Give your best ETW speech!

[Georgy Zhukov]

Come up with a thrilling or hilarious speech that should be given to your men when when they are about to charge a French position.

Edit: If your French then its a Briti . . . Dutch position. :brit:

[IndianPrince]

Why French ??? Damn British always wanting to be as kool as France ... lol

Prince

[Melvin]

Why French ??? Damn British always wanting to be as kool as France ... lol

Prince

Given the last 100 years...if you want an easy victory, the French are the ones to attack

[_TheChevalier_]

Why the position HAS to be French ????

It should be any faction's position ...

[Semper_Crecis]

"Right, now, listen in chaps... I am Lieutenant General Sir Hubert Hillary Dorian-Smithe, and I will be behind you... about half a mile behind you, in fact, directing your attack on the redoubt from that hill over there, where I'm sure I'll have a jolly good show of your brave good try at the French, because remember lads: 'its the taking part that counts'.

Plans are with brigade commanders, but we'll follow the standard 'Gibson' model: stoical advance under fire, devastating volley and charge, followed by a light warm down of atrocities and child murder. Now, we have scheduled the attack with the French commander for nine o'clock, to give us time for a nice leisurely breakfast, so there will be no element of surprise and resistance will be as stiff as a dose of Harrow crumpet.

Looters will be flogged and deserters will be crucified, and that goes double for all of you colonials there! In fact, I've got a good mind to have one of you shot just to encourage the others! Go to it, and God save the King!"

Beg pard for the gratuitous Blackadder references.

[Prince Rodrigo]

Okay here's my try

Today, we face the mainland dogs of the weak French bastards. They are large in number yet poorly trained and frightened by our cannons and riflemen. For the Sultan!!

[Filibusteria]

Men! Here we are, facing the french lines. But do not fear! Uhh... yeah, this is my first speech, men! So I'm not so sure of what to say! I could start to insult the french women, but the truth is that they are very fine and pretty... Oh yes! the French men are so bad at aiming that.. uhm.. No wait, I once met a french, he was pretty fine at aiming in fact... erhm, damn... Oh i know, their others are so fat, that they.. eh... How did that one go? OK, I may have failed in my little moral boost, but... hey, Hey! Where are you going? Come back! COME BACK! Please! MEEEEN!
Crap. I could have opened my own barbershop, but nooo, join the army, join the army, you said. ******** moron.

[Thamis]

Men! Here we are, facing the french lines. But do not fear! Uhh... yeah, this is my first speech, men! So I'm not so sure of what to say! I could start to insult the french women, but the truth is that they are very fine and pretty... Oh yes! the French men are so bad at aiming that.. uhm.. No wait, I once met a french, he was pretty fine at aiming in fact... erhm, damn... Oh i know, their others are so fat, that they.. eh... How did that one go? OK, I may have failed in my little moral boost, but... hey, Hey! Where are you going? Come back! COME BACK! Please! MEEEEN!
Crap. I could have opened my own barbershop, but nooo, join the army, join the army, you said. ******** moron.

LOL!!! Love it, especially the bit about French women.

[Markas]

'War... what is it good for? absolutely nothing! You can't even play cricket with it... by the way does anybody know the test match score? *incoherent ramble* Anyhow those over there are the French *incoherent ramble* THE FRENCH YOU SAY?!? BLOODY HELL! *incoherent ramble* I'd best lie down in my tent a while, it's too hot today...'

My general has the 'inbred royal' trait.

[IndianPrince]

Ok here's my go at it ...

The french today ... the french !!! Its them we're facing today. They are tough, they are disciplined and they will tear your lines apart if YOU today do not maintain the same discipline, the same strength as in their arms. Push towards victory with the union jack flying high. Blast through their lines and rake havoc upon them. Systematically we shall rip them open & feast on their wealth. They have been a menace too long. These continental morons have obstructed glory & conquest for too long. It is time we teach them ... war !!!

Prince

[IronBrig4]

This is a line for a commander who has the "Tactical Expert" trait.

"I have a plan so cunning, you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel!"

[Agent Provocateur]

Come to think about it, it must be a bit of a tightrope for CA to write amusing yet generally non-offensive speeches.

[Thamis]

Come to think about it, it must be a bit of a tightrope for CA to write amusing yet generally non-offensive speeches.

It is.

[Agent Provocateur]

PC comedy

[jarnomiedema]

"Soldiers of the.. *turns to aide*.. (pause) ..fourteenth Highlanders!

Prepare to wet your brows, wave your beards and raise your kilts, for tonight we dine in.. *turns to aide*.. (pause) ..whatever the hell this place is called!

Do not be discouraged! I am vaguely familiar with a few of the officers who appear to be commanding you and I'm almost certain that they will try the best they can to give us a victory of sorts, while I retire for afternoon tea and biscuits behind the crest of that hill on the horizon..

Do not think of your wife and children or the slim chance you have of getting out of here alive! Think only about marching, reloading and sticking the pointy end of your gun into the soft parts of those damned.. *turns to aide*.. (pause) ..Frenchmen!

Now, good luck, godspeed and tallyho!" (gallops away with aide in close pursuit)

And by now I think it's time to sincerely apologize to all British members of TWCenter for that ridiculously stereotypical rendition of a British major-general..

And a speech for all us Dutchmen:

"See those ridiculous Englishmen plowing through the mud? Come on men! Pick up your stilts, wade through the polders and over the dikes and let's give them a thrashing like they've never seen in their lives!" (Huzzah!)

[Evolution]

"Dugh dugh hugga hugga. French fug muga he dagha dooda foodag boodha budah shillshaptat mooda "


For one of those adopted generals with 0 stars, 0 loyalty and 0 management.

[stradar1]

MEN! I have won many great victories for rome.Now listen up the french over there does not know are Secret weapon ahem look at them all proud and ready to fight and die for the king.well I say rubbish now we have Chuck Norris as are weapon and we shall destroy them all!!!!!! he has tought us all the ways of the Chuck Norris that is are weapon.So if chuck Norris can do it SO CAN YOU!!!! Now Advance my fellow Chuck Norris Clones!!!

[00Jebus]

naval battle for an captain with "unsure attacker", "coward" and "poor speaker" trait


men!..or.. yes my able seamen! the time of battle is almost upon us.... I think... England is... reasonably sure you'll be able to fire at the frogs before we get into some hand to hand.... maybe...
Oh what the hell, we have lee anyway, lets fire a few shots and run away and let that kid hiroto? horito? dorita? whatever his name is deal with this while we go on a trip to australia, I hear its nice this time of year, not a frog in sight!
what? you actually want to fight!?
oh fine, kill the all, but dont leave a mess, I dont think my stomarch can take it on top of that grog and oversalted pork....
*sighs*
*said under breath*
I miss my manor, and my servants, but most of all my cook....

[Erunion Telcontar]

Today we fight the insolent incoherent incompetent idiot frogs! We must kill them all because they are cannibals! They love to eat legs! Kill the cannibals, for they are legions of arse-weasels! Commanded by weasel worshiping arse-weasels! We will wipe the field with their arse-weasels! For they are arse-weasels! Now charge them! For the glory of us!

[lord_IRNBRU]

speech given to the black watch before battle.

alright lads there be the enemy we are here to chib the frenchman i dont know why but thats why we are here maybe i will ask our english officers, #grumbiling# wait a second they killed mel gibson in braveheart thats it lets join forces with the french seen as how we are the only men here.

(from this pathetic post u can probaly tell iam trying to type my 50 posts to become a citizen by the end of the week)