Dubya Goes Job Hunting

[Da Skinna]

RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20520


EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:

-I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not available.

Military:

-I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam.

College:

-I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

-I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

-I began my career in the oil business in Midland Texas, in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

-I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayers' money.

-With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

Accomplishments as Governor of Texas:

-I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog ridden city in America.

-I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

-I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

-With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida and my father's ppointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

Accomplishments as President:

-I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

-I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.

-I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

-I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.

-I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.

-I set the all time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.

-I set the all time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

-I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history.

-My 'poorest millionaire', Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

-I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a U.S. President.

-I am the all time U.S. and world record holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

- My largest lifetime campaign contributor and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

-My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.

-I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.

-I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

-I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.

-I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

-I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any President in U.S. history.

-I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.

-I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.

-I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

-I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

-I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. 'prisoners of war' detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

-I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).

-I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.


-I set the all time record for most days on vacation in any one year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

-I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.

-I have set the all time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.

-I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.

-I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in wartime.

-In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

-I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.

-I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical Bunker Buster,' a WMD.

-I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

-All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.


-All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.


-All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed documents will not be available for 50 years.

Oh boy. Maybe history will say differently, but this resume indeed looks stacked.

[Joker85]

You forgot to add "Bent Democrats over and rammed my agenda home despite being a lame duck President with a 25% approval rating"

Must be humiliating to be defeated by a guy with a resume like that, eh?

[removeduser_487563287433]

You forgot to add "Bent Democrats over and rammed my agenda home despite being a lame duck President with a 25% approval rating"

Must be humiliating to be defeated by a guy with a resume like that, eh?

This is the problem with American politics, focus on the politics more than America.

[Joker85]

This is the problem with American politics, focus on the politics more than America.

Got all that from this thread huh?

[NaptownKnight]

Yes, Bush sucks. But he's CiC until (January?), so starting August 4th I have to obey his orders. Obama will hopefully be a better prez.

[Da Skinna]

It is sad that the Dems lost to this guy.... but that all seems like a red herring.

The Dems are gaining strength, and have found much of their footing. It is the Republicans in shambles now.



EDIT: Actually, that. It's not sad, it's a testiment to the brilliance of the Republican's marketing and PR branches and the stupidity of the American people.

[Joker85]

It is sad that the Dems lost to this guy.... but that all seems like a red herring.

The Dems are gaining strength, and have found much of their footing. It is the Republicans in shambles now.

Really? The Democrat controlled Congress has a 9% approval rating, Barack Hussein Obama is within 1% of Mccain and has taken a pretty big fall over the past 2 weeks in the polls, to top it off his fundraising numbers look to be a major disappointment for the 2nd straight month.

So basically with an unpopular war, economy on the brink of recession, President with the lowest approval rating in history, the Democrats are in a tie with a candidate they should be blowing out of the water. I really do wonder how they will live down losing to what they have gone out of their way to label as "Bush 3".

[Mikelus Trento]

If he encloses a picture of hisself to MAD magazine I'm sure he can get hired for the role of Alfred E. Newman.

[Serious J]

A lot of things need to be re-examined when somebody like this can be voted into the most powerful position in the world. Not once, but twice.

Kind of makes me wonder what kind of a person it would actually take for Americans to say enough is enough and to do something about it.

[Viking Prince]

A lot of things need to be re-examined when somebody like this can be voted into the most powerful position in the world. Not once, but twice.

Kind of makes me wonder what kind of a person it would actually take for Americans to say enough is enough and to do something about it.

Elections is down to choices. Al Gore was perceived as Clinton 3. John Kerry was simply perceived as a non doer. Yeah -- swiftboat stuff also had an effect.

This is the problem when US Senators run for CEO USA. The public values executive experience for executive jobs. Now we have two legislators running for CEO. Not good.

Not directed to you, but:
I also do not understand why people post that the electorate is stupid just because the poster wants a differant result. I even hear this with every election result (referred measures esp.)

The truth is that only 1/3 side with each of the major parties. Voter turnout and the battle for the middle decide each national election.

Edit: Whacky third party candidates can also have an effect -- Nader, for instance this cycle as well as Libertarian candidates.

[RZZZA]

Really? The Democrat controlled Congress has a 9% approval rating, Barack Hussein Obama is within 1% of Mccain and has taken a pretty big fall over the past 2 weeks in the polls, to top it off his fundraising numbers look to be a major disappointment for the 2nd straight month.

So basically with an unpopular war, economy on the brink of recession, President with the lowest approval rating in history, the Democrats are in a tie with a candidate they should be blowing out of the water. I really do wonder how they will live down losing to what they have gone out of their way to label as "Bush 3".

actually obama has maintained his national lead over mccain since the end of the primary, now hes 3 points ahead, 44% to 41% for mcCain.

and as far as i know, obama has not released his fundraising records for the month

[danzig]

actually obama has maintained his national lead over mccain since the end of the primary, now hes 3 points ahead, 44% to 41% for mcCain.

and as far as i know, obama has not released his fundraising records for the month

3% is a statistically tie as it within margin of error...bottom line the race despite, the press that seems to want to forget the election and just get to the Obama inauguration, is a dead heat. Anyway funny thing make fun of Bush all you want for how poor of a president he has been but Im pretty sure his resume will be more impressive then all of us combined regardless.

speaking of communists, hasnt the so-called conservative administration just confirmed their intention to buy out fannie may and freddie mac??

Nothing communist about ensuring an institution vital to American economy and having a huge impact on the world economy remains safe...unless of course you think its a good idea to let 6 trillion dollars come crashing down.

[mrmouth]

So basically with an unpopular war, economy on the brink of recession, President with the lowest approval rating in history, the Democrats are in a tie with a candidate they should be blowing out of the water.

That is a media born idea, that the Democrats with the lowest IQ's, who just happen to be in charge, jumped on.

[removeduser_487563287433]

And besides, it's rare for a candidate to have more than a few more % of the vote than the other runner.

[Scar Face]

That and McCain is known for being a moderate, and not at all similar to the Bush Administration. Well, he was known for being a moderate, thats starting to change, but the image is still there.

[RZZZA]

And besides, it's rare for a candidate to have more than a few more % of the vote than the other runner.

and besides, according to recent polls about 30% of americans still think obama is currently or once was a practicing muslim.

If we're honest with ourselves we'll know that the general hasnt even really begun yet, not many people are paying attention during the summer. The real general election will gear up after both parties' conventions in the fall.

[Joker85]

and besides, according to recent polls about 30% of americans still think obama is currently or once was a practicing muslim.

If we're honest with ourselves we'll know that the general hasnt even really begun yet, not many people are paying attention during the summer. The real general election will gear up after both parties' conventions in the fall.

I'd like to see those "recent polls", last I heard the number of people thinking Obama was a Muslim was single digits.

Let me put it this way, more people think Bush was behind 9/11 than think Obama is a Muslim.

[Mikelus Trento]

and besides, according to recent polls about 30% of americans still think obama is currently or once was a practicing muslim.

If we're honest with ourselves we'll know that the general hasnt even really begun yet, not many people are paying attention during the summer. The real general election will gear up after both parties' conventions in the fall.

And the defining moment for most voters will be the first debate.

[Da Skinna]

McCain has some 45-50% approval rating, but Bush has something like 18%... doesn't that seem contradictory?

Not many people like Bush or what he's done, but apparently they want someone who will continue some of his worst policies...


Reminds me of an old show:

"Americans are so stupid....

[audience]
... How stupid are they?


Americans are so stupid they'll vote for the Republican Party a third time."

[removeduser_487563287433]

McCain has some 45-50% approval rating, but Bush has something like 18%... doesn't that seem contradictory?

Not many people like Bush or what he's done, but apparently they want someone who will continue some of his worst policies...


Reminds me of an old show:

"Americans are so stupid....

[audience]
... How stupid are they?


Americans are so stupid they'll vote for the Republican Party a third time."

Not really. If you want to know what a politician really thinks look what they've said years before their current election, and you will find McCain and Bush diverge to some extreme. I loath Bush. I cannot emphasise my dislike for the man enough (politically speaking, I do not think he is personally evil, nor exactly could I care what he is like personally). Bush is everything wrong with American politics and to a lesser extent democracy generalised. And nobody knows this more than McCain and his illigitimate black child.

McCain has an excellent political record of conviction, willingness to cooperate with democrats, genuine fiscal responsibility and widespread pragmatism. One of the politicians that first and most strongly argued for America to recognise and engage with Vietnam in the years following the war. He suffered willingly for America's mistakes out of duty, and followed a difficult path for America's benefit. There's much to admire in McCain, politically. In fact were I American I would have a serious dilemma on my heads had he ended up running against Clinton. If only there could be an Obama/McCain ticket.