Tall an' handsome

It's been a while since I passed the magic five-zero and in looking back I could not help but list the advantages that have opened up to folks like me:

• In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
  
• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
• No one expects you to run - anywhere.
• People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now will not wear out.
• You can eat supper at 4 PM.
• You can live without sex, but not without your glasses.
• You get into intense arguments about pension plans.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
• You sing along with elevator music.
• Your eyes will not get much worse.
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends, because they cannot remember them either.
• Your supply of brain-cells is finally down to manageable size.
• You cannot remember who sent you this list
• And you notice these are all in Big Print for our convenience.

Reminder to self: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!