English Non-achievements
Before I begin, this is just a little bit of fun, a joke for those who don't like the English.
Anyway, this is just a thread about little jokes I have with my English friends and an Indian guy called Gagan, and we argue against English inventions, whereas they try to disprove them. There's more than this, but these are some of the biggies. Some are the obvious ones, some are things the English didn't really know they'd invented... or that they thought they had. Personally, I think the English have a massive superiority complex, but obviously that's being stereotypical. It's just that many are, and if you don't think so, fine.
Anyway, remember guys, it's just a JOKE. I realise that there are good parts to England too. Sorry to be patronising, but the mood of the VV often means that some people just lose their sense of humour.
Now,
No. 1. The Jet Engine. Now I thought that the English actually HAD invented this - Frank Whittle, I thought. But no.
Henri Coandă not only invented the modern jet engine, but built the first jet aircraft, the Coanda 1910.
And for those of you who know their fluid mechanics, he discovered, or rather, gave a name to the Coanda effect - you know when you pour liquid slowly, it 'sticks' to the carton and runs down it? That's it. The jets of flame stuck to the side of plane even though the exhausts were pointed away a little. Obviosuly it had a problematic effect on a wooden plane
René Lorin, in 1913 also made a similar engine, and if you want to be looser on a jet engine, then the 16th Cent. Ottomans and 12th Cent. Chinese used steam and gunpowder jets for similar effects.
2. The Battle of Waterloo.
Of course, as all the english know, the battle of waterloo was won heroically through the brilliance of wellingtonbalhblah I think not. As historians know, it was Napoleon's failure to exploit the hole in the line that he made, mainly by failing to send in his Imperial Guard, which would have certainly won. But it is certainly agreed that it was pretty pear shaped until Blucher arrived.
It's clear even from this diagram that he managed to sandwich Napoleon. So for the english, it was a fluke, and they took all the credit afterwards of course!
3. The seed drill.
Not Jethro Tull, but the Sumerians used primitive tubes for the purpose in 1500 BC (call it BCE if you want, but you know it's the same thing with a diff. name). But the multi seed iron planter, almost identical in design and function to Tull's, was invented by the Chinese in about 1637.
4. The structure of DNA
Often lauded as a British discovery, the structure was discovered by Watson and Crick, Watosn being an American. Freiderich Meischer, a Swiss, actually isolated it in the first place as well.
5. The Pencil
Yeah, the English hit upon marking sheep with graphite, but the Italinas thought 'Hey, let's put it in a wooden holder.'
6. The Radio
Not English. They made the first signal, but why make one if you can't recieve it. Alexander Popov of Russia made the first reciever (and used it successfully), and Edison and Tesla of American and (well, he would have been born in Croatia if it had been independent at the time) Croatian fame.
7. The Battle of Britain.
No, the RAF wasn't amazing, it was nearly dead. But Hitler stopped Goering and made him start bombing London (I compress so much history into a sentence!), and the RAF recovered. So it's Hitler that won the BoB.
8. Of course, we all know how seamlessly WW1 and the Battles at Loos, Somme, Paschendaele, etc. went. (I know that German losses at the Somee were actually massive, but that's not the point)
9. Fish and Chips
Chip = Potato sliced and fried in oil. Tradition of Belgians.
Battered Fish. Some sources say Italian, others Jewish Immigrants.
10. Afternoon tea and cakes.
One of my fave 'non-english' things. Invented by the Portugese.
11. Agincourt (and all cases of archery expertise)
Elite longbowmen were copied from the Welsh. You may say that that's cos you're better, but if you're so good then how come you were so bad at putting down the Welsh rebellions?
12. Saint George
Also the patron saint of Aragon, Catalonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Greece, Lithuania, Palestine, Portugal, and Russia, as well as the cities of Amersfoort, Beirut, Bteghrine, Cáceres (Spain), Ferrara, Freiburg, Genoa, Ljubljana, Gozo, Pomorie, Qormi, Lod, Barcelona and Moscow
And he was from Bithnyia, under Diocletian (so we think :S)
13. Football.
Invented hundreds of years ago in the Far East. Only the modern rules were laid down by the FA.
14. Blood transfusions
Actually, Karl Landsteiner, an austrian, seperated blood types, and the Italians and French more or less simultaneously invented the idea of blood transfusions.
15. Tarmac
Invented by a Scot, John MacAdam, hence Tarmacadam - tarmac.
16. Railways
Actually, they DID invent the steam locomotive. BUT:
- They did not invent the steam engine. That was Hero of Alexandria.
- They did not invent railways. The Greeks did to pull ships across the isthmus of Corinth.
- He was a Cornishmen, so he was as about as un-English as you can get whilst still being English
17. Alfred the Great was an Anglo Saxon, who died long before the Enlgish even existed.
18. The destruction of the spanish armada.
Drake, supposed vanquisher of the Armada, was busy during the battle of gravelines looting a spanish gold ship, rather than fighting. He joined in later, but one ship wouldnt make a difference, especially if you've ever been to London and seen his ship the Golden Hind. It's patheitcally small. As we all know, even after the fireships, for all their naval shortcomings, the Spanish had only lost 2 ships. They were then destroyed by storms sailing around scotland.
19. The Charge of the Light Brigade. Yeah, that's something to be proud of, isn't it?
20. The Welsh, who the English may regard as country dwelling inferiors, invented:
Radar
Modern meteorology
Aeroplane (personally I know it’s not true, but they had a patent for it anyway
Fuel cell
X rays (failed to note discovery, so rontgen gets the credit)
Deep space photography
1st person to cross the atlantic in an airship
The Scottish, amongst millions of other things:
Pedal bike
Canal designs of Thomas telford
Chicken tikka masala
Stamps,
bank of England,
Bovril,
breech loading rifle,
cholorofrm,
fountain pen,
finger printing
The Irish:
Electron
Beaufort Scale
Guided missiles
Modern seismology
Radiotherapy
Kelvin scale
As I said, it's not like I'm trying to prove anything. It's just a laugh.
Please enjoy
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Originally Posted by SonOfAlexander
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