I've tried with a friend of mine and we, after some work, have reach a result.
In first line, the server and the client aren't 2 players, because the server only put up the server, and the client goes into the server, but is only one player. You need 2 different clients to go and run the server.
I don't know what happened if your friend attack you, but if you want to do 1 vs 1 is better (I think) to do a multiplayer game with original rome: total war. Anyway, here you can't do players versus player (PvP), but only player versus computer (PvE). To go with that program you have to follow this steps:
1- Download the first application (If you want to try the other, that is with expansions, you can do it, but I don't know how it works, it's in test mode, I think =D), because the last one is only for who want to try to modify the game itself;
2- Install the program that you have just downloaded;
3- You have to be at last 2 players or more, and you have both to download this program;
4- Deactivate the firewall;
5- run the application "Rome multi campaign server", that because you need a host;
6- If you want to do a LAN game (or hamachi) you just have to modify "system operator name" (I think xD) and put a name that you like... Yes, a random name xD;
7- In the upper boxes there is one on the left that is like a broken chain. Press it, then the server is up.
8- to enter in your server, now, you have to open "rome multi campaign client", and select your race (macedon, roman, slave...) your nickname and, more important, the IP address of the host. In case that you use hamachi, put the hamachi IP, not the computer IP;
9- when all of your friends is connected (you can check it in the list on your left), with the server, in the lower cases on the right, you have to press "start game" and then one of your friends, or you, will start.
REMEMBER (here me and my friend have spent 3 hours to find this "error" .-.) you have to have the file "Quicksave" in english... If you have the game in english is not a problem, or in detush, but I have the game in italian, and then I had to go in 2 files of Rome: Total War and modify that files from "Salvataggio rapido" to "Quicksave". Have a look at it if you have problems.
10- When you/he/she start the game, you have to select the same race that you have just selected in the client window and you can modify the difficulties. Then start the campaign;
11- You have to do your turn and, before you click "finish turn", you have to go in one city of yours, click the "?" on the top of the window that just open and press the button "show me how"... You'll find it, don't worry
;
12- Here will appear a black screen with the write "succesfully quicksaved" (I hope, because mine is in italian
) and then the game will close and it will begin to fulfill the "Outgoing filetransfer" section;
13- When your friend have fulfill the other section, that is "Incoming filetransfer", will appear a window that request him/her if he/she wants to go on with the campaign (or someting like that I don't remember very well =D ), and he/she have to accept and to go on.
14- Then will appear the window like you have just open rome:total war. You have to press "continue campaign, and, when it finish to load the game, to load the quicksave and go on with the campaign;
15- before he finish the turn, you have to press "show me how" and then you can finish the turn.
REMEMBER you have to press "show me how" all the times that you and your friend enter in the game.
I hope that this will be a good guide for the beginner... If there are some problems tell them to me and I'll try to help you...