What makes a man?

[Gungalley]

We've all heard terms like 'take it like a man', or 'be a man, go ahead and do it' or 'die like a man instead of a coward'. I'm pretty sure theres more. Even my dad occasionally says a man should not do this or that. Among those that he says is a man should be the head of his family and take care of them, and not let that burden fall upon the wife or it is shameful. In my opinion, thats pretty much bollocks. At my age right now (20) Im pretty confused of what makes a man a man, what differntiates a man from a boy, or a boy-man man-boy.

Presently, in my opinion, I think these stuff about being a man is pretty dumb. They are what makes you bow to society's expectations of a man. Is a man supposed to be tougher, and able to endure more hardships than a woman? Does a true man know no fear or embarrassment and have no phobia? Are men born to take sufferings upon themselves? Are men supposed to be stupid and take obstacles head on instead of finding an alternate, less manly way?

I guess I am facing a kind of an identity crisis.

[CtrlAltDe1337]

Among those that he says is a man should be the head of his family and take care of them, and not let that burden fall upon the wife or it is shameful. In my opinion, thats pretty much bollocks.

Why is it "bollocks?"

But to answer your question: A man should be courteous, kind, merciful, brave, fair, just, respectful, honorable, a hard worker, and the head of his house, rulling it with fairness and thought of his family, if married, among other things.

[Nuclear]

But to answer your question: A man should be courteous, kind, merciful, brave, fair, just, respectful, honorable, a hard worker, and the head of his house, rulling it with fairness and thought of his family, if married, among other things.

That's what everyone should be.

EDIT: That's right, I can be deep.

[AqD]

Why is it "bollocks?"

But to answer your question: A man should be courteous, kind, merciful, brave, fair, just, respectful, honorable, a hard worker, and the head of his house, rulling it with fairness and thought of his family, if married, among other things.

Hell no. Look at those great men in history - cunning, deceptive, backstabbing, stubborn, arrogant, greed, and pretend to be kind, brave, just, and honorable.
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[Richard]

Hell no. Look at those great men in history - cunning, deceptive, backstabbing, stubborn, arrogant, greed, and pretend to be kind, brave, just, and honorable.

See, I said that on page 2!

Damn right

You're probably not going to feel very manly without some balls to go with that.

[k995]

Why is it "bollocks?"

But to answer your question: A man should be courteous, kind, merciful, brave, fair, just, respectful, honorable, a hard worker, and the head of his house, rulling it with fairness and thought of his family, if married, among other things.

I see you are not married

And the definition of "a man" depends largely on cultural influence, every culture fills out its own form of man and women.

Your would be western a couple of decades ago.

[Ludicus]

I see you are not married

"and the head of his house...if married"


Obviously not married.

[Starlightman]

I see you are not married

And the definition of "a man" depends largely on cultural influence, every culture fills out its own form of man and women.

Your would be western a couple of decades ago.

who denied the fact that in all cultures the meaning of word "man" representally courteous, kind, merciful, brave, fair, just, respectful, honorable, a hard worker, and the head of his house, rulling it with fairness and thought of his family, if married, among other things...?

for me now...i believe the character and personallity someone depends from the icons he have in his childhood....i think
My father is alcoholic....i stopped to drink(everything) 5 years ago..i dont want to make like him.....i smoking a lot...but this is the next good thread for disquss...not the "Starlightman's smoking".. but a disquss for this...(smoking)
My grandfather killed in WW2,he is a partizan fighting for freedom,his land and his family...like everybody else....he was a real man for me.....maybe he fear but his self-respect put done everything else....
Here in Greece the "patriarch" of family is the men(fathers) but the women(mothers) rules in the house's...and this is a fact for many families...in the hole world....
In a perfect world we have perfect men's (and women's)...if someone want to saw me this world...i go with him...the only thing we have is self respect and our name.....this is the trademark for a real man...for me....

[Yorkshireman]

Being born in Yorkshire is usually considerd the bench mark of a real man, where I come from.

And thats based upon scientific tests conducted in the early 60's.

I could have misinterpreted them though.

[Gungalley]

So its alright for a wife to be an incompetant caretaker but not the husband?

[HopliteElite]

"What makes a man?"

- A penis. Everything else is superfluous.

[Nuclear]

"What makes a man?"

- A penis. Everything else is superfluous.

Strange as it sounds, I'm with this guy, the only thing that makes you a man is the fact that you have a penis, everything else doesn't matter.

[DAVIDE]

"What makes a man?"

- A penis. Everything else is superfluous.

Damn right

[boofhead]

Great question. Maybe the question should be "what makes a real man", for as someone said above some dastardly specimens of maleness are men strictly by virtue of having a penis.

I think a real man is a strange dichotomy of strength and gentleness. Strong, willing to fight, a provider, a defender, a lover, a leader, a decision-maker, a person of action. But by the same token with those he loves he must be gentle, kind, compassionate, sensitive, understanding etc.

[Gungalley]

Great question. Maybe the question should be "what makes a real man", for as someone said above some dastardly specimens of maleness are men strictly by virtue of having a penis.

I think a real man is a strange dichotomy of strength and gentleness. Strong, willing to fight, a provider, a defender, a lover, a leader, a decision-maker, a person of action. But by the same token with those he loves he must be gentle, kind, compassionate, sensitive, understanding etc.

I doubt perfection exists in humans. What you mentioned above, what makes them the marks of a men rather than characteristics of a great person?

Seems like in today's world full of contradiction and mixed messages, its tough being a men. And hte pseudo feminists of today are extremely selfish IMO. They do not fight for equality. They fight for the sake of fighting, rebelling without a cause.

Edit: Oh and about penises, it makes you male, not a man.

[boofhead]

Seems like in today's world full of contradiction and mixed messages, its tough being a men.

Sure. It can be tough. Look, I'm the head of my household. If I want to sit at the head of the table I do....and when difficult decisions come up it is me who makes the last and final decision. But I discussed these dynamics before I even proposed to my wife, so I don't see any problem.

And hte pseudo feminists of today are extremely selfish IMO. They do not fight for equality. They fight for the sake of fighting, rebelling without a cause.

LOL my wife is very strong. I wouldn't like to mess with her if she wasn't my partner. A woman can be extremely strong, even stronger than the man, and yet agree to certain famial formulas for the sake of the family. A man as head is an excellent thing. I'd hate to imagine a family with a woman as head - imagine what male boys think of themselves when they see their dad being bossed about , and all that testosterone is swimming about.....

Edit: Oh and about penises, it makes you male, not a man.

You got that right.

A man must at least seem to be hard, self-confident, ready to solve problems when women panick or see no solution..
Even though sometimes the situation is reversed.

Well, appearing hard is one thing. BEING HARD is another. I am unashamedly the boss in my home world, but you know, if you asked my wife about me, she would say I was not hard at all.

Balance is the key, and understanding the very simple fact that men and women are DIFFERENT but EQUAL. My wife engages in certain tasks I would not even get involved in, for example.

*sorry, double....

[Odovacar]

A man must response somewhat to society's expectations, even though some of these expectations are pretty stupid.
Like man should never complain. Its a sign of weakness. But damn, if I had a very bad day, and everything is messed up, allow me to say a damn word or two about it!!
That makes me no pink-pants sissy!

But otherwise yes. A man must at least seem to be hard, self-confident, ready to solve problems when women panick or see no solution..
Even though sometimes the situation is reversed.

Boofhead's formulation is acceptable to me, evben though its a bit idealistic.

[Demokritos]

Want some pretty heavy philosophical reflections on the matter? Digest the following:

From a biological or evolutional standpoint, taking into account physical appearances alone, real men are clearly meant to protect women and children (from physical dangers). It does not follow that men are supposed to be the heads of the families, but it does follow that men need to nurture certain mental abilities to go with their task set up by evolution. Like consideration, drive (energy or ability to take action) and courage, the latter including a willingness to sacrifice himself for the greater benefit of women and children, if necessary.

The essence of masculinity may be creativity and expansive energy, the essence of feminity may be receptive and "contractile" energy. Like two sides of a coin, both types of energy may have positive and negative forms. Too much of the expansive energy, for instance, may come out as restlessness or explosive aggression; too much of the "contractile" energy, for example, may result in passiveness or difficulty to let go of things that need to be released.

Now, according to the famous Swiss psycho-analyst Carl Gustav Jung, no human being is purely man or woman mentally. Men has a feminine element in his psyche, which Jung called Anima, and women a masculine counterpart, called Animus. Suppose that these elements are not static in strength, but can grow under the influence of certain experiences. Suppose that, given enough evolutionary time, these elements can grow to be equal in strength to the one that originally dominated the mind. Then a "whole" or fully develloped human being may appear on the evolutionary scene one day, someone capable of seeing the best from two psychological worlds.

Suppose also that, while such a development is in fact under way right now, and normally in very slow and small steps, it's possible that it can take sudden jumps from unusual or shock-like experiences of some sort. Then we may have an explanation to the phenomena of homosexuality as simply abnormal changes to the development of the sexual anti-pole in a given human being's mind (with room for it eventually returning to the normal balance of the evolutionary stage in question).

Yes, I know, the above line of reasoning raises a lot of thoughts and questions. But, for a true philosopher, it's worth considering.

[boofhead]

Now, according to the famous Swiss psycho-analyst Carl Gustav Jung, no human being is purely man or woman mentally. Men has a female element in his psyche, which Jung called Anima, and women a male counterpart, called Animus. Suppose that these elements are not static in strength, but can grow under the influence of certain experiences.

I'd agree. Every man has a little baby girl inside him. Look at the human foetus as it develops. We all start off as little girls. And to be honest, when it gets to the point when a man cannot understand a woman or vise-versa, then truth be told they should part ways, for the better sake of all.

The reason men have muscles and are mentally strong is for the protection of the woman and her issue, i.e. his issue. Someone has to do it.

[Richard]

We've all heard terms like 'take it like a man', or 'be a man, go ahead and do it' or 'die like a man instead of a coward'. I'm pretty sure theres more. Even my dad occasionally says a man should not do this or that. Among those that he says is a man should be the head of his family and take care of them, and not let that burden fall upon the wife or it is shameful. In my opinion, thats pretty much bollocks. At my age right now (20) Im pretty confused of what makes a man a man, what differntiates a man from a boy, or a boy-man man-boy.

Presently, in my opinion, I think these stuff about being a man is pretty dumb. They are what makes you bow to society's expectations of a man. Is a man supposed to be tougher, and able to endure more hardships than a woman? Does a true man know no fear or embarrassment and have no phobia? Are men born to take sufferings upon themselves? Are men supposed to be stupid and take obstacles head on instead of finding an alternate, less manly way?

I guess I am facing a kind of an identity crisis.

Your first paragraph makes me wonder if you're an Iranian, the second makes me wonder if you're a New Zealander.

To address some of your questions, "take it like a man" to me implies a rather 'unmanly' sexual activity and is amusingly ironic. Also, it is true that men should not do some things though, like watch ballet competitions, unless he likes sleeping.

Great question. Maybe the question should be "what makes a real man", for as someone said above some dastardly specimens of maleness are men strictly by virtue of having a penis.

I think a real man is a strange dichotomy of strength and gentleness. Strong, willing to fight, a provider, a defender, a lover, a leader, a decision-maker, a person of action. But by the same token with those he loves he must be gentle, kind, compassionate, sensitive, understanding etc.

Yeah but, that's in Australia. The OP means in a civilised country.

j/k

Though personally I think those are traits desirable in all humans. Or maybe not, as then we just get arguments if everyone displays leadership, a willingness to fight etc. *Some* people need those qualities, some need others, to keep society balanced. Also, chicks tend to prefer those latter qualities, males tend to respect the ones in the earlier sentence. And at the risk of sounding like an upmarket Italian shoe designer, I certainly know who's admiration I'd rather have