The Stroll

[Siblesz]

I just re-read this piece of mine... It's still as truthful today as it was when I wrote it. Hopefully this will give you something to think about.

The Stroll

I decided to stroll through the city one day as I had nothing else to do, as most often seems the case. I took a taxi to the center square of the city, and then started on my aimless quest. As a foreigner in China, I get many stares. Everyone always has a great interest for the laowai [foreigner]. This time, however, I decided that it was I that would do the staring. As I walked, many people passed me by. I analyzed each face delicately in each fleeting instance. I had the stare of nothing and everything at the same time, for my trajectory was trajectory itself. I looked through everything in my path and analyzed it all, not with detail, but in a kind of reverential and calming intake of color and form. I pierced right into the eyes of those who stared back at me, as if I had entered within them. One stare was all it took, and they knew me better than I could ever attempt to know myself.

Most adults never did stare at me. They simply glanced, and then looked back in confusion, as if I wanted something from them. I wanted nothing but to admire, to sense their souls, and walk on. The children, less tame, understood well. They pierced right back at me, and a deepened connection was immediately formed as we both met, not with eyes, but with spirit. And as quickly as the feeling came, quickly it left. As quickly as love formed, quickly it faded. Forgetfulness takes it with it, forever lost in repetition.

Memory as we know it is a dream. The only reality is the stroke of this pen at this instance, which by the time you read this will also be a dream. Feeling, however, is eternal, for though it is forgotten as everything is forgotten and lost, it is re-enacted again and again exactly as it was before. The only variable of change is situation, but the feeling itself remains constant. Great joy and deep sadness remain intact, untouched by the dust of time. Nothing may change it, for emotion is at the root of humanity. It is our instinct, and thus also the instinct of the universe.

As I walked in purposelessness, I was opened to every emotion in every face I saw. Whether one face was contorted in pain or ecstatic in joy, my face, like a mirror, absorbed their same depiction and reflected it unto them. I felt like they felt. They, looking back at me, smiled gently, understanding that they were not alone. I was not an individual when I walked; I was the all. I shared myself with one and all people. Yet I am no special being. We all possess it. In us is the reflection of the universe. In us is the same ultimate and unmeetable desire. Our lives and our ancestor's lives are but stories that relate this same desire, and our tragedy as men represent the hopelessness of surpassing it.

Survival is what creates an individual. Thinking of the future and adapting to changing environments in order to delay the end, that is man's ultimate desire. And that desire is met with the ultimate truth. We know this only too well, but all of us hide that truth from ourselves. But that day, as I walked through the city's streets, I knew the truth only too well, and I hid it from no man. I was not me. I did not care for myself, I did not walk for myself. I walked for others, I cared for others. I was you. And as quickly as the feeling came, quickly it faded. As quickly as love formed, quickly it faded... And soon, I too returned to myself.

[Da Skinna]

I don't think a piece of writing like that could ever be outmoded or its sentiment become passe. It is universal to everyone while at the same time coming from a completely subjective concept.

[Ummagumma]

Reminds me of taking acid. (I'm not advocating breaking any laws.. Drugs are bad, m'kay)

[Da Skinna]

Meh, it's one of those things that brings it all back to that "everything is nothing" "nothing is everything"

Humanity is what we all share. It's our lives and all its experiences that are individual in every case, yet still... basic levels of shared traits come up, and we can either despise it or praise, it really is the same thing.

[Siblesz]

True words, Da Skinna. Love is really the only feeling that surpasses the ego. When I read this, it reminds me of a song by the Doors...

Hello, I love you
Won’t you tell me your name?
Hello, I love you
Let me jump in your game
Hello, I love you
Won’t you tell me your name?
Hello, I love you
Let me jump in your game

I bet many of you have felt like that before. Of course, most feel like that when seeing beautiful women passing by for an instance. But you can surpass that feeling of romantic love, and feel a sense of love for everyone that destroys any precepts of fear, suspicion, hatred, coldness. It is when you understand that everyone is equal, that everyone is playing the same game in this great experience called life, that you are able to feel love for any and all people. Love, after all, is the feeling of understanding.

But instead of understanding, we isolate ourselves, think of ourselves as special, build walls for ourselves that separate us from everyone, even from our loved ones... our friends and families. The world is quite tragic in the sense that a great majority of us are always playing vicious cycles with ourselves and can never quite surpass the super-ego that society and history has built for us. One must surpass this. One must understand the meaningless of oneself and the meaningless of it all to understand the reality of the human condition, and to feel understanding and love for all of life.

Again, words cannot really show what I mean. Feeling is something that must be enacted... society's language usually does a good job at corrupting words out of their essence. For example, if you read these words, you probably won't really understand them until you feel them. All you have to do to deny this truth to yourself, and to build yourself higher walls for your ego, is to dismiss this as emotionalist, and then carry on in the vicious cycle. Or you can surpass that, jump into the noble cycle, and understand that life is an experience that must be felt, understand that everyone is equally lost in this world of ours, and understand that the only way in which to live a meaningful life is to love, and not to hide behind high walls in suspicion and mistrust.

But alas, suffering will make us hide again. Most people isolate themselves when hurt, and pretend coldness when they are in fact aching inside. Do not feel afraid of suffering, however. All of us have to go through it... suffering is a good thing. It gives us humility... it makes us see reality for what it is... it make us see ourselves for who we are... embrace that feeling, and don't hide away in fear... don't be afraid. Only then will you be able to surpass the ego. Only then will you understand that people do love you, even if they don't show you... and only then will you understand that you love people, even if you don't show them.

[Cluny the Scourge]

Embarrassing. When stricken with random melancholy (which we all have from time to time) you'd be better off having something to drink and getting lost in a book for a bit, than typing it out to show other people (and certainly not in as clumsy a style as this). You make yourself seem pretentious, self-important and foolish.

[Siblesz]

Embarrassing. When stricken with random melancholy (which we all have from time to time) you'd be better off having something to drink and getting lost in a book for a bit, than typing it out to show other people (and certainly not in as clumsy a style as this). You make yourself seem pretentious, self-important and foolish.

If you perceive the writing to be as such, then it is as such... but only in the confines of your mind.

[Maverick]

I don't expect most to understand, anyhow.

You make yourself seem pretentious, self-important and foolish.

[Siblesz]

Quoting,
"I was not an individual when I walked; I was the all. I shared myself with one and all people. Yet I am no special being. We all possess it. In us is the reflection of the universe. In us is the same ultimate and unmeetable desire."

Again, you will not be able to understand as long as you see the writing as pretentious, self-important, and foolish. Practically, the central meaning of the piece is trying to say the opposite. Pretentiousness is only so if the intent of the writing is to make you seem inferior, when the opposite is true. The only difference is in whether you understand the meaning or not.

Recognizing the fact that most will fail in understanding is not a sign of pretentiousness as much as it is a sign of being able to see reality for what it is. Being on the top of a hill lets you see things more clearly, but that does not mean that you're superior for it, it just means that you have more range of sight than someone who's stuck in a view from below.

[Gaidin]

Again, you will not be able to understand as long as you see the writing as pretentious, self-important, and foolish.

As the writer, it's on you to make it understandable. If we(and quite a few here do) see it as pretentious, self-important, foolish, and outright lacking in a message we should give a damn about, then you've obviously done something fundementally wrong.

I think it's time for you to pen another draft good sir.

[The Bronze boy]

Wow very deep thinking their, while I am not in my best state, I found that Beautiful, Inspireing and dare I say confusing

[HopliteElite]

Embarrassing. When stricken with random melancholy (which we all have from time to time) you'd be better off having something to drink and getting lost in a book for a bit, than typing it out to show other people (and certainly not in as clumsy a style as this). You make yourself seem pretentious, self-important and foolish.

Very true. I think one of the biggest problems we face as men today, especially in the western world, is that we are being conditioned to think it is ok and in fact good to vent our deepest personal thoughts and problems in an open way. What ever happened to the strong silent type? Are men going down the road to feminity so quickly that this man will soon be a relic of the past? I hope not but from what I've seen, more and more men are all too willing to relinquish their weaknesses with little to no provokation, which I find disturbing.

[Siblesz]

Very true. I think one of the biggest problems we face as men today, especially in the western world, is that we are being conditioned to think it is ok and in fact good to vent our deepest personal thoughts and problems in an open way. What ever happened to the strong silent type? Are men going down the road to feminity so quickly that this man will soon be a relic of the past? I hope not but from what I've seen, more and more men are all too willing to relinquish their weaknesses with little to no provokation, which I find disturbing.

And you've been conditioned to think that expressing emotion is a weakness. Essentially, you're saying communication, compromise, and love are weaknesses. Yes... that's Western logic, or the lack thereof... Western "logic" that was drilled into the minds of men for thousands of years, but that is empty of any meaning inside.

Emotion and communication are not weaknesses, they are truths that all humans share, and they represent the apex of human intelligence. Understanding and love are one and the same. The ability to feel for others, to be detached from the self, and to understand reality from an objective viewpoint, represent the greatest of strengths that are innate (but usually repressed) in all humans. Cowering behind the ego, showing coldness, pretending strength of force where there is but fear, and creating for oneself the illusion of uniqueness are not strengths. They are weaknesses that perpetuate the vicious cycle and reinforce misunderstanding and mistrust where there should be mutual understanding, compromise, and benefit.

[Chaigidel]

then it is not a weakness hoplite; I am so detached from my emotional problems that they arent even problems anymore; they are just amusing nuances in my temporary existence; however you wish to feel them whether it by sharing them or controlling them; it is all equally useful.

[Magic Man]

What was the point of that story??

I think it passed right over my head.

[wilting]

There's nothing particularly profound here, you are just talking about turning off your sense of self, I used to do pretty much the exact same thing walking around my home town. Can't really do it anymore, lack the mental discipline, but I get on fine without it. After all I am an individual, my sense of self is important.

Also, the idea that people in the West suppress their emotions is laughable, if anything they are enslaved by them.

[Marcion]

Also, the idea that people in the West suppress their emotions is laughable, if anything they are enslaved by them.

Ah, but you must also have pride, so that you do not say you are a slave, but that you have "heart."

Honestly, I enjoyed reading that. Jet lag and/or weed could have probably made me write something similar. My major complaint is that it was kind of unfocused. You could have developed your thoughts more, maybe going one way or the other (perception or human relationships). And probably the one greatest difference between the pretentious and the profound is word count, give the reader a little more padding between the observation and the meaning you draw from it, back it up with other examples, cite other works, etc. Hope that helps.

[HopliteElite]

Emotion and communication are not weaknesses, they are truths that all humans share, and they represent the apex of human intelligence

Exactly what a sensitive person would say. What I'm saying is that men are forced to be pussies because many women now expect a certain level of femininity out of men and unfortunately men have caved. I'm not a caveman but I do believe that the realm of emotions are for women. I will not break and any man that does is weak, Your original piece is good but little more than a verbal expression of weakness. Men must learn to be men again and we must abandon this notion of manly sensitivity.

[Siblesz]

Exactly what a sensitive person would say. What I'm saying is that men are forced to be pussies because many women now expect a certain level of femininity out of men and unfortunately men have caved. I'm not a caveman but I do believe that the realm of emotions are for women. I will not break and any man that does is weak, Your original piece is good but little more than a verbal expression of weakness. Men must learn to be men again and we must abandon this notion of manly sensitivity.

Again, there is no rule against men being sensitive about the world we live in. A man can be sensible, and strong at the same time. Expressing emotions is not a weakness. It is a virtue. Of course, the key is to learn how to control these emotions. If a man is, as you say, "sissy", if he cannot control himself in hard times, then he is weak for he does not have power over himself. But if a man can control himself in hard times, and can simply learn to brush things off, to control his suffering through the expression of his feelings, then he is the master of himself, for he can experience one and all feelings as they should be experienced. But if a man feels suffering, closes himself down, and doesn't let any feelings out, then he will pretend coldness when in fact he is hurt, and the deep feelings of suffering he has will only become worse. Expressing them will let him find a way out, and will allow him to focus on other things other than his suffering.

But to shy away and hide behind the ego, to pretend coldness where there should be expression of mind... these are weaknesses. Every man has a heart... whether a man prefers to suppress his own heart or not is up to that man. In the end, however, the heart will come out, no matter how much the man suppresses it. And if that man suppresses it for too long, his heart won't be too happy. Isolation and coldness is what kills the heart. Expression is what frees it.

Thutmose:
Let me clarify.

One glance was all it took, and they knew me better than I could ever attempt to know myself.

Most adults I stared at looked confused

"I pierced right into the eyes of those who stared back at me, as if I had entered within them. One glance was all it took, and they knew me better than I could ever attempt to know myself."

This implies that those who stared back at me, saw me for who I was. But most adults did not really stare back at me, they just met my eyes for a second, and then misunderstood my stare and glanced back at something else.

But I agree, a bit confusing.

Why are you trying to make sweeping statements about humanity from a walk in China? I think it would be interesting if you shared some specific experience you had or specific emotion or something personal instead of all the generalizations and cliches. It just seems so contrived and disingenuous for a diary or whatever it is.

I didn't make a single generalization or cliche. I don't expect most to understand, anyhow.

[Maverick]

You make yourself seem pretentious, self-important and foolish.

Why are you trying to make sweeping statements about humanity from a walk in China? I think it would be interesting if you shared some specific experience you had or specific emotion or something personal instead of all the generalizations and cliches. It just seems so contrived and disingenuous for a diary or whatever it is.

One glance was all it took, and they knew me better than I could ever attempt to know myself.

Most adults I stared at looked confused