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TheDarkKnight

Another life update

Rating: 3 votes, 1.33 average.
It's been a few months.

Life sucks, pretty badly.

In the midst of family tragedy as well as constantly feeling down, I'm in the middle of the most complicated semester of my life. For whatever reason, the credential program has been more difficult than I imagined. I'm not sure if it is the fact that the work is more constant or its just my low motivation, but I'm having incredible difficulty in working through this semester. I'm weeks behind, in both work and mentally, and I just can't seem to get the hang of it. It's frustrating.

Additionally, I feel like I do not have the respect of the kids in my student teaching classes; just today I told a student multiple times to do something, and the second I turn my back he ignores me and goes right back to doing something else. While that might be typical of kids his age, I simply feel like it comes from a lack of respect and general boredom with the class. This comes with the fact that I've been so distracted and out of it that I feel like I am simply not performing to the best of my abilities.

All told, this all makes me really miss the history program. I felt that it was a right fit, and that it made sense. I miss writing the essays, the in-class discussions, and reading the texts. If I had a choice right now I would rather attempt to write a hundred page thesis in the next month than continue with the credential program. I know I still want to teach, I just wish I was doing it now rather than jumping through hoops.

I honestly hope that I get out of this funk and get back into the idea of teaching. Next semester I will be teaching two classes a day, five days a week, and I will also be assisting in coaching track at least once or twice a week. It should be an interesting semester. I just wish I was not so burned out with life and school in the year that I seem to need to be motivated the most.
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  1. Flinn's Avatar
    First of all, my condolences for your loss; I don't know what happened exactly, but if you wish to expand on this I believe it could help in understanding the reasons behind your actual mood (at least partially); life is full of events and each of them interfere with each other, thus is always useful to have a view of the facts as much clear as possible.

    However, I would not worry that much if I were you: it's just life, good times and bad times. And we are all humans, we cannot be at our best for all the time: we get tired, we become bored, external events affect the overall situation, we age (even at 25), we change.
    From outside I can say that you are crossing through a period of tiredness and boredom and that this is caused by the transition between youth and adulthood; not that you looked childish before (heck if anything I would say the contrary), none the less one thing is the image one gives of himself and another thing is what one actually is or feels... I know well what I'm speaking about, I've been considered a very solid guy for all my youth and later I had to face my weaknesses like anyone else, and for me it happened even later than you and with a much bigger impact on my mood and confidence. I'm convinced that the process of becoming adults lies on the acceptance of our limits (so to say that one steps down from that idea of "invincibility" that tipically goes along with youth) and our natural weaknesses (not least, the idea of death itself) and thus soon or later anyone has to cross a period of self-criticism, uncertainty and loss of confidence; the important is to keep clear on our minds what are our goals, and keep doing what we like at our best.
    Besides, it's important to keep everything at the right place: study, job, relations, etc are all part of the life and each of them is important but not fundamental, so when one of this is "going down" we ought to look for relief and support in the other ones... and in any case nothing is forever in life, so if at a certain point you'll realize that you don't want to be a teacher it won't be a tragedy: just treasure the experience you have done (both positive and negative) and move along. Life is damned beautiful, it's all about our attitude, nothing else.

    About the respect from kids: I've been a teacher myself for 4 years before stepping into export business and I could say that kids (especially boys) have a special sense for the confidence of adults, thus they are pretty fast at exploiting teachers' moment of weakness. It is difficult to do I know, but you should try to leave your problems out of the class: that of the teacher is a mission, a moral service to the community, so like the doctor or the judge when you step into the class you stop to be Chris and you become the teacher. It's achievable, it needs a bit of sacrifice of your character but it will work: kids percieve very easily the difference when you are doing something for them from when you are doing it for yourself and however the final goal is and should always be that of teaching them new things.

    My philosophy is that of taking it easy, always and in any case; I would also add: if things get dirty, do not look too far, because they will get muddy otherwise.

    Best of luck mate
    Updated November 18, 2015 at 09:58 AM by Flinn
  2. Settra's Avatar
    You're only 25 mate, of course kids won't respect you instantly, happened to mew as well in my first year of teaching. Best thing to do is figure out who the class clown is and give him tasks that make him feel important, the rest will follow after him.