this in Empire is that phalanx was throughly obsolete by the 18th century.

Actually, you can still hold a fort with four units of pikemen in pike square formation,as long as there is one hole in your wall. Place your pike squares in the hole. Watch entire AI army charge into pike squares, cav first, and get slowly ground to bits.

[IAB1789]

Actually, you can still hold a fort with four units of pikemen in pike square formation,as long as there is one hole in your wall. Place your pike squares in the hole. Watch entire AI army charge into pike squares, cav first, and get slowly ground to bits.

Or have them defend the magic circle in the middle of your fort. Your enemies will destroy themselves in a desperate attempt to take it. Bwahahahaha! (It's a little known fact that Archimedes was the first to think up the concept of the magic circle; the Marquis de Vauban explored the idea further, but alas! the technology of the 18th century was incapable of implementing his designs. It would have to await the ingenious minds at the Creative Assembly to be fully realized. The rope-throwing ninjas, on the other hand, are wholly original to CA...)