There's nothing I want more than to spend time with friends and make new friends, but I am completely socially inept. Even though I have friends at school, I can't get myself to call them, no matter how lonely and bored I feel (and I suffer heavily of unhappiness due to my loneliness) and I can't get myself to even try and get close to other people. It isn't that I afraid, at least not consciously, but I don't even think about it, when I am with other people.
I have never in my life had a close relationship with friend or family. The worst thing is that people actually like me, at least a little, and think I'm smart (extremely so) and funny, albeit weird, so it is all my fault. No one knows this about me, as I don't show it. People actually think I think highly of myself, and have high self-confidence. I am also longing for a girlfriend, but even when I meet a girl I'm in love with, I don't feel anything, and make no attempt to get closer to her. When I'm alone, I feel, well, many feelings, and I'm actually a good person, but when I'm with other people, I'm completely devoid of any feelings at all, other than a slight joy at being with other people. At all times, I seem to lack empathy, for anyone at all.
Ah, how fun it is to crave social relationships, while suffering from social dissorders, or whatever the hell is wrong with me.
Rant over. Never thought I'd make such a rant here on TWC. No one knows me here, so it's no problem, but perhaps I should rather talk to a psychatrist about my problems
