TheDarkKnight

In my years here on Total War Center, I have done a lot of writing. In game reviews alone I have done at least twenty five reviews, a good chunk of them being from my favorite franchise, Assassins Creed. I also have a further twenty two reviews of movies and TV shows in the Arts section, though some of those reviews are substantially lesser in quality compared to later ones. And if that was not enough I have two long stories and three or four short stories in the Creative Writing section of the site, with the two long stories sitting incomplete but both between 20-30,000 words each. I think I also have a historical essay somewhere on the site, but I am far too lazy to look.

It's a lot of writing, and not what I expected I would do when I joined the site nearly five years ago. I never thought I would put so much effort into the site. In fact it was my writing that got me to where I am now; my reviews gained me my citizenship (which later allowed me to become a moderator before the citizenship rule was eliminated) along with my staff work, and they also led to me eventually gaining a seat as a content director. It's strange in a way, as I have always considered myself to be a pretty poor writer.

But lately I have been having some doubts. It has been a year since I last updated one of my long stories, and two since I updated the other. It's not that I am out of ideas for either of them; I know how each of them will end, and I know the general storyline to get to those endings. I also have a bunch of ideas regarding a third long story, the basis of which is one of my short stories. I just simply do not have the willpower to make myself write to the standard that I have come to expect of myself right now. One of the chapters for those stories reached 6,600 words, the equivalent of a 17-18 page essay. The average length of chapters that I have tried to shoot for now is around 3,000 words. That is a lot of effort, and it is something that I simply don't seem to have the energy or willpower for. A similar situation has happened in regards to my reviews as well; the longest review I have written for the site is roughly 3,700 words, but lately I have been maxing out at roughly 1,200 words as I try to streamline the reviews. In fact I have recently decided on taking a break from reviews as I am simply unsatisfied with a couple of more recent ones that I have written.

It's not exactly a great spot to be in as a member of Content, and especially as a director, but I cannot seem to really help it right now. A lot of it may simply have to do with the last twelve months, as it has been a rough year of my life, and I am only now starting to sort of recover from it. I feel bad especially for the few fans of my long stories, as I have left them hanging for months, but I just don't seem to have much inspiration for creative writing right now. It is frustrating, and it sometimes makes me wonder if maybe my time as a writer on TWC is ending.

However, there is one thing that is keeping me going. As I reported in my last blog entry, I have finished with my Master's Degree, and as far as I know there will not be much of an opportunity for large writing projects while in the credential program. For me, this probably means that I will have a large void in my creative department that should be filled; I don't want to lose what few writing skills I have gained in the last four years of steady improvement in writing because of the hell of college. I hope this will leave ample opportunity to return to my form in reviews, and especially return to my long ignored creative writing.

And so ends this rant/thing I have written because it is 3:30 am and I can't sleep.

If you'd like to see my collection of works, which I have just updated after some time of ignoring it, I have a thread right here in the Writer's Lounge. Go ahead and take a look at my earlier work, if you wish, and even check out some of the things I have been mentioning here.

Thanks for reading.

-Chris