Tokus' Totally Totty Tournament
Hallo, good evening & welcome to the inaugural Totally Totty Tournament. We would like you honoured guest & fellow DLVer to select your favourite fair maid to become Queen of the Motte & Bailey for one whole day!
- Miss Armenia, starts the night entertainment. She likes to rest her head on unfeasibly thin pillows whilst detaching her right hand.
- Next we have brave Miss Byzantium who joins us tonight despite recently losing her pet herring, Colin, in a freak jousting accident.
- Miss Crusader, she's beautiful, unattainable and able to stand with only minimal support from a wall.
- Miss Denmark, her pursuits include rape, pillage & murder. All from the comfort of her own balcony.
- Miss Egypt, rarely seen until now. She enjoys being worshipped & camel spotting in equal measure.
- Miss England, Ah the delicate beauty of the English rose. She likes long country walks and kicking the servants.
- Miss Flanders, the naughty minx. There's nothing this Flemish lass enjoys more than polishing some lucky knights' helmet!
- Miss France, so chic, so sophisticated. But what's she holding in her right hand? Surely batteries haven't been invented yet.
- Miss HRE, a lucky catch for any man. Always ready to help with a split bodkin or a bursting nob
- Miss Hungary, looks remarkably, similar to her half cousin Miss England. Inbreeding is quite the fashion in the 12th Century, don't you know!
- Miss Ireland, "Would ye buy my lucky heather?" NOT ARF!!
- Miss Kiev, can't be with us tonight. She has become permanently attached to a forest in the Ukraine.
- Miss Lithuania, this fierce pagan lovely will defend her honour to the death. Vote for her if you dare.
- Miss Milan, her head unnaturally bowed with the expectation of Milan becoming an unrealistic superpower. She waits for suitors in vain.
- Miss Mongolia, never seen in the flesh until now. This oriental beauty is bound to capture your heart but could you put up with the in-laws?
- Miss Moor, Oh yes, we would like to see more!
- Miss Poland, blonde, lovely & slightly concerned by the standard of the exterior decorating.
- Miss Portugal, demonstrating the virtue of using badger glands as an underarm deodorant
- Miss Russia, likes to sleep in a swamp & kiss frogs for breakfast
- Miss Scotland, nae you bonny wee lass. You have'nae been crowned yet!
- Miss Sicily, always the perfectionist. She's just combing the last of those pesky spider crabs out of her fiery locks.
- Miss Spain, more demure than many. This Spanish beauty is just checking the latest DLV handbook.
- Miss Teuton, showing a daring amount of cleavage for the early Middle Ages, this Germanic lass gets my vote every time.
- Miss Timurid, another rarely seen charmer. If you can make it past the facial attachments, you're in with a shout!
- Miss Turkey, the girl from Asia Minor. She needs to win as that green double-glazing costs a fortune!
- Miss Venice, last but definitely not least. This Venetian royal avoids stepping on donkey doo whenever possible
That's the list of contestants for this Medieval Jamboree of Exquisiteness. Pick your favourite, who knows if she's crowned Queen you may get to take her home for the weekend!
Last edited by Harry Lime; August 31, 2007 at 03:01 PM.
Reply With Quote
Re: Tokus's Totally Totty Tournament
Originally Posted by Furin
