The unofficial frequently asked questions and silly answers thread:
* Here is my token of gratitude for the team:
The unofficial frequently asked questions and silly answers thread:
Q: Why are there no dragons ?
A: TATW had one but he won't show anymore. DisgruntledGoat painted his scales with gold while it was sleeping and picked them in the laundry to make Rhun's armours before they were washed. Poor dragon can't show on battlefield half-nude, he won't scare anyone... And since Rhun faction is more needed than a dragon...
Q: Why are there no (flying) fellbeasts ?
A: Well, the truth is Witch-King is afraid of heights... For the movie he was tied on it and stuffed with so many pills that he couldn't fly horizontally. Anyway it was just for some shots but he can't make it for countless hours needed on the battlefields ingame. When we tried to put him on by force he beginned to cry and it ended with a dwarf patting his head saying: "There, there, little one". That was so frigthening...
Q: Why is there no Balrog ?
A: Because NO BALROG ! Just kidding, the official reason is that there was issues with fire FX but in fact he went on fire after an argument with Mithrandir and broke his arm while falling in the stairs. There is also a story where that happens while shaking hands with Mr. Kong but that's not true, I assure you.
Q: Speaking of the gorilla, why was it Mr. Kong wasting time modelling the Misty Mountains faction which so few people want to play according to the last poll figures ?
A: Er... He just have some kind of... affinity with trolls (don't make me say it's morphological or anything else). For further references, watch MM faction's making off "Gorilla in the mist".
Q: Why arn't Misty Mountains misty on the campaign map ?
A: We needed to abid by the law and goblins are huge smokers you see, it's not an issue with hobbits or dwarves since they're not so much but we had to forbid smoking outside caves set for that purpose.
Q: How did you get that awesome texture for Mordor ashy's ground ?
A: We used the ashes from MM goblins above.
Q: Why no machine guns ?
A: Well the reason is as flat as the 2-D team's work: those idiotic goblins would confuse Mordor black ashes with black powder... If you have ever use some pranky explosive cigars you can imagine the outcome... But even if they wern't so useless, Saruman wouldn't let go his copyright thing. Making a breach in Helm's Deep's wall was his moment of glory after all...
Q: Why was it so troublesome to include the One in the mod ?
A: Because each time one of the modders got it to do he begun to behave anormaly and won't share his work with the team anymore saying it was too "precious" or something...
Q: Why arn't there Ents in the mod ?
A: Because some of our crew (mostly elves actually) put pressure on their faction's modder (that is SHREDDER) since they were affiliated to greenpeace and threatened us to sue us if those poor walking trees didn't get supernumerary status...
Q: Why arn't there custom settlements ?
A: We planned to do so but because of subprimes we had to give the keys back to F. Mac and F. Mae, such a misfortune...
Q: Why arn't there oathbreakers' units ingame ?
A: Because some of the team members (I won't say who) are afraid of ghosts. It was them or the oathbreakers and as ghosts had little knowledge about modding, well...
Q: Which is the strongest faction ?
A: Hobbits ! They're syndicating so well, always complaining about food, showers and god knows what... If only they wern't heroes in the books we... What ? Oh ? INGAME faction you meaned...
Q: Thus, all in all, what was the most difficult faction to put together ?
A: Dwarves, definitely ! They appear to be strong and tough but they're such sissies when it comes to their beards ! So many hours to get the right length, the right colour, the right bread in the right spot, they just made us crazy ! But elves wern't so far behind, always asking for make-up... Immortal beings taking care of their skin because "they have to live up to their legend", can you believe that !?
Q: Any nice faction to work with then ?
A: Yeah ! Sure, Dale and Eriador (minus Hobbits syndicate of course) ! Honest and simple guys, getting along well with elves and dwarves. It's because Krechet(SiCh) had so much to do to prevent figthing between those (censured) people that their textures were finished so late and missed some details. Rohan was easy to deal with too but it took some time to get everything together since people and horses where scattered all around, DrAgUt (CaPtAiN Of PiRaTeS) even said that he was lucky enough to get more men than Theoden himself before the battle of Pelennor Fields.
Q: I heard there were some issues with the white hand symbol for Isengard ?
A: You know, Alletun had his hand(s) full with uruk-hai, do you know how much time it takes to put your hand in white painting then on a shield for a whole army ? We could have used more people to do it but the hand won't have the same size and digital prints and so... As it's a standardized industrial army, he couldn't avoid it, fans are really harsh on details, I must say.
Q: How did you make such nicey 2D stuff (buildings cards, ancillaries and so) ?
A: All credits to Devils_Advocate, Code-Knight & Rogu3granny who came together with the awesome idea of stomping real stuff with mumakil till it's all flat.
Q: Who was tusking the mumakil ?
A: I believe it was Code-Knight but actually can't say since we were too busy escaping stomping and saving files from flattenning...
Q: But it didn't work so well for portraits, I believe ?
A: Yeah... IVIark121 said it was good enough for goblins, trolls, or masked folks from the east or south, beardy ones from west or north and even elves (that is goblin's point of view) but we definitely had to make heroes recognizable so Louis Lux got into play with his awesome toshop clinic esthetic surgery skills.
Q: So, most of our beloved heroes won't be on the battlefield ?
A: That's a shame but we had that pain-in-the-ass agreement in the contract stipulating that "heroes never die". Swagger and The Count(er) needed to escape it by loosy means like: "Hey, my elven bro's, Valinor's beaches are really cool in summer, why don't we go for some vacation ?".
Q: Seems you didn't get so much trouble with bad guys ?
A: Actually, we had, Sauron said it was out of question to go on battlefield without his "awesomebadasskill" movement, you know, the one that send people flying all around... He just wanted to act as the cool guy and he believed that he would be more than "just the bad Eye" ingame after being so underused in the movies (in his "human" form that is). Varjon had to promise him we'll think about some submod or custom battle to get him in as the "evil pope".
Q: What was it about Saruman then, why an ancillary only ?
A: Because of agoraphobia. He his an anxious man you know, leaving alone in his tower and so, he became a little paranoid but Presbiter had him agreed to be in only if it was from the shadows to pull the strings.
Q: And above all, no Gollum ?
A: Well, we planned to use him as a campaign map agent for a while but he's too hard to manage, always disapearing to look for his precious, we always had to keep an eye on him and Sauron was quickly fed off with the task so we just, er... tied him somehow but then he began his awful whinning, talking to himself, spliting personnality and so on, we just couldn't stand it anymore...
Q: Anyway, everyone has big hopes on the mod since the first videos were released, how did you get such quality and good animation ?
A: We were lucky to have the right people in the right place at the right time, it just happened that Linkinsander, jan, Dmitry & Timorfeys were around at the cafeteria the day we got that special lembas menu (limited to first 100 people)... It was such a fight ! Even some modders joined the melee, well, it's hard to see them on video but you can be sure they're there (I remember Mr. Kong tusking some troll to cut his way towards lembas). A great moment of fellowship !
Q: How can we (fans) help the team ?
A: As would have said Aragorn to anyone while facing a numerous goblins' horde: "No, no don't help me, you're not Dłnedain"!
Q: Anything to say about the mod coming out ?
A: Well, mod's sexual preferences doesn't concern the team in any way, "when he's ready" is the best answer.
* Update for v1.0 release:
Q: Why are Trolls overpowered ?
A: Same answer as above (see: "Speaking of the gorilla, why was it Mr. Kong wasting time modelling the Misty Mountains faction which so few people want to play according to the last poll figures ?" Q & A).
Q: Why are archers so deadly ?
A: In fact they wern't at all and Elves were the worst of the bunch ! Do you know why ? Because those damned playboys can't do a shoot without their contact lenses ! Oh, well they have candy eyes now, hinting on women and all, but they just can't hit the target ! So we had to train opponents to fall down on volleys, the drawback being that they fall in same numbers for every bowmens' unit...
Q: Why High Elves always declare war on Eriador ingame ?
A: Because there isn't enough Hobbits for everyone to play with. You need to understand that even heroes and bad guys need some stuffed friends like Hobbits to act as Teddy Bears when they cry alone at night.
Q: Why computer played OoMM steamroll every game when it was stated they'll be the hardest faction to play ?
A: Because snagas rule the world (kidding again). It's just an agreement made by their agent. They're willing to be the bad guys and get their asses kicked by human players (taking heavy losses, feeding the Balrog...) but they're allowed to own any AI controled faction to make it for that. Don't want to see Goblins stop routing and come back saying: "Hey ! Enough with that screwed script ! Let's battle for real now !", do you ?
Q: Why didn't you use Lotr movies' original music ?
A: Because Goblins complained to Smirk that there were only elven hits on the soundtrack and that they absolutely wanted to include their greatest song: "Where there's a whip, there's a way". So we had to rely on King Crab to make the necessary research and he found Jones King in the process. Amroth & The Fourth Age Total War Team were also nice enough to remember to those filthy Goblins that their culture will be wiped out one Age later.
* I apologize to anyone left out or offended, it wasn't intended. I thought of posting that in any other opened threads instead of creating one but I just couldn't make my mind about the right one so I just made a new one (sorry).
EDIT: Arg ! I missed the official praising thread by less than 2 minute.
By MadTiest:
I will first offer a general warning which is applicable to all my posts:
Warning: the following material was created by MadTiest, therefore quality may vary. Sample comments range from: 'MadTiest, old chap, the quality of your material is distressing. I commend your effort, but the result is lacking in both lulz and lolz' to 'oh snap, I need a general surgeon to reattach my buttocks for it fell off whilst I was laughing so ferosiously'. Content may be considered offensive. If you are under the age of 18, please do not continue reading, and go download porn or sumthing instead.
Q: If there is a lotr movie, and now a lotr game.. why should I still read the books?
A: You shouldn't read the books. Studies have shown that reading has detrimental effects on adults, and especially on children: reading Lord of the Rings decreases your chances of getting laid by up to 20%. Speaking elvish or black speech decreases your chances even further by a whopping 50%. Fortunately this isn't as significant a problem as you might think, considering your chances of getting laid are already at 0% and speaking elvish will not undo previous sex you may have had.
Q: Why are elves better at everything?
A: Fortunately for the haters, elves are not actually perfect. They're like the woman you’re crazy about. You want to be around her all the time, she seems perfect.. at first. She keeps telling you about her friend Kelly, with the smokin’ body, who might be in for a threesome. But a couple of weeks later when you’re in bed with your girl and Kelly, psyched as hell for a night of fantasies coming true, you find out Kelly is in fact, fatter than a troll and hairier than a hobbit’s feet. Did I mention her name is actually Bob? Exactly, your precious elves are not so great anymore huh.
Q: Why did Shved leave the team?
A: He had some private issues he had to take care off. I heard his girlfriend left him for some girl named Kelly, or Bob, something along that line.
Q: Why aren’t hobbits their own faction?
A: There are no more hobbits. The devs wanted a Gollum faction, so they had to corrupt all the hobbits and turn them into gollums. It makes perfect sense if you don’t think about it.
Q: Can i has mod?
A: Of course, try clicking this here.
* Update for v1.0 release:
Q: Why does killing orc captives hurt your reputation?
A:Think about it, orcs deserve some sympathy. Just imagine for a second that you are an orc. You were bred for war, that's your only purpose. You aren't any good at anything else besides fighting, and then, it turns out you suck at that as well and you end up captured by some elf who probably kicked your ass while reciting a poem at the same time. The humiliation. Working for Sauron is no picknick either, being bossed around by a flaming eye, no dental, travel expenses aren't reimbursed. Sure there is a generous pension plan, but you'll probably get killed before you can retire. Srsly, life as an orc sucks enough without being executed as a POW.
Q: Why do spies suck so much?
A:It's obvious really: you can dress an orc up like an elf, but the pointy eared woodfairies will still spot his ugly ass a mile away. A dwarvish spy might be mistaken for a fat kid, but the smell usually gives him away. Don't underestimate the difficulties associated with espionage. I know from experience that it's harder that it looks. For example, my recent efforts to infiltrate the girl's locker room ended in fiasco. I had put on a lovely dress, shaven my legs, filled my bra and the make-up was an Academy Award worthy. Thus, I entered the locker room, and the targets were fooled by the disguise. I was in heaven. But as I was staring with open jaw at the the good stuff (Jenny from Class 3C really filled out nicely), one of the girls, Michelle, got suspicous. I initially managed to keep my true identity conceiled by convincing her I had a roll of quarters in my pocket. But as soon as she said she needed one for the candy machine and reached into my pants it was game over. I tried to escape the angry mob of scantiliy dressed females but Michelle was still firmly holding onto the little General. I was busted. Consequently I got my ass kicked and suspended, and that's why I'm on this forum all day. Which brings me to another story about radioactive pancakes, but I'll save that for another day.
Q: Shouldn't female dwarves have beards?
A:Yes, they should. After female dwarves have been condemned to circus life ever since the end of the Third Age, I personally think it is about time they get the recognition they deserve. Most humans always downplay the cylindrical filament (hair) related problems of other races. Dwarven females should be in the mod, and they should have thick beards damnit. To a male dwarf a girl dwarf without a beard is probably the same as a bald girl to us. I know you'll hate me for that pic, but the endjustifies the means. So don't be a homophobic ass, and support the cause!
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Re: The unofficial frequently asked questions and silly answers thread:
Thats pretty good ...Nice +Rep
Originally Posted by TempestKhan
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great!!
