Forgive me Father, for I have Sindh!

[Kip]

A (extremely) brief AAR, coming soon.

I had a really funny/disheartening/desire-to-punch-the-computer inducing scenario play out in my campaign last night, so I thought I'd tell you about it. I don't have the time right now, but by putting up the thread now it forces me to get around to it (eventually )

Pun copyright KippyK, 2008.
Used without permission by General Charles Napier, 1843.

[Baron Thunder-ten-tronckh]

Good pun.. +rep for a) an AAR, b) a good pun.
Can't wait.

[Miraj]

Haha, nice pun indeed...

But he's not the first..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sindh#History

British forces under General Charles Napier arrived in Sindh in the 19th century and conquered it in 1843. It is said that he sent back to the Governor General a one-word message, "Peccavi" – Latin for "I have sinned". In actual fact, this pun first appeared as a cartoon in Punch magazine. The first Aga Khan helped the British in the conquest of Sindh and was granted a pension as a result.

[Kip]

NOOO!

Ugh, I was so proud of myself when I thought of that

I've edited the first post to give credit where deserved.

Anyways, hopefully I'll get the post up some time soon. I'm swamped with scholarship applications atm

[Kip]

“Forgive me Father, for I have Sindh!”

A short, largely stupid, and yet somewhat humorous (assuming your sense of humor is as lively as a dried up porcupine carcass) AAR.

Scene 1. We are family!

When Gehnra was born, Umer was ecstatic. He had visions of all the activities he would do with his son: playing baseball, sharing hot dogs, trolling for mall ass. Umer planned his entire future out in one 5-minute search orgy at GoogleImage:


(Except not white)

As Gehnra grew old, Umer was pleased with his development. He turned into quite an able general, and Umer trusted him with the Malikate of Sindh’s royal army, which consisted of the only non-pisspoor troops the Sindhis would field for a bazillion years. In addition, Umer appointed his son as the head of the Police Offices of Thatta, better known as POOFT. Gehra was the best POOFTer the city had ever seen.

That’s when it happened.

Scene 2. A Death in the Family

Heer, the beloved wife/mother combo to our protagonists died suddenly in what can only be described as a “Family Tragedy”. Umer, being away on “business” (read: doinking Afghan babes in Quetta) hurried back to find out the cause of this mysterious occurrence. As it turns out, nobody knew what happened, and even Gehnra couldn’t solve the mystery, despite having every POOFTer in Thatta working the case. Eventually local Imams began saying it was a simple act of God. Some weirdos began saying her death was caused by some sort of automated logic system, and that everyone was simply a mirage for a greater, all-powerful being, almost like a game. They were promptly executed.

Scene 3. Degenerate bastards

Genhra, on account of his Oedipus/Hamlet complex, took his mother’s death quite hard. He began frequenting Shisha Bars and resigned his post at POOFT. His drug abuse became pretty bad. He did, however, hold on to the valuable Sammat troops… (OooOOoo foreshadowing!!)


^ Live actual photo of Gehnra of Sindh.

Indeed, Gehnra started looking like a woman. And he wore a lizard on his head. Freak. But then again, when your mom dies, and you had a crush on her, its ok to degenerate into a freak. Oh, wait a minute, no it isn't. Freak.

Umer, despite being an unfaithful jerk-faced panhandling creepazoid, took the death hard as well. Now that his wife was gone…he missed her. In his mind, there was only one solution, only one logical and constructive way to rid his mind of the horrors of his loss: PARTAYY!!!


(Umer at Club Sukkur)


(Side note: It was Umer that made the anonymous phone call when Lindsay Lohan was caught driving while using cocaine. That he provided.)

As a result of the polarization between father and son, the dreams were broken. They began to loath eachother. In fact, if Gehnra’s loyalty to his father was to be measured by some form of meter that equated diamond rings to strength of commitment, I’d call him about a 3.


Scene 4. Therapy. AKA the obligatory dialogue scene.

Therapist: Let’s just talk things through.
Umer: What’s to talk through? Gehnra for some reason blames me for his mother’s death, just because I cheated on her all the time. I just don’t see how that’s fair.
Gehnra: I hate you.
Umer: I know son, I know.
Therapist: Maybe some roleplay?
Umer: I have a better idea. No.
Gehnra: See, this is your problem. You won’t try to fix things. You didn’t love mom as much as I did.
Umer: That’s sick.
Gehnra: That’s not how I meant it.
Umer: Yes it is! Gehnra loves Heer, Gehnra loves Heer, Gehnra and Heer, sitting in a tree…
Gehnra: You’re a complete douche.
Therapist: Now now, Gehnra, don’t use that tone. We are here to mend, not destroy.
Gehnra: Yeah but this is ridiculous.
Therapist: No…..THIS! IS! THERAPY!!!!
Gehnra: …
Umer: …
Therapist: …
Gehnra: …
Umer: …
Samuel Jackson: …
Umer: …
The next morning’s Thatta Enquirer contained this POOFT blotter:

“Late last evening, the Malik’s royal therapist was found dead. Initial reports declare the death an accident. According to top-ranking POOFTers, the therapist tripped down the stairs and landed on some arrows. The only witnesses on the scene were the Royal Jagir Guard archers, who were standing at the top of the stairs. They had no comment.”

Scene 5. The scene that actually matters

So after all that unnecessary and largely unfunny build-up, Gehnra decided to be a huge assface and rebel. He took with him all the most powerful troops in the Sindhi army. Umer was furious, but could only field Bharat light spearmen, so decided to wait awhile before setting out after his son. In the mean time, he practiced his child-beating skills on the Bharat spearmen, who were only too eager as they were already half-naked and sweating.

Eventually tired of waiting, and realizing that local mercenaries were pretty much better that his own recruitable soldiers, Umer took to the field. Carrying his sword and moistened belt with iron studs, he sought out Gehnra, who was moping/emo-ing around Sukkur. Battle was initiated.

The lines closed. Mysteriously, Gehnra had broken seven different laws of physics and transformed his men into Byzantine cataphracts. Umer’s men were quivering, covered in belt lashes, and wearing paper and/or silk for armor. Umer was understandably frightened.

The father and son met in the field, in epic one on one combat. Umer, in a meth-induced rage, slashed wildly, while Gehnra largely just moped around.

…finally, one of Umer’s wild blows landed:
(Warning: actual game play photo. First and last.)



Falling to his death, Genhra cried “Forgive me Father for I have sinned!”, upon which Umer replied, “You douche, you don’t have Sindh, I do! Jesus you are a whiney little *****.”

Celebrating his victory, Umer decided to mix cocaine, meth, codeine, and various other drugs in a massive orgy of self-annihilation. It worked. He died of what can only be described as Epic Overdose (which on a side note would make an awesome heavy metal band name).

So…yeah. Point is I lost the campaign because that little effer Genhra decided to go rebel when Umer was a crotchety old man.

Sorry you had to see that.

Oh yes and apologies to notenome. Sorry I completely whored your theory of "humor +AAR = Enjoyment". I of course chose to use the transitive property of AAR's, and by using the simple substitution of "Humor = Retarded", my equation is more like "Retarded + AAR = Loss of any respect ever earned on the TWCenter Forums".

HAHAHAHAHA wtf srsly doodz.




I should stop huffing paint.

[Ingrimm]

“Forgive me Father, for I have Sindh!”
Celebrating his victory, Umer decided to mix cocaine, meth, codeine, and various other drugs in a massive orgy of self-annihilation. It worked. He died of what can only be described as Epic Overdose (which on a side note would make an awesome heavy metal band name).

I should stop huffing paint.

... man, you frighten me...
But if huffing paint results in stuff like this - I should try

[notenome]

No need to apologize, I enjoyed this mini AAR...

[boerekovic]

Continue Dude! continue!

[Kip]

Continue Dude! continue!

Well this was sort of an episodic scenario, I just found the occurence really odd/humorous in how perfectly it all lined up...It really seemed like there was some sort of familial conflict brewing

Do you really like my writing? I mean its a cheap knock off of the other comedy AARs, but I'd be happy to do more (assuming I come across other funny scenarios). I don't think I'd ever do a full AAR like notenome's (props for the commitment there!), but I might do other small scale stuff like this one.

And thank you guys for the kind words.

[boerekovic]

I dont know, but the current 2 funny aars (That is Robossary and Oh dear)
are not enough! more Stuff to read for us!

[Fergie]

The title is changed lyrics of Metallica's "Thorn Within":

Forgive me father
For I have sinned

Isn't it?

[roy34543]

Its just that Sinned and Sindh are phonetically the same

[Fergie]

I know, but I'm asking is the title inspried by lyrics .

[Kip]

Haha nope sorry, not inspired by a song.

[Kip]

Would anyone read this if I were to whip up an update or two?

Finals are coming to a close on next monday, so I'd have the time.

[zznɟ ǝɥʇ]

[stratesx]

YES

[Antiochos VII Sidetes]

Absoluteleh.

[Heinz Guderian]

I want more KippyK.

[Kip]

Well gentlemen, I'm flattered by your interest.

My last final is tomorrow, so after that I'll have plenty of free time. I'll just need to find a humorous scenario and huff some paint before I post an update.