100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist christian chat rooms

[Legionem Insanis]

Funny and scary!

100 Greatest Quotes from fundamentalist Christian chat rooms
(includes links to actual posts!)
http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1

mirrored at...
http://duggmirror.com/comedy/100_Gre...an_chat_rooms/


OMG, some of these are hillarious. Would be even funnier if not so scary.

I think my favorites are:

"Make sure your answer uses Scripture, not logic."
(...can you understand why I do not believe you?)

"I don't have to "prove" anything.
You see, I have this wonderful thing called "faith" and with that I have no need of proof."
(...can you understand why I think you are an idiot?)

"To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible."
(...endless loop detected, please abort)

"If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic."
(...sorry for bringing logic into the debate)

"If your original Hebrew disagrees with my original King James --- your original Hebrew is wrong. If your original Hebrew agrees with my original King James, your original Hebrew is right."
(...those damn Jews are at it again, aren't they!)

"The only thing I don't like about them is they sell foreign language versions of the KJB. I don't think that's right. We know the only true translation is the 1600's version in English.
It's too risky for anybody to translate that into other languages. Mistakes can creep in... and that can lead to heresy. True Christians should only read English."
(...the "word of God" is fragile)


On science...

"Everyone knows scientists insist on using complex terminology to make it harder for True Christians to refute their claims.
Deoxyribonucleic Acid, for example... sounds impressive, right? But have you ever seen what happens if you put something in acid? It dissolves! If we had all this acid in our cells, we'd all dissolve! So much for the Theory of Evolution, Check MATE!"
(...and don't forget, your brain melts on acid, touche!)


"Science causes confustion[sp] and makes things complicated. Everytime there is a new discovery the old discoveries and old wisdom are discarded! And theories get more and more complex. Science makes people confused and complicates things. Who is the author of confusion? Satan of course. The bible it the opposite of science. Biblical wisdom NEVER CHANGES, and anyone can get it. Scientific wisdom is always changing and contradicting itself, and really nobody gets it."
(...confuses YOU maybe, lol)

"There are a lot of things I have concluded to be wrong, without studying them in-depth. Evolution is one of them. The fact that I don't know that much about it does not bother me in the least."
(...I'm glad science doesn't work this way)


Ironically, the following don't sound very "Christ-like", certainly not by what I learned in Catholic school...

"I honestly don't care about your rights. If it were up to me, all Atheists would be burnt at the stake and or cast into a river with weights tied to their ankles and or placed before the firing squad, etc etc etc."
(Fortunately, in this country we have human rights.)

"so you think if no one believed in any religion there would be no wars or fighting? i think it would be worse. i know if i didn't fear god's judgement i would have killed many many times."
(Please do not read the Old Testament!)

"In my opinion, if an animal in the wild like a swan is caught being gay it should be shot on sight, disinfected, and used to feed the poor."
(Gay swans have been warned!)

"Seriously, does anybody ever cry at an Atheist's funeral?
I mean, since Atheists have no value whatsoever as human
beings (they're not even human, but only inhuman animals),
since Atheists are nothing but miserable Liars, Cowards
and Murderers, after all, why would anybody in their
right mind weep over the dead rotting corpse, or bone
chips and ashes (that get mixed together with those of
others from the crematory) of a worthless dead Atheist?"
(...I don't know, but it sounds like you might want to stick a steak in it's heart to make sure it does not come back!)


I'm sorry if I i posted this in the wrong forum. It is starting to sound like entertainment because they hard to take seriously.

[Erwin Rommel]

OMG what bigoted aholes i might say!!!..............this is why i hate fundies!! and this is why i love them........they are so friggin funny

[HopliteElite]

I weep for humanity if some of these are real...

[Centurion-Lucius-Vorenus]

OMG what bigoted aholes i might say!!!..............this is why i hate fundies!! and this is why i love them........they are so friggin funny

KYON-KUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That line holds some weight from a Protestant

Which makes sense considering the church was the church was founded by a German.

[C.M.]

One of the most basic laws in the universe is the Second Law of Thermodynamics. This states that as time goes by, entropy in an environment will increase. Evolution argues differently against a law that is accepted EVERYWHERE BY EVERYONE. Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. [emphasis added]

After reading this i took about two seconds to think and burst out in laughter.

[Exarch]

After reading this i took about two seconds to think and burst out in laughter.

physics and engineering aint me specialty, so could u pls make sense of the psychobabble the the fundie is talking about and what his angle is?
if it was intelligent design on biology, i might have an inkling but sadly i'm mostly ignorant when it comes to cosmology/physics

[Tiwaz]

physics and engineering aint me specialty, so could u pls make sense of the psychobabble the the fundie is talking about and what his angle is?
if it was intelligent design on biology, i might have an inkling but sadly i'm mostly ignorant when it comes to cosmology/physics

My guess is that he thinks that lack of any huge source sending lots of energy to Earth means that by laws of thermodynamics it is impossible for us to exist, as developing from simple towards more complex forms requires source of energy. And if such source existed, scientists would have by now found it.

So only explanation for our existence is that there is big guy up in the sky who breaks laws of thermodynamics to make us possible.

Flame removed - Manstein

Sorry if I explained stuff you already knew. My sarcasmometer is right now being fixed due to lack of sleep.

[The Sixth Wizard]

Look, this is a prime example of the phrase: "Don't argue with an idiot, or people might not know the difference."

The guys bothering to argue with funda-mental-ist retards should take my approach; just pretend that they're the stereotypical old person. Meet any ravings with an empty smile whilst saying things like "sure, pop, whatever you say... into your room now..."

[Exarch]

My guess is that he thinks that lack of any huge source sending lots of energy to Earth means that by laws of thermodynamics it is impossible for us to exist, as developing from simple towards more complex forms requires source of energy. And if such source existed, scientists would have by now found it.

So only explanation for our existence is that there is big guy up in the sky who breaks laws of thermodynamics to make us possible.

Apparently fundie hasn't been outdoors during day, watching this huge fusion ball which radiates immense amount of energy to everything around it. Including Earth.

Sorry if I explained stuff you already knew. My sarcasmometer is right now being fixed due to lack of sleep.

no, u did great, thanks mate
religious fundies are great entertainment.....until they attempt to take public office

[C.M.]

physics and engineering aint me specialty, so could u pls make sense of the psychobabble the the fundie is talking about and what his angle is?
if it was intelligent design on biology, i might have an inkling but sadly i'm mostly ignorant when it comes to cosmology/physics

The "missing" outside giant source of energy is called the Sun.

[Romano B.]

What exactly defines a Fundamentalist Christian? I'm pretty unfamiliar with the term. I can tell though, that the term is pretty modern.

[Dayman]

What exactly defines a Fundamentalist Christian? I'm pretty unfamiliar with the term. I can tell though, that the term is pretty modern.

Any extremely traditional Christian. Biblical literalism, intolerance, dominionism are all signs of the fundie.

[Legionem Insanis]

A literal interpretation of the Bible amongst others.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundame...t_Christianity

http://www.britannica.com/eb/article...fundamentalism

[Sleeper]

What exactly defines a Fundamentalist Christian? I'm pretty unfamiliar with the term. I can tell though, that the term is pretty modern.

It means Christian gone retarded, or Christian who has abandoned the Church Fathers teachings. Those Church fathers who decided what was the Bible and what was heresy. Evangelicalism is a good example. Any Christian who does not acknowledge the Pope or the Patriarch, thus breaking the chain back to Peter and through him Christ. You're welcome.

[Kiljan Arslan]

What exactly defines a Fundamentalist Christian? I'm pretty unfamiliar with the term. I can tell though, that the term is pretty modern.

Someone who is causing all reasonable people to unfortunately leave religion.

[kev-o]

Someone who is causing all reasonable people to unfortunately leave religion.

Ain't that the truth.

"THE LAWD IS GONNA SEND ALL Y"ALL TE HELLLLLLLLLAAAAAAA!!!! "

JESUS CHRIST SAVES!!!! DON"T BELEIVE HIM?! YOU GONNA BURN IN HEEELLLLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!!! WITH FIREAAAAAAA!! AND BRIMSTONEAAAAA!!!!

[Sephynos]

Ain't that the truth.

"THE LAWD IS GONNA SEND ALL Y"ALL TE HELLLLLLLLLAAAAAAA!!!! "

JESUS CHRIST SAVES!!!! DON"T BELEIVE HIM?! YOU GONNA BURN IN HEEELLLLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!!! WITH FIREAAAAAAA!! AND BRIMSTONEAAAAA!!!!

Thats funny, I always wonder why G*d would have set such a place for eternity, thats lame. Does people who where born before us and apparently are in hell (fire and brimstone, and popcorn) will spend more time the some of us who will go there? Such a place would make G*d a non-god and a lame creature without any respect for is own nature. Such a masochist cant be G*d.

I always think that god is humanity itself, the transposition of man who fears their own responsabilities on an planet they cant understand their presence. And if G*d exist then he/she/it gave us all the tools we need to be.

Is intervention, or hate against mere humans compare to him/her/it would make it weak which oppose the nature WE created for HIM/SHE/IT.

The story of the Matrix makes more sense then those stories.

With all respect Jesus was really a great man, and true exemple to humanity. But he's no god, he never said it himself that he was G*d! Calling him the son of G*d (reflection of mankind, humanity, love, hate, all that we are...), would make more sense to consider it as a rebirth of conscience of his own for humanity, because he thaught he was the key.

Anyway, I dont wanna bash on religion. In the other side its cool to believe; it create an aspect of life that gratify many, for exemple in morality sometimes(SOMETIMES!!), notions of peace and love, honor, etc.

Some people say, !! How dare talking like this!! I'm able to talk and think, which is something human has. So use it to the fulless. We are no sheep, we are human. Mohammed, Jesus, Ghandi, Buddha, Tao, Krishna, etc. used there head, use yours too to enlight what fight or lived for.

[Romano B.]

Any extremely traditional Christian. Biblical literalism, intolerance, dominionism are all signs of the fundie.

Shouldn't Christians strive to be as Christ-like in their actions as possible? Intolerance is not bad if it is towards sin, that is righteousness. Intolerance towards a group of people is wrong though.

[Dayman]

Shouldn't Christians strive to be as Christ-like in their actions as possible? Intolerance is not bad if it is towards sin, that is righteousness. Intolerance towards a group of people is wrong though.

Well, they should, but when say, they decide that gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry, that's wrong. Or try to insert a theocracy into our government, that's wrong.

[Sleeper]

Shouldn't Christians strive to be as Christ-like in their actions as possible? Intolerance is not bad if it is towards sin, that is righteousness. Intolerance towards a group of people is wrong though.

To be Christ-like. The Criteria.

1. Be Jewish.
2. Do not, not be Jewish.
3. Do not worship images.
4. Do not worship the Messiah.
5. Do not worship the works of men.
6. Hate organized religion which plays into temporal affairs.
7. Do not punish your fellow man if he does not follow your morality.
8. Prepare for end times. Should occur around 60-100 AD.
9. Be Jewish.

Every criteria is based on the words of Jesus which are found in two or more early Christian texts.