Total War funniest units !

**Mogador** · February 19, 2009, 04:49 AM

Hello

waiting for Empire total War, I am having such fun with Rome and Medieval2. But what makes me laugh is the many funny and strange units.

Lately, I have seen a screenshot with an elephant carrying a big gun on his back ! Difficult to aim I suppose

Are those PanzerElephant really in the game ??

I would like to know : what are the funniest units you have met in any Total War ?

Mog

PS : BTW, Total War are great games. And Empire promises to be the best !

PSS: apologizes for my "basic" english.

**The Fishman** · February 19, 2009, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by Mogador

Hello

waiting for Empire total War, I am having such fun with Rome and Medieval2. But what makes me laugh is the many funny and strange units.

Lately, I have seen a screenshot with an elephant carrying a big gun on his back ! Difficult to aim I suppose

Are those PanzerElephant really in the game ??

I would like to know : what are the funniest units you have met in any Total War ?

Mog

PS : BTW, Total War are great games. And Empire promises to be the best !

PSS: apologizes for my "basic" english.

Yes, those elephants are in the game. Though you won't find them funny if you run into them! They belong to the Timurids, basically a sucessor state to the Mongols that is located in Persia. They come in the late game and are very, very bad for anybody on the eastern side of the map.

Units I find a bit amusing:

That Portugese admiral called 'Meen'. Very strange name.
Hornet throwers in the Americas campaign.
Merchant cavalry millita, basically the peasant version of knights.
Hashashim. Why would you employ assassins on a battlefield?
The description of Highland Pikemen, which mentions something to do with 'pointy death'.
Peasants and town millitia in general. They are rather useless.
The 'throw cows' function for trebuchets.

However, the main funny thing for me is the AI, and its strange, irrational behavior:

Mongols are obsessed with Antioch (or Kiev if they come from the north) and will refuse to attack anything else, unless there is no other way to get to the city!
Before the patch, the AI didn't seem to use seaborne invasions at all. It would never take any of the islands in the Med, and you could snatch them, convert the castles to cities and leave them safely garissoned with only one town millitia. After the patch the AI became obsessed with the islands and will often betray their allies and send full stacks to take control of them.
If the AI drops its battering ram it will not pick it up again ever if there is already a siege tower or set of ladders at the walls, giving you an easy massacre of their infantry.
The AI often stages one-turn blockades of your ports for no apparent reason, starting needless wars that do nothing but drain its reputation.
The AI used to stand completely still if you had missile units, allowing you to massacre them with ease. This has changed a bit now though.
If you attack an AI faction and take one minor settlement from them which they could have easily taken back they will capitulate to you and give you loads of money and possibly more settlements. But if the AI attacks you they will refuse to surrender even if they are down to their last territory and are utterly crippled.

**Pink Beard** · February 19, 2009, 06:41 AM

Originally Posted by The Fishman

The AI used to stand completely still if you had missile units, allowing you to massacre them with ease.

ah yes... they must've thought:

captain: "men! We will use our new foolproof technique!"

soldier: "and what is that new technique?"

captain: "Hold ground in tight formations until they run out of things to throw at us!!"

soldier: "

"

**The Fishman** · February 19, 2009, 07:03 AM

Originally Posted by Pink Beard

ah yes... they must've thought:

captain: "men! We will use our new foolproof technique!"

soldier: "and what is that new technique?"

captain: "Hold ground in tight formations until they run out of things to throw at us!!"

soldier: "

"

Maybe they got into range of the missiles and decided that they didn't want to get any closer, but also didn't want to retreat from the enemy?

This still happens with cannons in sieges. In Americas I would often use culverin to blow down the native settlement walls. The natives would crowd around the entrances I made around the gatehouse, a sensible strategy if I was going to send my troops through the breach. Infortunately for them this made them good targets for the culverin. I would keep blasting them over and over again, and they would just keep standing there, even though they could easily move into cover behind the indestructable sections of the wall! Every time I hit them they would go into loose formation for a couple of seconds, then go back to tight in time for the next volley.

don't forget the Amazon Elephants.

Were they meant to be siberian mammoths or something?

**Mogador** · February 19, 2009, 07:48 AM

Could you tell us more about Amazon Elephants ?! I have never met them. Do you have a screen ?

Do you know if hornet launcher and cannon elephant ever existed ?

Mog

PS: Please, don't spend to much time about the IA. We all know it's a major flaw (should be better in ETW), but I just want your feelings about funny units

**The Fishman** · February 19, 2009, 08:04 AM

Could you tell us more about Amazon Elephants ?! I have never met them. Do you have a screen ?

I just looked for them now. They look nothing like mammoths it seems, more like repgular elephants but the size of dinosaurs. There are in Rome: Total War.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Do you know if hornet launcher and cannon elephant ever existed ?

Cannon elephants were used once or twice, apparently, but they just had very small cannons, not artillery things like in M2TW.

No idea about hornet throwers. They are quite an important unit for the Mayans in the Americas Campaign (Kingdoms), so they probably have some basis.
What really don't have any basis in reality are the rocket elephants. Fortunately they can only be accessed by cheats.

PS: Please, don't spend to much time about the IA. We all know it's a major flaw (should be better in ETW), but I just want your feelings about funny units

There aren't really many funny units in Medieval IMHO. Rome had more, like burning pigs, ninjas, Amazon chariot women and the Yubtseb.

**Arto** · February 19, 2009, 06:34 AM

Those Roman Ninjas from Barbarian Invasion and don't forget the Amazon Elephants.

**Owain Glyndŵr** · February 20, 2009, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Eddie

Those Roman Ninjas from Barbarian Invasion and don't forget the Amazon Elephants.

Lulz! I completely forgot about the Arcani.

I always laugh at the voices for ransoming Mongols... does that accent really exist? o_o

**~~Arch-hereticK~~** · February 20, 2009, 12:11 PM

Yeah, the mongols. I love when u click on an enemy mongol and he says "was it your brother I killed? You all look the same to me" makes me laugh everytime, I love unnesseccary racism.

**Sir Salisbury** · February 19, 2009, 12:14 PM

Incendinary pigs in RTW, Wardogs are pretty gnarly too.

**Ron Burgundy?** · February 19, 2009, 01:01 PM

I believe it was BI that had the Lombardi Berserkers whidh were so overpowered it was comical. Two handed swordsman that could send elephants flying through the air.

**Silent Assassin** · February 19, 2009, 02:19 PM

Camel Gunners MMMM

**Biggles** · February 19, 2009, 02:29 PM

Broken Lances, that carries un-broken lances, according to the game

**Ightenhill** · February 19, 2009, 02:49 PM

Funniest unit has to be all my spies... All that training and the guy obviously disguises himself as Ronny McDonald the number of times the fool gets caught...

**Pink Beard** · February 19, 2009, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by Ightenhill

Funniest unit has to be all my spies... All that training and the guy obviously disguises himself as Ronny McDonald the number of times the fool gets caught...

Yeah... besides who made those silly rules of spying?!
Damn since when is there a death penalty for looking at priests???

**Monsieur Alphonse** · February 20, 2009, 05:30 AM

Originally Posted by Pink Beard

Yeah... besides who made those silly rules of spying?!
Damn since when is there a death penalty for looking at priests???

Ever heard about the Catholic church and the Spanish Inquisition? Those guys want to keep their business with young boys and girls a secret. OOps

Now they gonna get me.

**Mattzo12** · February 20, 2009, 05:43 AM

I like the "Stand still and get shot at" stategy the AI likes to use.

I was playing For king or country mod yesterday and I had 9 units of missile cavalry (1 being my general, so he couldnt shoot

) left pinned against the side of the map.

The AI still had hundreds left, and they just stood there. So I targeted a unit of enemy muskets.

By the time there army closed in for the kill I had brought down there unit of 77 muskets down to 25. I lost 3 more knights before they routed.

At the end of the battle I had an army of my general and his body guard! Hurrah.

**Arto** · February 20, 2009, 12:27 PM

For some reason I think the Mayan Hornet throwers are funny because they're so

ing useless.

**TSD** · February 20, 2009, 08:09 PM

the genoese sailors and pilgrims, seriously a bunch of guys with clubs and a bunch of guys with knives that are unarmored will actually charge into battle against fully armored knights. Lunacy. I mean with the peasants they have a pitchfork, I mean they can at least stab someone at range with that.