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Tall an' handsome

Shopping with my beloved Wife

Rating: 11 votes, 3.55 average.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse and leaves me with endless time to fulfil.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

  • June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
  • July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  • July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
  • July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
  • August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
  • August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
  • August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
  • August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
  • September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
  • September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
  • October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
  • October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
  • October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
  • October 19: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, ‘OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
  • October 22: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room is.
  • October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile. Then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

Updated May 12, 2017 at 11:27 PM by Gigantus

Life on TWC


  1. Aikanár's Avatar
    :laughter: a jolly good laugh, Gig :thumbsup2
  2. ♔atthias♔'s Avatar
  3. Navajo Joe's Avatar
    Priceless, LOL
  4. Lifthrasir's Avatar
    Makes me remember a friend of mine who has 2 kids. But his wife says she's actually got 3 each time she goes shopping.

  5. paleologos's Avatar
    Just saw this man, indeed priceless, but one can't help wonder whether you really thought all this up....:hmm:...just to post something funny.
  6. Gigantus's Avatar
    It's part of my long years of shopping experiences.
  7. ♔Old Dragoon♔'s Avatar
    Gigantus caught on surveillance video...