Writing/Poetry Thread

I searched through the forum, and I found some poetry contest threads that I wasn't going to bring back, and another one that was from 3 years ago, so I figured I would just create a new one.

I realize that the last poetry thread attempt didn't end well...but I have some poems I wrote that I wouldn't mind criticism on, and I'm sure there are members here who enjoy writing that have something of their own to contribute. Give it a try?

I'm 16 and a senior in high school in the U.S., and these are my 4 latest compositions about various thoughts and people in my life. I write occasionally for fun, and this is some of the stuff I've come up with. Comments?

The first one is more of a reflection on life than an actual poem...but the other 3 are more poetic and hopefully less depressing and negative.They are fairly lengthy so I put them in spoilers

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Why?
Why is there pain? Why is there suffering?
Why do some live in Rwanda, and others live in Malibu?
Why do some die in Afghanistan,
and leave their family without a parent?
Why are some born into a slum,
when they could outperform any student in school?
Why are some people rich, and others poor?
Why so some of us have deformities, where others are born beautiful?
Why is someone beautiful on the inside, but rejected for how they look?
Why do some fail when they try their hardest,
and others succeed when they gave hardly any effort?
We did not choose who we would be, so why are some proud of it?
Why are some babies aborted and not given a chance?
Why do accidental pregnancies happen?
Why does a college sports star get injured for life?
Why is there dog fighting, bull fighting, or animal mistreatment?
Why does it matter what color your skin is?
Why does it matter what clothes we wear?
If something is different, why is it intrinsically bad?
Shouldn't we embrace our differences?
Shouldn't we celebrate the diversity of humanity?
Why are we here?
Why aren't we there, or simply somewhere else?
Was I meant to be here?
Is fate guiding me or do I have control day to day?
A person may live, breathe, be happy, make a living -
but does anything actually matter?
In the universe, does it cosmically matter if gays can marry?
why does it matter if there is a God, or isn't?
Why do we kill each other over something we can't prove?
Why do some people murder, steal, rape, lie, cheat?
If we are in a relationship, why would we want someone else?
Why do we make fun of the new kid?
Why do we intentionally hurt each other's feelings?

Why do we pollute, when we have only one beautiful planet?
Why do we hunt for fun and sport, killing innocent animals?
Why do we go to war over religion, oil, politics, or anything?
Why is there hatred? Why is there ignorance?
Why do we not work together for everyone's benefit?
Why do some always have to be ahead, game the system?
Why are humans endowed with intelligence and animals are not?
Why are we burdened with the responsibility of our earth?
Why is are things the way they are?
Will they ever change?
Why are people like Martin Luther King Jr., Ghandi, anyone -
why are they murdered when all they strive for is good?
Why does a mother lose their child to a bomb?
Why did 3,000 people have to die on September 11th?
Why did 6 million Jews have to die?
Why does a child have to lose their father to war?
Why does a wife have to lose their lover to a war of politicians?
Why do we treat those who love us badly?
Why can't we help who we love?
Why do we go back to those that hurt us deeply?
Why do we take advantage of someone who is vulnerable?
Why do we love those who are not good for us?
Why don't we love the person who was the best thing to ever happen to us?
Why do we take our water, our home, our family, our siblings,
our country, our planet, our loved one - our lives - for granted?
Why can't we appreciate what we have?
Why do we die alone?
Why?

I don't understand. Maybe I'm not meant to understand.
Life is so complex, so hectic, that we don't have time to figure it out.
Suddenly you are enjoying childhood with your friends,
and next thing you know, you're getting your diploma.
You once had sleepovers with your friends,
and then your kids are having them, and your grandkids.
Everyone goes their own ways,
has their own feelings,
has their own dreams,
but we are all the same.
We want to be happy.
We want to be the best we can be,
make our friends, families, and peers happy.
We want to have fun and be accepted.
We want to genuinely enjoy life,
when there is so much wrong in the world.
We want to find that one who makes us smile,
the one who never wants to leave our side.
Some never find them.
Some are left to go it alone, or some are just not given the chance.
The good die young,
and the evil live to see another day -
a day they don't deserve.
Life isn't fair, it's a game we can't win.
The game is unpredictable,
throwing everything it has at you.
Some buckle under the weight, and some manage to overcome it.
But everything ends.
We live and die, some are remembered and others forgotten.
I was taught not to curse, but when it comes down to it -
it.
If everything comes to an end,
if my life could come crashing down at any moment,
if I could suddenly die wthout accomplishing my goals in life,
If I don't get to do what I want to do,
Don't get to see what I don't want to see,
don't find happiness...then it.
I want to live every moment like it is my last.
I want to live with no regrets.
I want to do what makes me happy.
I want to be a nonconformist,
not do what all the things that they say I "should".
I want to be my own person,
not stifled by the norms of society.
I want to find happiness my own way.
If people don't like who I am,
then they can go shove it, I'm not changing.
If people don't like my clothes,
why should I care?
I'll go find someone that likes me for who I am.
I only get one life, so hell if I'm going to let it pass me by.
I want to be the best I can be.
I want to show everyone what I can accomplish as an athlete, a student, and a person.
I want to give to my community, be a good person, and succeed.
I want to be the change I want to see in the world.
I want to be me and be happy with who I am.
I want to make my friends, my family, and my loved one happy and proud.

I'm going to do all of that - and so much more.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

It's late.
I'm thinking of her.
All our memories, the fun, how she smiles -
the past - our past - races through my mind.
My body is tired and sore,
but my soul is aflame with energy.
My eyes close silently,
But my mind is screaming her name.
The fan beside me spins listlessly
as the radio quietly murmurs a tune.
Smile by Uncle Kracker is faintly playing,
struggling to be heard from the speakers.
As I drift into sleep, I do but one thing:
Smile.

I have an image of her in mind,
one I fall back on to give me strength
when all my hope is gone.
It's just us, the sky is black in the thick of night.
I do not realize, but right there next to me,
is the girl of my dreams.
Day and night, I hope, I dream that one day,
I'll have someone like her to call my own.
The image that rejuvenates me,
the image that makes me feel worth while again,
the very image that gives my life meaning -
is her smile.
The feeling is just so right,
her teeth sparkle like stars on this moonlit night.
I gently brush aside her dark hair to reveal her to me.
But despite darkness, her face shines forth,
lighting the darkness inside me.
As I look into her deep hazel eyes,
I see true beauty.
All of who she is as a person
is hidden in plain sight.
Her words are those of true love,
her eyes are the open doors to her deepest emotions,
her smile is sincere and is perfection.
Just the thought of her drives me wild.
Just the thought of her makes me smile.

There is something about her that I can't explain.
The way she makes me feel,
the butterflies in my stomach when we kiss,
the happiness I feel when I get a simple text from her,
How I feel on top of the world when she smiles at me -
It must be love.
When we lay together with her head on my chest,
When she breathes deeply into me,
letting out a sweet sigh of happiness,
when she draws back from a kiss just to look at me,
when our tongues passionately dance,
when our hands are intertwined...
it feels like forever.
It must be love.

Every moment I'm with you,
every simple thing we do together,
feels like the next best moment of my life.
If one is the loneliest number,
all it needs is another one to make it complete.
One is all you need in life.
The simplest, most basic number -
integral to our being.
Because once you have that one,
you never need anything else.
All one needs is another one.
To me, she is my one and only.
Together I want us to make two,
and be the happiest ones that ever lived.
She's all I desire.
All my prayers have been answered,
maybe someone is really watching over me.

In life all I want is love and happiness, nothing else.
I don't need money, I don't need to be the most successful man,
I don't even need a nice car and house.
As long as I have her, I can die happy.
For without love and happiness, what is there to live for?
Without them both, what is the point of existing?
We are put on this earth for reasons we don't know,
but we must find our own way through.
And I don't want to make the journey without you,
I want you right by my side hand in hand,
giving me support and love,
making me smile.
I don't want to go it alone, I don't want to be a lonely one.
With you beside me, I can accomplish anything.
With you to be there for me, I can get through any struggle.
Without you life is meaningless, simple the toil of another day -
with nothing to truly feel good about.
Without love, what would the world be?
There would be nothing worth fighting for.
I know the only two things worth fighting for,
the thought of love and you.
For you, I would jump into a burning building,
risking my life to save the one true thing in my life.
I would battle any danger that would harm you.
I will protect you until the end.
I would die knowing that I sacrificed myself for something pure.
If the odds were impossibly against me,
if there was not a single shred of hope that I would live,
I would still do whatever it takes if it means saving you.
All I have to do is wait for you in heaven,
or wherever I end up after death.
With an angel like you,
what comes after life will be something of fantasy.
And I want to be right there with you, always.
Like Romeo, I cannot live without my Juliet.
I have looked for what I want in life,
it's you and your smile:
The only real thing that I've ever known.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I brush the hair away from my tired eyes -
there's a cool mist in the thin air.
Slowly, I see a shapely silhouette,
attenuating glimmers of light shine around it.
The figure is still, standing alone against the darkness -
immersed in a grim world of confusion, it's the bastion of light.
Against the odds it battles to light the darkness around me.
My being is a shadow of what it once was, my mind clouded by fear.
Who is this that dares to release me from anguish and deceit?
It's you.
Suddenly, icy blue eyes open, piercing the dark barriers inside me.
Deep down in my heart, I feel a pulse long forgotten,
a steady beat that fills me veins with warmth, my muscles with strength.
My mind, once trapped, is free.
My lungs, once constricted, now breathe the chill air of freedom.

I blink and find myself no longer in darkness,
I am in a field, the air is stagnant.
No, this is no field - it is barren and desolate.
A single wilting flower rises pitifully from the dirt,
it's color faded and it's leaves drooping.
The harsh sun beats down relentlessly upon the petals.
I become aware of a single figure ahead of me.
Lost and confused, who is this that has valiantly come to my rescue?
It's you.
Your icy blue eyes look into mine -
I'm stunned by their beauty.
I dare not move so this moment lasts.
Then all at once, you release me from the desperation:
I feel the breeze dancing through my clothes,
rays of heat from the sun lightly kiss my cheeks.
I reach out my fingers to grasp the lone flower;
it's petals now a vibrant yellow, it's center an earthly brown.
No longer does it wilt, but it stands tall with pride.
I find myself confident and content and all you did was look into my eyes.

I shift my body, repositioning myself against the wall on my bed.
I rest my weary head backwards, eyes to the ceiling.
I give out a sigh and place my hands on my face thinking,
"Why does it have to be this way?"
I ponder this and other painful questions,
the clock reads 2:12 a.m.
My parents are asleep, the whole world is asleep.
Everyone in the world except me.
Am I just feeling sorry for myself?
Will I ever find what I'm looking for?
The ceiling fan spins with a quiet drone,
the dull delirium I experience is constant.
The silence of my room is deafening.

I slowly drift off into a sleep,
the transition between reality and fantasy hidden.
I'm lying on the beach, the sun is setting.
I hear the crashing of the waves upon the sand and rocks.
I smell the salt in the air and feel the light splash of the water.
I sense a movement beside me and a nearly inaudible murmur,
It's you.
You nestled your head deeper into my chest,
moving yourself closer to me than before.
I gaze at your face, I can't find an imperfection.
I place my hand on your hair with a soft stroke,
a slight sigh escapes your lips and you smile.
You open your eyes to look into mine.
My fingers run through your sleek hair
as your icy blue eyes search deep through my soul.
I let you in, revealing everything to you -
I want you to be mine.

You are everything I could ever want.
When I'm with you, nothing seems wrong.
My heart skips a beat when you smile.
I lose my breath when you laugh.
I forget my problems when you say those three words,
"I love you."
I lose myself in your eyes, hardly listening when you speak -
I'm speechless and star struck.
We could not say a single word to one another,
and every moment would still be better than the last.
When I am cold your touch warms my heart and soul.
When I'm down you slowly lift my chin with graceful fingers,
drawing me close for the single sweet kiss.
When I'm alone I think of you, knowing you're always there somewhere -
somewhere out there waiting anxiously to be with me again.
You appreciate me at both my worst and best.
You know who I truly am, and see deeper than any other.
In you, I see the beauty of humanity.
In you, I see all the things I strive to be and more.
Life is a journey, it has a beginning and it has an end.
In our time here, we are to find ourselves and happiness.
Whatever it is that makes us truly happy, that's what we search for.
I have searched far and wide, high and low; I think I've found it.
I have found the one thing that makes me happy and my life complete.
I have found my other half, the thing integral to my being.
I have found all I could ever want -
It's you

I wake up.
The clock reads 4:23 a.m.
I reach beside me,
I feel nothing.
I would rather have never known you,
than to wake up and reach for something that isn't there.
You're not mine.
You're still with him.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I thought it could work,
smiling with your hand in mine.
Just the thought of you and me was enough for my heart.
The world could come crashing down,
but our world would be together until the end.
Upon the beach, watching the setting sun -
there we would lie, our eyes to the sky.
Overhead shades of gold and amber faded to blue and gray.
Together we dreamt as the clouds passed us by,
the man on the moon shying his face out from behind them.
The stars illuminated your figure, your hazel eyes glowing.
You and me together, together is all we need.
But it was just not meant to be;
I thought it could work.

You were not the same,
She was just another crush.
No, but you, you are something else
the likes of which I have never before seen.
What you could do to me,
no one else had your control on me.
I'm hooked, a helpless fish in the sea.
You're my fix, one look in your eyes -
suddenly I'm floating, lost in your embrace.
Your lips curl ever so slightly,
your soft eyes start to close
and we press together into one, inseparable.
But as quickly as it started,
I'm tossed back out to sea -
just another guy to add to her list.
I'm a statistic, I'm an afterthought.
I thought it could work.

I'm cupid's fool, simply her fleeting entertainment.
I'm a means to an end,
one without any meaning.
They say everything happens for a reason
but we choose our fate.
She chose me as her temporary toy.
But like a child, her toy soon became boring.
I thought something was there.
She seemed too good to be true. I was blind, she was angelic -
she is love, she's all I need.
I saw her in a dream once.
She stood there in the deep blue ocean,
gazing upon me with earthly brown eyes.
Then she dives underneath the waves, eluding my grasp.
She's like a dolphin, playfully attractive and sleek.
So real, so compelling, maybe it's her Native American ancestry -
ancestors that believed in nature; true beauty.
That's what I saw in her.
A vision, astride atop a mountain, leaves dancing in the wind -
the rugged landscape and nature's inexplicable perfection...
all embodied in her.
Like the wolf, fierce and independent,
like the eagle, soaring among sun and star,
so proud and majestic as its wings beat
to the beat of the world stranded in the darkness of the universe.
But no, she's just a girl.
Two faces, one of truth and one of lies.
Some are lucky enough to be shown the lies,
and some are unlucky enough to believe them.
Some see what they want to see,
the beauty, the majestic demeanor, the love.
Humanity seems too good to be true
until it repeatedly proves you wrong.
I thought it could work.

I strive to have but one face,
a face of reality - who I really am.
I want my smile to be my own,
not one of lies and deceit.
I want my eyes to be the windows of my soul,
not shrouds of my true character.
I want my words to be those of love,
not words of lust and desire.
I want the world to know who I really am,
and not to be judged for how I appear.
The first impression is the one that lasts,
so why do some fake who they are?
Real people are those worth knowing
for those are whom you can count on,
when life is unkind or unfair,
they will be there to pick you back up
from the depths of your despair.
When pieces of us lie shattered on the floor like a puzzle,
they know just how we fit back together.
They understand that we are people, not a puzzle.
When our heart is broken in two,
they want to just be there with you.
These real people are hard to find,
but all you need is one -
for they are there forever and ever
to be the shield on your back,
the armor to your body,
to help withstand everything life can throw at you,
and provide the strength to keep you going
when nothing seems worth fighting for.
To know such a person is a true blessing from whatever higher power there is.
You must cherish them for every waking moment
because nothing lasts, nothing gold can stay
except for the shining brilliance of friendship.
A lover may satiate your lust for a day, a week, maybe a year -
but a friend is someone who will walk in
when the rest of the world walks out.
A relationship is temporary,
friendship withstands time and life's hardships.
We often forget who we are and why we're here.
And then you see that person,
smiling with sincerity and love,
that's when you realize why life is worth living.
A kiss can be bittersweet,
relationships may come and go like the passing of time,
but those are not what life is measured by.
You could date everyone in the world,
you could be the most attractive person to ever live,
and still be the loneliest person in the world.
Life is measured by our actions and friendships.
Many are disillusioned by dreams of romance
but when you find that one friend,
the one who knows your darkest secrets, your deepest fears, all your desires,
we often are blind to what we have.
They may not be the most attractive,
they may not be our ideal of someone we want to be with,
but hope springs eternal, and from friendship springs love.
That person is the one who understands you.
They appreciate you on more than just a superficial level.
In all the laughs, the memories, and challenges you faced together,
love is hidden underneath waiting to be discovered.
I think that is why we are here:
to journey through a harsh reality until we find something -
the happiness we all crave in our wildest dreams.
Sometimes, it's standing right in front of you, invisible; waiting to be discovered.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

(yours are very good, but I dont want other master256362 poems anymore )

Originally Posted by Atlassmurf

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

(yours are very good, but I dont want other master256362 poems anymore )

Don't be mean.

Its just a matter of opinion.

Ireland rules.

The first one is incredibly cheesy.

Not much style, not much substance.

Maybe I don't understand them.

They're long, but I suspect you did not spend much time writing them. Make them shorter and with more substance. Think before you write. Good poetry doesn't just happen.

Your poems are like a continuous flow of consciousness. They have feeling, they are genuine, but lacking in technique, substance and refinement. It's a bit like poetic prose -- one big long text which says, basically, what is written. This is not enough for a poem -- it must say more than what is written.

Im moving all the poetry subjects to the Arts section.