About fifty turns into the game, KoJ is doing swell and just captured Edessa. Balian marches on towards Mardin when he notices it's not ruled by the Abbasids or Georgians or Seljuks...
"ShaKingSultImamPiredom of Raynald Chatillonocracy, Inc."
Balian: !@*&^*!#@????
Baldwin: This does not look good, Baley...
Balian: The banners are pink.
Baldwin: Just don't ask.
*The two men ride off with a small guard towards the city, where they are greeted cordially by guards dressed in pink robes, kilts and stockings and given complimentary cow dolls.*
Baldwin: You don't think this is the idea of...
Balian: Don't ask.
They ride towards the city hall where they give their names to the governor, and some time later a short plump man with orange and white hair (more white than orange now) runs out and embraces them both.
Reynald: I've missed you two boys! Wait till I tell you everything!
Balian: Yeah, just what we need.
Baldwin: *elbows Balian* No, just what we do not need.
Balian: *continues on in spite of warning* Uh, okay, what happened since you were captured by Salah ad-Din? He told us that he released you, but we were never able to find you and we assumed that you perished in the desert on the way back.
Reynald: Oh no, I wound up near Samarqand. I made friendly with the locals and made heaps of money marketing cow dolls. Would you like one? *Reynald gestures to a courtier, similarly dressed as the guards, and with a wide grin brings up a large sack of cuddly stuffed bovines of various colors and designs*
Balian: *looks at Balian with a strange look and addresses Reynald* Uh, no man, we're fine. We're already set...
Reynald: Sure thing, just ask anytime for more, we come up with three new designs a year to keep 'em coming. So... I built up this business like no tomorrow, and the Shah was starting to get pissy. So he attacked our business with 5 stacks of troops and I beat them all with my bodyguard.
Baldwin: Just your bodyguard?!?!?!?!?
Reynald: Yeah, just my bodyguard. We also changed our color to pink since every other color seemed to be claimed, and besides, it added shock value.
Balian: I can see that...
Reynald: Anyway, the Shah was defeated, but we couldn't lay siege to any of their towns with just my bodyguard. The Mongols arrived but I was able to bribe them in with just the proceeds from our exports to rebels.
Balian: You have trade with rebels???
Reynald: Yeah, I never started war with them. There's lots of profit to be made, my friend! Anyway, I bribed them in and just expanded as far as I could easily go, and destroyed the Ghorids, Ghaznavids, Solankis, and Seljuks. By the time the last Mongol was conveniently killed off in battle and no more could be recruited we created an empire larger than any of the nations around so I decided to combine all the names into one so it's more proper. I'm now the ShaKingSultImamperor!"
Baldwin: You never were good in school were you. *Reynald happily and readily shakes his head no* Alright, I have few questions, but... kilts?
Reynald: My mother's second cousin was from Galicia, they have a nice Celtic culture going there. We were going to add bagpipes to our bands but our Council of Nobles didn't approve. As an emergent faction I got out of war with the rebels but I still got those dudes.
Balian: Okay, gotcha... you're not going to... attack us or anything right?
Reynald: No, of course not buddy! Just make sure to visit for our next line of dolls!
Baldwin: This has been the weirdest missing person story I have ever heard of.
Balian: Tell me about it...