Re: [Discussion] For the Hegemony of the Balkans! XGM Greek Cities AAR
Chapter One-First Blood
I am Antigonus, King of the Greeks. I am writing this at the start of a campaign that I am sure will forever survive in the annals of history.
A week ago we started our march into Macedonia, with a force assembled from Sparta, Athens, and Thebes. This march will make history.
We have marched into Thessaly! Macedon has not responded yet. I sit in my luxury tent with my journal and my courtesans, enjoying fine Chian apple wine imported from near my city of Pergamum. One of my reliable hoplites ran in while I was in the middle of a cup.
Soldier 1: Sir! Sir! The Macedonian prince is nearby!
I hastily gathered my armor, and forgot to zip my under tunic. 
Courtesan 1: Oh, my lord!
Antigonos: What is it now? You know I have to go to the battle, dear!
Courtesan 1: But my lord...!
Antigonos: Work first, pleasure later!
Timoleon(my dearest friend): Ant-y, your under tunic is loose! What kind of dignified appearance is that!
Antigonos: Oh. Well. Let us march to death!
Timoleon: For them.
Antigonos: For them!
Timoleon: And glory.
Antigonos: And glory...!
Timoleon; For us.
Antigonos: For us!
I zipped my tunic and hastily left the tent, Timoleon following.
The Macedonians were brought up in a classic phalanx battle line.
So I deployed in a classic phalanx-killing battle line. At least that is what I think it is called. I lost my complete idiot's guide guide to classic battle-lines.
My Thureophoroi were ready, and so was I. With Timoleon, I galloped to the hill overlooking the Macedonian flank, and held it. For some reason, they did not attack me.
As our classic battlelines grew closer his prince charged the hill, and we engaged in a classic royal cavalry battle.
As my slingers and theurophoroi were shredding most of his classic phalanx, his third unit of phalangites broke off from the battle and came to aid his prince against me.
Antigonos: Hey! That is not sanctioned in the Classic Phalanx Maneuvers Book!
Macedonian: How should I know? We have not built an Academy in any of our cities yet!
Antigonos: Oh. I see. Barbarians you are! Spartans, attack!
Macedonians: Hey! That is not allowed according to the rulebook!
Antigonos: Oh, so you have that book, eh? Spartans, show no mercy!
Of course, our Spartans had the easier time of it.
They charged the Macedonian Prince in the rear.
The phalangites below the hill were massacred by my slingers and javelinmen, who were constantly firing a rain of missiles on them. Those who did not die broke, and...died.
The Macedonian prince tried to run as well. He got pretty far from us, but then his horse tripped on a snowbank. He fell and...died.
The few Macedonian stragglers were hunted down by Timoleon, and my victory was complete.
After the battle
Soldier 1: Hooray! Antigonos is dead!
Courtesan 1: NOOOOOO!!!!!(weeping and tearing hair)
Soldier 1: Why are you weeping? He was our greatest enemy?
Antigonos: I am not dead. What made you think so?
Courtesan 2: Him! That ing hoplite! Arrest him!
What could I do? I drew my sword and was about to strike when Timoleon stopped me.
Timoleon: Antigonos...was the Macedonian Prince.
Antigonos: What was the Macednoian prince?
Timoleon : Antigonos was.
Antigonos: What was I? And stop referring me to in the past tense! I am not dead!
Timoleon: ANTIGONOS WAS HIS NAME YOU......!!
Antigonos: Don't yell at me! I am not stupid!
I turned around and stormed out, or rather tried to. I tripped, of course.
Soldier 2: Hey, what is that dark spot on your under-tunic?
Antigonos: Wha-!?
Whole Army: Puddle-pants! Puddle-pants!
Antigonos: It is not puddle-pants! It is an under-tunic and I will have you know that it is all the rage in Europe! Pants are for barbarians! Get it right!
Soldier 1: Sir, we should be heading for Pella, right?
Antigonos: Well, yes, Ahem...
And so we march on Pella.
Note to Self: Have editor take out the name-calling when this is published.
EMPRESS OF ALL THINGS
Domesticus
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