Why do we dwell on pain and not happiness?

[MasterAdnin]

So why do you think we dwell on pain and not happiness? Every time one of my friends breaks up with his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, they always are so sad instead of being happy about the time they had together. I know that I would not know why because I have never been in a relationship, but I want to know from people with first hand experiences why we always fail to remember the good but always focus on the negative.

Salaam,
Adnan

[chilon]

Ah perhaps its just easier in the heat of the moment,

the counter point would be that I think people, over the long run, remember the good and forget the bad (that was so intense in the moment)... hence why everyone has memories of the Good Ole Days

[Thanatos]

Because we always take pleasure for granted.

[Scorch]

What Thanatos said.

For the most part, being happy and content is part of everyday life, we enjoy what we do, or at least don't go through extreme emotional/physical pain while doing it.

So then, when that pain comes around, it stands out more than the happier experiences.

[Thanatos]

Besides, if you focus on the good stuff, your whining doesn't sound so authentic.

You need to make your situation sound as bad as possible, so you can get lots of sympathizers.

[Sher Khan]

In truth, we're more fixated on what makes us happy than what makes us sad. You don't wake up and start lamenting on how awful your eggs were yesterday. You wake up and look happy at your perfectly tasting eggs at that moment.

Sad moments, however, tend to be a bit dramatic. We prefer happy things, so the sad in our life is seen as undesirable (by definition) and thus a big deal when it pops up.


That said, your friend's situation isn't so easy to change. A bad thing has happened - a break up - and the natural reaction would be to acknowledge that, yes, this is a crappy situation. People think about the good times, yes, but not when something so bad has just occurred. Priorities and all that jazz.

[rathelios]

Hope this isn't too Athenaeum for the EMM.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0916074554.htm
We dwell on bad things because of biochemical processes in certain parts of the brain, primarily the amygdala and pre-frontal cortex.

As to a less mechanistic and more philosophical interpretation of the why...I suppose it pays to feel really bad when bad things happen so that one is highly motivated to avoid them in the future.

[boofhead]

It can really, really hurt to lose someone you love, whether through death or a breakup. Almost a physical pain in fact. Try and see the good side while your entire mind and body is having a spasm attack! . I know I have felt like I have been emotionally dragged through the sewer during one breakup around ten years ago. It was terrible. I think I went a little insane for a little while. It is usually once these emotional, mental and physical responses fade (and they may be short or long lived) that one can see clearly once more and see the relationship for what it was, and remember the good times etc.

But then again, I do get rather emotional over such things. However I don't believe I am exception to the rule, I think the intensity of the feelings and the innate ability to deal with them appropriately and responsibly has something to do with it.

[Cluny the Scourge]

We dwell on pain and not happiness because pain reveals to us the truth of life itself, the foundation of the human condition - that we are mere dust, that all happiness is a mere whim of the moment that will pass, that death makes hollow all promises. People sometimes dramatically say "Life is pain!" to get attention without really thinking about the deep truth of what they are saying.

[Thanatos]

Well, it is true. Life is pain. Anyone who would tell you otherwise is trying to sell you something.

[Da Skinna]

Because our sunny days wouldn't be so precious without the rainy days.

That's why when six days of rain end in a sunny day, we appreciate it all the more, and when the six days of rain come around again, it's all the more prevalent when it's rain that's around and not that sunny day.

Happiness isn't something that is common to human beings, we are of a chaotic nature and our true happiness would when we are accustomed to being happy being alone. Our nature is not that of finding balance, it is of finding connections, and finding connections doesn't necessarily mean "positive" ones, they are ones between the people we interact with, and happiness doesn't come from interacting with people necessarily, it comes from within.

It's about balance, and what we make of ourselves as well as what fate has in store for us. The rest.... semantics.

[Chaigidel]

you remember pain to avoid it :O -- but yeah what skinna said.