If you died and met the Christian Jesus how would you react?

[Helm]

And what kind of questions would you ask him? Bearing in mind that he does speak for the Biblical God who it turns out is very real, but only in this scenario.

[Arch-hereticK]

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, why'd you not answer my prayers you smug a-hole. Then I'd slap him the upside of his face (wherever that is), but he'd be all ninja like (cause he's God n' stuff) then we'd have an epic battle where I'd take off his mask and prove that he's satan. Cause if satan is as smart as we think he is and he feels as though he can mess with us more than God maybe satan actually wrote the bible and the "good" in it are actually "bad" and "hell" is actually "heaven".....................think about it.

That was a nice rant, I feel much better now.

[Monarchist]

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, why'd you not answer my prayers you smug a-hole. Then I'd slap him the upside of his face (wherever that is), but he'd be all ninja like (cause he's God n' stuff) then we'd have an epic battle where I'd take off his mask and prove that he's satan. Cause if satan is as smart as we think he is and he feels as though he can mess with us more than God maybe satan actually wrote the bible and the "good" in it are actually "bad" and "hell" is actually "heaven".

People today seem to think that prayers are for them. The problem is that they're for God. Those who say "OMG GOD DIdntSNSWERA MY PRANYSERS!" are obviously not believers, because God isn't a car dealer or retail salesman. The point of prayer is to ask God to forgive you for being such a jerk (all of us), and to be our loving father. Your reply is just contemptible nonsense.

I do know I'd want some explanations.

I'm sure He'd give some.

Fall at his feet knowing that if I was indeed in front of him I'd have succeeded in life.

This is really the only thing worth replying to in the whole bloody thread. At least you know what it means to be humble.

Beat him/her/it out of crap...

Yes. Surely, Jesus would allow you, a body-less spirit, to punch Him in the face. More intelligent answers from atheists.

I'd probably ask him why he didn't push for equality of womens/homosexual rights and abolution of slavery and such because that kind of things would have been good to incorporate into Christian society from the start if I had the chance. He could have also easily proved his divinity by slipping in something people won't have understood at the time but later would have been proved with science. That kind of thing may well have convinced me to start worshipping him.

Ugh. What is with this constant whining about female and gay rights? WHO CARES? Gays are just as well off as anyone else, and always have been. They just shouldn't have gay sex, and they'd be fine. Jesus Himself said that all men and women are individuals to the Lord's judgment. There is no indication that Jesus wanted everyone to kill gays or oppress women. Did you not read John 8:11? The woman who was to be stoned ("you who is without sin throw the first...") for ADULTERY, a sexual sin, was pardoned. Jesus said "Go, and sin no more". Does this not apply to homosexuality? It is, to Christians, a form of adultery. The point is that it is not for us to judge, but it is also not for us to have gay sex and sin.

Did he ever say anything that a republican might say?

Yes, actually! Republicans give away lots of their money to private charities, for example. Dems tend to be a little more stingy on that aspect (http://spectator.org/archives/2008/0...beral-scrooges). Jesus said "give away everything and follow me", so Republicans are rather closer to the ideal than Democrats. Of course, they're both corrupt and evil these days, but one is less corrupt than the other.

I think everyone is making a bit too much out of this...

I'd probably "strongly suggest" that he use my shower (he'll need it after being dead for 2K years), and then take him out to the pub (just imagine the chicks I could pull with him as my wingman ) and have a little "group smoke " with him and a couple of hotties.

Yes, because God Himself actually has B.O. WHY ARE ATHEISTS SO SNOTTY AND SARCASTIC ALL THE TIME? It makes me so angry. You know you're just throwing wrenches into things to amuse yourselves.

Outsmart him.

Impossible.

...
Then I would go to hell, ofcourse.

Everything in that post assumes that modern Christian teaching about the history of God on Earth is true. What if Christians are wrong about God's dislike of gays, or whatever? We can be wrong on some things, despite what some "once-saved-always-saved" people say. Your whole post is arrogant precisely because you think Jesus would sit there and let you blather on about Earthly rights. I seriously doubt whether He cares about all that huffing-and-puffing in your post. Perhaps he does, however, and that is what I must be cautious about. I think you're just being way too serious and humanistic about things - too material, too focused on what Jesus does within and to our world. The whole point is to be subsumed into Him outside our world, not to have equal rights or any of that nonsense.

If someone is converted to Christianity, he has equal rights (if you know what I mean).

I'd order him to send me back to Earth

Bravo.

[Watchman]

Ugh. What is with this constant whining about female and gay rights? WHO CARES? Gays are just as well off as anyone else, and always have been. They just shouldn't have gay sex, and they'd be fine. Jesus Himself said that all men and women are individuals to the Lord's judgment. There is no indication that Jesus wanted everyone to kill gays or oppress women. Did you not read John 8:11? The woman who was to be stoned ("you who is without sin throw the first...") for ADULTERY, a sexual sin, was pardoned. Jesus said "Go, and sin no more". Does this not apply to homosexuality? It is, to Christians, a form of adultery. The point is that it is not for us to judge, but it is also not for us to have gay sex and sin.

You go away now.

[Monarchist]

You go away now.

I'm not going to give up my beliefs just because they make you put your palm to your face!

[Watchman]

I'm not going to give up my beliefs just because they make you put your palm to your face!

I don't particularly care what you do with your beliefs - though I'm willing to offer some suggestions - but your retarded spiel about "gays being OK so long as they're totally hetero and not gay at all" is major facepalm.jpg territory.

[Fiyenyaa]

Well, look at it this way. In the old testament, God pretty much has those Israelites pwn up on some serious ass for a time. Yet, he tells them that to kill is a sin. Similar thing with slavery. Kind of. It's not too much of a stretch, using logic, to assume that slavery is frowned upon by Jesus. If you simply follow his rules, you will not suffer yourself to be a man's master. I really don't see how Christ condones slavery. He did mention something about being content with your lot in life, even as a slave, but that doesn't mean "enslave men, it's cool" at all.

Killing was a sin even with the ten commandments, and yet God commands Moses' son to invade Canaan, massacring all who resist; entire cities were commanded to be slaughtered, men, women and children to be put to death, pregnant women were to be run through with a sword to make sure the foetus died also. Know who the only ones spared were? The virgin girls - I wonder what their use was. Oh, wait - it tells us; they are to be wives to their captors, who slaughtered their entire civilisation.

Now, I'm pretty sure you'll come back with "well, that was just true for the times they lived in, not now."
Fine. But that means that the Bible is not perfect at all. Any perfectly realised moral law should be timeless by it's very definition; something ain't perfect if it's no longer relevant.

People today seem to think that prayers are for them. The problem is that they're for God. Those who say "OMG GOD DIdntSNSWERA MY PRANYSERS!" are obviously not believers, because God isn't a car dealer or retail salesman. The point of prayer is to ask God to forgive you for being such a jerk (all of us), and to be our loving father. Your reply is just contemptible nonsense.

I wouldn't call a father who people have to worship, who never manifests himself in any meaningful sense, and who would punish everyone with eternal damnation for the slightest transgression loving at all. I'd call him an abusive father.

[Poach]

Everything in that post assumes that modern Christian teaching about the history of God on Earth is true. What if Christians are wrong about God's dislike of gays, or whatever? We can be wrong on some things, despite what some "once-saved-always-saved" people say. Your whole post is arrogant precisely because you think Jesus would sit there and let you blather on about Earthly rights. I seriously doubt whether He cares about all that huffing-and-puffing in your post. Perhaps he does, however, and that is what I must be cautious about. I think you're just being way too serious and humanistic about things - too material, too focused on what Jesus does within and to our world. The whole point is to be subsumed into Him outside our world, not to have equal rights or any of that nonsense.

Everything in my post is lifted right from the Bible, not from modern Christian opinion. The Bible does directly and explicitly say God created Man, Woman and Eden. It does say that Eve gave into temptation and and ate the apple, it does say God expelled the two and punished their children for evermore as a result, and it does say he loves mankind.

The subject of the topic was "What would you say to him" not "What would you say to him and do you think he would take it into consideration?".

I am curious where you got the word "rights" from, as I not once attempted to claim that before God I would have any Earthly or Spiritual rights. My arguments are purely an attack on the concept that God loves and cares for each and every human being.

In my own opinion, evidence placed before me in the Bible (supposedly the Word of God, or are large parts of the Bible now accepted have nothing to do with God?) shows that God does not love mankind as suggested and infact has at several occasions shown a disregard and even hatred toward us.

[Mythos]

There was no christian Jesus, only a jewish Jesus, a fervent apocalypsist who believed that the world was going to end before he died. So if I met him, he would probably be more surprised than me.

[Helm]

There was no christian Jesus, only a jewish Jesus, a fervent apocalypsist who believed that the world was going to end before he died. So if I met him, he would probably be more surprised than me.

I meant the version of Jesus Christians believe in. The Jewish version was a heretic with demonic powers, but in this hypothetical situation he is in fact the Son of God for real, and you're meeting him.

[Mythos]

I meant the version of Jesus Christians believe in. The Jewish version was a heretic with demonic powers, but in this hypothetical situation he is in fact the Son of God for real, and you're meeting him.

You might as well ask what would I do if I met Gandalf or Santa Claus, since they are both equally fictional to the version of Jesus christians believe. You can't talk about Jesus and throw out pretty much everything he believed.

[Helm]

You might as well ask what would I do if I met Gandalf or Santa Claus, since they are both equally fictional to the version of Jesus christians believe. You can't talk about Jesus and throw out pretty much everything he believed.

Thet certainly are equally as fictional but you would probably react to Gandalf or Santa Claus differently to how you would react to Christian Jesus, in the hypothetical context of meeting them in person for real.

[Watchman]

I do know I'd want some explanations.

[Ó Cathasaigh]

Fall at his feet knowing that if I was indeed in front of him I'd have succeeded in life.

[hellheaven1987]

Beat him/her/it out of crap...

[Watchman]

Beat him/her/it out of crap...

That'd be novel, at least.

[hellheaven1987]

That'd be novel, at least.

Well, I just want to test how much violence Jesus can take before return hand.

All right, I probably just slap the right cheek, and see whether he would turn his left cheek for me to slap.

[Helm]

Fall at his feet knowing that if I was indeed in front of him I'd have succeeded in life.

Everyone will get their turn to be judged before him for all you know.

[Ó Cathasaigh]

Still, Helm. Being before the greatest thing this universe has ever seen would still be considered a high point in your/my existence...I would assume.

[Helm]

Still, Helm. Being before the greatest thing this universe has ever seen would still be considered a high point in your/my existence...I would assume.

The high point for you would be the sheer befuddling point for me.

I'd probably ask him why he didn't push for equality of womens/homosexual rights and abolution of slavery and such because that kind of things would have been good to incorporate into Christian society from the start if I had the chance. He could have also easily proved his divinity by slipping in something people won't have understood at the time but later would have been proved with science. That kind of thing may well have convinced me to start worshipping him.