AAR-MEN-NIEN

[Musthavename]

Yarr! I be making a sensible post! This AAR be good with shum rum! Yarrr!
Cawcaw! Cawcaw!
I be apologosing. My budget for this comment be cut, and I can nae afford a proper parrot.
O'Rly?
Ya, rly.

[Aldgarkalaughskel]

Yarr! I be making a sensible post! This AAR be good with shum rum! Yarrr!

[move]Countdown to slaughter...
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....................................................................................2
.................................................................................................1[/move]

[LlamaD]

: What? I can't hear as good as i used to. Anyways, i was just riding home for christmas... as a strange owl told me i would be wee bit late...well...what happens here? ..Oh...well that can be dealt with. Frontiersman's tough task, though.

[LlamaD]

1244


Upon the arrival at the Arqa Arsen in the Malevolent tent:

: *lying* Nice to see you again, spymaster. Got some news 'bout the seljuks before we overrun them?
: Unfortunately, malevolent Arqa, we can't overrun 'em. It's still peace, you know? Someone has to set up us the bo....err, declare war against us first.
: I can't start a war of aggression? Only a defensive one? Who thought of this amentia rule!?..Arrggh...damn those tricky seldjuk-egyptian-jerusalem-connections!
: You just said it.
: That's a conspiracy! They want to bring me down!....But that ain't happening! I'm not going to wait here till i die! (Curses and chases everyone out of the tent.)
: *thinking* I need a clue...perhaps the wise man can help? ...Hey,...who is standing there behind the curtain? *grabs it and sees Abirad the Merciless (Fly on the wall)*

: .....Well spoken, tyrannical Arqa. Oh, and by the way, say hello to my son Gosdan!

: Hi, grumpy ol' Tyrant!
: Whatthe..well, wait, hell i've got something to do for him right now!
: In the middle of the night?
: Doesn't matter. Hey you, Dan...



And so he did.


And so they did.


Although for different reasons....



...both parties meet....



...and meat parts... after a lopsided discussion.




Meanwhile, other power-greedy Fathers Janusfaces embrace their heirs, too.


: Ready, my son?
: Ready when you tell me 'bout you and nun Gina!
: I can help you with that!
: *sigh* Ok, basically we were...Living on a

Prayer

Once upon a time

Not so long ago


Tommy used to work on the docks
Unions been on strike
Hes down on his luck...its tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay

For love - for love


She says weve got to hold on to what weve got

cause it doesnt make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and thats a lot

For love -

we'll give it a shot



Whooah, were half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer


Tommys got his six string in hock
Now hes holding in what he used
To make it talk - so tough, its tough
Gina dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers baby its okay, someday


We've got to hold on to what weve got
cause it doesnt make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and thats a lot

For love

- we'll give it a shot


Whooah, were half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer


Weve got to hold on ready or not

You live for the fight when its all that youve got


Whooah, were half way there
Livin on a prayer
Take my hand and well make it - I swear
Livin on a prayer

Yet clerical problems are of all kind..



The Seldjuks have a knack for prayers, too.



Why else would they return with the same crap again and again?

But they have a point, don't they?


At least, they are consistent in their effort to reach the Armenians. Like....right, the church.
German

The struggling smuggling...

..seems to be yet another empty path. I betcha.


: Never say die! I'm on my way.

[LlamaD]

1245

It's a cold and dark winter, yet Modestos makes his presence felt.

I suppose Gagik is rolling over in his grave...


Ghevont the Clever was sent on a reconnaisance mission to evaluate the potential threat of the Ayyubids post-Cakmak...
: Errm...listen: All the

leaves are brown

And the sky is grey
I've been for a walk
On a winter's day
I'd be safe and warm
If I was in el A.(lexandria)
Calif Ornia dreamin'
On such a winter's day

Stopped into a masjid
I passed along the way
Well I got down on my knees
And I pretend to pray
You know the Imam likes the cold
He knows I'm gonna stay
Calif Ornia dreamin'
On such a winter's day

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
I've been for a walk
On a winter's day
If I didn't tell her
I could leave today
Calif Ornia dreamin'
On such a winter's day
On such a winter's day
On such a winter's day

: Brrr...That's it?
: *proudly* Yes, very good, not? ...I... guess i gotta go down south once more...bye!

Arqa Arsen the Tyrant sent for advice from the wise one. However...

...the results are paltry at best...


The seldjuks withdraw from nearby Tyrus...

..today......and not unnoticed.

After regaining Kairo the Ayyubids lack any interest in pushing forward and settle for a mere truce with Jerusalem.

Kalif Ornia makes Gagik rotate in the other direction in his grave.

Several seljuk Imams are sent out.

Those guy seem to really like the cold...

Coming home is always a reminder why you work....


...correct, to spend the evening & a fortune at the tavern.



Lookout! The ever-failing guys try new things to get into the family.


These Two Princes

One, Two

...princes kneel before you

That what I said now

Princes, princes who adore you

Just go ahead now

One has diamonds in his pockets

That's some bread, now

This one said he wants to buy you rockets
Ain't in his head, now


This one he got a princely racket

That's what I said now
Got some Big Seal upon his jacket
Ain't in his head now


You marry him, your father will condone you
How 'bout that now

You marry me, your father will disown you
He'll eat his hat, now


Marry him,

marry me

I'm the one that loved you baby can't you see?

Ain't got no future or family tree (fingers crossed)

But I know what a prince and lover ought to be
I know what a prince and lover ought be


Said if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead now

And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead now

And if you wanted to buy me flowers
Just go ahead now

And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead now




...princes kneel before you

That what I said now

Princes, princes who adore you

Just go ahead now

One has diamonds in his pockets

That's some bread, now

This one said he wants to buy you rockets
Ain't in his head, now




Marry him,

marry me

I'm the one that loved you baby can't you see?

Ain't got no future or family tree (fingers crossed)

But I know what a prince and lover ought to be
I know what a prince and lover ought be


Said if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead now

And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead now

And if you wanted to buy me flowers
Just go ahead now

And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead now

Said if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead now

And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead now

And if you wanted to buy me flowers
Just go ahead now

And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead now

Said if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead now

And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead now

And if you wanted to buy me flowers
Just go ahead now

And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead now

Oh Baby!
Just go ahead now

Oh!
Just just go ahead now

Oh, your majesty!

Just go ahead now

Come on forget the King who... marry me!

Just go ahead now

Come on, come on, come on
Just go ahead now

Go ahead now

Just go ahead now...

Good luck with that one, though.
And last but not least, the pope wakes up after 30 years of sleep.

This can't be good.

: WTL! No Crusade up and running? *grmbl*

[Biggles]

Excellent work mate!

[Panathinaikos]

Very good AAR! Comment on the pictures cool!

[LlamaD]

do i look like i read anything?

Lala blaalb. me neither.

: Big Bad Mutha F@#k'r, gimme a break!


And he does.

[LlamaD]

1246

Of course, both princes had no luck with their song. Neither did their successor Mahmoud Abas Avetissian.


But they can at least share their pain with ordinary folks at the tavern.


Catholics hope better.


Giovanni di Fidanza, later known as Bonaventure (2nd from left, kneeling) takes over the Franciscan order.

Bad omen for Pope Gelasius II the Unorthodox.



At the Arqa's Residence:

: Thank goodness i was able to convince him to upgrade his restroom. It's fu´ckin cold outside, and he wanted to continue to sleep in tents....brrrrr.
: Peaceful news, tyrannically quick aging Arqa! The council of nobles invites you to come over to celebrate Taxgiving. Since we're not at war, the Head of State has to be cut off lead the ceremonies. So says the Rules.
: What rules?
: The rules for financial festivities, introduced by the IRS in 1222.
: *facepalm* Aaagh. (Pause.) Fine. Go tell 'em i accept. Go go!
: As you order. Oh, know that Arqayazn Ghazig will be there, too. Don't forget to bring the Crown with you..... *walks out*
(Arsen freezes for a minute.)
: Got everthing, Abe?
: *behind curtain* Yes, my Liege....and more. Someone needs to clean the curtain soon..
: Shut up and listen to my order! You go down south to Tyrus alone ... and do it quick! Officially, you're on a pilgrimage. And while you go...rest assured that if you come back and i still have to go to that crapfest ... your little Gosdan&Family will be dead meat. I need a casus belli asap! Y'know what i mean?
: R...aight.
: And to make things sure, you take the old fella with you. Carl! You side with Abirad. Now run!
: No fun. Being retiree. (Limps out, following Abirad.)


Modestos "Smugglerking" Evgenikos has either lost his map or his orientation.

But his coins to our bureaucracy? Not yet, not yet.

Meanwhile, Pope Gelasius II the Unorthodox trumps Pope Urban II with the best unorthodox, at least crusadestarting Speech in Papal History.
: Hello hello,

turn your crusadio on

Woke up this morning and
the streets were full of pagan mages
all bright and shiny like
they'd just arrived from Mars
and as I stumbled through
last night's drunken debris
the gossipboy screamed out
the headlines in the street

Another war and now the flourin is looking weak
and tell me have we heard about the latest freak
we're bingo numbers and our names are obsolete
why do I feel bitter when I should be feeling sweet

Hello hello turn your crusadio on
is there anybody out there
help me sing my song
la la la life is a strange thing
just when you think you
learned how to use it
it's gone

Woke up this morning
and my head was in a daze
a brave new world had dawned
upon the human race
but words are meaningless
and everything's surreal
gonna have to reach my friends
to find out how I feel

And if I taste the honey is it really sweet
and do I eat it with my hands or with my feet
does anybody really listen when I speak
or will I have to say it all again next week

Hello hello turn you crusadio on
is there anybody out there
help me sing my song
hello hello turn your crusadio on
is there anybody out there
tell me what went wrong
la la la life is a strange thing
life is a strange thing

Hello hello turn your crusadio on
Against Lithuania, i mean!

Turn it on already!


: Hm... could i join the crusade? I need to make War, not Love!
: Hell no! Because.....we don't have our bread no more. Remember, back in the days when Skirgaila.... But we could ask the pope if he starts a crusade against Armenia, the next time i mean...
: Nuff! *tumbles*...Argh....everyone out!
(Arsen almost collapses, drags himself to bed. Illness, anyone?)

Lucky for him, the people do care and come to visit him.

Perhaps not all for the same reasons...

The seldjuk army retreats as soon as Abirad the Merciless (Skunk) arrives at Tyrus.



Some nights later, Arqa Arsen the Tyrant still hasn't recovered and is already halfdead.





Tyrus, near a coming bloodbath, same night.

They're back! And they attack our Ally! Which, since military assistance is still granted between the two kingdoms, means...Arqa Arsen the back-and-forth Tyrant could get his war.

One hamster must have come through. Why else whould the Seldjuks be capable of complex army manouvers, all of a sudden?

One formerly well hidden Army assists on their side, as well as some reinforcements from the city of Tyrus,



: We're attacked in the middle of the night!? A battle with over 4000 men? I don't think we'll make it out alive. To Death and Glory we'll help our brothers in arms then!
: Yee..and here, drink this strong stuff, General. It will give you strenght for the fight! ..or something like that.
(Abirad the Merciless Believer drinks the liquid he is handed.. and loses his consciousness. Instantly.)
: *Uff*... Well then. We're halfway through. Everyone off the horses and into the shadows! Stay tight and avoid any noise, if you dawgs wanna see tomorrow! We just watch.

And both the Seldjuks and Jerusalem fight it out till death.



Significantly later:


(Abirad the mercilessly over-witted One awakes.)
: Uaaa...ouch...i fell asleep?
: Don't worry, mighty General. You've just gained the biggest victory of your life! ..By not dying and reaching all of your missions goals.
: I did?
: Yessir! And if you don't mind, we should travel back to the Arqa, ..to celebrate your glory.... its friggin cold here!

: I get the feeling that i'm the greatest military genius ever. Back home, men!
: *nods head* So young and already so ....*mumbling* like him...

[Omar Nelson B.]

Lmao. Falling asleep! Gave me a good chuckle. Nice to see that the ole Arsen-nator.

[Aeon`]

Lmao. Falling asleep! Gave me a good chuckle. Nice to see that the ole Arsen-nator.

: Oh, what's this?
: One does simply SPAM into Armenia!

[Panathinaikos]

Armenians enslave the world? Using ally Kingdom of Jerusalem in the battle against the Turks made excellent

[LlamaD]

Originally Posted by

Bsss. Bssssss bsssss! Bsss bs s bsss bssssss. Bsss bs bss bsss bss bss Bssss-sssss.

: Bssss again!? Didn't i told you to close the door and turn the key around?
: I thought i should turn the door around and lose the key....oops!

: Oh, what's this?
: One does simply SPAM into Armenia!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

: SPAM?
: Yikes, meat. I prefer liquid food.
: Hmmmmm, Spam. The nextbest thing after hardened bread.

Click to view content: 

: Enough already! I go buy a new door! (Walks out, tries to slam the door, realizes its not there, and releases a feisty )

Enslavement for me? Using foreign language in the battle against words made blind!

: I better hurry! And he better absconds!

[LlamaD]

1247


Everyone and their renegades gathered at Adana, waiting for Taxgiving:

: So what are the odds he dies of old age?
: 1:5. He's not like his father, you know.
: And for the pagan to succeed?
: 2:19. If he believes in such stuff. I wouldn't put my money on foreign cleaners, but thats just me being patriotic.
: Can't somebody just bash his head in?
: The foodtester could. But he's probably to fat to raise a hand...
: And the beertester is never sober, i guess? Does none else come close enough without being physically or mentally handicaped?
: Tough. Of course, if not for this crummy helmet, i could offer a 1:3 deal, but right now....1:14.
: *shakes head* That's not going to cut it. We have to take things at hand when he comes. Taxgiving is soon.
: Greetings, noble men. A toast to the money that's coming back to us!
: You mean child benefits?
: No, my father and our Arqa Arsen the Ole' Tyrant has to put back some coins in the community.
: Indeed, in times of peace and prosperity.
: The Armenian Kingdom. Where caring happens.
: Pff, i could care less.
: Hands down? I mean..
:*storms the floor* INTERRUPTING NEWS! Arqa Arsen the Tyrant of Malevolent Watchers and Maulers and whatnotelse ain't gonna come. Taxgiving is canceled!
: Canceled? How...I mean what? Is he dea...err, is he..i mean... still alive...and well?
: I think so. Word has it that he was about to die, but got a discount deal with Death is feeling better. What was i trying to say...AH, yes! We're now officially at WAR! Again. Therefore no giving taxes back.
: War? Hgggnmpffff. He IS alive.
: What now?
: Stay calm and act loyal for now, saintly Arqayazn. An 89 yearold on a Horse and fighting battles...that can't win. Let's wait. I mean, how long can he hold that up? One, two years? He's about to be done and gone. *bruahaha*
: *ha...ha* I hope you're right. I'm already out of non-grey hair...
: No worries. <How could they know just what this message means. The end of my hopes, the end of all my dreams. How could they know a palace there had been behind the door where my love reigned as arqayaznqueen.>


Watching the locals, it seems to be about time.
German

To go out and smack somebody!

So it is. WAR.

And HE knows it. Wants it. Embraces it.

: I, i feel so...

Alive

Everyday is a new day
I'm thankful for every breath that I take
I won't take it for granted (I won't take WAR for granted)
So I learn from my mistakes
It's not beyond my control

Sometimes it's best to let go
Whatever happens in this lifetime

So I trust in WAR (So I trust in WAR)

You have given me peace of mind


I, I feel so alive for the very first time

I can’t deny the joy

I feel so alive
I, I feel so alive for the very first time
And I think I can fly


Sunshine upon my face (Sunshine upon my face)

A new song for me to sing

Tell the world how I feel inside (tell the world how I feel inside)

Even though it might cost me everything

And now that I know this, so beyond, I can't hold this
It's like I can never turn my back away again
And now that I’ve seen You (and now that I see You)
I can never look away
Dear frenzy

I, I feel so alive for the very first time

I can’t deny slaughter

I feel so alive
I, I feel so alive for the very first time
And I think I can fly



Now that I know death (I could never turn my back away again)

Now that I see pain (I could never look away)

Now that I know hell (I could never turn my back away)

Now that I see blood (I believe no matter what they say) *shudder*


I-I feel so alive (feel so alive)
for the very first time (for the very first time)
for the very first time, and I think I can fly.
I-I feel so alive (feel so alive)
for the very first time and I think I can fly,
and I think I can fly, and I think I can fly.

A Witch is captured!

Just near our borders.

: Iou jesu domine ...Oh, hello mylady.
: Piss off you bloody prick'n'prior!
: Well if that doesn't look like someone who weighs about as much as a duck.
: Don't you dare...
: We shall use my larger scales!
: Thou shall suffer the..

Curse of Baba Yaga

Doubles faces dark defense
Talk too loud but talk no sense
Yeah I see those smiling eyes
Butter us up with smiling lies

Talk to creatures raise the dead
Fate you know sure got fed
Trained apart from houses of stone
Hour of horses pick the bone

: So..?
: So you will destroy the Kingdom of Armenia if you do me any harm!
: Nonsense. Burner!
: Uaaaaaah-



The pirates are cut off the trade&smuggle route. They really need Modestos Evgenikos...



...who is just sick of the hills and heads for the sea.



Geuregh (remember, the odd man out) Turmarch has to meet the first stonethrowers in this all-new WAR.



He comes to the rescue and from collecting bridge taxes ...



...over judging fashion contests...



..to collecting delivering dead horses...



..and back to firing up the troops...



...which enrages them to leave the field of battle...



... perhaps not knowing they might've done the right thing to save their lives.



So, yes, the Oddster Geuregh Turmarch is quite merciful.

To the enemy, no less!

: And that is why i am here, too!
: *gasp* Tough cover, this guy...


After a short night, the other, Law-and-Order-disturbing force gets proposed engaged.



And because the armenian troops already walked enough, they camp near the hilltop this time.



Hard to scout, but Geuregh Turmarch delivers a believable speech.



A long uphill-battle for the light(er) troops.

Follow the lights!


The first line of defense awaits...



...while the air is filled with arrows.



The troubled sergeant and his soldiers approach...among others.

Click to view content: 

Nonetheless, a hot fight.



But uphill fighting, discouraged, outfired....not today Seldjuk. Not today!



Alas, the Captain is gone.



And with nothing left to stop any barbecue, this local authority is safe.

Pants on fire, Pants on fire, burning, burning with Desire!


And they all can go home, too.

Geuregh is too Merciful.

: I like to slay them in battle, but i won't kick their groin when they're down.

Elsewhere

: .. And that is all i said to her. Am i a stud or what?
: I still can't believe you got that woman this way. But, don't you expect retaliation from her family anytime soon?
: Nah, not at all. After my epic win in the borderfights '41, the stinky armenians are too afraid to do anything. <har har>
: That would be a first....err, anything else i shall tell the Sultan?
: Oh yeah, i recommend he gets himself one of the new concubines they got at Tyrus. They're exquisite! And i want a copy of that ominous plan he talks about all the time.
: Alright, i'll let him know. Salam aleikum!
: Aleksmi am asl.


On his way to delirium return from his mission:

: I am the Greatest Military Genius ever (repeats himself endlessly)
: *sigh* ... Hey look, MGM, err, GMG...there's a messenger following you since an hour.
: Uh, what? What does he want?
: Pathchanging News, deaf, err undefeated General! Arqa Arsen the Cunning wants you to do what no assassin could do: Bring him the head of Abdullatif Malatyali! Currently resides in Antioch, only qualified Heads accepted, special rules and restrictions may apply. Troops already assembled and sieging. Offer runs out May '47.

Click to view content: 

And cunning Arqa Arsen is, indeed.

No bleep

: So be it! To Antioch!
: *spew* I think i deserve some old-age benefits! Why did i always get the silly jobs?!?
: Could be worse.
: I should have joined the navy...*grmbl*



But, because of irresponsible visitors with rude behaviour, the sieges won't get easier.



The GMG, Abirad the Merciless finds some of the right words to rally the Headhunterparty.



The streets of Antioch are a little bit overcrowded, so our GMG has to wait in line.



Abdullatif on the other hand knows some shortcuts and reaches the fight quickly. But some cavalry is already waiting for him.



Coincident or not, Abdullatif dismounts.



The road to the desert leads directly through the town hall square.



And is filled with dead bodies.



Abirad the Merciless certainly enjoyed it.



But he has his name for a reason.



At least the financial income is high enough to withstand such uneconomic acts of waste disposal.

In large parts due to a cancelled taxgiving.

The spring can come!

[Darkan]

: So, Death, do you want to tell me why you're keeping the Armenian Arqa alive? i don't understand, he's old, he has one foot in the grave...why extend his stay?
: Ohh, God, you just don't get it do you? Why kill just one man, why collect just one soul, when his decisions let me fill my quota much faster. By the way, I kinda like him, he remind me of me, back in the day. Gotta go now, I'm busy busy busy, unlike some other eternal people.
*as Death leaves with his kitty companion at its side, God is disturbed by a voice from Earth*
: Almighy God, you are my last hope, pleaseeee, pleaseeee, help me get rid of the tyrant, help me celebrate taxgiving, heeeelp me.
: Oh My Self, this guy is getting annoying. *shouts towards Earth, in the direction of the Armenian kingdom noless* IT'S OUT OF MY HANDS NOW, YOU IDIOT...I'M RESPONSIBLE WITH CREATING THINGS, NOT KILLING THEM. *closes the window and continues his chess game with Allah*

[LlamaD]

Thoughtful observed, Kudos.


1248

:*rushes in* Heureka, errr.. Eureka! I got it figured out!

Click to view content: 

: *channels his inner Gagik and stares the Doc down until he retreats*


Anyways:

In the wake of the freshly announced crusade, the polish people moved out of the way.

Actually a bit prematurely, since none has picked up the cross so far.
: How could i be any more clear?!?


While Ghazo Avanian joins the stage, his little "gift" prevents him and the whole city to enjoy their time.

: I feel sick... *vomits*


The newly acquired liberated city of Antioch is besieged by some rotten remaining Seljuks!
Thank Heaven that the oldest son of our Greatest military Genius (Abirad the Merciless), Gosdan Abelean snuck up from behind.

: Pssst.


And so the unlegendary battle of Antioch ensued.



Erudite Warriors are prepared aplenty.



Drawing the enemy troops into the lurking fetal, err lethal position...



..is one thing to start any jolly good whipping. The stuck spearmen...



..block parts of the exchanges between the armenian Archers and the seljukish Woodthrowers.



After both throwing parties tired their arms...



...the Cavalry joins the pulk and mops up.

Even if it's just hired cavalry. Whatever.


The siege is now officially abandoned!



And the handicaped almostbesiegers are forced to lay down and play dead.



All in all, a successfull sneak peak.



What appears to be an easy kill-'em-all decision...

becomes a lot harder when there are exactly 7 coins left in the treasury. Therefore, see you again next year!


Such heroic efforts for the treasury are always rewarded. Welcome, Drougarios Abelean!


And celebrated in the tavern, ofcourse.

May i add, in an according manner.


The Assassin's Master arrives at Arqa Arsen the Cunning's place. His mission failed..accomplished.


: They bought it?
: Wholehearted. I think even God did.
: Ok, then lets rock. Send out all Assassins!


And a flood of Controller Knaves with Knifes covered the Kingdom.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Making it more than undeniable... Arqa Arsen is a honest working, totally deceiving Killer!

: Honestly, he lies everytime he opens his mouth. Here is my 3 Florin-Oxymoron-Usage-Taxfee.

A single last close relative of the to-be-beheaded Abdullatif M. has to leave Antioch. The Cutthroats take care of.



And of any wittnesses.

If someone asks, HE DIDNT PAY HIS TAXES ON TIME!
: Please dare to ask... *creepy grin*

Click to view content: 

Creepy enough?

Geuregh the Merciful crosses the border to find some people so that he can show them his mercy.

Merci beaucoup, Captain.


Full of ...himself, Geuregh the Merciful plays the Godds.

..and makes it rain.

The Captain surely didn't expect this.


As well as his troops.



And our Horsearchers didn't expect him to have more than 10 litre blood in his body.



Literally hundreds of merciful arrows later, said Captain dies.



Geuregh the merciful stays in character...



...but releasing the 35 survivors was one single act of mercy too much.

Click to view content: 

: All hail Geuregh the Merciful Mauler!
: Huh? I shall grant you the mercy to taste my fist. *punch*
: *ouch* Th....thank thee, Mylord! Too gracious....


Our allied white (kind of) wanderer with the smuggling habits experienced similar hardships as Cakmak. But listen....
: All i needed was... Einen Antrag auf Erteilung eines Antragformulars zur Bestätigung der Nichtigkeit des Durchschriftexemplars


7. German Song

dessen Gültigkeitsvermerk von der Bezugsbehörde stammt zum Behuf der Vorlage beim zuständ‘gen Erteilungsamt.

Mein Verhältnis zu Behörden war nicht immer ungetrübt,
Was allein nur daran lag, daß man nicht kann, was man nicht übt.
Heute geh‘ ich weltmännisch auf allen Ämtern ein und aus,
Schließlich bin ich auf den Dienstwegen schon so gut wie zu Haus.
Seit dem Tag, an dem die Aktenhauptverwertungsstelle Nord
Mich per Einschreiben aufforderte: Schicken Sie uns sofort
Einen Antrag auf Erteilung eines Antragsformulars,
Zur Bestätigung der Nichtigkeit des Durchschriftexemplars,
Dessen Gültigkeitsvermerk von der Bezugsbehörde stammt
Zum Behuf der Vorlage beim zuständ‘gen Erteilungsamt.

Bis zu jenem Tag wußt‘ ich nicht einmal, daß es sowas gab,
Doch wer gibt das schon gern von sich zu, so kramt‘ ich, was ich hab‘
An Papier‘n und Dokumenten aus dem alten Schuh, Pardon.
Ebenbild, Freischwimmerzeugnis, Parkausweis und Wäschebon.




Damit ging ich auf ein Amt, aus all‘ den Türen sucht‘ ich mir
Die sympatischste heraus und klopfte an: „Tag, gibt‘s hier
Einen Antrag auf Erteilung eines Antragsformulars,
Zur Bestätigung der Nichtigkeit des Durchschriftexemplars,
Dessen Gültigkeitsvermerk von der Bezugsbehörde stammt
Zum Behuf der Vorlage beim zuständ‘gen Erteilungsamt.“

„Tja“, sagte der Herr am Schreibtisch, „alles, was Sie wollen, nur
ich bin hier Vertretung, der Sachbearbeiter ist zur Kur.
Allenfalls könnte ich Ihnen, wenn Ihnen das etwas nützt,
Die Broschüre überlassen, ,Wie man sich vor Kaninchen schützt‘.
Aber frag‘n Sie mal den Pförtner, man sagt, der kennt sich hier aus.“
Und das tat ich dann „ach, bitte, wo bekommt man hier im Haus
Eine Antragsformulierung, die die Nichtigkeit erklärt.
Für die Vorlage der Gültigkeit, nee halt! Das war verkehrt.
Dessen Gültigkeitsbehörde im Erteilungszustand liegt ...
Na ja, Sie wissen schon, so‘n Zettel, wissen Sie, wo man den kriegt?“
„Da sind Sie hier ganz und gar verkehrt, am besten ist, Sie geh‘n
Zum Verlegungsdienst für den Bezirksbereich Stark-belatschte-Straße 10.
In die Abwertungsabteilung für den Formularausschuß.
Bloß, beeil‘n Se sich ein bißchen, denn um zwei Uhr ist da Schluß.
Dort bestell‘n Se dann dem Pförtner einen schönen Gruß von mir,
Und dann kriegen Sie im zweiten Stock, rechts, Zimmer 104
Einen Antrag auf Erteilung eines Antragsformulars,
Zur Bestätigung der Nichtigkeit des Durchschriftexemplars,
Dessen Gültigkeitsvermerk von der Bezugsbehörde stammt
Zum Behuf der Vorlage beim zuständ‘gen Erteilungsamt.“



In der Stark-belatschte-Straße 10 sagte mir der Pförtner: „Ach, zu dumm,
Die auf 104 stell‘n seit 2 Wochen auf Sklavenarbeit um
Und die Nebendienststelle, die sonst Härtefälle betreut,
Ist seit elf Uhr zu, die feiern da ein Jubiläum heut‘.
Frau Dzighovski ist auf Urlaub, tja, da bleibt Ihnen wohl nur,
Es im Neubau zu probier‘n, vielleicht hat da die Registratur
noch ‘nen Antrag auf Erteilung eines Antragsformulars,
Zur Bestätigung der Nichtigkeit des Durchschriftexemplars,
Dessen Gültigkeitsvermerk von der Bezugsbehörde stammt
Zum Behuf der Vorlage beim zuständ‘gen Erteilungsamt.“




Ich klopfte, trat ein, und spürte rote Punkte im Gesicht.
Eine Frau kochte grad‘ türkisch Kaffee, sie beachtete mich nicht.
Dann trank sie genüßlich schlürfend, ich stand dumm lächelnd im Raum,
Schließlich putzte sie ausgiebig einen fetten Gammelbauch .
Ich räusperte mich noch einmal, doch dann schrie ich plötzlich schrill,
Warf mich trommelnd auf den Boden, und ich röchelte: „Ich will
Meinen Antrag auf Erteilung eines Antragsformulars,
Zur Bestätigung der Nichtigkeit des Durchschriftexemplars,
Dessen Gültigkeit, ach, wissen Sie, Sie rost‘ge Gabel Sie,
nageln Sie sich Ihr Scheißformular gefälligst selbst vor‘s Knie.“
Schluchzend robbt‘ ich aus der Tür, blieb zuckend liegen, freundlich hob
Mich der Aktenbote auf seinen Aktenkarren und schob
Mich behutsam durch die Flure, spendete mir Trost und Mut.
„Wir zwei roll‘n jetzt zum Papier-Kriegs-Arzt, dann wird alles wieder gut.
Ich geb‘ nur schnell ‘nen Stapel Holzdrucke bei der Hauspost auf,
Würden Sie mal kurz aufstehen,Sie sitzen nämlich grade drauf. –
Is‘n Posten alter Formulare, die geh‘n ans Oberverwaltungsamt zurück,
Da soll‘n die jetzt eingestampft werden, das sind diese völlig überflüssigen
Anträge auf Erteilung eines Antragsformulars,
Zur Bestätigung der Nichtigkeit des Durchschriftexemplars,
Dessen Gültigkeitsvermerk von der Bezugsbehörde stammt
Zum Behuf der Vorlage beim zuständ‘gen Erteilungsamt.“

With that in mind, it appears more than dubious that the Seldjuks try to retaliate immediately.

Sandwiched.

[LlamaD]

1249


The Kingdoms very own noble Strategos Goriun becomes Grandmaster Flash of the Knights Hospitalier!

Fancy Knights, those Hospitalier's.


The support tacit agreement of the church is needed for the war. But they're not cheap by any means.

Pretty expensive.


Ghazo Avanian had a rather short stint on the stage of life.

: Sure, he was sick, but why had he a knife in his back?....Oh.....*slash* Hgnnnn... (Silence and a collapsing Tutor's body fill the room.)


Antioch, the once again besieged city-version of Pandora's box, has troubles mounting a proper defense. Therefore, sally ho!

Reocurring troubles.


Without much talk or trouble, much less ado, the siege is resolved.
First, the enemy general gets under the horses.

Search-Pic: Find the villain!


Second, the use of chemical weapons make(s) sure the sultan's horses and riders, i.e. their bodies hit the floor.



Et voilá, as our allies say, the enemy army routs.

Thanks for building stoneroads, routing was never that comfortable.


The ransom was very good, yet not fully to the treasurers liking.



A beer or two after the work can reveal quite some secrets.



In other alcohlic delirum news, the suitors are back. This time, in single version.

: No need for inexperienced mid-40's! I'm sure my daughter can marry better.

Back to antiochian Matters, the title of Prince of Antioch has not been found in the city, despite repeated beheading of the Malatyalis.
However, thanks to our brothers in arms, it has been located.

Click to view content: 

Abdulhamid Han has it kidtitle-napped.

Freshly deflowered General and Defender of Antioch aswell as Unchastity, Daniel Atamian ought to bring it back. Due to sub-prime military skills or evil, rotten and hideous plans, he takes just some handful of mens with him.

On the other hand, it could be the recruiting speech.


Thankfully, he found better words in the face of God's wounds danger.



While Daniel scouts the area, allied Reinforcements shoulder the load.



In the unleashed chaos of battle, several Generals shed their blood.



The kind of support Daniel needed...



..and that could kill some flies in one try...



..pulled through! The kwarizmian mercenaries of the title-thief put the clamps on Marc de Lusignan.



In convincing fashion, may be added.



Han Solo singlehanded took on a bunch of knaves looking for his goods.



An all but equal deathcount....

..until even more brave family members of the Kingdom of Tyrus (born Jerusalem) bite the dust.
Daniel Atamian returns from missing-in-action and leading-in-lacktion to routing-infractions.


Average victory for average shoutouts.

Thank God, indeed.


However, or rather, because of those lethal events, the relations between both kingdoms have never been better.



And to show their appreciation, Daniel Atamian is invited to listen when one of their inglorious Concubines perfomes. Singing, that is.

:Je suis une poupée

de cire

Je suis une poupée de cire
Une poupée de son
Mon coeur est grave dans mes chansons
Poupée de cire poupée de son

Suis-je meilleure suis-je pire
Qu'une poupée de salon
Je vois la vie en rose bonbon
Poupée de cire poupée de son

Mes sourire sont un miroir
Dans lequel chacun peut me voir
Je suis partout à la fois
Brisée en mille éclats de voix

Autour de moi j'entends rire
Les poupées de chiffon
Celles qui dansent sur mes chansons
Poupée de cire poupée de son

Elles se laissent séduire
Pour un oui pour un nom
L'amour n'est pas que dans les chansons
Poupée de cire poupée de son

Seule parfois je soupire
Je me dis a quoi bon
Chanter ainsi l'amour sans raison
Sans rien connaitre des garcons

Je suis qu'une poupee de cire
Qu'une poupée de son
Sous le soleil de mes cheveux blonds
Poupée de cire poupée de son

Mais un jour je vivrai mes chansons
Poupée de cire poupée de son
Sans craindre a la chaleur des garcons
Poupée de cire poupée de son.

: Uh, sweet... *whistles appreciative*..but the title wants home...perhaps i drop by again.....later.


On the northeastern side of bureaucratic expansion, Geuregh the merciful Mauler has to stop a Turk from demolishing Authority buildings. Sometimes, you just have to be reminded why you fight.



In character another act of Mercy, Truth is spoken.



And just as he said it, a Turk of a General charges...



...and is denied.



Consequently, any torturing attempts failed. Authority buildings saved. Money lost.


Hopefully, we can get the money back.



A short overviewing look reminds everyone about the benefits of Gagiks work.



But there are still lots of plans and peoples to be executed.

[LlamaD]

: Ah, finally no intruders and interruptions....fine, fine.


1250




: Another release? That hasn't happend for...hmm...
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
Oh, oh, oh
For the longest time
(Significant Increase in Color and Temperature at the Biographer's face.)
: *grrrr*



Who knows how much further we'll go on
Maybe they'll be sorry when you're gone
I'll take my chances
I forgot how weird your pulp is
That hasn't happened for the longest time

Once I thought your twice-a-week weekly monthly updates were gone
Now I know that creepiness goes on
That's where you found me *points at overheating Biographer*
When you put your arms around me
and strangled me to death....*krrrr*

: *drops the dead bard, sweating, losing blood..pressure, slowly regaining shape* .... ...I start again.


1250 - Anew




Good 'ol Albert Magnus

describes what its like being our very own Arqa. Who just happens to be pleased to not fight all battles by himself. Why else would he abstain the field?


Another single Dickran begs for slavery marriage.

: I said BETTER! NOT BALDER, err MORE BALD!


Everyone's favourite masked General, Haydar the Saint has been promoted. To Heaven, Dopey!



He leaves a flamboyant wife and Daniel Atamian behind.



Still, quite a mystery what exactly killed him....

Click to view content: 

The Strategos, alongside the Merciless and his son, attacks the Castle of Aleppo in an important emergency mission.



Only one of the three doesn't get tired to point out that he can read.



What a stroke of luck! Someone opened the gates for us!

Click to view content: 

And this is where it pays off to be Strategos. With a swift and hard ride, the defenders, concentrated on one point, are duped.

However, not being Strategos, the Garrisons Commander sends all troops to the inner circle with direct order not to fight before arriving.
Everyone on a horse says Thank thee between two blows.
Pure and utter tomfoolery.


Close, but no cigar.

Simply because no one went over the pond yet.


The (way) aforementioned important reason for this heist Call of Duty can now be solved and dismissed.

By handing over the land to the struggling Kingdom, the military excursions do now have a legal base. Never heard someone complain and live to tell about it, but whatever.


That made our allies about as pleased as last year.

The deal included a single authority building concerning the Exchange of Law- and Taxationconcepts in foreign Kingdoms. Which in turn made the lawyers happy.


Ah yes, the lawyers, everyone needs and likes 'em...
German

Especially their clearcut and direct attitude.


: Anything, if it's chivalrous!
: The way to go, noble Strategos.
: Ah, shut up ye two sanctimoniu...sanctimonu.. stinky saints!
: Oh come on Dad, just because you never read the book and don't like being under Grandmaster Goriun's command...
: Yeah, sure. I mean, what exactly is this rank good for? It surely hasn't brought up any additional soldier to use in battle!
: Watch your words, Abirad. Actually, its sort of a challenge cup, only as a title. Rewarded to the most noble and glorious Fighter and Leader against the Heathens under the Sun and Bridge to Honour and Fame of the great Kingdom that rules them all over the Hills, Mountains, Lands, Sea, perhaps even Air, to save and protect the...
: *interrupting cold laugh* Then we must be screwed. Letting Prisoners alive and alone...damn fools! I, the GMG am ignored by these sluggish and snuggish "Generals". *pffft* (He leaves disgusted.)
: *shouting in Abirad's direction* You're too concerned. What could ever beat us, God's own Warriors?



The three Kings two Generals are just on their way home to start a discussion about ways to increase the amount of horses one can take into paradise with himself, when a seldjukish Highwaymenarmy sneaks up from behind.


Gosdan the also-oh-so-Chivalrous...turns tail but loses a few feathers.



After failing to escape, THE REAL SHA...err, BATTLE begins. Nerves of Steel are needed now.



But words are his speciality, so Gosdan proceeds....



... and with the help of the Strategos' mind and well-paid Kwarizmian Cavalry, our hired Turkopoles make sure their hired Turkomans get disarmed.

If you have troubles seeing the difference, press Alt+F4

However, that did little more than ease the degree of difficulty to 'mere impossible'. Especially with Abirad the Merciless far away.

*Gulp*


On the other side - Müslihüter gammelnd, pardon: with Muslihuddin safe and waiting, suicidal charges look very tempting.
At least when foreigners perform them, in this case the few Frankish Knights combined with leftovers of the Kwarizmians, relicts of failed crusades.



Suddenly, everything gets very horizontal for Chief Koprulu.

Do legst di nida!


And still, it's called suicidal charge for a reason, which just responded to the heavily shouting, brown captain and turned around to charge the mercenaries.

Gosdan and his 3 Guards practically neutralised, its on the Strategos to cover the back of said forces.

Click to view content: 

With the cry of desperation, Goriun charges into the charging Spearmen charging into the charged Cavalry.

But wait! Isn't that Muslihuddin? Still alive?

: Oh boy, if you want something to be done, you have to do it for yourself! Everyone: Chaaaaargee their General!

The Hunt for Life ensues. Seldjukish Soldiers arrive by foot, often overrunning the few that are too far away from Koprulu. He tries to escape, fails, fights, holds on, just a minute more, they're already so close that he can see the white in their eyes....faster, brothers, faster..

Click to view content: 

Horses are falling, weapons flying, men screaming, blood, dust, noise come and go....run for your lives, you can't win....rides for the win without he can't live to go back...
As the dust settles, they're gone or dead. A handful survivors, Goriun losing his left arm, Gosdan his name The Chivalrous and Muslihuddin the race.
Impetuous knights, humbled only for a day. If that.
The more things changes...


Running away earns only small packages of ego-stroking fields of valour.

This subtle message was sponsored by...nobody.


The supposed place where Sultan Tal at the Merciless hides resides, is know Target of a 10k bounty.



Abirad the Merciless (Front-runner) did not have more luck than the two gals behind. Wicked pain forced him to slow down.



But, as it would make a nice tradition, when one Kinslayer is out, another one steps up.
The most merciful General of all, Geuregh the Mauler tests taxes the bridges near Diarbekr.


And he's not gonna lie about his nature.



The opposing forces muster each other.

Well, not really muster, but they stare in each other's general direction.


: Mountaineers, block the bridge! Crossbowmen, line up at the hills! Archers, set fire! Leased Horsearchers, bait them to cross the bride! *puh* Geez, commanding makes you tired! I'm feeling a little lazy today, boys! I won't join the fight until i see the white in their eyes! Now start shooting and make sure i'll have some time to take a nap first!




Seems like the other leader is also not in the mood to sweat too soon about deciding to pay, leave or attack.



Under no circumstances.



Regardless any unrest amongst the troops.



Until Death.



Freed of the indecisive Captain, the remaining soldiers couldn't care less about some bride and scatter away.



Oddly, General Geuregh awakes before everyone is dead. Not long before, but before.


: Release the Prisoners.
: Both of 'em?
: Both! And don't forget to throw the dead into the river!
: You are truly the Kingdom's most merciful Mauler, General!

(Geuregh smiles and pinches the Mercenary Captain's bottom.)

: Auu!


Modestos Evgenikos hasn't found poor Sevket the Smuggler yet and heads for the sold lands. Bad times for the Rebel Navy.

Auf der Reise, Reise

Speaking of Allies, the Pope is confused about the lacktivity on the Cursader's part. Imagine a party Crusade and none goes there.
: Hello? There's a Crusade? Against Riga? Anyone?

[Arto]

Are you still alive?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Anyway, I'm happy that you're continuing this AAR.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

That Alt+F4 joke wasn't funny.

[LlamaD]

Am i still visual impaired?

: *hggnnnpfff*
: I've got an advice...perhaps lifesaving advice. Obviously, retaliating directly did work as much as contract killers, religious and social disowning etc - zero, nada, zilch, nil. Maybe we should try something different. It's called externalising effect. I think you did it last time with the unfortunate Klampfenaugust, didn't you? And it worked very well to restore your mental and physical health.
: Indeed, i remember vague .....
: Now, i've made sure you can get a steady diet to abuse. Hey you, do your duty, Bard II!
:Errrm... Brave Sir Ro....
...wait, that's the wrong lyrics...and the wrong music too..here it is..
.
..
...
Art(ur)o Adro-,Bedro-,Cedrosian!

Art(ur)o,
il pomeriggio è troppo Art(ur)o
e lungo per me.
Mi accorgo
di non avere più risorse,
senza di te,
....

: I don't understand a word and i'm still angry.
: I do, but it doesn't make sense. Now, externalise!


....
e allora
io quasi quasi prendo il treno
e vengo, vengo da te,
ma il treno dei desideri
nei miei pensieri all'incontrario va...
e mi strangolare ..*glllghnnn*


: Hey, this works! Thank you, Doc!
: You can call me Siggi.
: Well Siggi, that felt good. Gimme another one!
: Easy, easy...those Bards are pretty expensive...we don't want to get addicted to this, do we? Now, relax and write...