Spanking
Introduction and question
O no! A dreaded topic indeed. But it makes a nice change from god, Muslims, god, Muslims, abortions, Jesus and more abortions.
It’s properly the last controversial topic in parenting. Most parents have a general unspoken agreement on things like potty training, nurseries, schooling and discipline in general, which is each to there own. However spanking or smacking, as its known in the UK and other X UK territories is one of those issues where everybody feels there view is right. Many of you may well of had a parent who will mutter under there breath “that child needs a good smack” when watching them throw a tantrum in Tesco’s/Wallmart, you may of done it yourself! Or you may of muttered, “that’s not teaching him anything” when mother or father finally does smack him/her.
We where all children once, most of us in countries where its still legal would have been smacked if statistics are to be believed. Even if you where not, you where still a child and most of us will grow up to be parents at some point in our lives and will be faced with the same choice on spanking.
The problem is, it’s so vague and definition really does seem to be in the eyes of the beholder. Some people for example see no different between a single swat on a Childs rear end and beating them across the face with a belt. It’s all child abuse. (as an extreme example).
Definition of spanking for the purpose of this topicSo I am not asking weather or not you support “beatings” nor am I about to justify excessive force. All I am asking is if you support the parents right to use moderate and appropriate force to spank their child as a form of discipline. Again we talking moderate , no belts, spanners or bits of wood, just an open hand. And not on the face or anything, just the bum. So any reference to “spanking” in this topic refers to just that.
My own experience
I was spanked a few times as a little kid. Mostly at around the pre school age. There were one or two incidents after that, the last one at 11 when I was spanked beyond that age but that was it, and it was very rare. It was a last resort and was more of a shock tactic and because it was so rare it worked bloody well! All my father had to do was mention it and I would stop whatever bad behaviour I was doing, so in terms of discipline and teaching me right from wrong it worked very well. he never had to belt me or cane me or leave me with bruses, his hand was enough, even at 11! ive never understood or had any support for parent who use excessive force, there is just no need or reason, ever.
Is spanking needed?
Ok the truth of the thing is you do not need to spank your child in order to turn them into a well-rounded and well-disciplined child. My own personal feelings are it makes it harder but you can, with or without spanking raise a child decently.
You see its not how you discipline your children that matters. It’s the fact they get discipline that matters. Its no the children who are spanked who grow up into the murders and the rapists and the serious criminals, its not the kids who are grounded who punch there teacher in the face on steel from people. It’s the children that are not punished in anyway shape or form. Its angers me to see so much focus and attention by child rights groups who focus all there effort on spanking. Its not the kids who are spanked growing up to commit the crimes, it’s the ones who are allowed to get away with it and not taught anything, id rather them focus there efforts on those parents instead of criminalising parents for trying to discipline there children.
Spanking is just one tool that parents have the option of, many other things work.
So if other things work why allow it to remain legal? Why not use grounding if it works?
Simple really. Every child is different. No two children are the same, every child responds to things differently. There are some kids who you could spank till the cows come home and it wouldn’t make any difference on their behaviour, infact it would make it worse! Other kids on the other hand the only way to keep them “in line” is to use spanking. But that’s not my right to decide, nor is it the right of big government or schools or charities to decide. It’s the right of the parents; they have to pick what will work best with there kid. That’s the only fair and just was to do it, because they are the only people who know what will and wont work. And its for those kids who benefit from it then I feel it must remain legal in a moderate form. Current legislation in Canada and the UK are prime examples of sensible laws on spanking. Which I will come to later.
Light hearted cartoon time!you may well of heard the arguments against spanking before. According to http://www.nospank.net/ the various side effects of spanking are:
Arguments/reasons against spanking
There is not blanket false or truth answers to this research. The problem with it is it never defines what spanking is, like I have for the purpose of the topic. The truth is the odd, rare moderate spanking will not cause any of those issues, human history and person experience has taught me that. Most adults of today where moderately spanked as children, even today 70% of UK children are smacked (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7062424.stm). Now I don’t see most adults having a sexual thrill for spanking. And not all those who do find spanking sexual where spanked as kids, I have a friend with S&M fetishes who was never hit as a child and many of them are not). Nor do I see most adults having major issues of self-esteem and pride or having bad relationships with their parents. And those who do are mostly linked to issues other then spanking such a serious “real” abuse. And nether did I as a child. I never hated my parents for smacking me, never did I feel it made hitting ok and nor did it damage my self-esteem, and I think that rings true for most. Sure at the time I was cross at them for spanking, but because it was moderate I completely forget about it the next day-week and was my usual happy self, but I did think twice before doing whatever it was again.1. Spanking encourages hitting, violence and teaches the child it is ok to hit
2. Spanking of children causes “sexual issues” in later life
3. Spanking damages their self-esteem and pride
4. Spanking damages the relationship between parent and child
5. Spanking has no effect on behaviour and can make it worse.
However, like I said earlier there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, I am willing to bet money that if you where to strip your child naked and beat them blue with a belt till they are 16 you would get all 5 of those effects present, to a degree. And that’s the problem; there is no universal definition of spanking like there is with things like timeout or grounding. But im sure you could turn a timeout into quite an abusive situation if you tried hard enough.
Number 1 is properly the most common and most flawed argument against spanking. I was smacked for hitting my brother, its quite a flawed logic to suggest it somehow encourages it, and it shows lack of understand of how the human mind works, because even if we don’t like to admit it, pain is a great teacher. When I was smacked for hitting my brother I didn’t think, “gee thanks mum, that means its ok to carry on hitting him”. I thought “ OW that bloody hurts I am not going to hit my brother again or else it is going to happen again”
Number 5 has actually got some truth behind it even with moderate spanking, because like I said earlier not every child responds the same way, for some it makes no difference. Not every child should be spanked, but its up to the parents to find that out and make that choice.
If you don’t like spanking because you think its wrong and cruel, that’s fine, after all that’s your opinion and your entitled too it, but what people shouldn’t do is use false fact to prove it, if you don’t like it just say you don’t, don’t lie about it, your opinion doesn’t need fact to make it right.
Another argument is that if spanking works why do you have to keep doing it? Well what punishment do you do once that sets the kid up for life? How many corner times does super nanny have to give out before the kid gets it? How many times do you have to ground your children during their lifetime? Its not a wonder cure for poor behaviour, no one is going to argue it is but to expect it work first time is a naive and shows a total lack of understanding of children
Arguments for spanking
In the USA more so then other countries many people like to quote the bible for saying. The truth is it’s a misquote according to http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/tenreasons.htmlspare the rod and spoil the child
now I don’t have a bible, so I cant check but regardless of if it does or doesn’t is irrelevant. You should never raise your child according to a book written 1000 years ago. Hell you shouldn’t even do it to a book written a year ago. You need to raise your child yourself because all these books are written for the author’s children and not yours. You shouldn’t be spanking your child because a book tell you too, you should be spanking because its working, just doing it because “its in the book” its not parenting, you have to take into account the child, religion is never a defence for it, your in control after all. In short is a silly justification for doing quite a serious act.The phrase "Spare the rod and spoil the child" is not from the Bible but from Samuel Butler's "Hudibras", a 17th Century satirical poem. The poem, like his novel, The Way of All Flesh, was written to expose and denounce violence against children.
I am not going to throw facts and figures in your face, because there is no way to measure the success of a single practice that shouldn’t really be used more then a handful of times in a child’s life. All I can and will say is it can and does work for most children, just depends on the kids. It worked for me and I imagine it worked to a lesser or great degree for those of you reading, unless your reading this behind bars of course!
So why is there such a big argument about this anyway
That I can’t answer, like I said many people feel it’s cruel and unkind, and lets me honest they just care about the welfare of children, its just a shame that many feel that criminalising parents is the way to go. Like I said earlier a lot of people fail to see the difference between abuse and a spanking.
Wont a ban on spanking cut child abuse?
No, not unless you consider spanking abuse. People who beat there children to within an inch of there lives are already breaking the law, abuse is already illegal and in the UK and Canada the laws are worked in such a way that abuse is illegal already while allowing spanking. My point is the parent who threw Billy down the stairs last week will do so again next week, spanking ban or no spanking ban. It won’t stop the abuse.
What about the decline in spanking and the rise in (child) crime, are they linked?Not in the slightest. The number of parents smacking hasn’t fallen that dramatically in recent years.
In France -http://www.guardian.co.uk/france/sto...23645,00.htmlhnationwide poll carried out nearly 10 years ago revealed that more than 85% of French parents spanked their children - compared with 87 % in the new survey.
In the UKhttp://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7062424.stmLater he told BBC News 24 "about 70%" of parents did not want a ban on smacking and did not want a mild smack to result in a parent being criminalised.
and
http://www.corpun.com/ukd00609.htm#18394And in the population at large, the survey uncovered even greater support for parents' right to smack. Eighty per cent said that they believed in smacking, while 73 per cent said that they believed a ban would lead to a sharp deterioration in children's behaviour.
in the USAhttp://www.usatoday.com/money/compan...eos-usat_x.htmAlthough the systematic use of corporal punishment has declined steadily, 90% of toddlers are still spanked at least once, he says, and a 1998 Gallup Poll found that 55% of parents agreed with the statement "A good hard spanking is sometimes necessary.
Now as its clear to see, spanking, for many kids is a fact of life in these countries. Yet two of these countries have VERY high crime rates for a western developed nation and the UK properly has the highest crime rate in western Europe, spanking hasn’t done much good there has it?
That because there is so much more to it then just spanking, you cant just spank your children and expect them to turn out good! You have to parent them and explain why it’s wrong. Its discipline that is the thing here. Look at the Norse countries such as Norway, Finland, and Sweden. Spanking is banned there yet they have some of the lowest crime rates in the world! And this is because they properly have a higher percentage of parents disciplining their children. In France they do both and they have a much lower crime rate then the UK and the USA, this just proves there is no link between it. All those old people you see saying “Bring back the cane” are wrong it wouldn’t make a difference.
Funny cartoon time!
schools?
its wrong to enforce your parents views on others, not everyone wants there kid smacked so schools shouldn’t do it, if the parents want to they can do it at home themselves. i also dont feel its good in an education situation. and again if parents do there jobs then there will be no need for the school to do it.
Conclusion
Well sorry for any grammatical errors, I am reading threw this and every 5th read I spot something. to sum up my views I guess, a moderate spanking despite recent criticism will only benefit 90% of the kids out there, there is a lot more to disciplining then spanking and its not going to be a wonder drug that will fix all of societies ill’s ether. It’s just a tool and as soon as parents accept that maybe people can focus on the real issue, which is parents not disciplining their kids at all.
What’s your view?
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Originally Posted by Lucius Julius
