Economics

[Calamari]

I thought I'd start a list of economic terms and simplified explanations for everyone to read so that we are all on the same page when talking about well, economics.

Socialism:

You have two cows. Y

You give one to your neighour.

Communism:

You have two cows.

The state takes both and gives you some milk.

Facism:

You have two cows.

The state takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism:

You have two cows.

The state takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism:

You have to cows.

The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws away the milk.

Traditional Capitalism:

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and you retire on the income.

Surrealism:

You have two giraffes.

The state demands that you take harmonica lessons.

American corporation:

You have two cows.

You shoot one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later you hire a consultant to figure out why the cow dropped dead.

Enron Venture Capitalism:

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother in law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transfered via an intermidiary to a Cayman Island Company secretley owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says you have eight cows with the option for one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.

The public then buys your bull.

Corporation French :

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot and block the streets because you want three cows.

Japanese Corporation:

You have two cows.

You redesign them so that they are one tenth the normal size and produce twenty times the milk. You then develop a clever cow cartoon called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide.

German Corporation:

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so the live to be 100, eat once a month and milk themselves.

Italian Corporation:

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

You decide to go to lunch.

Russian Corporation:

You have two cows.

You count them again and you have four cows. You count them again and you have 40 cows.

You give up and have another bottle of vodka.

Swiss Corporation:

You have over 5000 cows.

None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners to store them.

Chinese Corporation:

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them and claim to have good employment and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the news crew that reported the truth.

Indian Corporation:

You have two cows.

You worship them.

British Corporation:

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

Iraqi Corporation:

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none. Noone believes you so they bomb the crap out of your country and invade.

You still have no cows but at least you're a democracy...

Australian Corporation:

You have two cows.

Buisness seems to be going well so you close the office and have a few beers to celebrate.

New Zealand Corporation:

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.





This is just a bit of fun people. No offe3nce meant.

[Viking Prince]

Funny -- but better form would be to give credit for that which is not original thought. Just a suggestion.

Regards.

[Calamari]

Not all of them are mine. Some were from a poster I saw once. I thought the whole cow thing was funny and made up some more.

[Strattios]

Some changes: If it offends, grow up. It's just cows.

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows..
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
milk the other,
and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond,
drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk,
and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks she's French, other times she's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk..
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[C-Rob]

lmfao, that was an excellent and "informative" read!!! haha.

I guess strattios' is good too, but i like the OP's better.

[bushbush]

this thing is a on poster with illustrations, i saw it on my friend's dorm room wall.

[Calamari]

this thing is a on poster with illustrations, i saw it on my friend's dorm room wall.

Like I said, not all of them are mine lol.

Marxism:

You have two cows.

There is a revolution and you are overthrown for having more cows than anyone.

Freudian:

You have two cows.

You can't help thinking about their udders.

Luxembourg Corporation:

You have two cows.

No one seems to notice you.

Disneyism:

You have two cows.

You lose one and send the other on an adventure to rescue the first.

They live happily ever after.

Rastafarianism:

You have two cows.

"Don't Bogart that joint, pass the duchy down the left hand side." Says one.

Jehova's witness:

You have a door.

Two cows knock on it.