Review my writing

So I decided to try my hand at writing novels, just to check if I can.
So I made up an (in my eyes) original concept/story and tried to write about it.
Heres a small part of what I'v writen last night:

Memorylog 01:
Timeframe: 37.0621-37.0622
Location- A large fortified structure with multiple underground facilities, surrounded by a scorched landscape.
Identity- Ruslan Bakarov
Age-25

I have been sitting in this room for two hours…. At least I think it was two hours, it’s hard to tell when you’re bored to tears and don’t have a watch. All this time the instructor kept blabbing on about safety regulations and rules of engagement. You’d think a veteran of three zone-raids would know all this by now, but I guess the system knows better.
To add to this torture I had a hangover from last night, if I knew I’d have to sit through a whole lecture maybe I wouldn’t drink myself silly, why don’t they tell us these things in advance?
Anyway, it’s too late to think about that now, all I can do is listen and prey for it all to end soon.
- The tigershrub can be found outside in cracks, crevices and any other “confined” spaces, especially in rocky areas…… To all you fortress-rats out there, that means practically anywhere! *chuckles* But seriously, you’d be wise to avoid them at all costs. These infernal plants, if you can even all them that, are armed with needle sharp spines, and unlike our docile inanimate flora these creatures actually think and can move with blazing speed. Their name was given to them due to the fact that they tend to ambush their prey from the back and have black stripes on their body, just like the tigers of old. And before you ask, they consider anything as prey. So yes, you are also on their menu.
Suddenly Roy stands up:
- I’ve seen dem things already! He says. – They are the size of a cat and barely move out of their little holes, how the hell can they “hunt” me?
Nice lad that Roy, not very bright though. Maybe if he stopped showing off and shut his trap from time to time more people would like him.
Anyway, he’s remark was followed by a stream of “not again”s and “would you shut up already”s from the rest of the class witch was quickly stopped by our instructor Mohamed:
- Now, now, this is a valid question. Thank you Roy, now sit down and listen! The danger of the tigershrub is not in its size or maneuverability but in the sting. Each one of its spines contains a small gland in witch it stores its poison. Well, actually its worth then poison, what the tigershrub has in its spines is more like acid on steroids.
I noticed a smirk crossing Mohamed’s face when he said that, this man loves his hazards. He especially enjoys scaring rookies with gruesome tales about men that didn’t quite make it because they were dissolved, decomposed, burned, devoured, combusted and so forth….
- The substance is extremely acidic at 0.2ph and fast acting to boot, after the initial stings you have about an hour before your whole body is dissolved into a nice mushy soup for the shrub to drink. Also, don’t forget that the shrub ambushes it’s pray, usually from behind. So it wont take much effort for it to take you by surprise.
- So how do we avoid it?
Someone asked, by the voice I could tell that it was Roy yet again.
- Well. Answered the instructor. – You just watch for striped shrubs on rocks and avoid any big cracks. These things aren’t that hard to spot, unless they….
Ruslan Bakarov, Patricia Green and Yao Wong report to the preparation bunker immediately!
Well that was an unexpected surprise.
I wonder if I should be happy or sad, you never know in these situations.

Now, please be brutall.
Tell me what you like and dont like and give some advice if you have any.

Lots of people post their stories and get reviewd.
Why not me?

(sorry for shamlesly bumping this)

1/10

Thank you.
Now, could someone close this thread.