Racist acquaintance

[Idwayreth]

Ok, living in Los Angeles this doesn't happen to me often, in fact never up until a week ago.

But a week or so ago i met a woman who's in her early 20s through a friend of mine when we went out to a bar who at first seemed really cool. She was very nice and charming and in fact i was taken by her good looks and she seemed to really like me as well(i'm already happily taken and would never consider cheating on my beautiful mexican gf). So anyway the 3 of us just start talking about random stuff and having a couple of laughs and we end up talking about race in a joking manner(me = filipino, my friend = black/mexican mix and her = spanish/native american). We start throwing around the N word and re-enact stupid movie scenes that are race related but funny.

So anyway fast forward to a couple of days later and my cel phone rings and i see that it's her on the other line, i pick up and she asks me if i wanna go have some coffee with her so i agree and we go to this coffee place and we start talking. She then proceeds to tell me about her previous relationship with this guy who happened to be white/black mix. She tells me how everything was perfect with the relationship except for the fact that he was half black. So i'm sitting there hearing her say that and i automatically think("lol, she's kidding around of course, so i wonder what the real reason for the break up was") but as i let her continue to speak it became apparent that she wasn't joking around. She mentioned 1 incident among many where she was at his apartment and his 9 year old son told her how beautiful she looked and all she could think about was how ugly he looked cause he was black. She goes on to tell me how her sister(apparently also racist) calls him up to tell him to leave her sister alone and go date another "gorilla" like himself. She mentions her distate for mexicans as well and about how dirty they are and how she would never date one and asks me what i see in my gf(as i mentioned earlier, my gf is mexican and i made a new thread about me meeting her earlier this year and how i thought she was absolutely beautiful and how i simply fell in love with her with one glance... ok stare )

And what really stood out to me was the way she was telling me this, her demeanor was such, that she fully expected for me to agree with her and laugh, as if she was telling me how crappy and bland the coffee tasted(which i would've agreed) instead of that racist rant.

So after getting over my initial stunned disbelief i try to ask her why she felt that way about blacks and mexicans and if she really broke up with the guy just because he was half black because i just couldn't believe what i was hearing from a girl living in Los Angeles of all places. I then tell her about what i thought about her opinions and she responds by telling me how she's getting annoyed and irritated that i wasn't understanding her and putting myself in her shoes.

Well anyway, she's still a pretty fun person to hang around with, just that she's got some ****ed up views on things. How the hell do you live in a city as diverse as Los Angeles and have those kinds of beliefs not to mention the fact that she's a mix of spanish and native american herself. I guess i was pretty sheltered from racism considering i never really met someone who was until today and it was a total shock. I mean i say racist things all the time with my friends and co-workers but we are never serious, we know that when it gets down to it, we're not serious but with her, it was.

Anyway just thought i'd vent that out.

[The Prophet]

Interesting story. If she's such a racist.. how did she get with that dude to begin with?

[Domnul Ceaşcă]

Interesting story. If she's such a racist.. how did she get with that dude to begin with?

She wasn`t until he met that dude. You don`t start hating without reason, hate has it`s roots.

[Idwayreth]

She wasn`t until he met that dude. You don`t start hating without reason, hate has it`s roots.

What i gathered from my probing questions was that he never did anything to warrant her dislike of his black heritage. i'm thinking it was already there to begin with.

She seems to be a "softcore" racist though, i just made that up, meaning that she can stand being in the same room with blacks and mexicans, but not trust them.

[removeduser_426582376423734]

People blame 18th century Brits for being racist, Darwin being a good example. Whenever people pull up quotes for his racism and ask me how I can live with his theories I always have the same answer - back then, a glimpse of an African who wasn't a slave was extremely rare. It is understandable, just, to see how people brought up like that have those beliefs. What is not is how someone is brought up in multicultural and multiracial surroundings and can still be a racist son of a *****. That is the true evil - to be able to see humanity in people not of your race, to be taught of the ills of racism throughout life, and yet to still practice it.

[Domnul Ceaşcă]

People blame 18th century Brits for being racist, Darwin being a good example. Whenever people pull up quotes for his racism and ask me how I can live with his theories I always have the same answer - back then, a glimpse of an African who wasn't a slave was extremely rare. It is understandable, just, to see how people brought up like that have those beliefs.

No it`s not understandable. It`s like saying they had license for racism.

What is not is how someone is brought up in multicultural and multiracial surroundings and can still be a racist son of a *****.

Actually it is understandable. As i said before, racism has it`s roots. For example Hitler, who knows what a jew did to him once, because he didn`t start hating them suddenly with no logical explanation, the problem hovewer, is that he took revenge on all jews instead of taking revenge on that particular one, and thus led to the well known holocaust.

That is the true evil - to be able to see humanity in people not of your race, to be taught of the ills of racism throughout life, and yet to still practice it.

And that make`s me a dirty son of a *****.

[removeduser_426582376423734]

No it`s not understandable. It`s like saying they had license for racism.

Think about it for a second before replying. Often, your gut instinct isn't always logical. Of course I was furious when I heard it. But you cannot judge a person who was brought up to feel he was above Africans, and as a child only saw black people as slaves, to be a bit racist. It is not fair to judge anyone hundreds of years ago by our standards. We are now educated individuals who understand racism is wrong.

Actually it is understandable. As i said before, racism has it`s roots. For example Hitler, who knows what a jew did to him once, because he didn`t start hating them suddenly with no logical explanation, the problem hovewer, is that he took revenge on all jews instead of taking revenge on that particular one, and thus led to the well known holocaust.

Way to go back on yourself. You say 18th century racism is not understandable but modern racism is? At least then it was ignorance, this is pure racism. It is idiotic to label a person by their race and then backlash the entire race. It is idiotic to even label the person by his race. You should not say 'a jew did something', you should say 'a person did something'. And, no, it wasn't even a personal attack - people believed the jews ended WW1 and that the Germans would have won it. This, mixed in with anti-semitism in conventional Christianity and general anti-semitism fuelled the Holocaust.

And that make`s me a dirty son of a *****.

Your words not mine.

[The Prophet]

Actually it is understandable. As i said before, racism has it`s roots. For example Hitler, who knows what a jew did to him once, because he didn`t start hating them suddenly with no logical explanation, the problem hovewer, is that he took revenge on all jews instead of taking revenge on that particular one, and thus led to the well known holocaust.

Actually this is not true. As a mixed person myself, I have met plenty of people who simply hate because of the difference - thats it. It has always baffled me because a lot of the racists I've met have no real ideological qualm. Just they dislike people of certain skin tones... its very odd.

To me its baffling because its kind of like hating all people who have brown hair or black hair. Or hating/disliking a person merely because he has green eyes. Its seems to be the most primitive and childish way of treating people.

[Idwayreth]

She said he was good looking but as the relationship went on, she told me she just couldn't stand the fact that he was half black. i guess it was gradual.

[Gary88]

mate, she insulted your girlfriend, ditch the stupid cow.

[Idwayreth]

mate, she insulted your girlfriend, ditch the stupid cow.

yea that part of the conversation got me irritated so i deflected the course of the conversation and she obliged.

[Thanatos]

My chinese side of the family doesn't like my black girlfriend, but screw them. You guys asked for a picture for her, I didn't ask for your approval.

[Idwayreth]

Actually it is understandable. As i said before, racism has it`s roots. For example Hitler, who knows what a jew did to him once, because he didn`t start hating them suddenly with no logical explanation, the problem hovewer, is that he took revenge on all jews instead of taking revenge on that particular one, and thus led to the well known holocaust.

what about people who teach their kids to be racist. you can't excuse racism

[Domnul Ceaşcă]

what about people who teach their kids to be racist. you can't excuse racism

Their is a big difference between, stupidity and hate. Those people who teach their kids to be racist are retarded and they don`t actually hate, and don`t have a good reason for being racist, they are a bunch of losers. For example KKK.

[Lord Condormanius]

Most racism is learned behavior. It is taught, either explicitly or implicitly.

[Stavroforos]

Maybe she's just not attracted to black people. I don't think that's racism. Although she does indeed sound racist, I don't think that thinking certain people are unattractive is racism.

If she said something like "all black people are stupid" or that they're all lazy, then that would indeed be racism.

[removeduser_426582376423734]

She was obviously attracted to him, or else she wouldn't date him. He grew repulsive when she found out he was half black.

[Syron]

She was obviously attracted to him, or else she wouldn't date him. He grew repulsive when she found out he was half black.

tbh i don't see how someone can't realise someone is black-white mix!


@ OP. While i can sympathise with "ugly" comments, from my perspective not every ethnicity is the same with regards to aesthetics, it does seem weird to place any great emphasis on it when dating a mixed guy. I suppose what she may have meant is she wouldn't have been able to deal with the whole extended family on his side and treating them right when simply having a natural dislike aesthetically or culturally. Maybe she felt as though she couldn't fit into all that? Perhaps that is something you could ask if you speak to her about it again.

I'd be interested to hear what you said when she asked you what you see in your girlfriend.

[Idwayreth]

tbh i don't see how someone can't realise someone is black-white mix!


@ OP. While i can sympathise with "ugly" comments, from my perspective not every ethnicity is the same with regards to aesthetics, it does seem weird to place any great emphasis on it when dating a mixed guy. I suppose what she may have meant is she wouldn't have been able to deal with the whole extended family on his side and treating them right when simply having a natural dislike aesthetically or culturally. Maybe she felt as though she couldn't fit into all that? Perhaps that is something you could ask if you speak to her about it again.

I'd be interested to hear what you said when she asked you what you see in your girlfriend.

no she made it perfectly clear that the more she thought about it, the more repulsive his black heritage became to her to the point where she had to break it off with him. She also mentioned to me how every time she looked at his kid she would get irritated because he had black features. Not to mention her sister calling him and telling him off on the phone telling him he's a "gorilla" and to date others of his kind.

As for my gf, i generally just told her my gf's ethnicity doesnt bother me at all. i dont even look at that and started saying how she was beautiful physically and personality wise, emphasizing at the same time her previous fling's similar traits and what a waste that she couldn't get over his race. that's the jist of what i told her.

[Syron]

Ahh, at last

no she made it perfectly clear that the more she thought about it, the more repulsive his black heritage became to her to the point where she had to break it off with him. She also mentioned to me how every time she looked at his kid she would get irritated because he had black features. Not to mention her sister calling him and telling him off on the phone telling him he's a "gorilla" and to date others of his kind.

Fair enough. I know Mr racist will disagree but i do not think it's necessarily bad to simply not feel comfortable with a racial/cultural background.

Saying that It does sound like there was some family pressure behind it so you never know

As for my gf, i generally just told her my gf's ethnicity doesnt bother me at all. i dont even look at that and started saying how she was beautiful physically and personality wise, emphasizing at the same time her previous fling's similar traits and what a waste that she couldn't get over his race. that's the jist of what i told her.

Good, listing all those points in a non confrontational way is probably the best way to make her be a bit more reasonable.