How I Single-Handedly Brought Down Feminism
God, I hate women.
They are the equivelent to locusts, destroying everything in their path, congerating in groups in order to give them strength, and make a hell-of-a commotion if provoked. But, like locusts, if you handle them one by one, they are weak.
I had known this fact and it was always in the back of my head, just in case the day came when I would need to defend the Cause of the Man Party. That day was today.
I woke up, jerked it for a bit, then headed off to the bowling alley for class. Normal morning, although something was different. What was it?
"Nothing, nevermind, keep your attention on the road," I told myself, "you almost ran over that quadreplegic. Oh well, I would've been doing him a favor."
Once I arrived at Carter Lanes, I realized had been on my mind: middle-aged women were swarming at the bowling alley. They were too beat and overweight for them to find husbands, so they sought refuge with other women. These were FemiNazis.
Something in the air alerted them to my presence. It was like something out of Hitchcock's "The Birds" horror film. All those beady little eyes hidden behind gaudy glasses and cake makeup, staring at me, ready to pounce on me.
I knew I was walking into trouble, but I needed to pass the class in order to qualify for honors English, so trekked onward. I stopped by the snack table to get myself a cookie with a cup of milk, but as I was about to pour the milk, I felt a hard tug on my shirt. I looked back.
"Excuse me, pig, but ladies first," I heard a heifer say.
Silence on my part.
"Yeah, you heard me, ****head, get behind us."
Again, silence.
"Are you really as stupid as you look, get out of the way."
All her mommy-pant-wearing comrades cackled when she said that. I had to do something, the swine had offended not only me, but the rest of the Man Party.
Bam! I stuffed the heifer's face full of cookies, screaming, "YEAH, LADIES FIRST, HUH, WELL BE MY GUEST!!!"
As I lay her there, suffocating, I looked at her friends, who had all but gone rabid.
That knowledge I had gained about the female and locust analogy proved handy as I seperated the herd of heifers, taking each one down with ease.
A muscular butch (yes, butch, it's not a misspelling), apparently the leader of the herd, walked over the dead, bloated bodies of her comrades and looked upon me with great hate in her eyes. She lunged towards me and brought me down, but just then in the corner of my eye, my bowling ball!
With all my might, I went for it, picked it up and swung like hell. Down she fell, along with half of her skull I had lopped off with the sixteen pound ball.
It was over, I knew it. No FemiNazis were left, all were dead. My classmates came out of hiding, all relieved to see I had triumphed in the name of the Man Party.
fin
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Juno
