Relationship and Sexuality

[hellas1]

Hi all,

This is something that I've thought about and want to see YOUR viewpoints on as well and MOST importantly why:

As we, hopefully, all know, all humans are related, hence co-responsible and co-accountable.

I understand "relationship" to mean that, "I am my brother & sister's keeper." To me this means that I should show respect, dignity and courtesy to everyone, realizing that I am not better nor worse than anyone else.

I confess I've not done that with some of my posts. For this I apologize and make no excuses. I'm fully to blame to whomever I've been crass or rude to.

Sexually speaking now, How does an individual, who doesn't want to cause harm or hurt to anyone, who is hetero-sexual, find this proper type of "relating" to members of the opposite sex without coming across as passe or disinterested when it comes to the very people he/she might find attractive sexually?

In my sole experience, I've seen that women I've been in a relationship with or that my friends have been in a relationship with, seem to be one of the following or a combo:
1. Disfunctional-Due to upbringing
2. Egotistical-Due to their looks (very rarely due to smarts, not that they were dumb)
3. Money Hungry-Thinking "I can get any guy I want to," See #2
4. Power Hungry-Usually due to upbringing, mistreatment in life, or disfunctionality, See #2, #3
5. Controlling-See #1,#2, #3, #4

It has been rare that I've spoken with some woman who is functional, chilled out and non-money or power hungry or controlling, a very, very rare sight indeed.
Almost exclusively, they were not a model or the "party girl" type.

Comments please.
hellas1

[Justinian]

Not true at all. My girl is perfect. I don't see the link between the relationship aspect and the sexuality aspect however, I thought this would be more about that?

[Fenix_120]

If you ever find someone without any of the above numbers, be sure to tell me about her...
So I can kill you and take her as my own





Their are two types of girls, one your with shortly, and one your with in the long run.

Finding a woman who is not functional, chilled out and non-money or power hungry or controlling is like playing pin the tail on the donkey blindfoled on a bridge.


But when you do find one its worth all the effort you put into murder and stealing her.


EDIT: I thought this post was going to be about sex?
Thats the only reason I clicked it!

[chriscase]

Hi Hellas,
I don't generally ascribe to the New Age "Law of Attraction" a la "The Secret", but relationships are one area where it it might as well be true. If you tend to get involved with women who are challenging you with "their" power, sexuality, materialism, indecisiveness, or whatever, it can hardly only be about them. Primarily, it's about you. Once you work out whatever it is that is causing you to get into these particular types of relationships, you may be surprised at how different your view can be.

[hellas1]

@Justinian,

The connection between relationship & sex, sir, should be a delicate one between people.

My bent is that "All humans are related, so act like it!" Treat people as if they ARE you.

Make sense? This is NOT a sex thread, sorry pal.

@Chriscase,

I did not say, sir, that I was involved in a relationship with EVERY type of those classes of women that I've stated. Those classes are merely for descriptive purposes in my thread and experience, not Gender Bashing of women.

hellas1

[chriscase]

I did not say, sir, that I was involved in a relationship with EVERY type of those classes of women that I've stated. Those classes are merely for descriptive purposes in my thread and experience, not Gender Bashing of women.

hellas1

It was pretty clear from your emphasis on "In my sole experience", that you were trying to avoid accusations of misogyny or sexism. That said, you are generalizing.

But I think you're missing my point. Your post was pretty focussed on some women that you are either in relationship with, contemplating being in relationship with, or otherwise involved with. I make no assumptions about your actions, only the interest you clearly expressed in your post. If you find these women problematic, why are you focussed on them? If you want something different, you need to place your attention elsewhere. That's all.

[Dunecat]

Congratulations hellas1, you are the perfect man.

[HopliteElite]

@Hellas1

Sex and a relationship are two very different things in my mind. Sex is sex and a relationship is a relationship. The two do not need each other. Every sexual encounter I have ever had has not been linked with a relationship. I have never had a relationship because the fact is, I have never found a woman who I appreciated beyond her physical dimensions but that is neither here nor there.

The fact is, many men find themelves in your position, trying to reconcile the sex with the relationship because you feel you must have a relationship if you are going to have sex. You need to grow up and realize that the relationship as we know it is a modern social construct and is, in no way shape or form, the way humans are "supposed" to behave, regarding sexuality. If you are attracted to a female, you make it known in whatever way you choose and if she is receptive, and of a like mind, you can proceed to have sex, then be done with her and hopefully her with you. You do not need to try to find other aspects of her "personality" that you find appealing in attempts to hide the real reasoning behind your attraction, which is her body. You also do not need to feel obligated to engage in some sort of twisted relationship.

I refuse to believe that any man is actually attracted to a woman's personality more than her body. The fact is, you will never see handsome men with ugly women unless money is somehow a factor and even then, it is rare. We are shallow creatures. We appreciate what is considered physically attractive. The fact that men are being taught today to believe they must have some sort of other reason to have sex with a woman, other than pure physical attraction is foolish and wrongheaded.

[The Super Pope]

Sex is something you want froma girl, initially at least, because of the way she looks. Her personality is what you want a relationship with.

[So Much Fire]

I disagree with the overall outlook on women becuase I've ran across more then a couple girls who had all the qualities I could want and where nice, loving, and caring while being both a model and party girl. You just have to look for them, but it isn't easy and you could be looking for a while, but you'll find someone perfect.

The sex is something that I'd bring home a girl from college or from the supermarket home for, and say adios the next day. Men can generate several million sperm a day while women can only produce only a handful of eggs in her lifetime so it's in a man's nature to "spread the seed" and mate with as many partners as possible to keep the population going, the hype about sex is hardwired into our brains through evolution. We're focused on the physical features of the female here (her chest, bum, face etc...). It's also thinking with the little dude down below

The relationship is when you find that special woman that triggers a high amounts of serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. It's where the saying "living with a woman is difficult, but living without one is impossible" comes from. We tend to place more emphasis on the female's measurements here since they convey her ability to produce a healthy offspring, and the bond is created since we're again hardwired through evolution to work together to elongate the life of a defensless human being as long as possible. The woman's got her own discreet way of telling us we'd make a good dad, but that's something for a debate with women. Once you find the right woman though, you won't want to leave her or will sorely miss her when she's unavailable and you're in a relationship

Find a nice girl, have a good relationship and your view will change (and I have more than my fair share of exp with the worst girls of the lot )

[gaius valerius]

In my sole experience, I've seen that women I've been in a relationship with or that my friends have been in a relationship with, seem to be one of the following or a combo:
1. Disfunctional-Due to upbringing
2. Egotistical-Due to their looks (very rarely due to smarts, not that they were dumb)
3. Money Hungry-Thinking "I can get any guy I want to," See #2
4. Power Hungry-Usually due to upbringing, mistreatment in life, or disfunctionality, See #2, #3
5. Controlling-See #1,#2, #3, #4

It has been rare that I've spoken with some woman who is functional, chilled out and non-money or power hungry or controlling, a very, very rare sight indeed.
Almost exclusively, they were not a model or the "party girl" type.

Comments please.
hellas1

First... what country is this where all evil women hail from?

My girl is non of the above, she is perfect indeed. My previous gf also lacked all those characteristics. So... My relationships seem pretty functional.


As to the sex-relationship part

Well by all means sex is fun. Sex without love can be fun, feels good, etc, but sex without love is only, plainly sex. Empty sex, nothing more. While in a relationship - to me at least, I take it easy going - sex is that cherry on the pie, or something like that . I have sex with only that person, not cause of lust (well, of course there is looooaaaads of lust ), but primarily because she is the one I want to share that moment with. Sex with love is the sweetest, 2 (I'll asume we're talking standard relationships here )ppl bound by love, bonding further on the highest level. To me sex is the ultimate crown on a relationship as it the most closest you'll get to your girl. She offers you her flower with love, and together you make it blossom... aaah... love.

[hellas1]

Hello Everyone,

Many of these "comments" have a "sex is sex, love is love" approach.

Most of you have missed the spirit of my posting.
I've never read so much moral relativism/moral apathy from so many different people.

Most of you have been a great disappointment to me.

My lesson is learned!

I ask that this thread that I've started, be closed by the moderators.
hellas1

[Fenix_120]

Sex is not sex.


Sex is murder.



Think of the children.

[chriscase]

I've never read so much moral relativism/moral apathy from so many different people.

Most of you have been a great disappointment to me.
hellas1

Hellas1,
In light of your original post, moral indignation does not suit you. Let me paraphrase your post as I read it:

"All the hot babes are complete *****es, and the chicks I can actually talk to are totally un****able. Woe is me."

If you find my paraphrase crass and juvenile, that's because the idea is, in fact, crass and juvenile. It's hardly original, either.

I sympathize with your situation. Really, I do. But if you are going to post something like this the least you could do is try to accept others' perspectives without judgment. As things stand, you appear to be mired in both hypocrisy and denial. Know thyself.

[jankren]

For me, there are two types of women as well: The dumb hot woman to **** and the 'perfect' woman to love with all my heart.

I think basically almost all men have the same belief.

[Asevias Black]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hi all,

This is something that I've thought about and want to see YOUR viewpoints on as well and MOST importantly why:

As we, hopefully, all know, all humans are related, hence co-responsible and co-accountable.

I understand "relationship" to mean that, "I am my brother & sister's keeper." To me this means that I should show respect, dignity and courtesy to everyone, realizing that I am not better nor worse than anyone else.

I confess I've not done that with some of my posts. For this I apologize and make no excuses. I'm fully to blame to whomever I've been crass or rude to.

Sexually speaking now, How does an individual, who doesn't want to cause harm or hurt to anyone, who is hetero-sexual, find this proper type of "relating" to members of the opposite sex without coming across as passe or disinterested when it comes to the very people he/she might find attractive sexually?

In my sole experience, I've seen that women I've been in a relationship with or that my friends have been in a relationship with, seem to be one of the following or a combo:
1. Disfunctional-Due to upbringing
2. Egotistical-Due to their looks (very rarely due to smarts, not that they were dumb)
3. Money Hungry-Thinking "I can get any guy I want to," See #2
4. Power Hungry-Usually due to upbringing, mistreatment in life, or disfunctionality, See #2, #3
5. Controlling-See #1,#2, #3, #4

It has been rare that I've spoken with some woman who is functional, chilled out and non-money or power hungry or controlling, a very, very rare sight indeed.
Almost exclusively, they were not a model or the "party girl" type.

Comments please.
hellas1

I have no idea how old you are but this just sounds like you have had bad experiences with dating females in high school.

It has been rare that I've spoken with some woman who is functional, chilled out and non-money or power hungry or controlling, a very, very rare sight indeed.

I have actually met a lot of girls like this. Granted I don't date all of them, but I have met some pretty chilaxed girls in my day (It might have been the drug I slipped her drink, but still. :-p)

[King Yngvar]

You've been played. There is nothing disfunctional about those girls, they just want control.
My advise is that you think hard and concider what you gain from the following way of thinking:

To me this means that I should show respect, dignity and courtesy to everyone, realizing that I am not better nor worse than anyone else.

Females see this in you and while many will find this unattractive, others will take advantage and use it to make you their little play toy. Ready to do their bidding at any moment.

There's much to explain so I'll just put in some simple rules of what to do and not.

1: Never be desperate (women can smell it from a mile).
2: Do not be a "nice-guy" (I'm not saying you should beat her).
3: Play hard to get once you've shown some initial interest.
4: Do not get focus all your energy on one woman (competition helps in everything, do not let her think you belong to her).
5: Genuinly do not care. Focus your mind on other things and do not have "fun" with yourself thinking of her.
6: Let her see that other girls are attracted to you (use female friends for this).
7: Phone calls, etc. Let her be the one trying to get in touch with you, be hard to reach and then you finally call her back and tell her to meet you (tell, not ask, and do not make it seem as if she was your only plan for the evening)
8: Have no sympathy whatsoever for your prey

Results (in most cases):
You got yourself a play toy which you may use and discard as you please.

Warning: She may after some time discover you for the manipulative sob you are, but who says a relationship should last forever?

Personally I'm not really in to relationships, I prefer one night stands as they result in less complication of my daily life.


Disclaimer
I am not responsible for crazy women or their fathers attacking you with a kitchen knife. Nor will I pay your psychology bill when you go complaining about what an evil person you have become.

[chriscase]

Watch out for King Yngvar!

I think "he" may be one of those hot psycho babes I keep hearing about.

[King Yngvar]

That's funny man, I am actually laughing aloud