Never Let Your Wife Wear a Thong to the Supermarket
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By rockinjoe
You are being watched every second!
You Never Know Who's Behind the Security Cameras
There’s no real screening for LP or security employees. Other than sometimes a criminal background check and in some cases drug testing, anyone can get a job doing it. A Store Detective position is most times an entry level position. There should be some sort of morals testing one must take before being hired in a retail establishment. Especially if that person will be operating a camera system.
The job attracts those who want to be police officers, those who tried, but couldn’t be police officers, (and think they still are) guys who still think we’re fighting Nam, a few guys/girls (such as myself) who really enjoyed the job and last but not least, perverts. In fact, LP is an acronym for “Lottsa Perverts”
Any job with easy, unsupervised access to cameras has the ability to attract perverts, child molesters, peeping toms, and other assorted freaks of nature.Add the above to the fact that today's cameras have the ability to pan, tilt, zoom, adjust focus, adjust color, freeze, e-mail, and especially PRINT and you could have a full blown production of your big ol' booty in aisle #9 and never know it. Pretty scary, huh? Honest customers are oblivious to the cameras when they shop. Shopping is supposed to be a relaxing, unhurried experience. People sort of let themselves go when they shop. You'd be surprised at the number of nose pickers, wedgie pluckers, and ass scratchers I've seen over the years? Would you pick your nose in line at the supermarket? Of course not. Why do it an aisle? They do it because they don't feel they are being watched. Trust me. I saw you pick your nose last Thursday. It was disgusting. I could have easily printed photos, made a DVD or emailed them to my friends. Consider yourself fortunate I didn't. It doesn't matter, because you wouldn't know about it anyway.
As my wife was leaving the house this morning to do our weekly shopping, I happened to notice the way she was dressed. I asked her, “Are you sure you want to wear those jeans to the market?”
“Sure”, she replied, “Why not?”
“Because you’re on camera everywhere in the supermarket!”, I replied. “Some sick LP is zooming in on that denim clad behind of yours and printing copies for their friends.”
“Yeah, right!”, she laughed. “I’ll be back in awhile!”
So there she went. Off to do the shopping. Bending over to get items on lower shelves, walking under camera domes designed to zoom in with remarkable clarity down her shirt and impress a group of guys in the back of the store who are absolutely loving it.
Peeping Toms ABOUND in the Loss Prevention profession. I’ve worked with them. In fact, it’s so common in the industry that it’s rarely ever given a second thought. A hot looking girl comes into the store, the camera zooms in and comments are made among the guys. What’s the big deal?
The big deal is that innocent customers and children are shopping in these stores. Whether they be of the department store, mall, supermarket or other retail environment, beware that someone is watching and could be checking you out. Even worse, they could be checking out your children. You never know who’s behind the camera. Do you want some nut who’s supposed to be watching potential thieves, looking down your girfriend's blouse? I think not.We don’t have children, but if we did, there’s no way I’d let my 15 year old daughter walk into the market dressed in anything other than a garbage bag and maybe a lead shield.
It’s a new world. You’re on camera everywhere. The stoplight you just went through has recorded your license plate and you will receive a citation in the mail.
The problem with being on camera at the supermarket or department store is that you spend a good amount of time in these places on each visit. Bending, stooping, reaching, grabbing, etc. Add a pervert behind a camera and that’s not a good combination.
It's NOT just the security people watching you!
Allow me to point out that Loss Prevention employees aren’t the only ones enjoying these mini movies of your mom bending over for the black olives. Store management (as well as some regular employees) has access to these offices in almost every store. As I mentioned earlier, you never know who’s behind the camera.
What can you do to insure your ample bosom won't be made into a movie of the week?
Absolutely nothing. That's because department stores, supermarkets and pharmacies are extremely protective of their security systems and they're not about to let you know if someone is watching, who may be watching and where their cameras are located. Remember, those cameras are there to catch thieves and stores aren't going to leak out their security secrets to just plain old anyone. Especially you. How do they know you're not a shoplifter trying to gain beneficial information? They don't. Don't expect any help from the company.
How do you know this company doesn't hire weirdos trying to get a glimpse of your panties when you reach down for the Maxwell House? You don't. You're at the mercy of these wretched sickos.
I suggest calling the corporate office, and asking them how they screen their employees to make sure they don't hire perverts. If they decline to tell you anything, please feel free to point out this article and tell them where you saw it. This is a topic that MUST be at the top of every retail store's agenda. Strict and thorough background screening MUST be done on prospective LP employees before there is an incident. And really....isn't one incident too many?
You can make a difference. You decide where to shop and spend your money each day. Wouldn't you rather spend your money in a place guaranteeing a pervert-free atmosphere?
Call your grocer, your department store, your pharmacy etc. Ask them to place you at ease that you're not being violated in anyway while you shop. If they can't or won't answer your questions, you may either want to shop some place else or consider skipping the thong today and opting for the old fashioned granny panties.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
UPDATE: AUGUST 2008
A person calling himself a former loss prevention officer and camera operator emailed to comment that he and his co-workers would announce the entrance of a pretty or scantily clad woman using a code to other workers and management to announce their arrival.
Upon seeing a sexy woman enter the store, one of the lp employees would pick up the intercom and announce something like "Code 10 to the Housewares Department" (This would let male workers on the sales floor know that a "10" was shopping in the housewares department, if they wanted to walk over and get a peek)
I cannot verify the story as being true and the person did not sign his name, but I wouldn't doubt that things like this continue to happen on a daily basis.
UPDATE: OCTOBER 2008
Due to the high amount of weirdo stories I've received from those saying they were are (or were) store detectives, or retail employees, I've had to remove my email address from this article. The stories coming in are mindblowing, unbelieveable and worst of all, probably true. I would appreciate your writing your stories, comments, etc., in the comments section below, instead of trying to email me, Thanks for all your support everyone. I appreciate your making this one of my most popular hubs. I will continue to update it as often as possible.
While you're here, be sure to Rate My Wife's Naked Chest (She'll definitely appreciate it!)
Be sure to catch the followup hub, "Never Wear Open-Toed Shoes to the Supermarket"
DON'T MISS THIS ARTICLE!
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Originally Posted by Exarch
thats sarcasm worthy of House.
