Non-Reproduction (continued thread)
Originally Posted by Phier
This is a continuation of the thread in the personal advice forum, which is straying to far from the OP.
Ashashi this is a good question which does not have a single answer.
First, its difficult to discuss with people under 30. Its not that its universal, its normal to have children before 30, but mentally in our current western society under 30 is still treated (and many still act) like children. You are so caught up in your own life and your own wants/desires plus what society says you should be (which is NOT a mother) that children seem like nothing but a road block, a hindrance to what you hope will be happiness. Sadly they are wrong at that age, completely, but I was there and understand it.
As such I expect 'adult adolescents' to often react with the 'oh I won't have any kids' response, which is good because they are not ready for it. My first child was born when I was 34, and I wasn't sure if I was ready then. I was and I regret it wasn't sooner.
Now this brings us to the 'I hate kids' crowd in women and I've known a few. I think there is more than one cause for this and none of it is having kids. Part of it can be jealousy. Women in loveless relationships, or no relationship at all, see happy mothers blather on and on about their kids and their kids did this and that, blah blah blah. Its both boring and infuriating to them as they don't see much prospect for them in that department. Will they say 'I hate myself for being unattractive and not having a solid relationship?' No, they will do the human thing and put the blame where it hurts the least, the kids.
Which do you think is the most likely response?
"Oh Jannet, do you plan to have any children?"
Response 1: Well I've got a loveless sexless marriage, he barely touches me anymore, and I just can't see it in our future.
Response 2: No I really can't stand kids.
Personally I think this covers a lot of the 'hate kids' crowd for the women.
Now what about those who do have good relationship, who aren't unattractive, who do have sex?
These are most often the liberal (US definition) yuppies. Oddly Mr. Libertarian here has several friends like this. They have all been married for years, seem to be ok in their relationship, and its gotten to the point where its uncomfortable to bring up children. Some start to treat the pets like surrogate children at this stage. As to why they never had children I can only guess. I think its in part the concept that they think they need to be 'successful' above all else. They need a constant 6 figures minimum. They need the cars the vacations etc. This doesn't always work out, and kids would slow down this drive for success they were told to expect in my generation (and worse in the Y's). Its worse on the women, who feel they need to be 100% secure in their success to have children 'safely'. Normally that level doesn't come into your 40's and boy its fun to get downs syndrome tests, so they miss their window for children. Based on how I've seen them act with other peoples children, and their own pets. I hope they won't regret it too much as they get older and all those 'fun' things to do are just less interesting.
I also think they over think the issue. They seem themselves as poor potential parents, unable to properly bring up a child. Its ridiculous of course but its just the fear of the unknown, and let me tell you when you are about to be a parent and you want to be a good one, its quite daunting.
I often hear their justification that the planet is overpopulated blah blah blah, which is really horrible and shallow as a very quick look at the figures shows that yuppies are not taking over the earth numbers wise.
Now are there people who just truly hate children, even when they themselves are older, and would rather have a leg removed than children? Yes, I think so. Its more of a psychological pathology than a personality, but I'm sure its possible.
I really feel sorry for those who never have children. Its not taking part in a large bit of the human experience. You can think understand children and parents intellectually without having them yourself, but you are only fooling yourself.
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