Perks of passing 50
by
, October 03, 2015 at 12:44 AM (7021 Views)
It's been a while since I passed the magic five-zero and in looking back I could not help but list the advantages that have opened up to folks like me:
- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- No one expects you to run - anywhere.
- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now will not wear out.
- You can eat supper at 4 PM.
- You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.
- You get into intense arguments about pension plans.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
- You sing along with elevator music.
- Your eyes will not get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they cannot remember them either.
- Your supply of brain-cells is finally down to manageable size.
- You cannot remember who sent you this list
- And you notice these are all in Big Print for our convenience.
Reminder to self: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!