Comparative Relgions a humerous take.

[Каие]

Sorry if this has come up before, but as a religious person i found this to have an element of truth to it and quite funny.

http://atheisme.free.fr/Humour/Compa..._religions.htm
A short guide to comparative religions

Taoism
happens.

Confucianism
Confucius says: " happens".

Calvinism
happens because you don't work hard enough.

Buddhism
If happens, it really isn't .

Seventh Day Adventism
Õz¤ trayãßñÞ Smith Ÿkhul ƒ¥šoñcøß (transl.: No on Saturdays).

Sen
What is the sound of silent happening quietly?

Hedonism
There's nothing like a good happening.

Hinduism
This happened before, it is the same and different and absolutely perfect.

Mormon
This , son of and , will give birth to , and .

Islam
If happens, it is the holy will of Allah the Unique, the Almighty, the Merciful - al Abdullillah !

Moonies
Only happy really happens.

Stoicism
This is not bad for me.

Protestantism
Let the happen to someone else.

Catholicism
happens because you are SINNERS.

Hare Krishna
happens rama rama. happens rama rama. happens rama rama.

Judaism
Why does this always happen to US and ONLY to US?

Zoroastrianism
happens half the time.

Christian Science
My is in your mind and your money is in my bank account.

Atheism
No , no trouble.

Existentialism
What is anyway? And who am I to ask?

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this .

[Ex Tenebris Lux]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Каие]

Im glad at least one guy shared my humour.

[HansDuet]

Rasta sums it up

Mormon one is funny too... looks like Samuel L. Jackson's dialogue censored...

[Каие]

Im guessing you've figured what the word is...its not really a profanity. You can use it in the House of Parliament for god sake.

[Dayman]

Old one but good one!

[Valbruch]

Nice one

[Kiljan Arslan]

Those are great. But wouldn't Calvinism be

" Happens because GOD HATES YOU!"


BTW

I actually came up with one of my own.
Objectivism
happens because your Poor!

[Mig el Pig]

reminded me of the cow comparising between economic systems.

ANARCHISM: You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to do anything with their milk and leave to form their own society.

BAHRAINISM: You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people

BRITISH -- MAJOR: You have two cows. One has BSE. You get a vet to give the other one the all clear, and then declare there is no problem from BSE in your country.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. To register them, you fill in 17 forms in triplicate and don't have time to milk them.

BUREAUCRACY -- EUROPEAN UNION: You have two cows. The EU loses one cow, milks the other and then spills the milk.

BUREAUCRACY -- UNITED STATES: You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

CAPITALISM -- HONG KONG You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

CENTRALISM: You have two cows. And a problem finding them in the middle of the field with 100,000,000 other cows.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and gives you part of the milk.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you spoiled milk.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

COMMUNISM -- CHINESE: You don't have any cows. The government sets up a joint venture with McDonald's.
COMMUNISM -- "utopian": You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both cows and drafts you.
DUBAISM: You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legitimate and shady investors who hope to resell the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years' time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cows first to attract attention.
EUROPEAN UNIONISM: You have two cows. The EU develops a quota system that "limits the gas emissions from flatulent cows." You sell your carbon allotment, not the milk.
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
IDEALISM: You have two cows. You get married and your partner milks them.
INDUSTRIALISM: You have two cows. You dissect them both and figure out how to build a milk-factory instead.
INNOVATIONISM: You have two cows. You patent "cow" and claim license fees from all the milk of the world. .
LEBANONISM: You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by the government.
LIBERALISM: You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes the rich ones cows and gives it to the poor.
LIBERTARIANISM: Go away. What I do with my cows is none of your business.
PACIFISM: You have two cows. They stampede you.
PEROTISM: You have two cows. You aren't allowed to sell the milk to Mexico.
PLATONISM: You have two cows. You look for two other cows to milk.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM: You are associated two differently aged bovines of nonspecified gender.
PROTECTIONISM: You have two cows. You can't buy a bull from another country.
SAUDIISM: You have two cows. Since milking the cow involves nipples, the government decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow on one side of a curtain and a guy milking the cow on the other side.
SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man!
SOCIALISM -- PURE: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
SOCRATIC METHODISM: How many cows do I have? Why?
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
TALIBANISM: You have two cows. At first, the government makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because "they are Hindu religious symbols."
UNITED NATIONISM: You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.
BELGIANS: You have 1 cow, you marry it.

[Jacob Debroedere]

BELGIANS: You have 1 cow, you marry it.

It should rather be like this: you have one cow and cut it into 3 pieces and divide it among the Brussels capital region, the Flemish region and the Walloon region. Because the cow has been cut in pieces it dies and can't give milk anymore. The Flemish demand a state reform to find a solution for the cow problem, but the Walloons say no and the government falls.

[Kiljan Arslan]

Anarcho Capitalism
You have two cows. One day your house is set on fire, a man with a fire truck comes by offers to put the fire out if you pay him rent for the house and you give him the two cows. You now have no cows and pay the man rent.

Perfect Communism You and everyone share the cows milk.

Actual Communism You have two cows, the government says the cows belong to the people and then slaughters the two cows now you starve.
Edit
Oh whoops the perfect communism taken

Fascism should be, you have two cows and once went through a expiremental stage in life the government takes your cows gives them to a Rich guy, now you live in a camp and are forced to make bombs at the rich Guys plant.

[Каие]

Nice one, on that cow one! +rep.